In case anyone Googled to this list first, let's be honest: there were many commercials that were good this year. It's not like we're berating companies, during the current financial crisis, for not offering better ads. Though come on; if you are going to pay one million dollars per second, would you spend it on the following commercial snafus? I doubt it...

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The One Second Beer Commercial (Miller) The Gist of It: As was touted for weeks now; Miller would offer randomly seen one second commercials where a faux Miller employee would try to sell Miller beer in one second, just by saying incoherent one-second blurbs. What Went Wrong?: Miller's One Second Commercial idea sounded good...for that one second, anyway. Yet each of these one second commercials were easily forgotten one second later.

Rude Flowers (Teleflora) The Gist of It: Girl gets flowers at office and the flowers suddenly tell her she stinks (in so many words...). The idea is that "you never know what flowers in a box will say," while at Teleflora they deliver flowers in a vase. What Went Wrong?: Let me be honest; the first thing anyone says when getting flowers is "Where is a vase to put them in?" Yet to be equally honest; the type of vase you receive will suddenly be an issue. Gee, thinks girlfriend; I just surfed over to Teleflora and saw a red vase for $120 and all my boyfriend paid for was the clear vase for $65. Look; it's 2009, the economy is in crisis, and he bought you flowers...in a box. It's better than no flowers at all, girls.

Grim Reaper's Taxes (H & R Block) The Gist of It: Once again H&R Block shows no sign of humor when they have the Grim Reaper mad at his accountant during tax season. Ha-ha, the accountant now has only days left to live. What Went Wrong?: After that bimbo who told her emasculated husband "Why not tell the box you're stuck," I felt that H&R Block could not possibly stoop to a new low. Well...they didn't. That's the good news. Sorry, little Miss "tell the box you're stuck," but you're even worse than an ad starring the Grim Reaper. So there! Though as any good accountant will tell you; while a piggy bank with a penny in it is better than one that's empty, it's still a stupid penny...and while H&R Block's super bowl commercial was better this year, it still sucked.

"Shower" and "Enhanced" (GoDaddy.com) The Gist of It: Oh, goody (sarcasm); two new GoDaddy commercials. The first shows three geeks surfing over to GoDaddy.com and seeing a cute girl take a shower, and you other geeks can see the full video uncensored at GoDaddy.com, where ---I guarantee you--- she will not be naked, though maybe she'll show you...a bare ankle! Yeah! The second commercial was a faux Congress meeting as the women from GoDaddy.com insist that they did get enhancements...to their web sites. Heh-heh, you get it, Beavis? They said enhancements. Hubba-hubba! What Went Wrong?: You know the geek you're forced to sit next to at a big sports game because some other geeks actually paid him money so he could sit there? Well, that's Go Daddy.com. Every year we have to see another commercial starring the same overrated "web site model" who might get naked though not really, though surf on over to Go Daddy to see her naked, though not really, and then geeks pay for Go Daddy's services in the hopes that someday, somehow, that Go Daddy model will strip naked. There was a time when Go Daddy could at least offer a PG-13 commercial that supposedly offended the bible belt and it was all "Surf to our site to support free speech blah blah blah." Now they've apparently lost all interest from the bible belt and are relying on prepubescent cheesecake instead...and it's getting very sad.

Land of the Lost: The Movie (Universal) The Gist of It: In the first trailer for Land of the Lost, I learn that someone is finally making a pricey remake of the classic 1970's children's sci-fi series, Land of the Lost, complete with Sleestak, Cha-Ka, and...Will Ferrell? Oh, great humanity, what did someone do to my childhood??? What Went Wrong?: No, seriously; Will Ferrell? To coin Chris Rock's classic Oscar night jab against Jude Law; when you can't get the star you really want...WAIT.

"Are You Venza?" (Toyota Venza) The Gist of It: To hear this ad tell it, the latest Toyota car, the Toyota Venza, "exemplifies all of you" and is a mastery of "functionality and design." What Went Wrong?: There's no gentle way to put this, but...maybe they shouldn't show the car if they are trying to sell people on the idea that this is a breakthrough in design, or whatever. I've seen many cars since childhood and I'm just being honest; this is nothing special. Sorry. Maybe next time you can radically change the tail lights or something?

Laughing Their @$$es Off (NBC's Comedy Lineup) The Gist of It: To hear NBC insist; their sitcom lineup is causing an epidemic of people who must see their doctors after laughing their backsides off. In case anyone was wondering: we actually get to see someone's butt fall off. Thanks for that, NBC. What Went Wrong?: So, to follow this ad's logic to its inevitable conclusion: if what counts as a sitcom these days makes someone laugh their backside off, what, exactly, did they do in the days of Seinfeld? Look; nobody is expecting lightning to strike twice here, though from the network that gave us Cheers, Frasier, Friends, Seinfeld, Mad About You, The Cosby Show, Scrubs, Family Ties, and on and on, the truth hurts: the bar has not been raised for a loooong time. In fact; it's been lowered. We all know Tina Fey can be funnier, especially after her stint as "Sarah Palin." It's about time NBC stopped coddling its sitcoms for B-grade humor, and demanded that they work harder, to offer the A-grade sitcoms that NBC used to offer. Make it so.

Working Underneath The Moose's Butt (Monster.com) The Gist of It: One guy is in an opulent office with a moose's head above his desk. The camera pans to the worker next door, who works underneath the moose's butt. What Went Wrong?: Let's be frank; nobody who sold Monster.com this commercial will rest easy on Monday, as soon as the bosses at Monster.com catch a glimpse of that hilarious CareerBuilder.com commercial and ask: why isn't our commercial as funny? Let's put it this way: in the current financial crisis, there are far worse jobs than a desk underneath a Moose. Career Builder's commercial showed this. This ad did not. It's that simple.

"Feeling All Right" (NBC's Monday Night Lineup) The Gist of It: Chuck, Heroes, and Medium all return tomorrow night, with all new episodes, which the casts celebrate by singing a rendition of "Feeling All Right." What Went Wrong?: Not to punch below the belt, though; does anyone at Heroes "feel all right" these days? Look, I love Heroes and I really want them to come back into the game, so to speak. However, this commercial doesn't sell ex-fans of the show on what they need to hear: 1) the second half of the season ditches that annoying Villains story arc completely; and 2) the nimrods responsible for that inane first half of the season have been canned, while former Heroes heavyweight Bryan Fuller ---the one who left to work on ABC's "Pushing Daisies"--- is back on board. This commercial mentions none of that and instead is of all three shows celebrating how "All Right" they feel. To be honest, none of these shows is doing well in the ratings, so maybe a few bars of "Why Can't We Be Friends" is in order?

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