Late Winter/1st Quarter, 2002

In the TV world there's "cheers and jeers." In the movie world there's "thumbs up" and "thumbs down." Well, here in cyberspace, there's dots and slashes. What goings-on hit the "dot" right on the mark, and which should be "slashed"? Here are Techtite's thoughts...

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Slash :  To the goofus doofus who wanted to show his love for Nicole Kidman in the mode juvenile way. Upon losing to Halle Berry as Best Actress at the Academy Awards this year, some schmuck hacked into Halle's website, defacing photos of her and writing Nicole Kidman's name in place of hers...which would've made more sense, if the name wasn't spelled incorrectly in the first place! Get a dictionary, get a spellchecker, and most importantly...Grow up.

Slash :  To three Oscar guests who were told they could go...yet couldn't go once they got there. Sure, Lord of the Rings was the "fantasy epic" many felt would lose at the Oscars. However, is it too much to ask that all the main stars of that film are allowed to be --at the extreme least-- present for the ceremonies? Three of the stars whose characters helped form the so-called "fellowship," including Billy Boyd, Dominic Monaghan and Orlando Bloom, were flown in to L.A. for the festivities, yet were told at the 11th hour they could not be given seats in the new (and apparently smaller) Kodak theater. Your personal opinions about the film are irrelevant; it was nominated, they were part of it, and they deserved their evening alongside their colleagues.

DOT : To Hollywood not falling for a "Dimpled Chad" ploy, when there were no dimpled chads! No, I'm not talking about election 2000; I'm talking about election 2001, where actress Melissa Gilbert clearly won over Valerie Harper for the role of Screen Actors Guild president. Why'd she win? Probably because Melissa is the Little House on the Prairie star everyone remembers fondly, while Valerie is best known for refusing to work on her own show, Valerie (1986), until she got a pay raise. From my perspective, Melissa's win was based on good reasoning...though, unfortunately, a recount demand hardly requires good reasoning. Valerie cried foul, saying NYC voters got to send in ballots later than everyone else...a luxury they've always had. Regardless, a re-count was made, and Melissa, once again, was clearly the winner.

Slash :  To "cheat code" newbies. I'm talking about all the sites that claim to give free stuff to whomever can send in "cheat codes" for the latest game du jour. Trouble is, some kiddies don't know what a "cheat code" is, so they send in anything and everything that isn't mentioned in the game manual. You know what I'm talking about; no sooner are you looking for cheat codes to Xbox's Halo --so you can see that cool, extended finale in the near-impossible "Legendary mode"-- only to click on a link to an alleged cheat code site, and have it read, "Beat the game in Legendary mode, and see an extended ending!" No...really? Thanks, pal, though that ISN'T A CHEAT CODE. I'm not endorsing cheating in games --I solved the game in Normal mode well enough-- though if you're a cheat code web site, don't "cheat" web surfers into giving your site added hits, with false claims. 

DOT : To even the most struggling show, having some fun on the way down. Sure, Roswell's third season is not 10% as good as its incredibly promising first season (which led to a Deep Impact rating in Techtite's review at the time). The series third season was so bad (so far), it's been replaced by Buffy the Vampire Slayer reruns, for weeks at a time. That doesn't mean the show's writers can't have a little fun, though. The episode January 29th, "I Married an Alien," was made to resemble a classic sitcom from the 1960's. "How many times have I told you, no alien powers in the house?" Says Isabel's husband, in an amusing salute to Darren Stevens from Bewitched. Isabel ignores him, as she zaps people and furniture around a la Barbara Eden in I Dream of Jeannie. If this was the type of amusing, harmless fun they had with the series in its first weeks on UPN, maybe it wouldn't be so close to cancellation. Still, it was nice to see at least one new episode, that was as amusing and imaginative as the series once was.

Slash :  To the haphazard way Warner Bros. is distributing Friends episodes on DVD and video. It's bad enough that these collections are not whole seasons, as they are for practically every TV series on the DVD shelf (including Simpsons, X-Files, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Sex and the City, Sopranos, and on and on). To make maters worse, these ten-episode collections have no external summaries, to explain which episodes are in the collections! Would it be so difficult to either put this information on the side of the collection box (even episode titles alone would be nice), or print the information on removable shrink wrap...? Fortunately for readers here, such information is summarized via Techtite's reviews of Best of Friends, Volumes 1&2, and Best of Friends Vol. 3&4. It still would be nicer to be able to know what you're buying via the boxes they're sold in.

DOT : To compassion for fans...in a retroactive sort of way. Sure, the most avid fanboys of The X-Files are going to squawk over the decision, publicized January 17th, to make this the final (9th) season. However, while the series' first season was flawless, and the second season led the way for Emmy-caliber plotlines galore, recent seasons  were a disappointment (particularly "unlucky" season seven, which made even series main star David Duchovney decide to jump ship). While it can be admitted that Robert Patrick has done an admirable job filling in for the now-absent David Duchovny, continuing the "X-files" without its founding character, Fox Mulder, was a stretch. I can only hope they offer a series finale that ends on a high note, though if they're bowing out gracefully while there's still time, I guess they already are.

Slash :  To yet another case of the media not controlling their tempers. Monica Lewinsky is admittedly not the person most worthy of her own HBO special (Monica in Black & White, to air March 3rd), nor is she Miss Popularity with most Democrats, after nearly getting Bill Clinton impeached. However, at a press junket this January, the questions she was barraged with were just plain rude...including one imbecile, who bluntly asked why she didn't "crawl into a hole and disappear forever." These media blowhards, mind you, are the same nitwits who "forgave" Bill Maher for his September-11 comments, when he stupidly claimed that retaliation against terrorists was "cowardly" while the terrorist acts themselves --and I quote Maher when saying such ineptness-- "say what you want about it, it's not cowardly." You'd think the media would have better perspective of which people they should vent their frustrations on, yet they decide to pick on Monica instead. It is claimed that some of the questions and answers in this "press meeting" --about a mere TV special-- could only be quoted on cable TV. How ironic...and how embarrassing, for Monica and media alike.

DOT : To all the entertainment news shows, that gave a fitting tribute to Dave Thomas when he passed away in early January. This founder of Wendy's fast food restaurants had become a commercial celebrity in his own right, and deserved all the accolades upon his untimely departure. In fact, he's become as well known as "Mr Whipple" and "Marge the manicurist" from classic commercials of the '60s, '70s, and '80s. Entertainment Tonight's broadcast on January 8th showed clips from all his interviews with them through the years. Other celebrity news shows showed similar clips, in similar, fitting tributes. Let's just say his humble commercials were a lot more amusing than most overhyped (and overused) celebrity commercials these days. It's nice to see him get the television honorariums he deserved.

Slash :  To feminism turned into borderline chauvinism. I'm sure by now you've seen the laughably inane commercial for the "woman's-only" cable channel, Oxygen. The nurse in a hospital nursery puts a pink towel and cap on a newborn girl, heralding the arrival of a new girl. The girl is seen constantly taking off her pink cap, in protest. Soon, all the baby girls throw off their pink towels and caps, to the tune of, "I'm strong...I'm invincible...I am woooooman!" Then you see (oh, brother!) the little baby who started it all, raising a little baby fist. First of all, I see nothing "demeaning" in infant girls wearing pink bonnets, any more than little boys who have to wear little blue bonnets. Second, the idea of newborn baby girls suddenly proclaiming themselves as "women"...it just seems like a demand for them to spurn their childhoods. Last --and worst of all-- what's wrong with coming into this world, heralded as what you are, gender-wise? It's like the commercial is saying, "They label us as women right out of the womb! Those jerks! Please tune into our station made by women...for women...who hate being labeled women!" It's enough to make you tune into the Weather Channel.

DOT : To unusual television scheduling that, when you think about it, is quite ingenious. Okay, so we're at the Survivor 3: Africa moments when one team has a larger number than the other, and for weeks, it's just ho-hum as the small team is slowly voted off by the bigger team. These episodes are the most boring, though what does CBS do with them? Why, air them during the holiday season, of course. The holiday season is usually a near-month of nothing other than reruns galore. This gives viewers the option to either enjoy a fresh, unaired show, or, if they decide to not watch TV during the holidays, hey, they really didn't miss much anyway. By the time the opposing team is completely voted off --and the show is interesting again-- it will be Thursday, January 11th...just in time to compete with new TV episodes again. Nice scheduling, I think.

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