Techtite Feature Article!

"USA Today gave its premiere one and a half stars, calling it 'nightmarishly hackneyed…Get rid of the actors and the story, and you might have a show — though not this show, and not this network.' "

---from the article

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"Unlucky 7"...? The same old question comes up: aren't there shows worse than this on the air? Yes; of course. Yet oddly enough; those are shows that aren't new. This is a new shows list. The seven new shows here are just plain "unlucky" in some way that's worth mentioning here. Interpret this list with a grain of salt, though seriously; tape your favorite episodes. You never know what will be cancelled when you least expect it to.

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Feel free to contribute. As always, review submissions are accepted!

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I'm not one to list a whole ten shows that may fail each season, especially when I have no idea if they actually will. However; when a new drama makes me want to laugh, and a sitcom makes me bored to tears; you get that sort of feeling, you know? The end result is this TV season's "Unlucky Seven"; seven new shows which, in the long run, might not make it past February sweeps. Tape them if you like them.

Note: for the next seven weeks, one by one, these series will receive the fairness (knock wood) of a full review. If available, these links proceed each show title.

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Father of the Pride (Full Review) (NBC, Tuesday, 9)  What's it about? From the producers of Shrek is a computer-animated look at the wild menagerie of animals in Vegas night life; specifically, the lions used in the stage shows of Siegfried & Roy. What I'm not buying: Take away the computer animation and this is simply another rubber-stamp retread of a very tired sitcom cliché that the airwaves are flooded with these days: idiot, fat husband; svelte, 'brilliant' wife; sardonic teenage daughter, blah blah blah...  What's worse: In the premiere, Lisa Kudrow and Andy Richter voice a pair of pandas who succeed in being two of the most unlovable, grating animated characters to have ever been created on purpose. It might succeed, IF: It won't. NBC is the exact same network that cancelled Freaks & Geeks...and most recently, Ed. Those were critically acclaimed, affordable comedy-dramas; this is a pricey, critically-shrugged animated cartoon. It's unlikely they're going to be keeping this any longer than you can say "mid season replacement."

Listen Up (CBS, Monday 8:30 ) What's it about? Jason Alexander is this season's latest Seinfeld alum to try and find life after such a classic sitcom. The good news is: he's not pushing his acting chops too hard here, and is basically "George" all over again, in the form of an obsessive, overly protective father. What I'm not buying: I love every single Seinfeld cast member like crazy, but to be honest; not a single promo for this sitcom had me expecting much here. What's worse: In all fairness to my comments about Father of the Pride: yes, this too looks like another rubber-stamp retread about the overweight, non-too-bright husband, the understanding wife, and their snippy, sardonic daughter.  It might succeed, IF: The "daughter" of the show, Daniella Monet, has that Alyssa-Milano-esque look to her. Remember how Who's the Boss? lasted at least five seasons longer than it deserved to, strictly because of Alyssa's rise to teen super- stardom? This series might equally succeed, if teens warm up to Daniella.

Hawaii (NBC, Wednesday, 8). What's it about? This is a show about a Hawaiian police station. That's about it, people. What I'm not buying: Yeah; a "Hawaiian police station" series sounds cool, if not for two of the stupidest "rookie" cops to have ever been cast for a cop show. Not only do these two schmucks not look like cops; they would not be promoted to "detectives," even if they had pictures of their boss naked in bed with Carrot Top. It's like these two think they're Dom Deluise and Burt Reynolds on the set of Cannonball Run. The problem with that is: Cannonball Run was a comedy, and this is a crime drama. What's worse: USA Today gave its premiere one and a half stars, calling it "nightmarishly hackneyed…Get rid of the actors and the story, and you might have a show — though not this show, and not this network." It might succeed, IF: It didn't. In fact; the series was cancelled so swiftly it seemed too irrelevant to review it. Perhaps a "What Went Wrong" column would be better here.

Boston Legal  (Full Review) (ABC, Sundays at 10). What's it about? Faster than you can say "After M*A*S*H," someone at ABC wants to keep The Practice alive, by any means necessary. Gee; shouldn't they have thought of that, before firing every decent recurring cast member prior to last season? Now they want to try and sell us a new "Practice," so to speak, with all the new guys introduced last season.  What I'm not buying: Why does nobody in the three major networks ever remember the embarrassing mistake that was After MASH? Face the music, ABC: The Practice is done, finito, and kaput. Accept it! What's worse: The premiere was a little too "comical" in tone for a lawyer show, and the cases were pretty silly. It might succeed, IF: So far, the huge success of the series' lead-in Desperate Housewives, has kept this spin-off afloat admirably. If this series' time slot is moved, then it's gone.

The Partner (FOX, Sunday, 9). What's it about? From the web site's own description of it: “A team of 'book smart' Ivy League graduates will compete against a team of 'street smart' lawyers from less prestigious schools until one of them wins a job in a major law firm.” What I'm not buying: Let me guess: the Ivy League lawyers are put up against lawyer cases that need that "street smart" edge. Then the less prestigious law students show them up, for no other reason than that the Ivy Leaguers don't know what a "booty" is. What's worse: The fact that this reality show is thrown to a Sunday at 9 time slot should tell you how crappy even FOX thinks this series is. It might succeed, IF: With all of the white-collar reality shows casting annoying representations of African Americans --Omarosa, anyone?-- maybe this series could offer a batch of intelligent, ethical, polite, college-educated, ethnic lawyers. Yeah, I know; it's a FOX reality series, so this is a pipe dream. It could happen though; just keep your fingers crossed...and your toes.

House (Full Review) (FOX, Tuesday, 9). What's it about? From the promotional web site for the series: "Dr. Greg House (Hugh Laurie, Life with Judy Garland: Me and My Shadows) is irreverent, controversial, devoid of bedside manner and wouldn’t even talk to his patients if he could get away with it…”  What I'm not buying: Swell; another series where the Doctor is supposedly some sort of quasi-hero because he's as much of a jerk as every other jerk doctor you've had the misfortune of seeing by your hospital bedside. Come on; isn't there a friendly, congenial, heroic doctor worth making a series about...? What's worse: FOX used to have the guts to deliver some daring drama concepts --love them or not, Melrose Place, X-Files, 90210 were all pretty unique concepts in some way-- but these days those guys in charge of programming at FOX seem to be scoring mostly misses. It might succeed, IF: They should make Dr. House a sort of Archie Bunker M.D.; a sexist, egotistical, hypocritical bigot of a doctor, who is always put in his place by the superior, congenial doctors he works with. If they want us to think this quack is some sort of quasi-hero; don't be silly.

Life as We Know It (Full Review)  (ABC, Thursday, 9). What's it about? This is perhaps the most reluctant member of the list. No, this isn't because it just "barely" makes the list; it's because it is most likely to lead to a barrage of complaints from teen girls who want this series to succeed, no matter what. Hey; it stars Kelly Osborne! How could it not be a hit teen drama? What I'm not buying: I'm not against the Osbornes in the least. I just don't see Kelly Osborne playing a character aside from...Kelly Osborne. The result should make each week look a lot like an episode of The Osbornes...with less reality, and what's worse, some really sappy background music. What's worse: Take away Kelly Osborne, and this series is just another dumb high school drama. It might succeed, IF: Kelly Osborne could indeed "wow" us with impressive acting chops, but in her defense, that would also require good directing and writing. Sorry; I've yet to be "wowed" by either. They cancelled Threat Matrix for this?

---Techtite

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Too depressing...? Don't worry. It isn't all bad: Top 10 Most Intriguing New Shows, 2004