Regardless of the hefty price when airing a commercial during The Superbowl, good commercials are not an exact science. Don't get us wrong; most were very good this year. Not all, however:

"Barbecue" (aka Bud Light's Flatulent Horse). The Gist of It: The latest Bud Light dude is about to ride with his girlfriend in a romantic horse-led carriage through the park. He sets the mood by giving her a giant candle to hold in her hands (?), then he bends down to get the Bud Light. The horse is gassy, yadda yadda yadda, the guy looks up to see his girlfriend is now covered in soot because the candle made the flatulence catch fire blah blah blah... Why the Commercial Fails: The only people who would laugh at this commercial are probably too young to know that, yes Timmy, your farts are flammable. If that's news to you, Happy 10th Birthday! Too bad you're too young to write commercials...or are you?

Guy Raised By Wolves (The Honda "Pilot"). The Gist of It: Dad was raised by wolves so he's happy his family bought a cool car that can drive into the woods...or, whatever. His wife narrates that, yep, they got a great car, even though she married a guy who thinks he's a dog. Why the Commercial Fails: She married a guy who acts like a dog? Bitch.

Sierra Mist: "Where's Wallace?". The Gist of It: A parade of Scottish Bagpipe players discovers Wallace is missing. They then see he's atop a subway vent a la Marilyn Monroe, airing whatever the typical Scotsman has hiding under his kilt. Ewwwwwwww. Why the Commercial Fails: I'll admit it. When a boy looks at this sight and says, "That's just wrong, Dad!!!!" the commercial nearly pulls itself into thumbs-up territory. However, in the end; this ad for soda inevitably lost my appetite!

What a Roomy Little Car (Chevy) The Gist of It: Chevy's little car may look little when you see it from the outside, but hey; check out these camera tricks that make it seem as though these tall sports stars enter the car from the outside, and look like little kids in big seats on the inside! What a roomy little car! Why the Commercial Fails: Nice try. Unless you've employed Dr. Who, tiny cars hardly hold more than they would logically seem to hold from the outside. If they did, you wouldn't need a camera trick to make it look like they did.

"The Clydesdale Donkey" (Bud Light). The Gist of It: A donkey dreams of being one of the Clydesdale horses who pull the carriage of Bud Light. He finally gets up to the horses who ask why he thinks he could be a Budweiser horse. The donkey then gives an ear-shattering "Hee-haw" donkey sound, yet he "must've said something right," because the very next day he was leading the carriage himself! Why the Commercial Fails: Some people liked this ad. I thought it was a bit too silly to accept.

The "Kids Grow Up So Fast" check-for-IDs ad. The Gist of It: Two girls say goodbye to daddy as they dress up like adults in an attempt to buy beer. Oh gee; their convenience store checks for IDs! These girls will have to settle for bottled water. Sorry, girls. Why the Commercial Fails: Reality bites: the truth is, girls this "mature" are bound to be given beer by their college boyfriends at a frat party. That said: the problem isn't checking ID's, but the legal-age schmuck who buys alcohol for young teens anyway. Show us a commercial about that guy.

Microsoft's "Chalkboard FX" Ad. The Gist of It: Microsoft will be there through your child's life, as they go to school and grow. Chalkboard-style drawings surround the child in this commercial, showing how her presentation in class can lead to theater, her run from school can lead to her winning a race, her marching in school can soon be her marching to her high school graduation... Why the Commercial Fails: I see why they wanted a "chalkboard" concept, but consider: this is a Microsoft commercial. Given all the CGI of modern times, you'd think a company run by a billionaire could come up with a snazzier looking commercial for the superbowl then a bunch of white lines over an otherwise unremarkable ad.

"Shake Up The World!" (Linux). The Gist of It: Mohammad Ali looks square in the eye at the whitest white boy this side of the Mississippi --a little boy with bleached hair, no less!-- as Ali tells him to "Shake Up The World." You know, looking at this kid's blank stare, he may do it. Maybe. Presuming "Spongebob" isn't a repeat!... Why the Commercial Fails: I'm sorry, but little boys with bleached hair? That always freaks me out. Also, I can't help but wonder: if this kid truly felt happy with who he really is, why would he be dying his hair a different color?

Pepsi's "James Marshall Hendrix" Ad. The Gist of It: Whoh, that was close! As a boy Jimmy Hendrix chooses between Pepsi near a guitar store, and Coca-Cola, near an accordion store. Why the Commercial Fails: So, I guess Weird Al Yankovic likes Coca-Cola then? I knew there was some reason I liked the guy. If Pepsi is so hip and modern as they say, why did they have to backtrack to the 1960's to "prove" it?

Any of those "AOL 9.0" Ads. The Gist of It: A bunch of guys hook up AOL's new fast servers to various slow-moving vehicles, to show how much faster everything is with the new AOL broadband service. Why the Commercial Fails: Leave it to AOL to act like we haven't heard how great something is, that was introduced half a decade ago. Yes, AOL, there's this thing called broadband. No kidding! Trouble is: it's often offered via a family's already-present telephone/cable services. Why snub our noses at them and go for a third party altogether...? Does AOL have a better price? If AOL is simply "faster" thanks to technology that families already are using, big deal.

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