Techtite DVD Reviews

The Film: You've heard it all before, but Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest is "THE" movie this summer. It is everything we wanted in a Disney film for years, with campy humor, family-friendly yet intense action sequences, and a lead villain that is a creepy as he is not-so-scary, in that love to hate him sort of way. If only this latest pirate "ride" led to an ending to the ride! Simply put; there isn't one. This is just part one of a two part story, to be concluded sometime next summer.

Mind you; the trip to this "unending" is a fantastic one. This is a movie that is hardly a mere "more of the same" affair. Sure, we are reunited with Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) and his reluctant accomplices, Will Turner (Orlando Bloom) and the lovely Elisabeth Swann (Keira Knightly). Yet there is also the amusing new arch-villain Davy Jones (Bill Nighy), with the beard made of squid-like tentacles that are constantly moving. If that sounds creepy to parents; not really. If your kids didn't cringe when Darth Vader made Han Solo into a giant metal Popsicle, they can certainly handle any action scene in this movie.

That isn't to say that the action in this film is watered down. It's just as thrilling as any Disney "pirate ride," which is to say, it's totally fun. In one of my favorite chase scenes, Will Turner has been suspended in a round cage with some other captives, only to have the rope break and try to escape his captors, while still inside the cage. This hamster-wheel style moment is as amusing as it is hilarious, as the cage slowly gets a mind of its own and rolls down a steep hill and right off a cliff. This is the sort of humor that classic Monty Python movies are famous for, and it's great to see such humor in a 2006 film.

The real story here is Davy Jones, however, who once made a deal with Jack Sparrow, that was to last for seven years. That deal, in typical pirate fashion, involves something nefarious happening to Jack upon the seventh year. Two guesses what year this film begins. The squid-bearded Jones offers Jack an "easy out" of sorts, if Jack can find a whole crew's worth of people to take his place in said deal; fifty pirates, as a replacement for Jack. If he doesn't succeed, he'll be fodder for Jones' not-so-little sea pet, the Kraken. Yes...the Kraken. Seriously.

Okay; so a giant Kraken sounds less like a pirate movie and more like a Sinbad movie ("the sailor," not the comedian). The majority of this film is like that. In fact, in the whole film, there is only one treasure chest to find, and ---arrr!--- the chest isn't even filled with gold. Hey; aren't pirates supposed to pillage and plunder and riffle and loot, yo-ho? That's what the Disneyland pirate song kept telling us...! Suffice to say; it was very daring for the makers of this sequel to have so little actual "piracy" going on. In the end it's all about the action scenes, though, and when Jack Sparrow's ship is attacked by a giant sea squid with a gaping maw, you'll worry very little about the lack of any gold or jewels to loot. Arrrr!

Ah yes; then there's the ending that isn't there. Now, before the online spoiler police screech "Spoiler! Spoiler!" I'd recommend that they kindly cram it. One cannot spoil nothing. There is no ending to spoil here, because there's no ending here...and to this critic, that's rather disappointing. Yes the ride there was a blast, but no ending...? This Dead Man's Chest has all the thrills of an attraction at Disneyland, only to be told that in order to enjoy the whole ride, you'll have to get in line again...sometime next summer. Harrumph.

Yet is there still a reason to see this film? Of course! It is rather long at two and a half hours, yet few people will find the time or desire to check their watch once. There's more than enough reason to see this film, "part one of two" that it is. If anything, you'll be wishing for summer to end just so that next summer is that much closer.

The DVD Extras!: To be honest; I have no idea what extras are offered in the "regular" edition. What follows is a review of all the extras in the two disc "collector's edition," which I guess is only proper, seeing as how if you weren't interested in buying it, you'll probably just rent it anyway, making a review of the off-the-shelf edition pretty worthless. So allow us to open the lid on all the stuff you get for buying this DVD.

First things first: no actors are part of the audio commentary. Not to single them out: no director nor producers are present, either. Only screenwriters Ted Elliot and Terry Rossio are on hand. I don't mean to belittle Ted and Terry, because this disc obviously needed an audio comment track and nobody else was stepping up to the plate. However it really would be cool to hear Bloom, Depp, and Knightly's comments about the movie, scene for scene. Perhaps in a later DVD release?

Deleted scenes? Try "blooper reel." Let's just let that extra speak for itself as we list the obligatory featurettes included. The first is a whole hour-long production documentary called "According to Plan." Then there is a pre-production diary called "Charting the Return," a self explanatory look at "Captain Jack: From Head to Toe," a swordplay type of documentary called "Mastering the Blade," another featurette about Davy Jones, yet another featurette about the Kraken, a feature about the re-imagineering of the ride (which now stars Jack Sparrow), called "Dead Men Tell New Tales," a featurette about my favorite scene "The Bone Cage," Producer Jerry Bruckheimer's own photo diary, and a feature about the premiere of the film.

In conclusion the only thing lacking here was an ending, of sorts, not unlike other second films like Matrix Reloaded or Empire Strikes Back. Two guesses which of those two trilogies was a "classic" to me, and which was horrifically disappointing to me. As of now, all eyes are on the third film, "At World's End," to see how this whole trilogy pans out.

	Final Rating : Large Crater. If not for the lack of an ending this is by far one of the finest pirate films I've seen in my entire lifetime.
For more on this site's ratings system, click here.

Got a review you'd like to share? Techtite will post 2 of the best "guest" reviews received for any product, online, for all the world to see!

All text, Title graphics, and pix not of reviewed products, are created by Techtite, copyright 1999-2006; all rights reserved. Picture of DVD cover is used only for the purpose of review (and to make shopping for product easier); it by no means represents any affiliation with Techtite and the distributors of this product. For further "legalese" & disclaimers, click here...

Techtite's DVD Reviews!

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest

A Review by Techtite