Dots & Slashes

Summer, 2002

In the TV world there's "cheers and jeers." In the movie world there's "thumbs up" and "thumbs down." Well, here in cyberspace, there's dots and slashes. What goings-on hit the "dot" right on the mark, and which should be "slashed"? Here are Techtite's thoughts...

Got something worth Dotting or Slashing? 

Comments about the "praise" or "puns" here? 

Send a note, and it your comments might be added to the latest list!

DOT : To, admittedly, a good Emmy show this year. Yes, there were the occasional flaws (Larry King being hit by make-up to salute the late Milton Berle, for example). The rest was top notch, thanks mostly to Conan O'Brian as a admirable host. Best moment; when a gag he cooked up to make googly eyes at Jennifer Anniston in the audience, led to the good-humored actress just making googly eyes right back. So what if Alias fans are peeved that Jennifer Garner didn't win Best Dramatic Actress. The show itself was more than worth taking over three hours to see...which says a lot. However, admittedly, my earlier gripe about the nominations still stands:

Slash :  To the three strikes going against the 2002 Emmys...and they all involve HBO. First of all: 93 nominations? I know G-rated commercial networks seem tame in comparison, though come on. Strike two: The Sopranos couldn't be nominated, since it's third season wasn't within the correct "timeframe" or whatever. Strike three involves the continuing belief that Sex and the City is a three-woman show, with nominations for Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall, and Cynthia Nixon,  yet not Kristin Davis? Nice one, Emmy.

DOT : To Microsoft remembering its roots. As of late July, the word was out: Halo, the way-cool sci-fi action game for the X-Box, would soon be ported to PC computers. Sure, this means a summer 2003 release date (if lucky), though Windows PCs made Microsoft the business giant it is today, and deserve their best games, X-Box or no X-Box. As for this owner of both systems, suffice to say; Halo for PC owners will be more than worth the wait!

DOT : To ABC giving Bill Maher the boot. As of June 28th, his over-rated, inept, "What are you still doing watching TV after midnight?" show, Politically Incorrect, aired its final episode. Of course, everyone from Barbara Streisand to the LA Press Club (which awarded him some honor nobody outside of L.A. has ever heard of) is very miffed at the show's departure. I suppose they didn't hear his commentary post 9-11, saying that America was cowardly when retaliating against terrorists, and as for the terrorists, and I quote: "Staying in the airplane when it hits the building, say what you want about it, it's not cowardly." Golly, after comments like that, why doesn't he have any new show offers? Oh, wait; I know why. Allow me to deliver this reason with the same inept, crude, obnoxious bluntness Maher has exhibited for the last decade; your media skills SUCK, pal. Time to serve fries at Burger King.

Slash :  To the latest lame-o fast food commercial fad, where a gang of smart alecks tease the intercom at a fast food drive-thru of a rival fast food chain. Subway has their current what's-his-face "star" ask for submarine sandwiches at a burger joint, musing, "Heh-heh, not only is [that item] not even on your menu; it's not even on your radar!" Then there's Jason Alexander musing to a similar drive-thru that they --gosh!-- don't have cole slaw...they have that at KFC! Well, then, Einstein, why aren't you at the drive-thru of KFC, STUPID? This latest my-fast-food-is-better sales tactic has no flavor at all. Remove these ads, please. After all, the worst mistake is to make a commercial that is totally obnoxious to consumers. Can you hear me now? Good.

Slash :  To another sign of Hollywood's bratty "next generation" not being half as cool as their parents were. Sure, Goldie Hawn was no stranger to political comments in her youth, though if memory serves, she never lost her sense of humor about it, and she always kept her priorities in check (i.e., don't whine about something petty, or else people won't listen to you when complaining about something important!). Jump to present day, when daughter Kate Hudson --less than one year after 9-11-- sees fit to flame American tourists overseas for, horror of horrors, asking for ketchup on their fries. Quoted near the end of her three month filming of Le Divorce in France, Kate whined, "Sometimes I'll be walking down the street and I'll hear some American and I'll just go, 'Of course they hate us, of course they can't stand us. We're the most annoying, boisterous creatures in the world.' I mean we come in and we eat mounds of food, and we're like, 'Where's the ketchup for our French fries.' I'm like, 'Shut up.'" Jeez, Katie; prioritize much??? Apparently, Katie feels that something as petty as asking for ketchup on fries is why people hate Americans. Yeah, right; they hate us for really DUMB reasons, don't they?

Slash :  To X-Box scoring a big fat "miss" with their latest online ad campaign. You've probably seen it by now; 4 X-box controllers act like they are "conceiving" (ahem) the X logo, which is supposed to (oh, brother!) be an "egg." The caption then reads, "more [X-Box] games conceived every day!" Heh, heh, this must've sounded really cool to some total dweeb in a lonely office cubicle, though I don't know; even as a guy, the thought of the X-logo as an "egg" waiting for its "controllers" to get "acquainted" with it...that 's a bit too nasty, don't you think? Of course, when I was 12, maybe I'd think it was a riot. However, this is supposed to be the mature game system, so...

DOT : To one of the more amusing moments of The MTV Movie Awards; an appearance via satellite by Ozzy Osborne. It takes a real personality to get away with an opening line as simplistically funny as, "I can't be with you there....because I'm here!" Meanwhile, although opinions of Ozzy's daughter's musical number are divided, I would have to take this time to give a cynical jab at MTV; that at least, for once, there was music on the "Music Television" station once again. Cynics would say that's a matter of opinion, though you know what I'm talking about. 

Slash :  To all the prepubescent, sub-moronic jackasses who forced MTV to offer the most amusing Awards Show each summer ---The MTV Movie Awards--- as a pre-taped broadcast, not live. Current teens must watch week-old news while their parents tell them that, yes, once upon a time, MTV awards shows were LIVE. Then all the Madonnas and Eminems at the time felt, "Gee, this show is live! I know! <snicker> I'll say the four letter word! Tee-hee!" They have had to pre-tape it ever since. I say; bring the live show back...with a caveat. Just add a clause that says that anyone who swears has to give back their award, and personally hand the award --and heck; add a fine of $100,000 just to tick them off!-- to the second place winner. Then tell them to shut the [bleep] up, so we can watch the most amusing [bleeping] awards show of the summer the way it was always meant to be seen: live.

----------------------------------

Agree? Disagree? Send comments to Techtite Letters.