Don't get us wrong; most were very good this year. But was it just us, or did the majority of the commercials for Super Bowl 2005 totally suck? One year Janet almost shows a boob and the next year everyone is running so scared that the only thing the puritans can complain about is a singular ad where a busty female --gasp!-- promotes a web site. That commercial didn't make the best-of cut, but it wasn't the worst, either; these following ten commercials explain why:

"If You're Into It..." (MBNA). The Gist of It: You have to hand it to the allegedly biggest credit card industry in the business. Don’t bother asking annual percentage rate: their commercial doesn’t say. Don’t ask if it has a good protection plan for fraudulent charges or credit card theft. All we know is that the front of the card looks real pretty. Why the Commercial Fails: Yeah; I have a MBNA credit card. It's got a cool spaceship on the front. I even remember what got be to buy it. The "pretty" front wasn't it...at least, not too much.

"Picking Up a Movie From Blockbuster [Online]..." (Blockbuster Online). The Gist of It: Guy makes a big deal about going to Blockbuster then goes to his mailbox by car. The narrator says, “Now Blockbuster is as close as your mailbox!” Why the Commercial Fails: Sorry, gang; this isn't new technology. We all know you're adding this feature to your services to compete with web sites like Netflix, so don't act like we never heard of such ideas. Just explain to us why we'd subscribe to you guys instead of them. I'm not saying you don't have a reason; just that this commercial didn't offer us one.

“Mama’s Boy!” (Degree Antiperspirant). The Gist of It: New action figure: The “mama’s boy”...! He comes with a mother action figure with a magnet that never lets him go. Mama also plays 6 recorded guilt trips. Says the narrator after the mock commercial: “Some men never take risks.”  Why the Commercial Fails: Yeah; and some men are smart enough not to buy a product just because a commercial with no information about the product told them to do it. What; do we need your deodorant to combat the bad effects of action figure playing?

"The Bodyguard Cockatiel" (Bud Light). The Gist of It: You can’t make a hit every time. Just ask Bud Light, who scored quite a few hits (or near hits) this year, then offered this. Guys try to hit on a woman; then a Spanish speaking cockatiel protects her with his obnoxious banter and pecking beak. Whatever, dude. Why the Commercial Fails: I know most Bud Light commercials are funny because they make no sense whatsoever, but...why is a cockatiel protecting a woman at a bar? That's just way too silly.

Don’t judge too quickly, v2.0 (Ameriquest) The Gist of It: You know those guys who sponsored the Paul McCartney halftime show? The guys who offered that cooler "You've been robbed!" commercial some time before this one...? They’re back with another ad where a guy is sneaking into his girlfriend’s apartment to cook her dinner. The cat topples a whole pot of spaghetti sauce (whoh; strong cat!), yadda yadda yadda, the girlfriend is at the doorway to the apartment and her boyfriend is there with a tomato sauce covered cat and a knife in the other hand. “Don’t judge too quickly”…again. Why the Commercial Fails: It's not like these guys didn't score a hit with that funnier convenience store ad. The problem is, knives and seemingly hurt animals are not as funny as convenience store clerks and tazers.

Be my little baby! (Cialis) The Gist of It: Hey, it’s that viagra pill wanabe whose ads are always a little cocky (no jokes please)...! You know; the one that says in its supposed warnings how “Erections [caused by this pill] lasting more than four hours…” Why the Commercial Fails: Oh shut up.

Monkeys on their cellular Bananas. (Verizon) The Gist of It: A bunch of monkeys are holding bananas like they’re on cel phones. “Some wireless companies like to just pretend they’re the best.” says the announcer. Then the Verizon logo pops on the screen …and they still have that dumb “Can you hear me now” guy! Eesh.  Why the Commercial Fails: Look, gang, if you want to impress me with a Super Bowl ad, have the monkeys attack that annoying "Can you hear me now" guy once and for all. If Taco Bell got rid of the Taco Bell Chihuahua, pop icon that he truly was, Verizon can hopefully ditch the dude.

"Enjoying your sub?" (Quiznos). The Gist of It: Let me begin by saying that “Bob,” the seemingly talking baby, was an icon already used years ago for…what was it again? Exactly; nobody knows. Heck it could’ve been an ad for Quiznos for all I know. All I do know is he’s back for various Quznos ads. In his super bowl appearance, he’s next to a hot chick who “loves the way” he spoils her as he gives her a tasty new hot turkey submarine sandwich. Why the Commercial Fails: Women love little babies and men love hot chicks. But a hot chick next to her "boyfriend" baby? I don’t know...but using the same term Bob says in a separate ad: that's just wrong.

“Doctor House doesn’t like dealing with patients” ("House"). The Gist of It: They say that “when the case is a mystery nobody else can solve, they call him.”  Why the Commercial Fails: Yeah; I heard that. Then I saw the first three episodes which turned out to be: a simple case of tapeworm, a simpler case of the measles, and a downright inane pharmacy mistake. Yet the commercial alleges "40 million people" have agreed it's a great show. Wow, great exaggeration of the Nielsen's there, guys; last I checked this series earned a lowly 8.0 rating...and that's after American Idol. Oh; and this little commercial stinks too. We're just saying.

"Rethink TV" (DirecTV). The Gist of It: This is one of those ads that’s a tough call. It has a nice enough effect of a man going from decade to decade of his life, with a television always in the room. Then he’s in the apparent “present”, with a narrator saying “It’s time to rethink TV..." Direct TV! Why the Commercial Fails: The problem: every moment of this commercial’s “past” is a fond memory. What you wanted to do is show us what was bad about old TV; the static, the bad reception, and the old grainy black and white picture. Yet this commercial shows only good TV, insisting it's time to change. Why change fond memories, may one ask?

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