Techtite.com Editorial : My Two Bits, V2

It's Star Wars' golden anniversary. You might've already known that, though given the lackluster publicity of the event, I doubt it. This is a surprise to anyone who experienced the publicity blitz that was The Phantom Menace in 1999, with a Pepsi campaign that meant there was Star Wars memorabilia on every Pepsi can, and souvenirs at every Pizza Hut, KFC, and Taco Bell (which are Pepsi subsidiaries). However, many analysts felt it was this over-hype which hurt that film, so for Star Wars Episode 2: Attack of the Clones, the media campaign is decidedly ho-hum in comparison. The opinion seems to be, "So what if it's been 25 years since the first film's release?"

One can only imagine what type of publicity campaign could have happened. Disney World, in celebration of their golden anniversary, decorated the infamous

Cinderella's castle to resemble a giant cake! Given the Star Tours atraction at both Disney World and Disneyland, just imagine the publicity stunt that could have occurred. Hey, I'd settle for gold coins with Luke Skywalker's picture on them! How about the Star Wars Christmas Special on DVD, which aside from fanzine copy-of-a-copy versions on eBay, hasn't been available since the day it aired in 1978...? On second thought, forget that: I want my own light saber! Hey, yeah, there you go. It's been 25 years; where's my light saber? I thought someone would've surely made one by now!

Don't laugh at the light saber demand. All jokes aside, it is truly astounding how far technology has come, in just a quarter century. Is Star Wars to blame for most of it? Well, probably not, though you can't deny the possibility that scientists looked at the gadgets of Star Wars and thought, "Hey, we can make that happen! Let's go!" In 1977, computers filled entire rooms, and the thought of putting one in your hand was pure sci-fi fantasy. Now, there are palm pilots, which you can use to store e-mail, keep appointments, and store a whole address book. Similarly, not too long ago, lasers were scientific daydreams which filled entire science labs. These days, college professors use laser pointing devices the size of a pen, while portable CD walkmans use optic lasers to read the CDs the music is stored on. That opens another advancement in technology; digital information. The evolution of technology there, in just 25 years, would fill a whole additional editorial.

That said, where's my light saber? Nothing fancy, mind you; I just want some cool light stick or sorts that I can play "saber duels" with; a solid yet not limb-removing version of the laser swords in the film. Maybe that's the whole reason nobody's worked too hard to make one yet; if you made a true limb-removing version, what would you use one for? It's not like civilized society would allow you to make every enemy into "Hand Solo" (a bad joke, I know; I apologize). What else could you use it for...? Aside from chopping wood, I can't think of anything. On the other hand, how cool would that look; swinging effortlessly at a pile of lumber with a light saber at your command?

However, before you shake your fists to the stars over why oh why you have no light saber to chop your firewood, there's a better reason; the law. No, not the police who'd come to your door ready to "confiscate" your saber. No, not even the lawsuits from George Lucas, if anyone ever tried to make a light saber without a licensing fee. I'm talking about the very litigious society we live in, where for every 999,999 people out there who live their lives as intelligent human beings, some poor sap feigns a fall down a flight of stairs, and suddenly we all suffer. No sooner does some klutz spill coffee on their person, then every fast food chain needs to instruct me like a four year old, how coffee is served hot. Could a light saber be introduced in such a litigious society? No chance.

The same can be said for technology in general. True, we've come a long way baby, though one can't wonder if we couldn't have gone even further. I'm reminded of Johnny Tremain, the classic colonial-days story where the title character is seriously injured in a silversmith accident. What if his era offered the same litigious power of people today? Would technology have progressed as steadily? One wonders if the Wright brothers would have made their successful flight, if they were fearful of being sued for all possible plane crashes. What if Alexander Graham Bell was fearful of lawsuits from people enraged by prank phone calls...? No such lawsuit has ever been used for anything more than profit...and in the long run, it's the wheels of progress which suffer.

So, 25 years, and still no light saber. Or X-wing. Or even that cool speeder bike that hovers a few inches off the ground; how cool would that be after the latest December blizzard? Almost as cool as chopping firewood with a light saber...though even when the technology is there, it aint' gonna happen. People these days are too busy to sue anybody for spilled hot coffee, let alone a lumberjack laser sword. What lawyers are responsible for placing us in such a world? Perhaps we can sue them.

Agree? Disagree?

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25 Years Later, and Still No Light Saber