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(Click
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The Film:
Somewhere, I think Macaulay Culkin is
watching this film and saying, "No fair!" After all, everyone
would be quite upset if the formerly "naughty little kid" --now
a grown man-- decided to reprise his naughty little kid role, when he no longer
fits the part. Suffice to say, he grew up. Meanwhile, Julia Roberts
continuously wants us to see her in the Cinderella role...even if Richard
Gere slipped a "Pretty Woman" glass slipper on her
foot, nearly a dozen years ago. Regardless of having been a Hollywood
Princess for years by now, America's Sweethearts
wants us to view America's #1 Sweetheart as an under-appreciated girl,
waiting for her knight in shining armor. What...again?
The major sales power of this
direct-to-video script is its casting of the lead roles : Julia, John
Cusack, Billy Crystal, and Catherine Zeta-Jones. Even supporting roles are
played by impressive comedic talents like Hank Azaria and Alan Arkin. One
can only wonder why such major stars agreed to a TV Movie plot such as
this. Sure, it's a typical romantic fairy tale, and yet there really isn't
anything here that's worthy of such talent.
The story is about a typical
Hollywood couple --"America's Sweethearts"-- who in this case
are Gwen Harrison
(Zeta-Jones) and Eddie Thomas (Cusack). They are the typical
Hollywood couple who star in movies together, yet hide an unhappy marriage
underneath all the publicity-machine hype. Gwen is involved with a Spaniard (Azaria),
while Eddie has sought the help of a New-Age type therapist,
hilariously played by Alan Arkin. Attempting to corral these stars for
their next movie's promotional campaign, is the head of the studio
publicity department, Lee Phillips (Billy Crystal, who helped write the
film). Suffice to say, he has his work cut out for him...particularly when
the film itself isn't even ready to show to the press!
In comes Julia Roberts as Kiki; Gwen's
sister. She is also Gwen's assistant, which must have seemed believable in
the black and white text of a script, though doesn't look right on screen.
Julia Roberts as Catherine Zeta-Jones'...assistant? True, this
wouldn't be the first Roberts film which needed a fair dose of fantasy;
her entire career took root, as an abrasive hooker who could act
sophisticated after one week with Richard Gere. However, Roberts
acting like the wallflower just doesn't wash anymore. Some scenes --where
she must deal with Gwen's spoiled-actress shenanigans-- even seem slightly
hypocritical.
Isn't Kiki played by the same actress who laughed
like a hyena on stage, after winning her Best Actress Oscar in
2001...? Under-appreciated, indeed. In short, again, Julia is not right
for the "Ugly Duckling" role anymore.
I'm hesitant to
mention any more of the story. However, is the remainder of the story any
surprise? Kiki realizes
she has feelings for Eddie, and vice-versa. Meanwhile, Gwen is his wife,
though not really, though enough to keep you entertained at the alleged love
triangle. That's about the whole script, and it's
a "spoiler" only to someone who's never seen a single romance
film in 50 years. One more thing, Mr. Crystal;
you really need to edit out at least 12 men's-crotch-jokes here; the
remaining 50 crotch jokes are enough. Okay, enough
"spoilers"...this film's dated script is spoiled enough.
I think what irks me the most about this
picture is the obvious: Zeta-Jones and Roberts should have traded roles.
It is Zeta-Jones who is the under-appreciated struggling Hollywood
newcomer, trying to escape the shadow of the Oscar-Winning Roberts. One might
even suspect that the casting agents considered this, yet Roberts
demanded the lead role. That thought alone is reason enough to not believe
any scene she's in, as the under-appreciated sister hiding in her prettier
sister's shadow.
I have little good to say for this picture,
aside from casting...though admittedly, what a casting coup it is! The
likeable talent of this picture demands that I rate it higher than merely
a "burnout." However, let's just say rating this picture a
"marginal thumbs down" is putting it a bit mildly.
The DVD:
Not much to report on the DVD version of this film, aside from the film
trailer and deleted scenes. However, in this case the deleted scenes are no
big whoop, and seem inserted merely because someone in marketing said,
"Dude, DVDs that offer only the trailer just don't sell." Indeed
they don't, though it doesn't seem like thid DVD will be anything other than
rented, with or without the deletions.
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Burnout
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