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Techtite's DVD Reviews! |
"Never has 'a sequel purely for fans' held as much weight as Angels & Demons..." --from the review ------------- Sidebar :: ------------- You Know a Sequel Is Really BAD... ...When the smartest change since the original movie is giving Tom Hanks a less comical haircut. Yes, friends: Tom Hanks has hair that doesn't look like a comic book character this time around. That's good news number one. Good news number two is...well...nothing at all. The Genesis "Controversy" that really is not. There are a few Dan Brown fanboys who insist that if you do not like this movie you must believe in the book of Genesis. Does not liking this movie mean I believe in Adam and Eve? Well, to be candid...no. However, as someone who truly wonders what or who led to the creation of the universe, I am dumbfounded with how modern science is so aggravatingly hush-hush about their views of creation, regardless of such traditional concepts as The Big Bang Theory. That theory might indeed prove how, though not why, the universe was created. Sure you can discover the elements of creation, though not WHY. It's like a bomb squad telling you an explosion was caused by a big bang. Well thanks for that though what caused that bang? Hmm?
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Angels & Demons
Click picture to buy this DVD...though you might want to read the review, first! Review by TechtiteThe Film: Never has "a sequel purely for fans" held as much weight as Angels & Demons, which, in case you had no idea (and publicity machine notwithstanding you probably don't really care), is the sequel to the ridiculously overrated farce known as "The Da Vinci Code." This time there are less cylindrical puzzle boxes, less invisible messages written on timeless works of art, and frankly, less of a mystery. Which is to say: this sequel is not only less of the same...it's far worse.Mind you; I was hardly forgiving when reviewing that prior movie, which was indeed an overrated farce regardless of a publicity machine that made people herd to the local cineplex like sheep. Hey; I'm not blaming you for falling for such hype, friend. So did I. I'm sure you went to the theater just like I did, after being promised a supposedly excellent movie based on an excellent novel about an excellent mystery involving excellent mind-twisting puzzles. Here's an excerpt of my review of the original movie's "excellent" crime scene, to give you an idea of how "excellently written" the mystery was:
So what sort of lessons has Dan Brown learned about decent mystery writing in time for this sequel? None. In this latest spectacle, Professor Robert Langdon (Tom Hanks) is back, this time to uncover a mystery that is not just slightly, though now, complete cornball. It's a story so mundane it can easily be summarized in one sentence: a group of vengeful people persecuted hundreds of years ago have come back for revenge against a rival religion currently in power. Does this story sound familiar? Put that "history book" down, Poindexter, and look instead at your science fiction DVD shelf. This is the most recent trilogy of Star Wars! For crying out loud; they even cast Ewan "Obi-Wan" McGregor as a member of the Jedi High Council...er, Vatican. Yes, fanboys of everything by Dan Brown; there's a plot twist afoot, amongst all the cinematic plagiarism. Spoilers intact...I wasn't impressed...and anyone who knows the "plot twist" to Revenge of the Sith knows why. Whether the "religious group" are Jedi, or the "vengeful" group are Sith Lords with evil lightning coming out of their fists, the fact is this isn't a great mystery at all, and is actually, without the evil Darth Vader, even more laughable than Jar-Jar Binks. What I find particularly confusing about this mystery is how the supposed villains of this movie couldn't even get their enemies right. Supposedly these Illuminati are mad at the Vatican, and the Vatican alone, for discrediting their scientific methods so long ago. They wish to do this by killing the entire Vatican ---and most of Rome with it--- by detonating antimatter in a secret location. Why? Well, apparently, the Illuminati wish to destroy all those darn religious folk who believe in the book of Genesis. So, to follow this logic through: they believe the best way of discrediting the book of Genesis is attacking the Vatican. Except the book of Genesis is in fact the original book of the Jewish Torah, as well as every Christian religion in history. So...why are the Illuminati focusing their attack on the Vatican? That's like an anti-cel-phone nut going after iPhone while giving Verizon, Sprint, and AT&T a free "pass." Speaking of free passes: I actually gave Da Vinci Code an additional half a star in my review, for its stellar cast. Tom "Langdon" Hanks and Audrey "Sophie" Tautou performed well against the seemingly impossible odds of the film's totally inept script. Yet Sophie is not here this time (having the baby of atheist Bill Maher, one might imagine), and Langton is a verbose bore at best, and window dressing at worst. Will this movie do well thanks to the prior movie? I doubt it. The original film surfed the waves of a mediocre publicity stunt that implied the story was quite possibly "real." Yet its sequel is about as realistic as the recent Star Trek movie...and frankly, only one tenth as entertaining. The DVD: This is a review of the single-disc version. Why? Because to be brutally honest; the movie sucked. I'm not going to review the two-disc special edition, nor the Blu-Ray, of crap. Diagree? By all means click here for an order link to the special edition, and here for Blu-Ray. Personally I see no possibility anyone would ever buy either, so I refuse to waste my time reviewing them. Though be my guest; prove me wrong. To be fair: the single-disc version ---which is the same one you are able to rent--- is filled with every bonus feature you might possibly want. This includes an admittedly intriguing look at an actual supercollider, which tries its best to make the movie's plot hold water. On a side note: my fellow female movie fan really wanted me to go with her to this movie. Why? She saw it involved a super collider and wanted to see the film for that alone. True story. Without this collider, this film would be rubbish. Ironically; the same can be said of the bonus features. Additional bonus features? A behind the scenes featurette is offered, showing Opie...oops, Richie...darn, wrong again: Ron Howard, as the directs the film. Not to digress though Ronnie had better tread lightly before making another unabashedly anti-Gentile movie such as this. Yikes; the guy couldn't even direct How the Grinch Stole Christmas properly. Why am I even bothering reviewing extras for this ridiculously politically incorrect farce? Is anyone even reading this? I didn't think so. See you in another review...
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