Techtite Feature Article!

"'The Next Chewbacca,' my Aunt Fanny."

---from the article

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That "Farting Jar-Jar" Rumor. Many major Jar-Jar haters have gone so far as to say that Jar-Jar was used for a farting joke in the movie. Not so. Not that we're defending the stupidest character in sci-fi history, but...no, not so. While the reasons to explain this are few and far between, here's what "really" happened for trivia...

The apparent scene in debate is the one just before the race, when there's an apparent flatulence sound and Jar-Jar says something like "mooie stinkie." Yet if you look closely; the scene pans to the butt of a nearby alien...camel? Whatever. In any case it was the alien camel who was "stinkie." As for whether the stinkie alien camel cut the cheese: seriously, does it matter? I didn't think so.

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Let's turn the clock back a bit. Lucasfilm releases a teaser for the first Star Wars film in 16 years. There was Natalie Portman. There was Darth Maul. There was a two-edged light saber.  Liam Neeson and Samuel Jackson were Jedi Knights. Then there was some idiot frog fish saying gibberish. The effect was like being handed a pizza with everything on it, only to have someone sneeze on it...very...strongly.

Some people might tell you that Jar-Jar Binks was just a drop in the bucket in Phantom flaws. Not so. There was actually a lot to love about it, if given the chance. Yet every time a fan tried to "grow" to love Phantom Menace, in popped Jar-Jar, ruining the moment. Two Jedi are stuck in a small watercraft without power. In comes Jar-Jar to whine like crazy and make an otherwise tense moment totally annoying. In a later scene, Anakin shows off his cool looking speeder. In comes Jar-Jar to get his tongue stuck in the electrical current. Just before our heroes return to Naboo for the climactic final battle, in comes Jar-Jar screeching, "Weesa going hoooome," in a manner that'd make Elmo from Sesame Street sound like Pavarotti in comparison.

Yes, we've heard the rumor that Jar-Jar was intended to be the new "Chewbacca." That makes Jar-Jar even more puzzling, and if possible: even more annoying. Chewie was always the tough alien who could rip out a droid's arm if provoked. To compare Chewie to Jar-Jar is like comparing filet mignon to the crap produced from eating it, only to have a guy look in the toilet and say, "Wow! That used to be filet mignon!" I'm not trying to gross you out; I'm just trying to put into perspective how futile it is, for even the most diehard Star Wars fanboy to defend Jar-Jar Binks. "The Next Chewbacca," my Aunt Fanny.

So, dare one ask: whatever happened to the #1 Worst character to ever be part of a good sci-fi concept? The answer is a mix between "brilliant" and "acceptable." In Attack of the Clones, which senator was stupid enough to place Palpatine in complete power? Jar-Jar! As for Revenge of the Sith: it is often considered the best of the three "new" Star Wars movies for one added reason: only one shot of Jar-Jar...and he couldn't speak at the time. As for the original trilogy: even if someone looking like Jar-Jar is added to the special edition DVD (egad!), the original films are still great. The special edition DVD of Return of the Jedi had an added celebration scene on Naboo, where a Jar-Jar look-alike exclaims, "Weesa free!" He actually...survived? Well, good for him, I guess...and it answers a lingering question. Why did the original trilogy never mention Naboo? Answer: because Jar-Jar was still there. It all makes perfect sense.

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