"In One Second...?"

Seriously?

Okay; so the world is facing financial crisis. That said; Super Bowl commercials were still a reported one million dollars per second. That's no excuse for Miller to attempt to sell beer in just one second. What were they thinking? No, seriously; what...?

The truth is: Miller was right, just wrong in execution. While a really good commercial is not one second long; you can mention it in one second, and anyone who saw it knows what you're talking about. 3D! Transformers! Punching Koala Bears! Okay; maybe that last one loses a little in the translation, though I doubt anyone will forget the commercial if they saw it. That's good news, really, because much like every year, these are not just one-night-only. Super Bowl Commercials are always the ads we'll be seeing for the next year...for better, or worse! Here are the ones that we'll be glad to see all over again:

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"Monsters Versus Aliens...in 3D!" (Dreamworks). In One Second: 3D Glasses ON! The Longer Summary: In the most ballyhooed commercial for this year's Super Bowl; Dreamworks offers a look at their next CGI animated flick, Monsters Versus Aliens, in 3D. Even the ad is in 3D, though not so much that people couldn't enjoy the ad who didn't get their free glasses (in most grocery store chains). Just be sure to keep your glasses for tomorrow night's 3D episode of "Chuck." Oh, yeah; this trailer was pretty cool, too. What Makes It So Cool: The gist of this movie seems to be a completely computer-animated salute to the classic alien and monster movies of the 1950's, and what's more; the movie is in "real" 3D. It's also pretty funny, if this trailer is any indication.

"Bus" (Doritos). In One Second: "Crunch, Dress, BUS!" The Longer Summary: Guy on the street eats one Doritos Chip and with one loud crunch a gorgeous woman's dress blows away leaving her in her Victoria's Secrets. With another crunch the nearby ATM shoots out money. With another crunch the nearby cop turns into a small monkey (okay that one confuses me though it was still funny). Then the guy runs out of Doritos and is hit by a bus, only to stick to the windshield like a bug for one last visual gag. What Makes It So Cool: Once again Doritos brings the funny to the Super Bowl. Bravo!

"Soda Shop" (Coca-Cola). In One Second: Too Many Avatars! The Longer Summary: As we see people communicate via their portable devices, everyone slowly turns into an online "avatar," ranging from an anime character to a parody of a Nintendo Mii to a parody of the typical dating-web-site avatar, and so on. Guy reaches for Coca-Cola next to a World of Warcraft style avatar, and the monster morphs into a cute girl, who also likes Coca-Cola. Aw! What Makes It So Cool: The apparent message here seems to be: whatever happened to the good old days when you didn't meet a girl while hiding behind an online cartoon character, and you just sat down in a soda shop and talked? If that's the message that this commercial intended...word.

"Tips..." (Career Builder.com). In One Second: Koalas Wearing Glasses! The Longer Summary: This ad lists some easy "tips" you should consider when deciding if "now" is a good time to look for a better job. In short: if you find yourself screaming like a crazy lady, dealing with obnoxious coworkers who clip toenails at their desk, dealing with a boss who insists that you suck, and dream punching Koalas wearing glasses, then maybe it's time for Career Builder's web site. What Makes It So Cool: The best trait of any fantastic commercial is how no text summary could do it justice. The attention to detail is also funny, especially when the supposed coworker is mad enough to punch a puppet resembling a Koala Bear who wears glasses. Funny...!

"Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" (Universal). In One Second: Bumblebee...? Where? The Longer Summary: What makes this Super Bowl commercial for the upcoming Terminators movie sequel so cool? Maybe it's the action. Maybe it's the cool transformers. Maybe it's the lack of any sign of Bumblebee, and the silly Herbie-Reloaded-style rip-off story that made the first Transformers movie so disappointing (at times, anyway). Even better; little is shown of the human actors and what is shown ---particularly of returning actors like Shia LeBouf--- does not detract from the action elsewhere in the trailer. Yay! What Makes It So Cool: The biggest flaws with the first Transformers movie were 1) the "oh gee I just bought a talking car and can now date hot chicks" story arc, and 2) the "let's show as much of the humans as we do the cars" story arcs. The lack of any sign of either mistake makes this trailer work.

"Wise Guys" (Dennys). In One Second: The Serious Breakfast! The Longer Summary: Three wise guys sit in a diner, talking about what to do to Benny, who "talked." As soon as this scene looks like something right out of the Sopranos, in comes the waitress using whip cream on the apparent "mob boss' " pancakes, continually squirting more every time he tries to complete his sentence, until they (and we) look down and see that the waitress made a cute little happy face on his pancakes. "Isn't it time for a serious breakfast?" asks the narrator, who then shows the typical Grand Slam style breakfast at Denny's. What Makes It So Cool: This is one of those commercials that sounds funny even in print. However, you really want to see the commercial if just to see the added visual gag; the mob boss resembles Martin Scorsese.

"Actual Demo" (Toyota Trucks). In One Second: Do not Attempt...! The Longer Summary: These Toyota truck ads have been going on for awhile now, though this latest one seemingly jumps the shark, as the truck goes up a spiral ramp that's seemingly on fire. The "actual demo" messages make the commercial even more amusing. What Makes It So Cool: While this would appear to be the ad where this ad series jumps the shark, it did so in a great way. Seriously; how can you top an ad that shows a truck going up a spiral ramp while the ramp is on fire?

"Heroes Football" (NBC's "Heroes"). In One Second: Heroes Football! The Longer Summary: While the commercial where all the Heroes sing a little song was a little flat (pun intended); this commercial where all the heroes play football was exactly the kind of childish whimsy that made season one of the series so endearing. Little by little the Heroes win the game by flying, running at high speed, or in Hiro's case, stopping time completely. What Makes It So Cool: Yeah, I know; how can Hiro stop time when he lost that power in the pre-holiday cliffhanger? I have no idea, though it's still a funny commercial.

"Snow Globe" (Doritos). In One Second: Snow Globe To The Groin! The Longer Summary: One office guy insists to another office guy that his snow globe can predict the future like those Magic 8 Ball toys. "Tell me if I will get free Doritos," asks the office guy, as he throws the globe into a snack machine, smashing the glass front. "Signs point to YES," smiles the office guy as he gets his "free" Doritos. The ad ends with his dimwitted friend asking another snow globe, "Will I get a promotion?" as he throws the globe at his boss' groin. Signs point to "NO!" What Makes It So Cool: This is the sort of funny commercial you'd see for a beer company. Unfortunately, every Miller commercial was "one second" this year, and as for Bud Light...could one commercial for Bud Light not involve a Clydesdale? Seriously; what's with all the horses?

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...don't think we're just sucking up to a few advertisers, though. Some ads this year were pretty bad! Just check out the companion list of the 10 worst commercials this year; you'll see what I mean. Happy shopping...