Techtite's PC Game Reviews!

"While the occasional barroom chat with your ex-girlfriend alludes to a cool "resistance" brewing, you're left [for nearly the first whole half of the game] with your janitorial duties...which are about as inspiring as cleaning a porta-potty."

---from the review

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Sidebar :

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The hopscotch dance of glitch avoidance... Many times you'll reach a glitch that quits you right back to Windows. The solution? Take the instructions given for that mission, and ignore them completely! In the mission "Confluence Point," Forget looking for the robots as instructed, and just go to the second floor near a door that a track seems to pass through, enter the nearby control room, press the console switch, and jump on the platform outside, QUICKLY! Sometimes the door opens; sometimes not. If it doesn't, restart and do this simple, 30 second procedure again. No, NOTHING else is needed to complete this level, so don't even try.

After this, ANOTHER glitch surfaces, where you try and kill all robots. Well, complete this task if you must, though whenever getting the last robot, my game would always quit to Windows! So, Just ignore killing all robots, and proceed to the exit of the level; if you shoot a robot and you get booted out back to Windows, restart and go the OTHER way, so that little glitch-robot stays alive. Fun, huh? 

Wait! There's More! No sooner does this mission end then you eventually talk with your ex girlfriend again, who tells you to "Go to your apartment and find something you'll need for your next mission." Silly her; going to your apartment leads to an error beep, and a quit back to Windows! See, what she MEANT to say was, "Ignore whatever the !@#$ I said and go back to the elevator that leads to your janitor job; the game will proceed as if you went to your apartment." 

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Feel free to contribute. As always, review submissions are accepted!

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I don't understand Activision's current marketing strategy, when releasing some of their lesser games under the "Activision Value" moniker. Is it their contention, that if they reduce the price of garbage from $39.99 to $29.99, that it can now be acceptable if the game is buggy crap? That said, while ReVolution. may be a "value" game, it just wasn't worth it.

People may look at the box and say this opinion is surprising. Indeed, like all their titles, Activision's packaging department is in top form. The box tells an intriguing story of a future where ecological ruin has forced humankind to resort to genetic research to survive. A "revolution in evolution" is eminent, though who is responsible for such research, and with what agenda? You are the Guinea Pig to these experiments...only to turn on your nefarious bosses, for a better good. Indeed, it is not a totally new premise, though it's an effective one.

Here's what Activision's publicity department decided not to tell you. For one, this game is an import from Romania, whose translation not only has grammar errors galore in its mission summaries; its programming translation has glitches so bad, it is not uncommon to be booted right back to Windows (yes, even after installing the v1.1 patch; see SIDEBAR at right). They also didn't bother to mention how for nearly half the game, you're a janitor. You'll be looking out windows at a far more interesting-looking cityscape, all while splashing through sewers and crawling through ventilation shafts.

Now, I don't mind it when a game alludes to tougher missions later-on, only to have a training mission or two beforehand. However; how much "training" does one require, before the real game begins? While the occasional barroom chat with your ex-girlfriend alludes to a cool "resistance" brewing, you're left with your janitorial duties...which are about as inspiring as cleaning a porta-potty. Mission 1 involves fixing the sewers while shooting a few mutant heads sticking out of the walls (the how and why of these heads sticking out of the walls is never explained). Another mission involves fixing conveyor belts while avoiding mutant junkyard dogs. Another mission involves shooting a few "bugs" in the electrical system (literally...and yes, I'm serious!). Another mission involves a giant water leak you must drain, all while avoiding what can only be described as giant mutant goldfish. If these first missions --none of which are very difficult-- were meant to "enlarge" the game, it's a pretty crappy way to reach that goal.

Does it get any better than this? Surprisingly, yes. In time you do a simple hacking job for the resistance, only to be caught by The Corporation, and become the aforementioned super-soldier Guinea Pig. You retain your human side, however, so you join the resistance even more powerful than before. This begins with a truly effective scene involving the fate of your ex-girlfriend, though better yet, it leads to several superior battles with The Corporation's other, half-finished prototypes. It seems that The Corporation (or so I must assume) was caught off guard with your choice of rebellion, so all your opponents seem half-finished, with some appearing to not even have all their flesh. Yes, it might as well be "Quake 4," though indeed, this part of the game is rather appealing.

The shame of all this is, there are signs --if you bother to look close enough-- that a better game was planned, which was either abandoned, or considered too difficult to bother completing. Why else would so many textures allude to plot tangents that are never explained...? You'll come across any number of computer monitors with an almost H.R. Giger-worthy cyborg woman on their screens. Ignore them. You never meet whomever inspired these monitors' facades, and at best, they're the remnant of a superior plot thread, long abandoned. Likewise for any number of similar, ingenious plot threads that this game could've led to. Here's one I thought of: What if "you" turned out to be a clone, and the final battle was with the "real" you...who's evil? Sure, it's a rip-off of films like The Sixth Day or Total Recall; it's still a lot better than what the game leads to now; disappointment.

Spoilers notwithstanding; even the ending sucks. Remember that cute blonde you met in the resistance? Well, forget her; she isn't around for so much as a thank you upon the finale. Talk about a "value game"; not even an obligatory final "boss" battle is offered, with you meeting the boss in the second-last level, then see him scurry away! I'll leave the final level/ending as a surprise, though take it from me; it sucks. While some may argue that the near-to-last missions prior to this "finale" warrant a near miss rating; clearly, this is no "near miss"! My parting advice: take your $29.99, wait until you get $10 more, and buy a game that's worth the price. That's the best "value" anyone can hope for here.

---Techtite