What is "My Two Bits?"

My Two Bits is the official editorial page for the editor of Techtite.com. Techtite will accept reader submissions, for reviews as well as any editorials deemed well written and pertinent to this web site's audience.

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---DEATH to pop-up window commercials!

---Off the "Daily Radar"...

---PG-13: An Asset, or a Curse?

---Sept. 11, 2001...

---Down with pop- ups: THE SEQUEL!

---Next Generation magazine is gone, [sniff]!

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And Two to Grow On!... Ten top games seemed like a better idea than a top "dozen." Regardless, here are two more games that nearly made the list at left:

Trinity (archived review) Arguably Infocom's last of their best text adventures, this had you thrown into a warp in time, caused by generations of atomic experiments. The center of this dimension is a giant sundial, which, if you will, is ticking away the fate of humankind. Surrounding the dial are apertures which lead to the most pivotal moments in atomic testing history...including, inevitably, the Trinity experiment which started it all. Sure, the "no nukes" message is rather cliché, though how cool is this science fiction premise, to deliver such a message?

Toonstruck (archived review) Perhaps what films like Monkeybone and Cool World only hoped to be, this cartoon/live-action interactive movie had a cartoonist (Christopher Lloyd) thrust into the cartoon world he helped create. Three realms of toons exist in this realm, including where the cute characters live, where the "zany" characters live, and where the villains live. The main villain has made a evil ray that turns all "cute" cartoon characters into evil Hyde-like alter egos of themselves. You must stop him, by creating a counter ray to make things nice. Problem is, once the Nice King (a smiley face, no less) gets this device, he wants to use it to make everyone just as cutie-patootie as himself. This plot twist of "the real enemy" made the game even more enjoyable, and would make for a nice film as well.

Speaking of 
"Toonstruck"... Here's what makes the concept of reviving that "toonstruck" game even nicer; word is that Virgin Interactive, which made this game, had already made a sequel's worth of animation, yet never used it due to the company changing hands...and therefore, direction. Could this make for a top-selling direct-to-DVD? At the very least, yes! 

My Two Bits for March/April, 2002 is titled :

A Movie "Based on a Video Game"...? You WISH!

Every year it's used yet again as an insult. Jeanne Aufmuth used the two-word term as a derogatory summary of the film Tomb Raider, which she reviewed for Palo Alto Weekly; "Repeat after me: it's a video game, it's a video game, it's a video game." Elvis Mitchell, in The New York Times, even more bluntly claimed that Final Fantasy's  faults were due to; "...the stolidness of a video game from which it's derived." Most recently, even Roger Ebert used the term to describe Spider-man, who he claims "looks like a video game figure." The message seems clear: if a film is like a video game, it must not be intellectual, or provocative, or imaginative, or any impact on the viewer. Why? Because: to hear critics say it, video games are the same way.

Oh, really?

Granted, films based on video games have been total turkeys lately. Final Fantasy's lackluster profits led to Square Software selling their movie-making branch completely. Meanwhile, although many critics admired Angelina Jolie's  Tomb Raider performance, the lackluster plot was unable to assist Jolie in enhancing the film's entertainment value. Then there was Wing Commander, Super Mario Brothers, and...well, let's just say it would appear that to turn a video game into a film, is to guarantee a bad film.

However, as a major game fan, I wonder if this is actually true. Many of the above movies have one common snafu; respect for the video game the film was derived from wasn't there. In case you're laughing at the concept of respect for video games, keep in mind good directors don't get handed good stories; a good director makes them good. Just look at Superman: the Movie, whose homage and reverence for the classic superhero makes that one of the most beloved superhero films of all time. In the hands of a less serious-minded director, the film would've been just another, say, Josie & the Pussycats. You're either out to tell a good story, or out to make money. Very rarely is the latter group "lucky" enough to make a critically acclaimed film.

You may say that choosing the right subject matter is a factor of the success/failure of films, and to a point, you'd be right. This leads to a good question when applied to movies based on "mere" video games. Would such a film's success be possible, if movie makers a) chose the right games to make movies out of, and b) respected the subject matter? Here's ten games that leave me saying, "Absolutely!":

A Mind Forever Voyaging The magnum opus of the 1980's "text adventure" era: this had a man named Perry Simm discover that his whole existence is one big artificial intelligence simulation, nicknamed "PRISM". This may sound like a spoiler but it is in fact the start of the game's story. Why create a simulated "life"...? Because Perry's simulated world is to be used as a testing grounds for the future of the country. Economic and political plans are entered into PRISM and Perry Simm must "live" in the world that these plans create, some 10 years into the future. One such plan is entered into PRISM, and it does appear perfect...at first...until the PRISM program advances, and projects even further into the future. Perry Simm slowly discovers that this latest governmental plan will inevitably lead humankind to poverty and desolation. The problem: government bigwigs funding the project now have the information they need to get their economic plan passed, and that's all they really wanted. In fact, having all the information they need, they are ready to pull the plug...specifically, on Perry Simm. How can he tell the world the truth in time...? The resulting tale was an ingenious spin on all the "Terminator" or "all computers are evil" stories out there, where Perry Simm effectively saves the whole world using the computer tools at his disposal. If done with the same respect of modern political dramas, this could lead to one whale of a movie. 

The Longest Journey (full review here) A "foreign film" of adventure gaming (this game was originally distributed in Europe), this involves an unassuming young college girl named April Ryan, who has the uncanny ability to travel to an alternate, magical realm when asleep. She first thinks these are mere dreams, yet learns the truth when the barrier between our world and this "other" world begins to collapse. April slowly hones her skills so she can use her latest skills to restore the balance that divides one world from another, and in the end, save both worlds from destruction. Add an amusing plot twist at the end, as well as an epilogue that is superior to anything Hollywood churned out in 2000 (this game's original release), and you have a wonderful story...ergo, a great film, if made into one.

Anachronox (full review) In the center of the universe is Anachronox; an artificial world. This world is encased within an outer sphere, covered with thousands of "sender spikes," which propel ships to various sectors of the galaxy in an instant. If this is the sort of imaginative world this story is based in, you can imagine the story held within! It is believed by some scientists that the universe began with a "big bang," until so much mass is created that the excess gravity implodes the universe, only to have another universe take its place, in another "big bang." Someone from a past universe is sending their excess mass to our universe, so their universe will never collapse...and ours will never be born! A batch of underdogs set out to keep this from happening, including a spunky punk-haired heroine, a down-on-his-luck detective, a middle-aged hero looking for his big comeback, a plucky scientist, and a small robot that is the best comic relief in sci-fi since R2-D2. The most imaginative hero was a whole planet of geniuses, who wish to join the heroes on their adventures, yet they don't want to leave their home world. So, they shrink their whole planet so they can go exploring from the comfort of their own home. Sure, it's far-fetched sci-fi...that's what makes it so fun.

Thief: The Dark Project. (archived review) Set in an age where differences were settled with arrows and swords: a young orphan is adopted by an intellectual group called the Keepers. They teach him how to stay in the shadows and observe life unobtrusively. He uses these skills to become a quasi-hero of sorts, doing what he does best; thievery. Think of Garret (the lead character) as a sort of Robin Hood, who steals from the greedy and gives the wealth to...well, whomever. His reputation leads him to a strange man named Constantine, who wants Garret to obtain some artifact called "The Eye," from a walled-off, long forgotten sector of the city. The forbidden sector turns out to be overridden with the undead, but why? More importantly, what is so important about The Eye? In time, he learns the true secrets he helped rediscover, and the true identity of Constantine...but is it too late?

Thief 2: The Metal Age. (full review) Constantine's henchwoman resurfaces, but in a surprise twist, she is not out for petty revenge. She wants to make a shaky alliance with Garret, to defeat a mutual enemy, named Karras. This megalomaniac obsesses over the steam-powered robots he creates, and abhors all forms of "dirty" plant life. He attempts to remove all vegetation from the world once and for all, only to decide later to destroy all dirty-life-forms of any kind, aside from himself and his metallic "children." It's up to Garret to sneak into his metal stronghold and turn the tables on his own scheme. While this sounds like a simple story --because it is-- how many recent movies are as imaginative as this?

Quest for Glory 2: Trial By Fire! (archived review) A would-be hero travels to an Arabian land to help them defeat a powerful sorcerer who has made the Sultan disappear somehow. This journey includes so many subplots that the resulting film would resemble something not unlike Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings, including four elemental monsters: fire (with a mind of its own), water (a fountain nymph), earth (a rock monster), and air (a humorous tornado with ghostly "eyes"). In addition, he must help a few cursed inhabitants, including Julanar the Tree Girl (shown here), who is currently a near-lifeless tree in the desert, waiting to find water, hope...and true love. Add a few characters like the liontaur who teaches you warrior skills, and the feline-type characters who allow you to stay in their inn, and you have the makings of a very unique fantasy film.

Star Trek: The Secret of Vulcan Fury What if I told you a Star Trek "interactive movie" had a story written by one of the original Star Trek series scriptwriters, had all the lead actors voices recorded and preserved for the story (including the late DeForest Kelly), and a majority of its footage in the can, just waiting to be used, for...well, anything? That's the case with this adventure game; a game put on hiatus merely because the game's distributors (Interplay) were under too much financial strain for full completion of the project. Long before they quit working on it, however, they were still able to record all the original cast's voiceovers, render all their exact CGI likenesses (1967-style!), and even nab a story written by veteran Trek writer D.C. Fontana. Yes, these renderings and recordings include Deforest Kelly, aka "Dr. Bones McCoy," who sadly passed away in 1999. The best tribute to both him and his fellow Trek "family," is to release this never-released title, as an animated feature. How totally cool would this be for all classic Trek fans?

Halo You are humankind's sole remaining hope: a prototype soldier/cyborg that can defeat an alien horde nicknamed The Covenant. They attack your ship before you can reach your intended mission, however, forcing you to crash land on a mysterious alien space station, shaped like a giant "halo," surrounding an alien planet. This gigantic ring holds a simulated planetary environment encircling its inner arc. This simulated world wouldn't be too bad of a place to hang out for a while, if not for two problems. One, the Covenant horde has tracked you to its surface. Two: Halo was originally meant as a containment cell, of sorts, for a threat even worse than The Covenant...and it's not too happy with its new visitors.

Clive Barker's Undying (full review) Plotlines for many recent "thrillers," particularly 13 Ghosts and What Lies Beneath, do little than make me laugh. This game, by stark contrast, really spooked me...and it was a "mere" video game! An old friend asks you to arrive at his family estate, and protect him from a family curse. Specifically, you must protect him from his now-inhuman siblings, who have fallen under the curse in ways related to their own lives. The resulting story and characters were all penned by Clive Barker, who is no stranger to films, making it intriguing he never made a live-action rendition of this tale. As it turns out, this mystery is all part of a "legacy," with one inhuman form in charge of it all...though what this creature is leads to even bigger surprises.

No One Lives Forever. (full review) This answers a question I've had: why not a female James Bond...? This game was campy fun, and hilariously imaginative, without delving into the sewer humor of the Austin Powers movies. Oh, and how about the feminine spy gadgetry? There was Kate Archer's barrette lock-pick, her "knockout gas" perfume bottles, her lipstick that's really a timed grenade(!), and best of all: a wind-up robot poodle to distract guard dogs...now that's funny! Top it all off with the villain, who has discovered how to make humans into walking chemical time bombs. Sure, this plot device was a bit ripped off from current-James-Bond Pierce Brosnan's B-grade thriller, Live Wire. It's still a cool salute to the spy flicks of yesteryear.

 

Could I list even more than the above ten...? You bet. However, I've made my point; even the most sure-sell movie topics can be made into total flops, while even the simplest concepts can be made into blockbusters. These games are ten GREAT ideas Hollywood should be looking for, and if they don't capitalize on them, that's their mistake.

Once again, I'm Techtite, and these are My Two Bits...