Techtite Feature Article!

Techite's "Top 10* WORST Comedies of all Time"

*(Non-sequel edition!)

A Techtite Feature Commentary

I recently thought of an intriguing Techtite Table Topic: imagine the top ten worst comedies you ever saw. Here's the catch (as always, just to make things interesting): no sequels. That makes the list a lot more challenging, when you think about it! So, without a single Roman Numeral in the bunch, here's my choices for the worst of the worst. Thankfully, with only two exceptions(!), they were all attempted only once:

10) Problem Child (1990) What was the point of this? Was the lead child star a son of the producer or something...? This slap in the face of adoption has Ritter and real-life-lover Amy Yasbeck as a couple who take in an obnoxious, annoying, unlikable, ugly, peculiar, bad child actor! Yes, that's the running gag of the entire, dragging film. IMDb score: 3.7 Out of 1074 votes, a mere 44 dare rate this 10 out of 10.

9) Cannonball Run (1981). Imagine Smokey & the Bandit, without Sally Field, without Jackie Gleason, without any real script, and without that country singer to offer an overheard theme song! Such is the perfect summary of "Cannonball Run." The idea here was to take the plot of the timeless classic, "It's a Mad, Mad, Mad Mad World," and pat it on the back. However, this film was more of a kick in the shins. Its only saving grace was being released when car chases alone were still considered an awesome film device. IMDb score: 5.1 Out of 2077 votes, 126 rate this a flawless 10.

8) So I Married an Axe Murderer (1993). Every comedian has their worst film. However, how bad can one be? The answer to that is within this insipid Mike Meyers' film, about a guy who thinks his wife is an axe murderer. So, what does he do? Well, he stays married to her, of course, waiting for her to make her move! Oh, what hilarious rapture. Yes, this is the same Mike Meyers who's seen in the Austin Powers films. It's amazing what the word "shag" can do to a nerd's career. IMDb score: 6.2 Out of 3104 votes, 438 people rated this a "perfect" 10 out of 10.

7)North (1994). Many thought, pre-release, that this Rob Reiner film would be young Elijah Wood's ticket to blockbuster stardom. Instead, North was nearly the film that threw poor Elijah into a "Where are they now?" column. The film uses every old joke cliché in the book; even the really, really, bad, old jokes ("We don't want Hugh."...Golly, did you just say "you," of "Hugh"? Har-har-har!). When I left the theater, I remember hearing a kid say that this was the best film he ever saw. I felt bad, realizing this was the only film the boy ever saw. IMDb score: 4.1 Out of 848 votes, 38 called this one a flawless 10 out of 10.

6) One Crazy Summer (1986). I'm still at odds of whether John Cusack, in the late 1980's, had the worst talent agent in the quantum universe, or perhaps he just chose scripts based on where he hit a dartboard (if so, then his dart throwing skills must really suck). This particular film was so bad, it nearly ended both his and Demi Moore's careers. Throw in Bobcat Goldthwait with his screeching-voice shtick, and Curtis Armstrong with his obnoxious-nerd shtick, and...you get the idea. One typical scene involves a "practical joke" where lobsters are put in a swimming pool. The bad guys running out of the pool with plastic lobsters on their backs is beyond stupid. You felt sorry for John, who would never be seen in a decent film for over ten whole years. IMDb score: 6.0 Out of 852 votes, a mind-numbing 107 rate this 10 out of 10!!!

5) Tank (1984). James Garner faded into obscurity after The Rockford Files was cancelled. This was the film to make sure his departure was even more swift. Guy steals tank to make a statement. Guy along the way picks up a hooker...yep, you guessed it: a "hooker with a heart of gold." After finally getting his statement heard, everyone overlooks the whole "driving an armed tank through suburbia" thing. If only the audience could forget the film itself. IMDb score: 4.8 Out of 327 votes, a mere 6 dared to rate this a 10 out of 10.

4) The Great Outdoors (1988). How bad can bad be? Well, in an attempt to show the "best" shots of the film, the movie trailer had to show scenes that play during the credits! That's the surest sign of a bad, bad, bad film! This laughless comedy had Dan Ackroyd, John Candy, and an insultingly misused Annette Bening, as the parents of 2 families together in the woods. When looking at the obviously plastic "bald spot" on a grizzly bear, you wonder if the young children in the picture did the make up FX, too. Awful! IMDb score: 5.5 Out of 1303 votes, 82 people actually rate this as 10 out of 10.

3) Second Sight (1989). John Larroquette and Bronson Pinchot, at the peak of their popularity (John in Night Court, Bronson in Perfect Strangers), would seem to be the perfect duo for a comedy. Think again! Pinchot's character has ESP, which he uses for no jokes whatsoever. The entire final half hour is so predictable and contrived, I found myself saying out loud in the theater, "Oh, just end the story...please!" I left skid marks to the exit. IMDb score: 2.7 Out of 87 votes, 11 rate this a 10 out of 10.

2) Freddy Got Fingered (2001). A movie so bad, I refused in my review to defile this site with its order link. Though I guess i felt it worth reviewing, so it just barely misses the mark of the worst-of-the-worst, which luckily for you is coming next in this list. For now, let's just run through the basics of this torture to the eyes and ears: Tom Green fondles a horse, screams unfunny punchlines a lot and disembowels road kill so he can be hit by a car just like the road kill did. Unfortunately, he survives. IMDb score: 3.5 Out of (as of this list's updating) 4,139 votes, 556 wastes of oxygen rate this a flawless 10 out of 10.

...and (drumroll) the #1 worst, non-sequel comedy I ever saw was:

1)Night Patrol (1984). The Unknown Comic was some dweeb who became famous on The Gong Show (!), telling bad jokes with a paper bag over his head; what a stupid gimmick. This was his attempt to stretch this one running gag into a film...and it was by far, the worst comedy I've ever seen in my entire life. How stupid is stupid? This film tried to survive as a clone to the overdone Police Academy movies. That's pretty dumb! IMDb score: 3.1 out of 114 votes, 24 people rated this film a 10 out of 10!!! Be afraid...be very, very AFRAID!!!

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What are your choices for the Worst of the Worst Comedies?

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