Techtite Feature Article!

"A crowd of shouting, hollering, bickering kids is quickly calmed, when one young kid stands up and rallies the troops to all 'prove' what kids can do on their own blah blah blah. Surprisingly, all the kids listen to him and cheer him on. Show me one real world setting where this has ever happened."

---from the article

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"Unlucky 7"...? The same old question comes up: aren't there shows worse than this on the air? Yes; of course. Yet oddly enough; those are shows that aren't new. This is a new shows list. The seven new shows here are just plain "unlucky" in some way that's worth mentioning here. Interpret this list with a grain of salt, though seriously; tape your favorite episodes. You never know what will be cancelled when you least expect it to.

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Feel free to contribute. As always, review submissions are accepted!

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I'm not one to list a whole ten shows that might fail each season, especially when I have no idea if they actually will. However; in a world where even the most critically acclaimed new series gets canned in six episodes; you get pretty wary of growing "attached" to a new series that has...well, some pretty big flaws. It's not that we're saying the shows on this list are horrible; just not likely to succeed...unless they fix the flaws.

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The Big Bang Theory (CBS, Mondays at 8:30)  What's it about? Two nerd roommates are aghast when ---hubba, hubba!--- a blonde moves in next door. That’s it. Really. Two rubber-stamp nerds with the periodic table on their shower curtain; a rubber-stamp blonde caricature who utters lines like, “I’m a vegetarian, except for...steak! I love steak!” What I'm not buying: Here's the thing: this sitcom is replacing The Class, which was co-created by James Burrows...as in: the man who directed episodes of Mary Tyler Moore, The Bob Newhart Show, Laverne & Shirley, Rhoda, Taxi, Cheers, Frasier, and Friends...and CBS still cancelled it. What does that tell you about the chances for "Big Bang Theory"...? What's worse: The series is so overdone with its caricatures of "nerds" and "dizzy blondes," it often contradicts itself. These supposed "geniuses" can answer any question on the planet yet can only afford their pathetic hovel of an apartment. They're geniuses, yet can't afford squat? It might succeed, IF:  The fact is: the oxymoron of "idiot geniuses" just isn't funny. If they can improve the formula of this sitcom, it might work as a sitcom about lovable nerds trying to make it in everyday life. If they're going to stick with the idea of "geniuses so stupid they live in a hovel and chase after one girl," get ready for back to back episodes of How I Met Your Mother until mid-season rolls along.

Pushing Daisies (ABC, Wednesdays at 8)  What's it about? A man has the mysterious gift to bring people back to life with just a touch. The catch: if he touches them again, they die...permanently. The good news: Ned (Lee Pace) has put his gift to good use by helping the police solve crimes by allowing victims to name their attackers. The bad news: he also used his power to bring his childhood sweetheart back to life...and can never touch her again, or she'll die. What I'm not buying: Look; I love a unique series concept as much as the next TV critic, though there's no denying how hard a "sell" this is. In the series pilot, a young Ned discovers his powers by bringing his mom back to life. Then she kisses him on the forehead at night and wham, she's dead again. Such dark humor is supposedly in the spirit of such TV hits as Addams Family, and yet: I sort of forget the episode of Addams where Morticia Addams actually died. What's worse: Don't shoot the messenger, when I tell you how hard this series is to sell. Not one ABC commercial promoting this series mentions what it is about. Look at a guy who is holding blooming flowers. Look at a woman in a coffin opening her eyes and smiling. Look at all the agnostic TV viewers thinking: "Huh?!?" It might succeed, IF: While this series is a hard sell, there is an audience for this sort of series. All it takes is to try and grab that audience. With its cryptic commercials, that might not be so easy...

Chuck (NBC, Mondays at 8)  What's it about? An Average Joe named Chuck ("Less Than Perfect" star Zackary Levi) opens an e-mail which is subliminally encoded with tons of top secret data. Suddenly Chuck is The Man With One Red Shoe America's newest top secret agent. What I'm not buying: I'm sorry to nitpick, but come on; a super-powered subliminal e-mail message...? It's one thing to have a comic book super hero bitten by a radioactive spider. The idea of a guy becoming "intelligent" after reading SPAM is something else. What's worse: I get the feeling this series' creators are biting off more than they can chew. Executive Producer Josh Schwartz is best known for teen drama The O.C. Producer/Director McG is best known for the Charlie's Angels movies...and The O.C. I don't see how "O.C.: The Action Series" is going to work, though hey; I'll try any new series for 4 weeks.  It might succeed, IF: Of all the "hard sell" shows this fall, Chuck has the best chance. Its Monday at 8 time slot puts it squarely in front of Heroes at 9, and the Quantum-Leap-ish Journeyman, at 10. So, to any fans of this series; don't go crying to NBC if the show fails. They really did their best with this one. Its longevity is now in the hands of its writers, and its stars.

Kid Nation (CBS, Wednesdays at 8)  What's it about? 40 kids are sent to an abandoned mining town, and must make the town functional again, all by themselves. While the premise might be intriguing to parents who can't get their kids to do their chores; how "entertaining" is it to see a little girl forced to cook her own supper? What I'm not buying: Some of this "reality" series seems a bit too surreal. A crowd of shouting, hollering, bickering kids is quickly calmed, when one young kid stands up and rallies the troops to all "prove" what kids can do on their own blah blah blah. Surprisingly, all the kids listen to him and cheer him on. Show me one real world setting where this has ever happened. What's worse: After each episode, one child ---yes; one--- is given a "gold star" worth $20,000. If this is typical reality TV, this might not be "the best kids get their just reward" as much as "a 15 year old Johnny Fairplay gets rewarded while an 8 year old 'Colby' gets bupkis." That's all well and good on Survivor, though how hard will it be to see the same premise applied to kids? It might succeed, IF: Define irony: this series about kids on their own, will survive only with the help of the kids. Whether audiences will learn to love these kids is anyone's guess.

Women's Murder Club (ABC, Fridays at 9:00)  What's it about? San Francisco Detective Lindsay Boxer (Angie Harmon) assembles what the promos for this series calls "a secret all-female team of experts," called The Women's Murder Club. They wish to "circumvent" those male meanies in the justice department. What I'm not buying: Oh, goody; another "all women are geniuses/all men are retarded" series. Look; I know this series is supposedly penned by James Patterson (Along Came a Spider), and that's cool. What's not cool is how such an established author as Patterson could come up with such a quasi-sexist series premise as "brilliant women fighting against all the idiotic men of the world." What...ever! What's worse: This series foolishly wishes you to believe that it's a "novel" concept for women to lead a murder investigation on a TV series...except for, say: Cagney & Lacey, Crossing Jordan, Cold Case, and possibly a dozen others in the past 30 years. This isn't even getting into all those "daring" shows that ---gasp!--- have men and women working together to solve crimes. It might succeed, IF: All the shows mentioned above were hits; that's fair enough to admit. However; none of those shows made the mistake of making it look like the lead stars were in "a man's world" where every man is a pig and every woman is a flawless, valiant crusader devoted to the highest ideals of justice. That quasi-sexist-pig premise will not fly. If that's the premise this series is sticking with, ABC might find themselves quickly cancelling enrollments to this Club.

The Search for the Next Big American Band (FOX, Fridays at 8)  What's it about? Nigel Lythgoe created FOX reality gold, with American Idol and So You Think You Can Dance. Now he's producing a show which looks for a whole band. What I'm not buying: The idea of American Idol makes moderate sense when they're not looking for a lyricist; only a singer. This series wants to find a new band that consists of: a good singer, a good drummer, a good guitarist, a good bass player, and oh yeah, a good song writer. Not to be a pessimist, but: good luck with that. What's worse: So You Think You Can Dance was a slam-dunk idea because it was obviously inspired by Dancing With The Stars; a hit reality series. This series is obviously inspired by Rock Star... which was by all accounts a two-season blunder. How Nigel can make lemonade out of such a sour lemon I have no idea. As I said; good luck with that! It might succeed, IF: First of all: change the elongated title ("The Search For..." is unnecessary and redundant). Then nix the idea of making the first episodes another case of "three judges poke fun at the mentally handicapped who went to the audition." That reality TV formula is getting old and tired. Lastly; you need to find a bunch of bands that never heard of the internet, and would agree to being humiliated on live TV for some added "publicity." Good luck with that. You're going to need it.

Cavemen (ABC, Tuesdays at 8)  What's it about? Geico Commercial: The Sitcom? Perhaps, though the premise might be intriguing to some people; a bunch of cavemen in modern life. What I'm not buying: It's one thing for one joke to work in a 15 second commercial. To ask that same joke to work over and over for 30 minutes is something else.  What's worse: The biggest problem with a series about the "dangers" of prejudice, is how contagious prejudice is. Who are some of the first people to act mean to the cavemen? Why, those gosh darn southern folk, that's who! Yes, sir; nothing quite says "prejudice" until you poke fun at "all" those cowboy hat wearin' southern folk, who are "all" racist. It might succeed, IF: I doubt it will, especially when it lacks the actors who made the characters so memorable. Geico's "cavemen," Jeff Daniel Phillips and Ben Weber, are not signed onto this sitcom. Can this series succeed without the actors who made the characters so funny to begin with...?

---Techtite

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Too depressing...? Don't worry. It isn't all bad: Top 10 Most Intriguing New Shows, 2007