Never forget the bonus ending...!

No sooner did FedEx Kinkos have a hilarious ad about the "Top Ten" things a Super Bowl commercial needs, then every great commercial had item #10: the bonus ending, or in other words, the one last joke that ties it all together. Yet there's more important things at work here than a funny parting joke. Like it or not, this is the look of ads for the next year...for better, or worse! Here are the ones that made the cut:

“The Best Commercial on the Superbowl.” (FedEx Kinkos). The Gist of It: A FedEx representative pops on screen, saying how they wanted "the best commercial on the super bowl." They then looked for the Top Ten Most Important Things To a Super Bowl Commercial. The list included, if anyone's interested: 1) Celebrity (Burt Reynolds); 2) Animal (bear inexplicably walks into store); 3) Dancing animal (Burt and Bear start dancing); 4) Cute kid ("Cool!"); 5) Groin Kick (Poor bear! Bad, Bad Burt!); 6) Talking Animal (You go, bear!); 7) Attractive females (cheerleaders for the bear!); 8) Optional Product Message ("optional": ha!); 9) Famous Pop Song; and 10) Bonus Ending. This was one funny ad, I can tell you that much. Bonus Ending: Says the bear, "I loved you in Smokey & the Bandit!" Smokey Bear...funny!

“There’s no need to fear.” (Visa Check Card) The Gist of It: A woman lost something in her purse and it was possibly stolen. Help! Jump in all the superheroes of Marvel comics at the ready, to protect the fair damsel…until they hear she simply lost a Visa Check Card. Shrug the superheroes; those cards don't charge you for fraudulent charges. False alarm! Bonus Ending: Underdog pops in, albeit a little late. "There's no need to fear!" Never mind, Underdog...

“Did you hear me…? You’re getting robbed!” (Ameriquest). The Gist of It: Guy with one of those new headset cel phones walks into a quickie mart store and is saying to his buddy about a mortgage he paid for, “You’re getting robbed? Did you hear me?” The clerk sees no cel phone, and thinks he’s talking to him. So he promptly sprays the guy with mace and hits him on the head with a bat. Captions then read: “Don’t judge too quickly; we don’t! Ameriquest Mortgage Company." Bonus Ending: Mrs. Store Owner joins the fight with her tazer.

Thank you (Anheuser Busch) The Gist of It: This one's the heart tugger of our list. Army soldiers coming home get a standing ovation from the customers and personnel throughout the airport. Bonus Ending: Just prior to the Anheuser Busch logo is the simple message to our troops: "Thank you." Cool.

“Getting Everyone Together for dinner…” (Master Card debit) The Gist of It: Everyone is together for dinner...grocery-icon style. Count Chocula is seated next to the Gorton Fisherman and Charlie the tuna. Across from them is Chef Boyardee, the Morton Salt girl, and many others. The announcer gives all the prices of the food they pass around from their various brand names. The final line being this time: “Getting everyone together for dinner…priceless.” Bonus Ending: Mr. Clean is doing the dishes.

Hey; 50 minutes into the game and...check out that dolphin with the football! Cool! Oops; not a commercial. My bad. Sorry. But hey, why'd nobody answer the announcer's question we all asked: was that real?

“Are you ready…?” (Bud Light) The Gist of It: Parachutist can’t do it. “Not even for some Bud Light?” says the instructor as he throws a six-pack out the hatch. No sooner than you can think “Oh yeah the parachutist is going to leap out,” the pilot beats him to it…without a chute. It’s all a happy ending though because the only two people left on the plane are the parachutists. With luck they’ll catch up with the pilot…and the Bud Light. Bonus Ending: Yeah; no pilot in the plane, so it's far less "scary" to trust in your parachute, is it? Jump!

“Hey P Diddy; Need a ride?” (Pepsi). The Gist of It: P Diddy hitches a ride to the awards show, thanks to a driver of a Pepsi truck. Everyone thinks he's trying to show off his flashy new wheels. Suddenly, every celebrity is driving their own small Pepsi truck. Proceeding cameos (in addition to P Diddy) include Desperate Housewives’ Eva Longoria, to various rappers. Bonus Ending: Carson Daly drives by in his new Pepsi Truck...with monster wheels.

“Now look what you started!” (Bud Light). The Gist of It: Remember the donkey who wanted to be a Budweiser Clydesdale? Well that was last year and everyone saw it…including an elephant, a giraffe, and a whole menagerie of other animals, all stampeding to the same barn to be the next Budweiser Clydesdale. Man then looks at the donkey, “now look what you started,” says the employee. Bonus Ending: A lone pig is still huffing and puffing down the road, saying "I hope I'm not late!"

Jim…come on! (Emerald Nuts) The Gist of It: Dad tells his daughter a fib about eating his Emerald Nuts leading to Unicorns disappearing forever. Suddenly a unicorn pops in and says, hey, Jim; cut it out. All the icons from childhood come out to pester him about how, hey, the Easter Bunny is still there, and so is Santa. Get a grip Jim. Bonus Ending: Yes, the little girl gets the nuts after all. Thank you daddy.

NFL Network's "Tomorrow" ad. The Gist of It: As a parting thought: In an ad for the new NFL network, all the stars that nearly made the super bowl sing "Tomorrow" a la Little Orphan Annie. It's only a day away...Bonus Ending: It's the same ad, only with new NFL stars. However, the final punch line: "As of tomorrow, we're all undefeated again!" is still a pretty funny joke.

...don't think we're just sucking up to a few advertisers, though. Some ads this year were pretty bad! Just check out the companion list of the 10 worst commercials this year; you'll see what I mean. Happy shopping...