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Autumn/Early Winter, 2005
Want Something
Praised or, well..."slashed"...? Send a note, and
we'll add it to the list!
 DOT
: To Sci-Fi Channel, for its part it trying to keep
(in our opinion) The Best Sci-Fi Show You're Not Watching alive. Surface
is such a show, and while it has too much "science" for some and
too much "fiction" for others, the mix is perfect to us. It must
be perfect to someone at Sci-Fi too, with the newest episodes repeating
every week at 7:00, just an hour before the "new" episodes air
on NBC. As for whether Sci-Fi would ever pick up the series if NBC
stupidly cancels it, we cannot say. All we know is that things look grim
for the series ever since the notice that this "season" would be
well under 18 episodes. Sci-Fi knows good sci-fi when they see it, and did
their part to help save it. Thanks for that.
Slash : To Tyco for releasing another cool remote
control toy for the holidays...without batteries. True, one would be ready
to buy the new Tyco "Shell Shocker" toy with or without
batteries. One click and it's a rolling ball; another click and it's a
monstrous wheel; another click and it's a sort of monstrous RV that can
(supposedly) travel across any surface. Cool, eh? The bad news: no
battery. Yes, it's easy enough to get the 9 volt battery for the remote
control, but in order to use the actual toy, you need a Tyco "Flexpak
Pro" battery. I know some people think they can go to the local
K-Mart and get a Flexpak Pro right under the Energizer "D"
batteries, but...no, this is an exclusive battery, sold only by Tyco, for
Tyco toys. So why didn't they include the battery to begin with? Good
question. Suffice to say that many toy stores are out of stock with the
Shell Shocker, until this matter is resolved. Until then, enjoy those
Target commercials teasing us with shots of this cool remote control toy,
because it's not going to be underneath any child's tree this
holiday...not with batteries, anyway.
DOT
: To X-Box Live Arcade, 360-style. For one thing you
can finally download and play not just demos, but actual games as well.
It's a salute to both classic gaming like Joust and Gauntlet, but it's
also a salute to classic shareware gaming. Download the first levels free
of charge, then "unlock" the rest of the game if you want. Then
there are those cool "Achievements" lists. Can you get to the
end of level one of Smash TV without so much as one life lost? How about
the free-with-hard-drive Hexic's ability to make "pearl" pieces
with six flower pieces (which themselves are only possible with six pieces
of the same color). Simply put, X-Box Live Arcade is a perfect icing to
the 360 cake.
Slash : To FOX for fumbling the ball...again. I'm not
kidding: There should be a rule against this network ever getting the
rights to broadcast any sporting event until they learn to "carry the ball,"
right to the goal line. To wit: they release this brilliantly imaginative,
20-episode murder mystery series, Reunion, only to decide to
cancel it after only 13 episodes, with no definitive resolution to the
mystery as a result. Gee, FOX; were the ratings really that bad? Well
maybe that's because you put a brand new series opposite CSI on Thursday
night...idiot. Meanwhile, The Simpsons and another forgettable sitcom ride
the Sunday crap-o-rama wave to another guaranteed full season. It isn't
fair. For shame FOX. Get a better programming scheduling chief. Do it now.
Slash : To Microsoft for one of the stupidest
introductory ads of all time, for a new video game system. Sure, nobody
needs to be told that the X-Box 360 is up and coming and if they do,
sorry; all pre-orders are booked, and most probably, booked they will be
until 2006. Yet the first commercial for the system has a bunch of people
throwing water balloons at passing cars while some drugged out groupie
sings about this being the way teddy bears have their picnic. Um, guys?
You didn't spend much on this ad campaign, did you? Because if this isn't
like something someone's 9 year old daughter thought up for free, it makes
no sense. We're imagining a little girl with a tear in her eye sobbing
"Please use my idea for your new video game system daddy!" Then
we'd understand. As for this being the best way a #1 video game system
promotes their next product: no way! How about at least one screen of an
upcoming game, and for that matter, how a about a commercial done totally
in real time, using the system's own graphics and hardware (which is
hardly infeasible). Water balloons and teddy bear picnics? Good grief,
Microsoft!
DOT
: To Atari, who did not need to make a second
Flashback system, but they
did, and the fall shopping season is all the better for it. The Flashback
"v2.0" (or Atari Flashback 2) is a miniature replica of the
original Atari 2600 game system, right down to the wood finish on the
front panel. 40 games built into the system mean you'll be enjoying
classic Atari games for a long time after taking it out of the box,
including two third-party classics, Pitfall and River Raid,
by Activision. Top it off with a power supply so there's no four AA
battery nonsense to keep the gaming from dying out prematurely. Did we
mention the never-played-before "sequels" of the classics, like Adventure
2 and Return to Haunted House? Read the full review here,
but suffice to say: this is the perfect gift for the classic gamer.
Slash : To --though not for the reasons you think-- Big
Brother 6. How stupid was this season? Let us count the ways. There
was the 30-something Star Wars geek that insisted that everyone who wasn't
his friend in the house was a "nerd." There was the bleach
blonde with the "Are you kidding me?" breast implants,
who was a hair away from jail time prior to the show (for shoplifting),
yet now that she was on the show in her skimpy bikini, is suddenly a
quasi-celebrity the likes of which had not been seen since --golly!--
Pamela Anderson. Then there's the winners of the show, who
admittedly were not worth all the flaming they're receiving online, but
they didn't make it easy to defend them, either. We're talking about
people that, for whatever reason, were respected even less than The Apprentice's
Omarosa or Survivor's original Sue/Richard alliance leaders. Do we
agree? Heck no. It was just a horrible season. Now it's over. Better luck
next time CBS.
DOT
: To that totally cinematic single-player game demo
for F.E.A.R. If you love thrillers and have yet to download it, you
owe it to yourself to do so. Most demos are of just one level as you plod
around and do one or two things until a game promo appears on screen. This
demo has not just cool gunfights with the bad guys, but an even cooler
glimpse at the game's thrill factor. Who was that shadow running down the
hallway ahead of you? Was that a ghost standing in front of you as you
turned to go down that ladder? Then you totally "lose it" and
see yourself in a hallway filled with bloody footprints as you follow the
footprints to a door that opens to reveal...Well, I can't say. The fact is
that games try to thrill you many times and they often come off as some
sort of high resolution Pac-Man clone. In other words: it's been a while
since we were emotionally moved in a game, by any means. This game looks
like a winner to us. It has all the makings of a smash hit.
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