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Techtite's DVD Reviews! |
"We're not complaining that Anne Hathaway agreed to be topless; it's that she agreed to be topless in a film that pretty much ...sucks." --from the review ------------- Sidebar :: ------------- Like Queen, Like Princess? It would behoove Anne Hathaway at this point to sit down and chat with her more seasoned Princess Diaries co-star, Julie Andrews. Miss Andrews is quite experienced in the many goings on in Hollywood...including the futile attempt to "dodge" Disney movie stereotyping, simple by baring your boobs. Julie did that in S.O.B., and what did it get her? Nothing, really. That isn't because the nude scene wasn't special, or that Julie Andrews isn't a great actress. The filmn just sucked; that's all. It was a film made solely because Mary Poppins was ready to bare her boobs, and that's really all it ever was. This film similarly was apparently made simply because Disney's latest princess was ready to bare boobs...but perhaps next time she may wish to read the script first.
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Havoc("Unrated Edition")
Click picture to order the "Unrated Edition" of this DVD (Why no "Rated Edition" link? Read the review!) A Review by TechtiteAs always, a review of both The Film and The DVD (Extras)! The Film: First things first: this is not a porn site. No I don't have free screen shots of this movie. No I won't save you the trouble of "googling" to find said pictures, all over the internet. What I will do is review the film, refute certain propaganda about said film, and just maybe, in the process, save you some money. Fair...? Let's move on... Sorry if I sound negative before even reviewing the actual DVD. It's just that so much tabloid malarkey has surfaced from this movie, reviewing it almost seems "dirty" at this point. El cheapo publicity stunts began with the admitted truth: a former Disney "Princess Diaries" starlet is topless in this movie. You may say "so what" and that's the problem; many couch potatoes said the same thing. Just topless? Aw...!!! Then the tabloid rumors began. Allow me to discredit these rumors, at the head of this review. "She's not just topless; she's totally nude": Wrong! "She does a 'soft porn' sex scene": Wrong! This one's my favorite: "Anne jumps out of bed totally nude to answer the door for a pizza delivery man wearing just a smile!" Wrong, Wrong, Wrong!!! None of this is meant to disparage the actress. I admire Anne Hathaway. Back when she filmed the first Princess Diaries, I heard producer/director Garry Marshall compared her to a young Audrey Hepburn. She is extremely talented, and I see a bright future ahead of her. Unfortunately, for every modern actress there's that one little boo-boo they made in their past, and for Anne this just may be it. We're not complaining that Anne Hathaway agreed to be topless; it's that she agreed to be topless in a film that pretty much, well...sucks. The sad part is how all this could have led to a better movie. The base story was there. Here's a sample: a pair of spoiled teens (Anne Hathaway and Bijou Phillips) pretend to be in a gang, which attracts the attention of a real gang. The girls then decide to hang out with the real gang, which, as you'd expect, is not quite as they imagined it. Among other things they are forced to throw dice and "do it" with as many gang members as the number on the dice. Say what you will about this story's simplicity up to this point, but I can see how this could have been an engaging, gritty drama. It would've been a hard sell, but it could've been good. I must take this time to commend Anne for the guts to take on more gritty roles, even if, as it often happens, she chose a poor first film to do it in. I must also commend her for not chickening out at the eleventh hour, and forcing the production staff to go find a body double for the grittier scenes. At the same time, I must give a great big "pfffft" to all the many actresses who have attempted gritty roles, only to pull the bed sheet to their neck or worse, act like a "stripper" while fully clothed(!). Then again; Julia Roberts became a megastar playing the role of a PG-rated hooker, so who am I to give celebrities advice? Speaking of the ladies' performances in this film, it deserves mentioning that the other teen girl in this story is played by Bijou Phillips --half-sister of Chynna and Mackenzie Phillips, Daughter of Michelle Phillips-- and she does a fine job here. In fact, she has the tougher role, in that she provides the "bad girl" to Anne's "good girl in bad situation." In the aforementioned dice-rolling scene, Anne's character rolls a "1" and chickens out of sex with the "1" guy she is supposed to sleep with. Bijou rolls a "3" and...well, you get the general idea, right? In the end, Anne may have agreed to three (yes; three) nude scenes, but overall, I'd still say Bijou had the harder job here. You may say there is little story explained in this review. That is for two reasons. One, there is very little story to begin with! Two, what little story that is present is easily spoiled with just the slightest amount of detail given to the summary of it. It all boils down to a movie whose storylihne could've been so much more, yet isn't. This could've been the Fatal Attraction for snooty girls, as these two girls get deeper and deeper into a lifestyle they know little about, and should never have been a part of. There's a good overall lesson to be learned here, in that just because you're rich and spoiled doesn't mean you can't get hurt, or "buy" yourself out of any problem. Yet this movie decides not to cover this. In fact, it barely covers anything. It didn't even cover Anne's breasts. Okay, so maybe that last part's not so bad. You know what I mean... All kidding aside, I would be remiss if I did not conclude this review with a mild spoiler warning that the ending does disappoint. This is not meant to spoil, since I will not specify "how" or "why". It is just meant as a warning, to those who go into this expecting any form of a story. Not only is there little story, but there's even less of an ending. You've been warned. See this film for the "boobs" if you must, but don't expect good storytelling. The "boobs" behind the scenes forgot to provide us one. The DVD : Ah, yes; the two versions of this movie! There's the rated version, and the unrated version. Does the unrated version show anything more "dirty"...? Not hardly. In fact, I've seen R-rated movies a whole lot grittier than this so-called "unrated" version, so if you ask me the only reason it was never rated is because they didn't want it rated, so they could sell it as "unrated". Oh! Unrated! Whoopie. So why would they go to so much trouble to release a "rated" version? Because it's a brilliant publicity stunt. Allow the rated version as a rental. Sell the unrated version. Publicize the unrated version on the "rated" video so the teenagers think the unrated version has juicier footage. The stunt is actually pretty brilliant. You shouldn't fall for it, but it's brilliant. I'll refrain from any sarcasm in wondering whether or not Anne provided any form or audio commentary on this DVD. I'm surprised she didn't leave skid marks from this little mistake in her career. The only thing this DVD offers in extras is an "alternate ending," and given how poorly the film is to begin with, you can imagine how much "better" this one is, as the one they decided not to use. As I said; rent it for the nudity if you must, but not the actual film.
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