Techtite Feature Article!

Top 10 Changes CBS needs to make to "Big Brother"

A Techtite "Tech Table" commentary

Let's cut to the chase, about the latest Big Brother season, Big Brother 2, which I reviewed recently in the TV section. To make the review simple, this season was bad. Really bad. "Who cares who wins" bad. "Gee, I didn't even know it was on" bad. Really, truly bad! However, instead of starting a flame war, how about a little damage control? What could CBS do to this imported reality TV concept, to make it a more successful series stateside? Here's some suggestions, based on discussions with other fans, both locally and online:

1) Ditch the "HOH" nonsense. The HOH idea (Head of Household), was obviously meant to instigate a few arguments in the house. After all, nominees were chosen by the HOH alone, who even gets to stay in their own, secluded room. Sure, it worked as an instigation of mistrust, though so what? Regardless, HOH was a dumb idea. All it led to was a lot of "let's create an alliance!" talk to the HOH, a lot more "kissing up," and then boo-hoos from the nominees, as if the HOH didn't have to nominate someone. Make the entire house vote for nominees each week, just as it was for Big Brother #1. As for the vote itself...

2) Bring back the viewer's vote. Why are ratings so bad this season? Aside from other reasons, it's because CBS made too much of a schism between the show and the viewer. The first show's sole success was how the viewer voted who would go and who would stay. House Guests, by contrast, merely voted who was to be nominated. People may say this didn't work well --viewers got rid of any troublemakers in the house, and therefore reduced the house's adrenaline meter a few notches-- and yet, every BB fan I've heard from admits BB1 was the more enjoyable show, with viewers themselves in control of who goes and who stays.

3) Bring back the "fan crowds" upon a evicted guest's departure. It was intriguing to see how many people came to greet each house guest of the first BB house, as they returned outside after eviction. Seeing the guests this year have to take the long, lonely walk alone, to Julie Chen's closed off interview room, is just melodramatic malarkey.

4) As in Big Brother 1: Once evicted, show the house guest a short video of their antics in-house. Upon leaving the house, guests are usually so self-righteous they refuse to believe they did anything bad, even when they did. Julie Chen is left asking, "Do you remember doing this?" only to have the guest say no, and have Julie shrug, "All right..." without in-your-face proof. This is one moment when the first show was far more interesting: back then, each guest was shown a short video collage of their in-house shenanigans. Their reactions to seeing themselves for the first time --and what everyone saw on national television-- was priceless. Let's put it this way; it's a heck of a lot more interesting than the cheesy, crocodile-teared "farewells" taped by the houseguests, and the fake tears the bootee must shed when watching them. Is shedding a tear guaranteed ratings gold? Nah; give us their laughter-filled reactions to themselves in-house!

5) Let the house guests do...something. Sure, you don't want couch potatoes. You can't get good footage for three episodes a week, if the contestants are all just sitting watching TV, or lying in bed listening to a walkman. However, surely, you should let them do...something! Consider Bunky's idea, of having a door lead to a special studio, where 3 times a week, some sort of elaborate, Survivor-caliber competition has been built. A nice game of paintball might relieve some built-up hostilities in the house, and what's wrong with a nice race between the house guests, though an elaborate obstacle course? It would be good for an advertiser like Target if a competition involved a shopping race within a mock replica of one of their stores. Another cool competition would involve a multiplayer game like Everquest, played live with viewers at home! I can understand how CBS is coaxing them to do something interesting all by themselves, and yet the live feed shows them being so bored, they just take afternoon naps. I think most viewers know how they feel...zzzzz!

6) No airplane banners. I know internet geeks have a real gas over banners flown over the house. I also know that the banners are totally pointless drivel. Nothing is a bigger waste of time and video, than a bunch of house guests squinting at the sky to read the latest pointless comments du jour. Kent is perhaps the only house guest who praised their presence...and why shouldn't he? The woman responsible for rallying support for most of the banners --nicknaming herself "digilady"-- is the webmaster of Kent's own web site. My advice to digilady: keep your day job. My advice to CBS: either put treated Plexiglas over the patio of the BB house, or get Mr. banner flyer to CRAM IT.

7) The house guests only had...ONE chance to win a decent prize? If this show had such a finite budget, it was a truly stupid idea to throw the majority of that budget away, on one prize --a new car-- offered during the premiere. I'm sure the only house guest in disagreement here would be Kent, who (DUH) won the prize. The only remaining budget, after such an extravagant premiere prize, was to give the house guests "luxury items" like a toaster or a pet pig. They should've widened the prize money a little, and allowed the house guests to win DVD players, computers, entertainment centers, big screen TVs, and so on. Winning prizes is cool; giving away one prize, in the premiere episode alone, was not.

8) If you insist on a "backstabbing" house, what's with the Mister Roger's Neighborhood music? Every show begins the same way; clips showing the latest in-your-face shouting matches, the latest backstabbing, and the latest underhanded politics in-game. Then the credits roll, with background music that sounds like it was written by Smurfs; what's up with that? You can't have it both ways. If you want a nice show, then you need to take my suggestions, and tone down the backstabbing a little! If you want a melodramatic shouting match, 3 times each week, then stop book marking the show with such cutie-patootie background music. The music of BB2 just didn't mix with the actual show; a bad beginning to an already flawed entertainment program.

9) Food competitions = LAME! This isn't Survivor, guys. It makes sense that a simulation of surviving the wilderness would involve food challenges. It makes no sense whatsoever that a film-studio-house would have to "win" their groceries each week. These were cheap ploys to reduce the show's laughably low budget, as every "peanut butter" week could be shrugged off as "Well, they should've tried harder in the 'food competition' that week." Would it kill CBS to give the house enough of a budget, so that something as trivial as FOOD was no longer an issue? Geez, guys; even a sponsor like McDonald's or Taco Bell would provide better food than peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Furthermore, if you didn't splurge the ridiculously low budget on that singular prize in the premiere, you would've had more than enough money to make sure that the house guests are able to do something as trivial as eating. I mean, no TV, no radio, no internet, and no video games is one thing. No food? That's something else.

...and the worst, most evil Big Brother house torture of all:

10) Six men. Six women. ONE toilet? This is just plain evil. What's even more evil is the stupidest, most worthless camera in the house; right behind the bathroom vanity mirror. If I see one more close-up of their faces as they check their face for zits, I'll sue for the price of nausea medicine.

...so, how do our lists compare? What would improve the Big Brother concept for you? Send your own "two bits" via Techtite's Letters page! 

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