The Lords of Tantrazz

(1997)

Imagine if a Myst clone looked at everything widely critiqued about Myst and decided to keep it. Then they took everything even vaguely tolerable about that game, and threw it all away! They then decide that the best Myst clone should not have graphics in fluid CGI, but instead use inanimate comic art that is barely underdog comic strip quality. Imagine how horribly bad a game like that would be. Now imagine something far worse, and you have a thumbnail-sized concept of The Lords of Tantrazz . Much like Myst, the action is in still pics, shown in mediocre slide-show format. Unlike Myst, all graphics seem like they've been scanned from a pre-pubescent amateur comic book. The dialog is even worse; the heroine whispers during the game's start, "A bottle of Jack's will do it to you every time," as if stumbling out of bed in a drunken stupor is soooooo cool. Then you get to see this heroine's boresville of an "adventure" life, with enough chauvinism to make even Hugh Hefner cringe. For all the people who griped at the borderline "sexism" of Tomb Raider; this game makes Lara Croft look like Gloria Steinem. How arrogant can this game get? The ending is a mere "to be continued" message, asking you to wait for the sequel. Don't hold your breath kids...

Rating : Burnout.

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