Spring, 2002

In the TV world there's "cheers and jeers." In the movie world there's "thumbs up" and "thumbs down." Well, here in cyberspace, there's dots and slashes. What goings-on hit the "dot" right on the mark, and which should be "slashed"? Here are Techtite's thoughts...

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DOT : To clout for stars that deserve clout. You've all heard the diva stories of actresses with heads too big to fit through their dressing room doors. How about a story of an actress who wouldn't seem to be powerful enough to demand anything, yet dared to "do the right thing" anyway...and won? Alicia Silverstone, who is currently performing in The Graduate on Broadway, agreed to wear an Anne Klein dress at an opening night party. Trouble is, Alicia is a major animal rights fan, and she was informed that Klein also made rabbit fur jackets. She immediately pulled back the offer to wear their dress, in protest. In fear of losing such lucrative free publicity, Anne Klein pulled the offending jacket off the line, promising to terminate their fur license permanently, so it never happens again. Bravo, Alicia, though a small SLASH to Hollywood; come on guys, shouldn't an actress with this much clout have more roles than I've seen her in lately?

Slash :  To an impromptu booty call. If you're looking at the distinctively large backside of Denise Richards on the promotional posters for Undercover Brother, wondering what happened...so is she. According to her (and anyone else who's been lucky enough to know), this is a computer geek's enhancement of the real deal, and not a genuine photo. While I'm as much of a fan of a "booty call" as the next guy, come on, play fair; when you reduce an already good looking model to the prepubescent fantasies of all those internet geeks making "pasties," you reduce the integrity of all involved...including, quite frankly, the film. While the trailers of this film --with the real Denise Richards-- do indeed look like a riot, this poster campaign is not. Play fair.

DOT : To bravely daring the near-impossible. Every fan of Fox's inspired new drama, 24, wanted it to come back...though how? It takes a lot of time and effort to write several coherent plot devices into one 24 hour (i.e., 24 episode) "day" in the life of Jack Bauer (Kiefer Sutherland). However, that isn't to say that the creators of the show aren't willing to try. As the promo of the official site proclaims: "This fall, 24 returns with an all-new thrill-packed day in Jack Bauer's life. Can it get any more intense? You bet!" Count all fans in to see what happens...particularly when the finale of the first season gave us a few clues.

DOT : To, conversely, going to the outer limits to appease disgruntled fans. There are few of us who truly can say that the Nina-is-the-mole plot twist in Fox's hit hour-by-hour drama, 24, actually makes any sense. Of course, this is fueled halfway by so many people not wanting the rather congenial Nina, played by Sarah Clarke, to become one of the baddies upon the series finale (and, quite nearly, season finale). Instead of poo-pooing any negative feedback as not-that-important, the makers of the show release an official document --bullet listed and all-- explaining to fans episode by episode, how beyond all doubt Nina is the mole. Actually, now that I read it, this may not be such a favor to fans after all; the truth hurts. However, at least this leaves fans with a lot less questions, and readers of this document feel less "had" by a incredulous plot twist. It's very credible...and apparently, that's the only problem.

DOT : To one of the most fantastic pieces of video editing ever conceived for reality TV: the season finale of Amazing Race 2. Three teams were neck-and-neck until the very grand finale, culminating in a 100 yard (or so) dash to the finish line. While one team's most athletic member was in the lead, his partner was dragging behind, while a runner-up team catches up with her, then her teammate, winning the race. Oh, and how about the car chase (for real!) involving taxis on their way to the final checkpoint flag, and the aforementioned final sprint? Talk about an adrenaline rush. Why isn't this show as popular as Survivor?

Slash :  To marketing morons who expect consumers to bow and kneel to every commercial blitz. Turner Broadcasting chief Jamie Kellner recently spouted out about the cool, new "commercial skip" buttons on modern VCRs. In truth, these buttons are just one-touch methods of doing what viewers have always done; press "fast forward" (and the faster, the better) whenever commercials come on screen. Kellner, in a Cableworld interview, claims such ad skipping is "theft." Why? Claims Kellner, "Your contract with the network when you get the show is you're going to watch the spots. Otherwise you couldn't get the show on an ad-supported basis. Any time you skip a commercial ... you're actually stealing the programming." When asked about the people who use commercial time to go to the bathroom, Kellner admits there should be some leeway there. However, in truth, there should be leeway, period. The very notion that someone needs to read every advertisement for their newspaper to survive --or in this case, every commercial for their network to survive-- is quite naive, particularly coming from a broadcasting "chief."

DOT : To lower-than-desired budgets, for once, saving a film. There is no doubt that Spider-Man is a visual frenzy only to be given a thumbs-down by nitwits and blowhards whose inner child died long ago. What you may not know is that they were about to make a BIG "batman"-style blunder at first, pitting Spidey against no less than two villains at once. Indeed, this was a fun sales gimmick in Superman 2, and it was an outright necessity in the team-based X-men, and yet, I hated how the Batman filmed merely glossed over the very three-dimensional back stories of Two-Face and Mr. Freeze. The Spider-man movies need whole movies to explore the nuances of The Green Goblin...and Doctor octopus...and Sandman...and so on. So, why didn't they have "Doc Ock" in this film, right alongside the goblin, reducing the humanizing moments of the film in the process? Simple: the budget couldn't handle it. Bravo, then, to whoever green-lighted a budget good enough to make this film what it looks like now...yet not with so much, that the director would get cocky and foul it all up with FX overkill. Thanks.

DOT : To Hollywood mimicking something good for a change. While The Goonies (released in DVD form last year) may not be on your DVD shelf, it did have one way-cool feature; an audio commentary from all the original cast, that at key segments, offered video as well. That's right; you get to not only see the kids as they appear now in a featurette, though see their expressions and reactions to key scenes of the movie, in an "enhanced audio/video commentary" track. This is a COOL IDEA, that is finally getting one or two takers; word is that the Jerry Maguire special edition DVD will have the same type of audio-video commentary, with the chance to see Renee Zellweger, Cuba Gooding Jr., director Cameron Crowe, and yes even Tom Cruise react to all your favorite scenes. Yes, DVD editors out there: you really want to offer this more.

Slash :  To CBS, after all their ratings coups lately, proving once again why they are so often merely "number three." Just ask yourself this: when will the finale be for Survivor: Marquesas? The answer seems obvious: Thursday, right? Nope; the real answer is Sunday, so the show can compete opposite the finales of The X-Files and The Practice. Wha; is losing Nielsen ratings to Friends not good enough for you, guys? ...or do you actually think this series' finale won't have a ratings DIVE when offered at an unexpected day of the week...? It may indeed win the timeslot, yet not with as much thunder as it could have, if shown in the time slot it actually aired. Weird.

DOT : To a cute gesture to save a series...even if it won't work. Remember all those online Roswell fans, who sent bottles of Tabasco sauce (the aliens' favorite dinner condiment) in droves to the WB network to save their floundering series? Well, word is that fans of Once & Again sent baby gifts in droves to ABC, to save their series. Why baby gifts? Lily said she was pregnant in the series finale, in an admirable final send-off. Not admirable enough for fans, who want the show to go on. However, the trick to such S.O.S., save-our-show tactics, is to mail in objects the network CANNOT POSSIBLY USE. What could WB's president possibly do with thousands of bottles of Tabasco sauce, without getting an ulcer? Comparatively, these baby gifts will be casually passed to all the young families of ABC, probably without even the mention that it came as part of a save-our-show campaign. Be this as it may, this stunt far from deserves a "slash" rating; it was, indeed, a very cute gesture, and a nice try.

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