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Summer, 2004
In the TV world
there's "cheers and jeers." In the movie world there's
"thumbs up" and "thumbs down." Well, here in
cyberspace, there's (...) dots and (/) slashes. What news
bytes hit their mark, and which should be
"slashed" ? Here are the latest of them...
Want Something
Praised...or "Slashed"? Send a note, and
we'll add it to the list!
 DOT
: To the latest cool trend, of adding clear
tops/sides to your PC, and placing various light sources inside. The
effect is totally 21st-century, with anyone near your desktop PC able to
look clear inside, as the light source illuminate all the components
inside. After all; you didn't buy all that pricey add-on hardware just for
it never to be seen, right? Yet even beyond the cool effect of seeing a
colored cathode fluorescent lamp light up the inside of your PC, this is
also a very practical idea. Even the most stouthearted techno-type must
admit this is an easy way of checking inside the PC and making sure all
the internal fans are working properly. It also looks pretty cool if you
ask me.
 Slash
: To Game Show Network's dumb new format. Sure, I get
the idea; try to change their programming, to appeal to younger audiences.
But, come on; younger audiences love game shows. Hello? Just give us a new
Match Game for 2004, or better yet, a totally new game show, where
everyone leaves with at least a few bills. Consider: Why are Wheel
of Fortune and Price is Right the most popular game shows? Because
every contestant can always leave with what they win. That's all you
need in a new game show format. Yet GSN's new
format includes such mind-numbing minutiae as Spy TV (does this
even qualify as a game show?), Kenny vs. Spenny
(don't ask) and Extreme Dodgeball (a self-explanatory title for an
awful TV show idea). 30-year-old game show reruns never looked so good.
Bring back the game shows, GSN.
Slash
: To Activision selling PC gamers a title that is
actually worse than the video game version...twice! Both the Shrek 2
and Spider-Man 2 games for the X-Box, PS-2, and even the
Game Cube (!) are far superior to the same titles for the PC or Macintosh
computers. At least their Shrek 2 version has some sign of being
different, via the description on the back of the box; no such warning is
offered on the back of the box to Spider-Man 2, and what's
worse...the game basically sucks, in comparison to what many have called
one of the best movie tie-in game ever made for any video game system. The
PC version, based on more powerful graphics cards and monitors, should be
twice as powerful as the video game versions; not the other way around. At
the extreme least; it should at least be the same game. What were
you thinking, Activision?
DOT
: To the July 9th episode of Monk,
which ended the otherwise typical "worst date ever," yet left
the fate of this relationship without an
ending; just like real life would be. True, they could have gone
the rubber-stamp route and had Monk's date leave skid marks, though come on; she knew he was
like that when she first gave him her phone number. The ending of the
episode has our favorite obsessive-compulsive detective giving her a dozen roses, even though they aren't
"all alike." She then admits to being willing to give their date
life a second try...someday. That's the way real life works; not so quickly
shutting a door if you were so ready to risk opening it in the
first place. Such three dimensionality in its characters is nothing new to
the series, though this episode was something special. Let's hope both we
and Monk see more of Michelle Rivas (Alicia Coppola), and this intriguing
budding romance.
Slash
: To all the many hack-sites that ask you to install
"harmless" software into your system, in order to do...what? I'm
a software developer, kids, so let me tell you that there is very little,
if not nothing, that cannot be done by a world wide web page
automatically, or at worst, by relatively harmless "cookies".
Yet every once in a while Windows wisely warns me of a software program
that wants to be installed onto my system. Why? Who knows. All I know is
that the message might as well read "The webmaster of this hacked-up
site thinks that you're a total sucker who'd install unknown software onto
your system, un-virus-checked, and with little or no knowledge of what
this software even does, or why it's even necessary." Oh, but a Nice
Try Wise Guy award must go to the numerous sites that have hacked into the
prompt for an unsolicited program install, only to say after you wisely
click NO to the install request, that "You must click 'Yes' for this
site to work properly." Indeed: Nice Try. Enough with the
attempts to install unsolicited programs onto my computer, guys. It's
starting to bug me.
DOT
: To the "Spider sense" game at Burger
King. Here's the deal: every single playing piece is a winner, with prizes
ranging from a free small soda, a free whopper, or of course the
"grand prizes" of plasma screen TVs and what-not. The trick is
you are given two possible prize windows to scratch, and you must use your
"spidey sense" to guess which is the right one. Hey, I'm not
saying my Spidey sense is any better than the next guy's, though at least
there's a far better chance of winning this game than, say, that total
waste of my time "Monopoly" game at McDonald's, where I always
seem to get 75% of the playing board filled, and nothing to show for it.
This "spidey sense" game is far more fun.
Slash
: To all the fangirls (and maybe one or two fanboys)
mad at Kim Cattrall, for being "solely" responsible for the
ruining of all plans for a Sex and the City movie. First of all; negotiations are a
two way street. Kim did not have any power to officially destroy plans for a
SATC movie; that was HBO's final decision. That said: why did HBO not
simply give Kim what she rightfully deserved? All she wanted was script approval and
equal salary to Sarah Jessica Parker, who, let's be honest, is just one of
four lead stars in the series. Not only was Sarah given unequal power over the entire series' comings and goings for over half a dozen
years; she was even allowed
to have a no-nudity clause --on a cable TV series, mind
you-- while all three of her co-stars had to strip to earn their lesser paychecks.
It wasn't fair. Kim simply wanted either the show to
end, or the unfairness to end. I can't truly say that I
blame her.
Slash
: To the imbecilic Burger King ad campaign lately. In
this recent commercial series, a gangly white-collar guy does various
stupid things with his other Burger-King-eating employees. Among the many
things Mr. Nerd does with his friends is the recent ad where he tells another
employee that they were given his burger by mistake,
only to have the guy take a bite out of it anyway, and then give it back.
What's ridiculous is: Mr. Nerd does nothing about it, because hey,
supposedly, he's a nerd. Isn't that just sooooo funny? Before Burger King
high-five's themselves with this latest ad campaign, answer me this, guys: how great of
an ad campaign is it when the message here seems to be, "Take a bite
out of my Burger King sandwich if you want; it's not like it's as
important as...a Big Mac!" Ouch!...but that's the message I'm
getting, friend. Please; let a CEO at Burger King read this comment and do
something about this. This "geeks in big
business" ad campaign has gotta go.
DOT
: To a walkout --staged or otherwise-- from Drew
Carey and Brett Butler, in this summer's edition of Last Comic
Standing. Drew and Brett, in addition to two other comics, were the
"celebrity talent scouts" who voted for who to send to the
mansion where the finalists this season would reside, until the "last
comic standing" was announced. Turns out that Brett and Drew both
voted for someone who wasn't put in the house, with a comic they never
even voted for sent in his place. What was going on here? Well, turns out
that NBC's top brass, in addition to producers of the show, are voting for
who gets in the house as well, and they pulled rank on said judges; an act
that sent Brett visibly walking off in a huff, at the end of the
show.
Slash
: To all the news sources that felt that the public
needs to see Eminem's bare behind(!), yet were so aghast at Janet Jackson's
near exposure at the Super Bowl this year. Less than half a year after the
networks went all hog wild against Janet Jackson's "wardrobe
malfunction," suddenly Eminem moons the audience at the MTV movie
awards. The good news: the show was pre-recorded, so the final broadcast
was butt-face-free (knock wood). Yet any number of otherwise respectable
magazines posted the bare posterior anyway. I don't know about you, but
I'd take a bare boob over a boob's butt any day of the week. Did I really
need to see this, guys? No. Bravo to MTV for the edit; shame on the news
magazines, for not following their lead.
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