Dots & Slashes

Spring, 2003

In the TV world there's "cheers and jeers." In the movie world there's "thumbs up" and "thumbs down." Well, here in cyberspace, there's  (...) dots and (/) slashes. What news bytes hit their mark, and which should be "slashed" ? Here are the latest of them...

Comments? Suggestions? Send a note, and we'll add it to the list!

Slash :  To anyone stupid enough to think the name "Spike" automatically refers to them. Off the top of my head, Spike reminds me of a dog in Tom & Jerry cartoons, a character in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and in technical circles, the moment a wave "spikes" and peaks a viewer's interest. It is clearly the latter that led to TNN wanting to change its name to Spike TV, though at least one person named Spike is not so sure. No joke: Spike Lee nearly took the channel to court, claiming that they could not name the network Spike because people would automatically think of him when hearing the name "Spike" (oh, brother). Soon after, Spike Jones Jr. rallied to Spike TV's cause, saying that if Spike Lee wins this court case, it would jeopardize his plans to make a movie based on his well-renowned father, Spike Jones, which he wishes to name Spike. The court case was settled out of court, which is presuming it would have made into the courtroom at all. What a weird story.

Slash :  To the guy at New Line Cinema with an itchy "green light" trigger finger, who actually green-lighted the idea of Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd; a Dumb and Dumber prequel, without Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels! Not only that; this was not a "sequel" written or produced or directed by Peter and Bobby Farrelly, who made the first film what it was (or wasn't, depending on who you ask!). Who'd be stupid enough to make such a film, and release it in between much-hyped blockbusters like Matrix Reloaded and The Hulk...? "Dumber-er," indeed. 

Slash :  To ABC and David E. Kelley, and their blind efforts to keep The Practice on the air, instead of mercifully canceling it. To make matters worse, Kelley decided that the best way to keep the next season under budget was to fire the show's main cast members! Dylan McDermott, Kelli Williams, Lara Flynn Boyle, Lisa Gay Hamilton, Chyler Leigh and Marla Sokoloff have all been given their walking papers. Excuse me, but aren't these stars the main characters of the entire series?!? Apparently, Kelley feels that people will tune in to see the three lightweights (ahem) of the series: the loudmouthed Eugene (Steve Harris), the whiney Rebecca (Lisa Gay Hamilton), and the just plain obnoxious Eleanor (Camryn Manheim). I think I could eat a pound and a half of Taco Bell, sit in Disneyland's Mad Teacup Ride for an hour and a half, and still not be as nauseated as the thought of Eleanor, Eugene, and Rebecca for one straight hour of television each week. Ewwww.

DOT : To the finale of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Personally, I thought it was a very fitting send-off, which hardly implied that the battle is completely over with the forces of evil --which arguably would be impossible-- though did leave Buffy with one major final battle of sorts, which had a very (spoilers notwithstanding) happy ending. Even better, while this is the series finale for the Buffy gang, word is that Spike will move onward to Angel, the Buffy spin-off, where this mercenary vampire belongs. What I really liked was that the final shot is of a smiling Buffy, and not the "claw rising from the rubble" that many spoiler sites implied would be the last shot. They apparently decided to end the series with a smiling Buffy instead. That was a good call.

Slash :  To Saturday Night Live, for doing what they should've done long ago, at the wrong time. It is no shocking revelation that the most recent season of SNL totally sucked, and that Tina Fey, still head writer, has lost her touch. So, what does SNL do? Why, sign her on for two more years, of course! Though that isn't the weird part; they agreed to give her four million dollars! This is ridiculous. Chevy Chase, Eddie Murphy, Bill Murray, and on and on never got such preferential treatment, yet Tina does. I guess that finally proves why this dated variety show is still on the air. Clearly, they have money to burn. 

Slash :  To everyone who made a "cover-story" issue about Ashton Kutcher splitting up with Brittany Murphy...after they'd only been together seven months! It's a major testament to the brevity of Hollywood twosomes when someone sees a split up of a couple after seven months, only to ask what happened. What's worse, this isn't even Ashton's longest romance! He had dated Birds of Prey's Ashley Scott a lot longer. However, I don't want to make this web site into a Teenzine rumor mill. The point is: Brittany and Ashton was hardly a surprise split, worthy of a "cover story". Move on.

DOT : To a man who's man enough to admit his company was wrong when they were wrong, without resorting to more spin control. ABC Entertainment Chairman Lloyd Braun recently, confessed to the Los Angeles Times that the ABC network went astray of its plan for more family programming, and instead saw some good ratings for The Bachelor and replaced a slew of good shows with reality TV fluff. As Brawn said, "I would give us a slap on the face for doing all this reality stuff." Indeed, when such reality TV included such fare as I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here! and a celebrity edition of The Mole which included only a few stars and lasted only a few weeks. I've already given the network a Slash for removing too soon from their schedules truly inspired television concepts like That Was Then and Push Nevada; it's nice to see that someone in charge is disappointed as well, and hopefully, will make some changes come next season.

Slash :  To The Academy Awards, for not placing Best Documentary in the Science and Technical Awards, where it belongs. It is quite clear after The 75th Academy Awards --with all documentary nominees standing "in unison" behind hot airbag Michael Moore-- that they saw themselves to be superior and separate from the "fiction-loving" movie audience they were a part of. These documentary makers clearly feel theirs is the more "non-fictional" award, filled with scientific and technical accuracy. Okay: so let's just put this little award in the Science and Technical Awards, shall we? Then we've ruined their chances to rape the Academy Awards of decency just to promote their next round of college lectures, and at the same time, it gives them a "non-fiction" audience, which they allegedly want more than anything. Make it happen.

DOT : To an excellent marketing ploy from Nintendo...who waits a little too long for the release of sequels to their favorite games, don't they? So long is the wait for The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker, that people may have forgotten all about the prior installment, Ocarina of Time, on the Nintendo 64 some years back. So, what do fans get for their pre-order? A "free" (with $5 shipping) version of Ocarina, now translated in its entirety for The Game Cube! Best of all is a free "mission pack" of extra levels. Talk about whetting our appetites before March 24th.

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