Techtite's DVD Reviews!

"If fans of the original series say that a remake couldn't be worse; go see Catwoman. I'm just saying."

--from the review

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The Dukes of Hazzard (2005)

Unrated (Widescreen)

Rated (Full Screen)

Also available in Unrated Full Screen

Click pictures to order either DVD

A Review by Techtite

The Film: Stupid is as stupid does. That's the opinion I have of anyone who tells me this movie is "pointless," because seriously, that's the whole point of most comedies. One would think that these same film critics would actually look at the nutritional value of Chee-tos to tell you how innutritious they are. Well sure Chee-tos aren't filled with vitamins D and E, but who doesn't love them? This film may have no superior acting muscle but it's fun, it's harmless, and it has Jessica Simpson in the "purdiest" pair of denim shorts I ever did see. Yeehaw!

The story is based very, very loosely on a popular late-70's action comedy of the same name. The Dukes of Hazzard are a pair of cousins who are not the royalty around town, in case you were asking. They just happen to be both named Duke, while living in Hazzard County, hence the title. Luke Duke (Johnny Knoxville) is the cousin with the libido of a rabbit, while Bo Duke (Seann William Scott) is the not-so-bright cousin who is constantly keeping Luke out of trouble, presuming Bo isn't already in trouble himself. Helping the boys keep from hurting themselves is Daisy Duke (Jessica Simpson), who uses her feminine wilds to distract the "bad guys" long enough so that the Duke boys can save the day.

Sure, this isn't much of a plot. Nor does it get any better when I tell you that the arch enemy of the TV series, Boss Hogg, is played by Burt Reynolds. Why not, since the original series was inspired by the whole craze for Burt's own cinema classic, Smokey and the Bandit? He clearly had fun with the role, like when entering a jail cell to taunt the Dukes while incarcerated there, only to have one of the other inmates taunt Boss Hogg right back. Says Hogg, smugly: "I have $100 for whoever knocks that loudmouth S.O.B. out." The guy's quickly punched by another inmate who grabs the money with a smile. That's about as intense as a film can get that only wants to be harmless fun.

That's why I was tempted to give this film a thumbs-up...marginally. Nobody is looking for an Oscar here. The dialog is comparable to the nutritional value of a Ho-Ho, but come on: who doesn't love a Ho-Ho when one of those stupid "carb" diets will allow one...? When Daisy Duke attempts to distract two dim witted, Smokey and the Bandit style cops, she offers the cornball line: "Officer! I think something bounced up into my undercarriage!" The line is unlikely, but it's fun. I'm just saying.

I also have to give the film props for not delving into the sewer humor of most modern comedies. This is a very harmless PG film in an age where every single "comedian" seems to want to make us toss our cookies, or at the very least, our popcorn. I think such sewer humor jumped the shark around the time a giant hamster tried to have sexual relations with the college dean in Nutty Professor 2. This film may be silly but it isn't sick, twisted, or quite frankly, dumb. Its characters may be dumb, but that is a story in itself.

Does this make you want to go see it? Probably not. A film like this isn't even worth a longer write-up, which is why I'm ending this review a bit early. It may not be Shakespeare but it is hardly the horrible film some critics have painted it to be. I mean, come on; Jessica Simpson in the shorts so short in the series, they were named after the character who wore them. Yes, sir; Jessica in Daisy Dukes. Yee...haw!

The DVD: If a DVD's sales gimmick is enough to drag a marginally favorable review down, it has to be the Dukes' "Unrated Edition." You know the implication here: Daisy Duke herself is going to be nude! Yee-haw! Well, unless these scenes are starring someone other than Jessica Simpson...no. Jessica in a nude scene? I'd just as soon believe there'd be nudity in an "unrated" Minnie Mouse cartoon. No offense Jessica: you know what I mean.

Cutting to the chase: no, oh village idiots who might've believed it, Jessica Simpson is not nude in the unrated edition. The unrated edition simply drops the "f" bomb in the foul language department, and that's it. Oh yeah there's nudity from some college chicks but who are they? Yeah sure; one of them starred on The O.C. for all of maybe half a dozen episodes, but can you name her without looking at the credits? Well until you have a name worth selling the DVD, let's move on.

There is even a "rated" and "unrated" gag reel. The unrated reel includes about a dozen nude behinds. What is required to be impressed at this? Imagine drinking moonshine. Imagine a whole lot of moonshine. Imagine drinking so much moonshine you marched over to the local Kentucky Fried Chicken and proposed to a cardboard poster of Colonel Sanders. This whole bleedin' movie was a gag reel. What's the use of a gag reel? Let's. Move. On!

Ah yes; what DVD would be complete without the Jessica Simpson "These Boots Are Made For Walking" Music Video? I don't mean to be mean to Jessica but come on, how much bending of the original story was needed to have a song about "boots"...? You don't go into a store and ask for Daisy Duke Boots! In fact, if any guy saw Jessica in Daisy Dukes only to say, "Check out the boots on that babe," they would deservedly get smacked upside the head. Many times. Don't try it.

In a list of extras this dire, it is of little consequence that the obligatory behind the scenes feature is present, as is a separate featurette about the car, and an additional featurette about the moment they had to find out "how to launch a muscle car 175 feet in 4 seconds." Of mildly bigger amusement is the separate feature, that shows people totally not in the know how to make their own Daisy Dukes. Yeah; maybe there's someone out there who wouldn't know how to buy a pair of jeans, grab a pair of scissors, and cut. Yet if that person exists, would they know how to turn on a DVD player? Let's move on...to another review.

---Techtite

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