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The Film :
How often has the line been used by women, "...not if you were the
last guy on Earth"...? Consider, then, a movie which tests that
theory. That's the premise to this low-budget farce, which
would've been thrown in a film vault and forgotten forevermore, if not for the
brilliant casting of Jeri Ryan as the last woman on Earth. This should appeal to her hundreds of Star Trek Voyager (and
Boston Public) fans, though sadly, not by as much as you'd
think. Let's not beat around the
bush; the biggest interest for this film in internet circles is
because of a developing online myth, that this film has Jeri Ryan
topless. Allow me to cut to the chase right now: sorry, NO.
This film was created by a
director so inept, he films Ryan no less than three times, topless,
from the back. How totally inept is it to have an actress agree to
nudity yet not filming it in a way to make it worth the viewer's while?
So, no topless scene from Ryan. Sorry, kids. Now, back to
reviewing the film (presuming anyone's still interested). The
story requires little more description than I've already given.
Alan Gould (David Arnott) is the last man on Earth, who bumps into
the last woman on Earth, Sarah (Jeri Ryan). It is pure chauvinist cornball
that the last woman would be a bombshell like Jeri Ryan, and the last man
would resemble one of her balding Trekkie fans. What isn't as corny, is
when Alan discovers he is not the last man on Earth
after all, and his rival --a likeable rebellious drifter named Raphael (Dan
Montgomery)-- is more compatible with Sarah. This sounds like the
outline for a nice love triangle, yet an outline is all you will receive;
there is very little depth, intrigue, or allure to this "love story" at all. The
bigger problem with the story, however, is Alan himself; a geek not
because of baldness, love handles, or weak frame; he is
a totally annoying, irritating spaz. He is the village idiot who thinks he's
Einstein; the nerd who thinks he's Joe Cool. He is even a fair, impartial
woman's worst nightmare; more interested in "scoring"
with a chick than any interest in if he is satisfying her
needs at all. He wants Sarah for himself, yet during the day, wants her to
just leave him alone. BIGGEST. MORON. EVER. It's pathetic enough to film a
movie with Jeri Ryan topless from the back; what's worse, we get to see
Alan's bare backside, many times, as if the director felt
Alan's posterior is the
funniest thing in the whole world. The only thing creepier than that
thought is in making Alan the "protagonist" of the whole film.
Not even the geekiest of nerds would want to root for this guy. Any
pluses? Well, yes, there is Jeri Ryan, who even agnostic
non-Trekkies would agrees, unquestionably saves this picture with her
performance. Memorable Ryan scenes include "the morning after" a drunken interlude, looking
questionably at the nerdy Alan and then noticing she is
naked in his bed. This is one of many moments were her expressions are dead-on perfect, as is her
portrayal of the character; a woman who is obviously totally disinterested
with Alan, yet stays with him just to calm her own fears of abandonment
and loneliness. Jeri Ryan handles her character with perfection. In
the end, a well-handled finale is what cinches any B-movie's fate: from the Le Bad Cinema
shelf, to the "employee recommends"
aisle that you search when all copies of the blockbuster new releases are gone. Sadly,
this film's finale throws it squarely into the former category; it
is not only abruptly handled; it's practically abandoned. Oh, yeah, and
in case you forgot, oh Trekkie elite:
Jeri Ryan is NOT TOPLESS in this movie. I'd hate to see a bad, bad BAD
film like this get even one rental sale because of falsified tabloid
publicity hype. This begs the question, though, of
how a film like this is out on DVD, and not Indiana Jones, the original Star Wars, or maybe even The
In-Laws? I don't know. As long as it isn't a sign of the apocalypse,
however, we
can all rest easy.
The DVD :
Want a nickel's worth of free advice? If you only wish to see this
film once, watch it with Audio commentary track #1 ON. It includes
not only anecdotes from writer/director Halston, though Arnott, Montgomery
and (drum roll) Jeri Ryan herself! If only half the divas in Hollywood had
as much humility, for audio commentary tracks of their films. Not only is
this comment track worth hearing; their improvisations, quick wit, and
amusing senses of humor are almost worth the purchase price of the whole
DVD! When Jeri Ryan offers her first topless-seen-from-the-back pose,
Arnott muses how she could've simply turned around for a split second and
the film would have received another million at the box office. "You
mean, A million," quips Halston, with remarkable
humility of how poorly this film did. Sure, there is a second comment
track with Halston and the Producer of the film, though unquestionably
it's the cast & director commentary that is the best.
Want more? There's a storyboard comparison,
which is unintentionally humorous only because of how BAD the storyboard
pictures are. I don't mean to be
rude, though it's almost like these storyboard pics are some sort of joke.
They seem so out of place in scenes that, in a low-budget film like this,
needn't have a storyboard at all. Yet one can't deny that, once again, a
bonus material snippet was more entertaining than the film it was based
on.
More amusing are the two remaining extras;
a behind the scenes reel, and clips of auditions. The former is amusing
because of how friendly everyone seemed to get along on the set; you won't
see an 8-minute reel like this on any typical film made by the snootier
Hollywood elite! As for the latter, you get a very intriguing look at Jeri
Ryan's actual audition for the film; interesting on so many levels,
particularly because it is a fantasticly written scene between Sarah and
Alan, which was inexplicably cut from the film. I'm no movie making guru,
though the first step to a good film is; if the scene was important enough
for auditions, it is NOT the scene to cut from the film! Kudos, then, to
whoever included the dialog, in audition form...and another real-life look
of Jeri behind the camera doesn't hurt, either. Ladies are equally
rewarded, with an additional 6 minute clip of Montgomery's audition; an
amusing find in the future, perhaps, since this was his first big
film.
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