What is "My Two Bits?"

My Two Bits is the official editorial page for the editor of Techtite.com. Techtite will accept reader submissions, for reviews as well as any editorials deemed well written and pertinent to this web site's audience.

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---DEATH to pop-up window commercials!

---Off the "Daily Radar"...

---PG-13: An Asset, or a Curse?

---Sept. 11, 2001...

---Down with pop- ups: THE SEQUEL!

---Movies "Based on a Video Game"? YOU WISH!

---25 Years, and STILL no Light Saber!

---Why "Ludicrous Gibs is cool, and "Suggestive themes" is banned...

---Star Wars: It's All The Same To Me...

---Bulletin Bored.

---Is it Ever TIME for Matrix Spoilers?

---No Fate But What We Make...PERIOD.

---Mac Attacked.

---Screening the Screener Ban.

---Robin Williams, Multiplayer, and You

---Is Chrissy Snow in Charge of Disney...?

---Where are My Flying Cars?

more>>>>>

No sidebar comments for this review. Yet.

My Two Bits for March/April, 2004 is titled :

Why Stalactites As Stabbing Scepters are Swell But Bare Behinds are Banned...

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Sorry for the lack of an editorial in February; I'm sure every single one of the readers of this editorial page --both of you-- barely missed it. Just to catch up to speed here for the biggest (entertainment) news in February: Janet Jackson "accidentally" (or so we're told) exposed a breast on Superbowl Sunday, LIVE. I don't think I have to tell you the whole sordid story. Let's just get to the aftermath afterwards, especially right now...

Simply put, Hollywood has gone all paranoid. It's like a careful driver, who suddenly sees that a police car pulled over a speeding vehicle. Mr. Careful Driver was not pulled over, they've never been pulled over, and moreover, they weren't speeding, yet they reduce speed to around 15 MPH anyway. What is it with these people? No matter; Hollywood is doing the same thing. Janet was caught doing something by the FCC police (as it were), and suddenly everyone wants to censor...everything! Even the things that weren't being censored in January are suddenly being censored in March. Weird, isn't it?

Take the latest, most ridiculous victim of Janet-Jackson-inspired censorship; a CGI animated cartoon on UPN, called Game Over. The series premiere was edited, due to a bare cartoon butt visible in one scene. Mind you; bare cartoon butts have been seen in everything from Dexter's Laboratory to The Simpsons. Suddenly, it is considered indecent to see a bare butt...even in a cartoon. Does this matter in itself? No...but imagine how paranoid it makes Hollywood look to even edit cartoons.

It's what they didn't edit that amuses me. In one scene, a video game character presses the wrong button  and blows up an entire pet store, with all the pets still inside. In another scene, a character named Turbo teaches a young boy how to succeed in shoplifting. In another scene, an action-game heroine jumps to the top of a cave, grabs a stalactite, and thrusts it into a giant rock monster's belly to kill it with a "Woo-hoo!" Whoh; good job protecting our kids from that bare butt there, UPN. That was one close call!

Sarcasm aside, this imbalance of censorship is nothing new, as I stated in my similar comments about video games two years back. To catch you up to speed; Wal-Mart had made a big deal about not selling an admittedly silly video game concept called BMX XXX; a bike race game where the occasional female opponent would race so quickly, she'd lose her shirt. Wal-mart considered this game too risqué, even if only sold to those above the age of 17. Yet the same Wal-Mart freely sells controversially violent video games like Grand Theft Auto, without hesitation. Not that I'm trying to single out Wal-mart here; this view of what-to-censor is the same all over. Why do people feel that a game box that promotes "blood and gore" is less of a worry than a game that promotes "suggestive themes"...?

The bottom line is, Hollywood is getting totally nuts over the whole Janet Jackson controversy. Enough. She made a mistake, she was punished; get over it. Enough with Hollywood reducing speed to 15MPH in a 55MPH zone, just because they saw a cop. Things were going just peachy before Janet showed that barely-noticeable split second boob, guys; go back to business as usual please.

That's just it: they can't go back to business as usual. They're too afraid of getting caught doing the exact same thing they've done for years. However, it's the rationale behind this censorship which amuses me. One can't help but wonder that had Janet Jackson made it appear she had exploded during half time, if the entire audience would have gone "Woo-hoo!" and never gave it a second thought. Yeah; nice job protecting our "children," guys. With censors like these, who needs HBO?

As Always: I'm Techtite, and these are My Two Bits...