What is "My Two Bits?"

My Two Bits is the official editorial page for the editor of Techtite.com. Techtite will accept reader submissions, for reviews as well as any editorials deemed well written and pertinent to this web site's audience.

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---DEATH to pop-up window commercials!

---Off the "Daily Radar"...

---PG-13: An Asset, or a Curse?

---Sept. 11, 2001...

---Down with pop- ups: THE SEQUEL!

---Next Generation magazine is gone, [sniff]!

---Movies "Based on a Video Game"? YOU WISH!

---25 Years, and STILL no Light Saber!

---One Year Later, and Game Finales Still REEK...

---Why "Ludicrous Gibs is cool, and "Suggestive themes" is banned...

more>>>>>

No sidebar comments for this review. Just look at the handy-dandy chart until your eyes glaze over. Thanks.

My Two Bits for November/December, 2002 is titled :

Star Wars: It's All The Same To Me.

Comparisons, comparisons, comparisons. After 25 years, and five movies in the series, can there be anything but…? However, admit it: the public debate over Star Wars Episode 2: Attack of the Clones went a bit overboard! 

So, accept my blasphemy as I admit it: it's all the same to me. If I'm in a good mood, I can accept Padme's fall off a hovercraft just as quickly as Leia's fall off a speeder bike at about 80 MPH. If I'm in a bad mood, I'm asking what George was thinking when he made Jar-Jar, yes, though I'm also asking: why did the death star, which can destroy ANY planet, have to ENCIRCLE a planet, to get to its small moon on the far side? I know; "so the rebels could blow it up, and the movie would be more popular." Check. I guess what I'm trying to say is: good or bad, it's all Star Wars to me.

This does open an intriguing editorial topic, though: How do the new films compare with the old? You'd be surprised...and hopefully, amused. Consider the following handy-dandy, side-by-side chart as your guide:

New Trilogy (Episodes 1-3)	Old Trilogy (Episodes 4-6)
New trilogy: Emperor will be barely seen until Episode 3.	Emperor barely mentioned until Episode number 6.
New trilogy: Anakin loses his arm!	Old trilogy: As Vader, he loses it again.
New trilogy: CGI aliens that look "real" when compared to latex.	Old trilogy: Latex aliens that looked "real" when compared to Jim Henson's Muppets.
New Trilogy: Jango Fett dies an embarrassing (lame) death.	Old trilogy: so does his son.
New trilogy: Obi-Wan finds the Clone Factories with merely a small dart...and The Force!™	Old trilogy: Luke finds Cloud City with a dream...and The Force!™
New trilogy: Campy dialog, which kids accept because CGI Yoda said it.	Old trilogy: Campy dialog, which kids accept because Sock Puppet Yoda said it. (Ouch!)
New trilogy: Padme is clawed by a monster, only to swoop down and kick him right back! You goooo, girl!	Old trilogy: Leia schleps her mission to save Han Solo, only to be "slave Leia" for the first whole part of the film. Nice try, dear.
New trilogy: Jedi who think they can defeat a hundred battle droids at once.	Old trilogy: Rebel Soldiers who shoot at giant At-At tanks with little hand guns!
New Trilogy: Yoda fights Darth Tyrranus in a light saber battle.	Old Trilogy: Yoda teaches Luke Skywalker how to stack rocks.
New trilogy: Young Anakin Skywalker destroys a battleship with one shot.	Old trilogy: Luke destroys a whole death star with one shot.
Padme & Anakin. Why? The story demands it!	Leia & Han. WHY? Because fanboys demanded it.
New trilogy: midichlorians determine a person’s likelihood to be Jedi.	Old trilogy: Dumb Luck determines a person’s likelihood to be Jedi.
New Trilogy: short cantina tiff leads to an arm cut off.	Old trilogy: short cantina tiff leads to an arm cut off.
New trilogy: Qui-Gon dies without disappearing! Huh...?	Old trilogy: Darth Vader died without disappearing! Hmmm…
New trilogy: An "assassin droid," after releasing poisonous insects in Padme's bedroom, waits around just so the Jedi have time to track it.	Old trilogy: The death star,  which can destroy any planet, must “encircle” a planet, just so the rebels can blow it up.
New trilogy: Padme's ship, that looks like a car's hood ornament.	Old trilogy: TIE fighters, that look like bow ties!
New trilogy: Senator Padme, important to the whole Republic, is placed in the hands of an 18 year old Jedi.	Old trilogy: Death Star Battle plans, important to the whole galaxy, are placed in the hands of an 18 year old princess.
New trilogy: Of all the characters, only one alien, Dex, is overweight. He helps Obi-Wan with a clue no one else can.	Old trilogy: The only portly X-Wing pilot, “Porkins” (!), blows up before even reaching the Death Star Trench.
New Trilogy: Artoo, an astromech droid, just happens to have rockets to fly with. Sure.	Old trilogy: Luke, a desert farmer, just happens to have a grappling hook! Suuure...
New Trilogy: Nobody’s surprised to see a Jedi, in a seedy cantina, as if a Jedi always goes to seedy bars like that.	Old Trilogy: Nobody’s surprised to see a Jedi, in a seedy cantina, 18 years after they were presumed completely extinct!
Padme quickly recovers from a fall off a Republic hover ship onto a soft sand dune below.	Leia quickly recovers from a fall off a speeder bike, onto solid ground at about 80 MPH.
New Trilogy: Anakin, Padme, and Mace Windu survive a battle with droids in a giant arena.	Old trilogy: Han, Luke, and Chewie survive a detention cell shootout in very close quarters.
New trilogy: Anakin arrives *just* when his Mom is dying.	Old trilogy: Han swoops in to save Luke at the Death Star, *just* when the rebel base was in range! Yahoooo!
New Trilogy: Jar-Jar. So there.	Old trilogy: Ewoks. As in: the entire Empire was destroyed, and the entire rebellion saved, and all thanks to: EWOKS!

I refrain from confessing we have a letters column for feedback, though it just so happens we do. Hope you have a good sense of humor!

Once again, I'm Techtite, and these are My Two Bits...