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Techtite's DVD Reviews! |
"As I said in my review of the original movie, the feeling was not unlike a bachelor party hosted by your sister. This film seems to be a pumped-up version of the exact same bachelor party...hosted by your little sister. Oh, joy." --from the review
------------- Sidebar :: ------------- Once again in movie land: SPLUNGE! Monty Python fans will gladly tell you the meaning of the word "splunge," from one of that comic troupe's funniest skits. A man is asked by his easily irked boss to respond to a no-win question, only to yell "Splunge!" In other words, he agreed, though maybe not, and no, he wasn't being indecisive. The reason for this anecdote is: Charlie's Angels Full Throttle was likely from the start to be either flamed by the feminists for being too sexist, or trolled by the men for making the women androgynous ciphers. It winds up being two hours of scantily-clad women kicking the butts of dimwitted men. Will this approach appeal to either group? I doubt it. The feeling is like going full throttle in a circle. Splunge! The Bernie Mac/ Bill Murray Angle. Let's be frank here: we've all heard the reports of how Lucy HIT Murray during filming of the first film, so yeah, Bernie Mac is now Bosley. However, did they hire a black guy as his replacemen to be Politically Correct, or just to make it GLARINGLY obvious he was replaced...? Think about it: is there a single commercial or trailer that doesn't remind us that Bernie Mac is now Bosley and here's a one-liner from Bosley who's Bernie Mac and did we forget to mention that Bernie Mac is Bosley? I love both Bernie and Bill, though I do NOT like the way Bernie was clearly used as a mere tool here, just to give Murray another "punch." ‘Nuf said. The Easter Eggs. In several menus on this disc (especially ones you may never consider, like the audio track choices), there is a static photo to the right of the menu; not an animated one. Try to move your cursor to this photo and a portion of the photo ( a bracelet, a race car logo) will highlight. Press enter and be whisked away to "Angels School 101"; any of a number of short video snippets, mostly involving anecdotes from the crew behind the film. ----------------- Feel free to contribute. As always, review submissions are accepted! ------------------
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Charlie's Angel's:Full Throttle
A Techtite ReviewAs Always, a review of The Film and The DVD (extras)! The Film: Once upon a time, there were three little girls who wanted to play dress up, and pretend to be the women of the 1970's kitschy series, Charlie's Angels. One became producer, ruining any chance at a nude scene. One got into a fight with Bill Murray in the prior film, which just goes to show what sort of wonderful person to work with she must be. The third girl, well...at least she can wiggle her butt on cue. You'd hope Charlie would take them away from all that, though sadly, he is made the scapegoat of this mess, instead. They will now be reviewed by me. My code name...is Techtite. Sure, the above paragraph is one of many a homage to the original TV series opening, that you'll read in reviews of Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle. Enjoy them; they are a far better homage than this film could ever be. In fact, you'd swear this cocky sequel was a salute to the original film more than the TV series; a film which, quite frankly, wasn't that good. As I said in my review of the original movie, the feeling was not unlike a bachelor party hosted by your sister. This film seems to be a pumped-up version of the exact same bachelor party...hosted by your little sister. Oh, joy. By this point in the review, I should summarize the story. Hmmm. Let me see if I can find a story here to summarize [quickly shuffling through notes]. Well, there is a mystery involving two missing rings, which contain within them the names and locations of every member of the witness relocation program. In the meantime, an ex-Angel (Demi Moore) returns, for reasons I won't spoil for you here. Why? Because they're irrelevant, that's why. They needed Moore in this film to boost popularity, and so they wrote her into the "story." Fair enough. During this journey, we're treated to various shenanigans of the Angels: Natalie Cook (Cameron Diaz), Dylan Sanders (Drew Barrymore), and Alex Munday (Lucy Liu). These ladies are clearly bosom buddies in real life, though how much "friendship" with your fellow co-stars is too much? It never bodes will when the credits are interlaced with a blooper reel, making it clear the cast had a better time making the movie than you'll have watching it. Back when I listed my choices for the Top Ten Ways to Totally Screw Up a Good Movie, I listed this faux pas somewhere in the middle. Looking at films like these, I wonder if it should be higher. Such friendship also negates the possibility of any real sexiness here. Drew Barrymore is producer, see, and would never ask her palsie-walsies to do what she would not do herself in this film. What does this mean? Let's put it this way: get ready for a strip club scene without any stripping. Not that I expected anything more daring from a PG-13 film, though that's my point: a modernized retelling of an unbridled 1970's TV series, should not be merely PG-13. How cool would it be to see an R-rated Angels movie, with more gutsy actresses like Nicole Kidman, Sharon Stone, and Linda Fiorentino in the title roles? Isn’t the whole point of remaking a TV series to be more daring than the original, censored TV product? The biggest failure in Full Throttle, however, is in not knowing the difference between special FX scenes you could do, and scenes you should do. Yes, they could make a chase scene where the participants seem to defy space and time, and yet...should they have? This isn't The Matrix, this isn't a Warner Brothers cartoon, and supposedly (very loosely), is the "real world" in some fashion. What is up with these girl's constant penchant to defy the laws of gravity? Was Natalie bitten by a radioactive spider? Was Dylan hit with gamma radiation? Was Alex's birth parents from the planet Krypton? Who knows. All I know is, when a movie purports to have three "average" girls in "realistic" circumstances, they'd better have a pretty realistic way of dodging such peril, or else I'm just not a believer. Consider one of the opening action scenes. In order to dodge a missile aimed at their truck, Natalie must climb back of the Angels' rig, start the helicopter neatly secured there, then have Dylan drive off the road like a jackass until she and Alex are free falling towards the also-falling helicopter, that Natalie is now the pilot of. Even if they were at the airport and ran to the helicopter to escape, the very thought of the ditzy-doodle Natalie in the pilot seat would seem to negate any chance at survival. We're not only asked to accept this leap of faith, though also that a helicopter can be started in mid-air, and furthermore, that Dylan and Alex could effortlessly aim for the helicopter while free-falling. Um...okay. See, the true mark of an action film is in leaving the viewer with some sense that the heroes are in any form of peril. In the original series, we felt like the Angels were really in danger, when they weren't even the real police, CIA or FBI. If they got in a jam, they were all alone, and since these were "real women" --not bland ciphers-- we felt for them. In this film, how are we to feel like these Angels are in danger, when they apparently have some form of telekinetic superpowers, which make it seemingly impossible for them to even break a nail? Feh. The point here isn't that this is a film without decent suspense, or without decent sensuality. The point is, that such suspense and sexiness was the whole point of the original series, and with both elements lacking, this sequel is a rebel without a cause. I remember a friend of mine in college always musing over the concept of caffeine free diet soda, asking what the point was. If you attempt a sequel of a TV series whose whole worth was its sexy thrills, only to take away all sexiness and thrills...what's the point?
The DVD: This DVD is hardly badly made, and yet it has that one underhanded element, that almost made me reduce the rating of the movie from "marginal thumbs down" to "thumbs way down" just on principle. It's a sales trick that, in this instance, is too below the belt. Okay, so the problem with the movie by everyone's recollection was that it wasn't "risqué" enough, right? Well, yeah, there was also the stupid script, the lack of any real sense of suspense, and the way the special FX is so slipshod the falling- with- the- helicopter scene looks almost laughably faked. However, it was considered not sexy enough as well, so they've retaliated by making a "Rated" and "Un-rated" DVD release. What is the difference of these two DVD sets? Not a damn thing. Regardless of a marketing ploy that claims that the rated version is 106 minutes and the unrated version is 107, I defy anyone to show me a distinguishable difference in the two. In fact, the "unrated" version is probably unrated only because nobody rated it. If they did, they'd stamp a PG-13 on the sucker and be done with it. End of story. But do you want to know what's really stupid about the unrated version...? They digitally erased even the slightest, frame-by-frame chance at nudity! I've heard of this done before, when in order to get a PG-13 rating, the nude scenes are digitally altered so that a woman's breast is, literally, "Barbie-dolled." In other words, you have breasts with no nipples, which in another time and place would be pretty funny to see. However, just so we're clear here; these alterations would only be necessary for a PG rating. Yet in the "unrated" version of the film, the digital erasures remain. "Unrated," my Aunt Fanny! So, after concluding that the Unrated version is pure bunk, what about the bonus materials...? Well, McG offers audio commentary, with an optional "writer commentary" for people who want anecdotes from whoever wrote this thing (no comment). A "trivia track" is offered (pop-up balloons of trivia pop up at key scenes of the film while watching, with this turned on), which supposedly has optional behind the scenes videos yet I was unable to access any for this review. A "cameo-graphy" lists the baker's dozen of celebrities who guested in this film; clicking on their name jumps you to that scene. A similar "jukebox" option jumps you to any scene involving a song used in the film. A music video by Pink ("Feel Good Time") is offered as well. Featurettes are supposedly different in both the unrated and rated versions (oh, please; don't try that sales pitch again, boys!), but I have the unrated version in front of me now, so let's just review the ones there. A "Pussycat Dolls" feature involves the strip club scene, as they tell how the scene was choreographed with the help of the burlesque troupe by that same name. "Rolling With the Punches" involves stunt choreography; "Full Throttle" involves cars; "Designing Angels" involves production design. Sorry boys, "XXX Angels" is actually a 9 minute video about the films bike riding (BMX XXX) scene. A separate featurette explains on how the CGI department did the scene involving the helicopter and the Angels falling to the helicopter in mid-air. A separate featurette kisses serious booty when heralding the film's exectutive producer, Patrick Crowley. A short montage of the fashion designs used completes this featurette menu. Aside from easter eggs (see sidebar), there are the obligatory DVD-ROM internet links. Such links are for the film's many publicity campaigns; the official movie site, the "animated angels" site (short cartoons based on the film's prologue), and the online game. The game's installer is fortunately preserved on the disc, though not the web sites. Why? would it have killed them to save me the time in downloading six video clips in a row...? In fact, whoever said anything about video "clips"; these animated "webisodes" should be upgraded to regular DVD status, and preserved on the DVD itself as a bonus feature. Of course that would require some amount of effort. No such effort is evident in the entire disc.
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