What is "My Two Bits?"

My Two Bits is the official editorial page for the editor of Techtite.com. Techtite will accept reader submissions, for reviews as well as any editorials deemed well written and pertinent to this web site's audience.

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---DEATH to pop-up window commercials!

---PG-13: An Asset, or a Curse?

---Sept. 11, 2001...

---Down with pop- ups: THE SEQUEL!

---Movies "Based on a Video Game"? YOU WISH!

---Why "Ludicrous Gibs is cool, and "Suggestive themes" is banned...

---Star Wars: It's All The Same To Me...

---No Fate But What We Make...PERIOD.

---Mac Attacked.

---Is Chrissy Snow in Charge of Disney...?

---Why Stalactites As Stabbing Scepters are Swell But Bare Behinds are Banned...

---Three Series Finales, Three Reactions...

---How Catastrophic is Catwoman?

---Doom 3: The Future

---Why "Emmy" Keeps Going to HBO

---This Editorial Can Be Closed By Clicking This TINY LITTLE DOT!

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No sidebar comments for this review. Yet.

My Two Bits for January, 2005 is titled :

"100 Years to Live"...? 

Poor You!

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There's this song I've been hearing everywhere lately, and quite frankly, if I had a new years resolution worth heeding, it would be to try my best to never hear it again. It's the song by Five For Fighting, called "100 Years," which seems to be played on one too many commercials these days. Tune into the promos for ABC's life as we know it, and there the song was. Tune into the Arts & Entertainment channel, and they play it practically every 15 minutes, during every single commercial, to promote their new January schedule. What is the fascination with this...this...horribly maudlin song?

Some people may be fortunate enough to have never heard this song. Where do you live? Let me know if a vacation cottage is available there, as I offer a small taste of the lyrics:

15 there's still time for you

Time to buy and time to lose

15, there's never a wish better than this

When you only got 100 years to live!

The gist of the song goes like this: every lyric is a piss-poor rip-off of Frank Sinatra's classic ballad, "It was a very good year." What made Sinatra's song such a classic, however, is how he was actually singing about how every decade of his life was pretty cool. In this new song, a guy is going through his 100 year lifespan, crying like a little girl that he isn't 15 years old anymore. What piece of pessimistic prattle is this?

Mind you; I've heard bad songs before. Man; could I write a book on that one. Techtite's Please Don't Sing This Again Or I'll Have To Drill Holes In My Ears To Let The Evil Spirits Out. 1000 pages, in fine print. Yet all of those songs could be easily avoided. This song just keeps playing, man! It's on the radio. It's on the TV. It's during the friggin' commercials. What sort of pitiful wretch of a human being actually likes this song enough to play it ...everywhere???

It's the pessimism that really gets on my last nerve. Some whiney schmuck lives to be 100 years old, and he's got a message for you younglings; you only have 100 years to live. Oh, no; really?!? The horror! Poor John Ritter passes away at 54. John Candy's life was cut short at 53. John Belushi died at 33, Buddy Holly died at 22, and Marilyn Monroe died at 36; the same age I am right now. Yet some sorry sappy spazola schmuck is peeved that he was able to live to be 100, and that's all. Oh...poor you!

Is this the sad state of ultimate pessimism in this country these days? In the good old days, you could fill a glass half full and immediately tell who the pessimists were in the room. These days, you can fill a glass way up to the very brim, to the point where gravity alone is keeping the water from spilling, only to have a modern pessimist say, "Can't I have a second glass?" 

Idiots!

So, my new years resolution for this year: never again hear more than 5 seconds of "100 Years To Live." If I were to have a new century resolution, it would be this: make it pretty darn sure that by the time I reach 100 years young (knock wood), I don't look back at my life and cry that I'm no longer 15 years old anymore. Those are two resolutions I'm sure to keep.

As Always: I'm Techtite, and these are My Two Bits...