Techtite Feature Article!

"Hubba hubba! If we ever saw a Ferengi female, she'd be...naked! Golly! There's only two little problems with that. For one: Ferengi are ugly. Second: grow the frack up, Beavis!"

---from the article

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"The New Klingons," My Aunt Fanny!
In the third Star Trek movie, a Klingon captain tells his comrades to kill a prisoner, at random. They proceed to pull their three-bladed knife out at the only female member of the party. Then in jumps Kirk's only son, who is gutted like a fish. That's what the term "archvillain" is all about. So what do the Ferengi do? They make offers to buy your crap. Oh, dear! It's a race of alien eBay bidders! Run for your very lives! Save the children!

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It's well known Trek trivia, that the Ferengi were originally intended as "The New Klingons." Yet if they were actually going to make these buffoons the new "menacing" aliens, why was their most frequently used line of dialog so laughably asinine? Every time a Ferengi met a human in season one, they had the same natty comment: Grunt grunt, your women are clothed, grunt. Gee; Ferengi don't clothe their females. Hubba hubba! If we ever saw a Ferengi female, she'd be...naked! Golly! There's only two little problems with that. For one: Ferengi are ugly. Second: grow the frack up, Beavis!

Perhaps I'm just not a fan of unintentional humor. Admittedly; some of the ways they tried to make these big eared dorks look "threatening" were pretty funny. In one of the first conversations between Picard and a Ferengi, the view screen is shown as large as an IMAX theater, dwarfing Picard in the center. The idea, one would imagine, was to make the Ferengi look menacing through cheap cinema trickery. Yet as soon as you saw the diminutive, ugly, and quite frankly pencil-neck-geek-worthy Ferengi "in person" in a later scene, it was clear there was no way these guys were ever going to be menacing. Since being a "menacing" new villain was the whole point to the Ferengi, it is safe to say the Ferengi were pretty...pointless.

Yes, they eventually retooled the Ferengi to be the series' ongoing court jesters. In fact; to hear fans of Deep Space Nine (both of them), Quark was their favorite character. Yet you just can't show a race as being "menacing" one minute and then say "No; they're lovable!" the next. Nor can you try to make them more lovable, by simply enhancing their "geek" factor, episode after episode. We're tempted to take some time out to talk about how to a Ferengi, nothing beats an erotic ear massage.  Fortunately; we've said enough already. Let's move on.

On to The 8th Worst Character, who, kindly, screams for us!

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