Techtite's TV Reviews!

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Related Reviews & Commentaries:

Survivor1 (premiere)

Survivor 1 (contestants)

Survivor 2 (contestants)

Editorial: When does bending rules become cheating?

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Sidebar ::

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Questions of the Week: This sidebar will be updated each week, with new comments regarding the latest episode. As for the premiere, all I have to ask is, what were they saving a small can of beans for, anyway? Let's be fair, and admit that every food ration matters. On the other hand, let's be equally fair, and admit that those cans of food won't last forever no matter how hard they try. Clarence and Diane ate a can of beans, and should've simply been told they ate their food rations for that day, while the others had theirs. That's simple enough.

Episode 2 Question of the Week: Is there a "chauvinist" alliance brewing...? For two tribal councils by now, Boran has ditched two women from their group. Given how woman #2, Jessie, is an athletic Florida police officer, was that the wisest course of action? I say no; if anything, it was the men picking off the women. Time will tell, though.

Episode 3 Question of the Week: Rigging the questions doesn't always work, eh? Carl and Lindsey were given a tie-breaker quiz, to break the deadlocked vote between their age-gapped tribe. It's intriguing to note that the majority of the questions were medical questions, which someone must've thought "doc" Carl would know like the back of his hand. Apparently, dentist school doesn't teach its students how to handle a tick. Too bad Carl.

Episode 4 Question of the Week: When is a hug not really a HUG? Answer: when it's cattily offered by Linda, to Lindsey, just after chewing her out. Wanting to hug someone for support is one thing; telling someone you hate their guts, then acting like you want to hug them, is just plain hypocrisy...and more than a little creepy, even for crackpot Linda. Some TV critics fell for her condescending ruse, implying that the hug was genuine, and should've been accepted. Wrong; Linda was offering a hug in a condescending way, not a friendly one. Big difference.

Episode 5 question of the Week: What if Lindsey Lost the Quiz in Episode 3...? If the shoe was on the other foot, and it was the lazy 20-somethings that were being picked off like flies by the 40-somethings, would the laughably unfair tribal "twist"/switch have been suggested? Seems like somebody in charge has a favorite...and he's trying to make sure they stay in the game as long as possible. Where was this guy when Elisabeth and Roger were so unfairly booted off Survivor 2 by Tina and her two patsies...?

Episode 6 question of the Week: Is it all downhill boredom from here...? Every Survivor needs its Jerri. Now, with Lindsey's alliance thwarted for good, why are we still watching...? Should I start yawning now, or wait until everyone shares a team merger "hug" next week?

Episode 7 question of the Week: So, Boran is back to being dumb, huh...? Voting off Clarence --a former fellow team member-- wasn't just a back-stab, or mean-spirited, or even dishonest. It was a bad move, period. Their meager "lead" over Samburu is only by one at this point. If that deciding vote is swayed, it's buh-bye Boran. However, does anybody care...?

Note: By this point in the series, CBS aired a retrospective episode, of unseen video from the first 25 days. For the interests of continuity (and personal opinion), this is not counted as an "episode" per se, so this column continues with the next episode being "episode 8", even if it's technically episode #9.

Episode 8 question of the Week: Could anyone have predicted a turnaround like this?!? Voting off Clarence in episode 7 --reducing their 2-vote lead to a mere single vote-- was dumb enough, even for the born-losers of the ex-Boran tribe. Then Lex decides to vote off yet another teammate, due to nothing short of blind paranoia. Anybody --yes, maybe even Tom-- could've predicted the vote against them in episode 7 was by a member of their former rivals, the Samburu tribe...DUH! Now, Samburu needs to only sway the shaky-kneed Brandon back to their side, and boot off Lex for the lead. Too bad, Boran.

Episode 9 question of the Week: "Fool me once, shame on you"...right? After being so cruelly shafted by back-stabbing Brandon last week, his team had enough, and rallied with their enemies of the Boran tribe, to get him gone. However, there seems to be more than enough need for the classic "fool me twice, shame on me" rule, and not just with Brandon. Lex has proven to be a powder keg working against his team's favor, and if I was them, I'd risk it all just to see him gone next week. We'll see...

Episode 10 question of the Week: Samburu tribe, Can you say, "whipped"...? What's stupider than voting off members of your own tribe? Helping the opposing alliance/team do it; that's what. It's bad enough that the last 4 shows will most likely include the lizard-skinned KimJ. and not this show's "Colleen Lite," KimP. Be that as it may, does the remainder of the Samburus have to constantly vote along with the Borans, like patsies? "Oh, you're not voting for me! Great! Let me help vote off my former tribemate for you!" Nobody liked Frank, though Teresa owed him BIG. If she cried when voting for her former partner, why'd she do it?

Episode 11 question of the Week: "Is the show really going to stink, now that Kim P. is gone?" YES...

Episode 12 question of the Week: "So, who should win?" Good question, since I don't think any of them should win per se. Ethan has the most congeniality now that Kim P. is gone, yet that means he's next to go, if Survivor 3 is anything like 1 and 2. I hope Lex, Ethan, and Tom don't "pull a Colby" and let the uber-klutzy Kim J. get all the way to the million; that would be just plain DUMB. Aside from that travesty of sportsmanship happening, I think any of the remaining men deserve to win...although it's a shame Clarence and Kelly were robbed blind from the chance to get that far.

One more question (finale): Did anyone see that one coming? All the magazines agreed; Ethan deserved to get to the million. However, any avid Survivor watcher knows that rarely happens in this game. Most often, the nudist with the secretive alliance wins (Richard) or a woman wins, who stayed under the radar as her two stooges did all the work (Tina). Ethan was perhaps the most likeable, congenial contestant of the whole lot of 16. To see him win...well, let's just say it was a pleasant surprise, as I think everyone on the 'net will agree.

Survivor III: Africa

Once Again: The Finale (when it airs), The Winners, And of course, The Cheaters...

A Review by Techtite

If you still need a summary of the show itself, read my review for the premiere of the first Survivor. It's three seasons so far are all pretty much the same; only the locations change. Actually, though, the contestants are always very different (and how!). As a result, I once again find myself wanting to review the show based on each player, for better or worse.

 This page will be updated every Friday Morning, right until the finale.

Diane Best One-Line Summary : A Survivor contestant accused of "lying"?...I'm going to faint. My Comments: This is a paint-by numbers vote-off. Diane was the only contestant, in the very first competition, to practically PASS OUT. Who wouldn't vote her off? You can't blame her, though, for trying to take advantage of the one, single hope of staying in the game; acting as if she "didn't ask" Clarence to open a can of beans, which both he and she ate, when she was still recovering. If you didn't ask for them, girl, why'd you eat them? Aside from the long-winded Tom, however, nobody felt that the strongest member of the team was less important than the weakest; Diane was voted off, 6 to 2.  Booted Off: 1st High Point : Well, she may have passed out, though she reached the finish line. Low Point : If she stuck up for Clarence --and told the truth about the beans-- it would've been the overly condescending Tom who was sent packing, and not her. Bad call, Diane. Rating : Near Miss.

Jessie Best One-Line Summary : Another reason never to "ally" yourself with Tom. My Comments : Once again, bean-lovin' Tom attempted to get Clarence booted off, via votes made by himself and...well, the one who'd really get booted off. Is this Tom's strategy, for the rest of the game...? Get the person he really wants voted off to vote against Clarence --just to get Clarence's goat-- yet keep Clarence in the game, as the MVP that everyone knows he is? Nice strategy...too bad the ladies of the Boran team don't have a better one. Booted Off : 2nd High Point : Upon returning from tribal council #1, she took the time to listen to Clarence's side of the story...a sign of fair, unbiased objectivity that none of the other teammates seem to have. Low Point: Yet another foolish girl falls for Tom's "let's vote for Clarence and I promise You're not the real one to be voted off" ruse. Rating: Large Crater (she played a good game, while she lasted).

"Doc" Carl Best One-Line Summary : If Generation X is so less guided and focused than you are, Carl, why'd you lose a quiz to one of them...? My Comments : I wanted to like Doc Carl; I really did. Then he had to get all biased --and quite frankly, more than a little prejudiced-- implying that every single member of "Generation X" has to be lazy, while every member of his ex-flower-child generation has a strong work ethic. Come on, Doc; is that totally true? Yet Carl insisted that his 40-something alliance was filled with people "who have a sense of responsibility," while those youngsters against him "are confused in their lives." Why then, did Carl lose to the meekest 20-something member of the team --Lindsey-- in a tie-breaker QUIZ? Alliances are one thing; losing a QUIZ is your fault and yours alone. Booted Off: 3rd High Point: ...Not half as annoying as Linda. Low Point: As soon as he got all huffy that nobody was helping him seal the crack in the water jug, someone should've explained to him that it can't be done, in the the middle of a desert, with nothing more than sand. Rating: Near Miss.

Linda Best One-Line Summary : Career Counselor, Counsel thyself! My Comments : My beef with Linda isn't her neo-hippie rants about gods, goddesses, and the spirits of the land. What really irks me is that in real life, she is a college career counselor, for the exact same 20-something age group she demoralized each week on this show! As for her endless talk of "mother Africa," Linda reminds me of Chekov in Star Trek; the Russian who claimed everything was invented by, written by, or originated from his Mother Land Russia. Linda is similar about her Mother Africa; she talks the talk, that the spirit of Africa is the seed of all civilization (or so she wants us all to believe), yet she seems totally blind to every other life or culture on her team. So what if Lindsey is on the ground with pain in her kidneys; according to Linda, Lindsey should be setting a good example for the "gods and goddesses" of Africa! You first, dear.  Booted Off : Fourth High Point: She goes back to a career in Harvard...which, hopefully, wasn't watching the show.  Low Point: ...When acting so catty about the seriously-in-pain Lindsey "not being so strong." Linda, girl, as soon as you have pains in your kidneys, yet can still carry firewood to the camp, then you can talk. Rating: Burnout

Silas Best One-Line Summary : Strategy, shmategy; he should've allied with the 40-somethings. My Comments : Many are divided as to why Silas allied with the 20-somethings, and not the 40-somethings of his tribe, when a line was drawn in the sand (if we're laying blame here, FYI, the line was drawn by the 40-somethings). Perhaps it was because of the catty way the 40-somethings reacted to Lindsey's dehydration, where Frank loudly jested "Barbie falls in Africa...har har!" Maybe, on the other hand, it was because the 20-somethings were easier to control in an alliance. To hear him say it, it was all strategy to get to the tribal merger. Either way, when the "twist" of the show was presented --and three members of each team went to the other-- Silas' days were numbered, without a single one of his former alliance to support him. In truth, he deserved to be still in the game just as much as anyone else from the former Samburu, though it didn't turn out that way. Booted Off : Fifth High Point: For what it's worth, he played the game no differently than Richard, Sue, Tina, Colby, or any of the other alliance-using yin-yangs of the first two seasons...  Low Point: If he had just tried to keep his team together, instead of supporting its rift, he would've been in the game much longer. He also would've deserved a higher rating than... Rating: Near Miss

Lindsey Best One-Line Summary : Jerri Lite. My Comments : Lindsey has her share of unpopularity online, with some message boards comparing her to Jerri from Survivor 2. However, she's a few miles away from Jerri territory in my book...even if my rating is the same for both. To be fair, her team's 40-somethings were annoying --flaunting their alliance like pompous "untouchables"-- and to stay in the game, Lindsey's 20-somethings formed their own alliance. Why shouldn't they have...? Frank in particular treated her dehydration and kidney pains so callously --"Barbie falls in Africa...har, har!"-- that their pomposity would've irked anyone. Be this as it may, she had her faults. Lindsey was a bit whiney --almost as bad as Stacey in Survivor 1, or Kimmi in Survivor 2. She also considered sending alliance friend Brandon packing, just to save herself from her inevitable boot-off. Just thinking of that is worth a thumbs-down for the thought alone. Regardless, it was one whale of a dull show with her gone. Booted Off : Sixth High Point: She helped boot Carl and Linda off the show. Thanks. I used my "mute" button much less frequently.  Low Point: "Spiking the ball" after winning the quiz with Carl, telling the 40-somethings "don't [bleep] with me, people." War stories like that allowed Frank/Teresa to earn Boran tribe's sympathy...and last longer than any former Samburu tribe member. Rating: Near Miss

Clarence Best One-Line Summary : Beans, Beans, the magical fruit... My Comments :  Let me get this straight; 18 days into the game, Lex is still peeved that Clarence ate that can of beans on day two (or three) without permission? So peeved, in fact, that Boran risked their cinchy, 2-way lead over Samburu, just to vote off Clarence ASAP when the tribes merged. This is DUMB. Clarence was a loyal teammate who would guarantee their lead over Samburu, until the Samburus were gone. If that made him the, say, eleventh player to go, fine. Clarence was no Jerri. He deserved to stay in the game longer than Brandon, Teresa, Frank, or even Tom. Too bad, Clarence. Booted Off : Seventh High Point: Regardless of how totally dumb his deal was, to use "rock paper scissors" to decide if he or Teresa would win immunity, he held his promise, and dropped out of the competition gracefully...  Low Point: ...yet there's a time when too much grace is a bad thing. When Lex told Clarence to his face that he was the next to go, Clarence should've told Lex to CRAM IT. Rating: Large Crater

Kelly Best One-Line Summary : "Gee, what should we do with Kelly; our one, single, deciding vote? Oh, I know! Let's vote her off! Duhhhhh!!!" My Comments :  Clarence, at least, can rest easy now. Lex didn't vote him off because he was being racist; Lex is actually a total moron. Who would expect him to have reduced his team's cushy, 2-vote lead over Samburu, down to nearly "even odds," with the sole (lucky) exception of a fence-straddler from Samburu named Brandon? If Brandon didn't so meekly stab the back of his own team, this voting off of his own tribemate would've been the end of the Boran team completely. However, I digress; Kelly was a mistake to vote off, in every possible way. She stayed loyal to her tribe's wishes, and voted with her team as they wished, even when she objected to their decisions (like Clarence). On the other hand, maybe if she saw how back-stabbing Lex had become, she could've allied with Samburu earlier, and with Clarence on board could still be in the game. Either way, Kelly was given a bum deal. Booted Off: Eighth High Point: Lex should've apologized to her in the season finale "reunion episode." She had been a loyal teammate, after all...  Low Point: ...and yet the team she was loyal to, was filled with wishy-washy nincompoops. Even Kim J. voted for her former friend...? Shameful. Rating: Small Crater

Brandon Best One-Line Summary : Why oh why did he switch sides from his former team, when they were so close to victory?!? My Comments: Forget the alleged "need" to be nice to the token gay player; Brandon was --gay or not-- a total weenie. He flipped-flopped so many times, you began to think his luxury item was a coin he could toss. He acted like he was ready to help Lindsey stay in the game in episode 6, only to whine about how glad he was that she was gone, as early as the next morning! Last week he went one further, by actually allying himself with paranoid Lex, to topple him topple Brandon's own teammates. Did he really think the former Boran tribe was suddenly going to be his best pals, after agreeing to back stab his own tribe...? They knew better...and by that point, so did Samburu. See ya, Brandy! Booted Off: Ninth High Point: His pratfalls during the flaming arrow competition, in an earlier episode, proved to be one of the more riotous highlights of the show so far. Low Point: If he hadn't been such a wimp, he wouldn't have been so easily swayed by Lex, and his team would've snatched victory from the jaws of defeat. Instead, by contrast, Brandon single-handedly snatched defeat from the jaws of victory. Rating: Near Miss

Frank Best One-Line Summary : Sure, I wanted him gone...yet not like this. My Comments: Does Frank deserve a thumbs-down in this game? Absolutely; his brilliant plans for his own Samburu tribe, allowed the born loser Boran tribe to get the upper hand. For the first whole week, Samburu tribe was #1, winning two immunities in a row...then the 40-somethings started loudly flaunting their alliance, much to the agreement of Frank. No matter how much you disliked Lindsey, when she was on the ground with kidney pains and dehydration, only to have Frank walk away and jest, "Barbie falls in Africa...Har, har!"...that was just plain cold. Then the tribes split, and, no matter how much he hated Silas, he stupidly helped the opposing side throw the immunity challenge, so his fellow teammate would be ousted, and Boron would begin their laughably wimpish lead to the millionaire seat. Admittedly, at this point, I still wanted paranoid Lex to go first. Unfortunately, Lex won immunity, and as Frank found out, anti-social behavior leads to very shaky "friends." Even Teresa voted off her only remaining alliance partner. Ouch. Booted Off: Tenth High Point: Admittedly, his archery skills helped him teach his teammates how to shoot an arrow, and they won the flaming arrows challenge as a result. Low Point: If Teresa asked Kim J. to help them vote off Tom, maybe she would've gone for it, and not voted off Frank. Unforunately (Duhhh!), she asked KimJ. to vote off Ethan; aka, the only reliable friend Kim J. has in the whole game, and the whole reason she got this far. Bad move, Teresa! Rating: Near Miss

Kim P. Best One-Line Summary : This season's Colleen (or Elisabeth) is voted off...in other words, it's time for the show to anvalanche right into boresville. My Comments: Episode 11 seems to be bad luck for the cutest contestant. If said contestant isn't booted off as #11, they will be soon. Take Kim P., for example, who quite frankly had absolutely no reason to be booted in the 11th episode. Why her, and not Teresa...or Lex...or Tom, for that matter? The remaining 5 apparently knew that their boil-covered backsides would never have a chance against Kim P. in the final two, and they were totally correct. Regardless, it still was mean to play this card so soon. After all, consider the home audience; who in the name of Bob Barker are we supposed to root for, now?!??? Booted Off: 11th High Point: Again, not "cuter than newborn puppies (as I said for Colleen in season 1), though still far, far, far more congenial and likeable, than anyone else on this motley crew of a so-called season. Low Point: Allying with Lindsey...and Brandon, for that matter. Rating: Large Crater

Teresa Best One-Line Summary : Is Lex totally blind...and deaf? My Comments : I don't really have anything against Teresa; anyone who has caused so much paranoia and comic shenanigans with Lex makes for good TV, after all. However, for her antics to have led to the boot-off of Kim P...and Kelly...and Clarence...yes, it was time for her to go. She was right in assuming that cozying up to the enemy would keep her in the game longer than her other Samburu tribemates...she was way off the radar, if she felt they'd keep her on after her usefulness to them expired. Booted Off: 12th High Point: The total paranoia she created in Lex, by voting for him when he thought a member of his own tribe did, led to some of the best TV moments of the season. Low Point: Voting for Frank in episode 10, who no matter what you thought of him, deserved a lot more respect than that from Teresa. Did she really think that this disgraceful back-stab would keep her in the game for more than 6 days, TOPS? Rating: Near Miss

Tom Best One-Line Summary : Gee, that reminds me; what did ever happen to the cast of Hee Haw...? My Comments : His hillbilly accent and slang terms made most of his comments almost like a game of verbal scrabble. He also showed us a bit too much of his butt than anyone would have liked, complete with a feather in his backside at one point (no, I'm serious). However, he chose the right alliances and those alliances kept him in the game right up to the final 4. That's no small accomplishment for a goat farmer who won only one single immunity challenge. I may not have liked him much in the beginning --with his voting off Jessie, talking down to Clarence like he was a purse snatcher, and similar shenanigans-- and yet in that last episode, he certainly didn't deserve to be dissed by Kim J., twice, via two questions from other jurors. His down-home mannerisms were also far less grating than those by Susan, so he gets a marginal thumbs-up from me... Booted Off: 13th High Point:  While I hardly was rooting for him compared to Ethan or (earlier) Kim P., I must admit he led to some of the most unique, non-boring moments of the show (to put it mildly). Low Point: Like it or not, Kim J. was right; Tom was more than a bit sexist, and shouldn't have agreed to vote of Jessie...or Kelly, for that matter. Rating: Small Crater

Lex Best One-Line Summary : A man who will have to deal with dozens of "follow your gut" jokes for the rest of the year... My Comments : Lex pretty much had it in the bag by the tribal merge. His Boran Team was leading Samburu's 6 to 4, and his fairness in the game by that point meant popularity in the online boards. Then he totally went postal, going after fellow tribemate Clarence, then other tribemate Kelly, and nearly losing the whole game in the process! If it wasn't for realizing Brandon as the fence straddler that he was, Boran would've yanked defeat from the jaws of victory. Regardless, as the man who won the most immunity challenges, and as the one who got "the bronze," so to speak, it's hard not to respect the effort Lex put into this game. Booted Off: 14th High Point: He had far more reason to be steamed during the final jury questions than Kelly, and yet he composed himself very well and proved to be a very good sport. Low Point: His "gut" telling him a fellow tribemate voted for him, and not the obvious true culprit, Teresa, who was on the other team! Rating: Small Crater

Kim J. Best One-Line Summary : Tina could learn a lot from Kim. My Comments : Some may say that Kim should've taken tips from Tina, and maybe she would've won the million. Nope; actually, it's Kim who could teach Tina a little bit about humility, loyalty, and fair play. Kim J. knew she couldn't have survived if the men in her tribe didn't pick up her slack in the immunity challenges. She also knew who was the tribe member who always stood by her --Ethan-- and kept him on in the final competition, even if competing with Lex would've been a better chance at victory. She also showed more class than Tina, so I think we can rest assured her $100,000 prize won't be used for something as petty as breast implants (which Tina flaunts in the recent Reebok-for-women commercials). What is a better way for her to spend her money? That's up to her, though again, Tina should take heed to her choices. Booted Off: 100,000, second place winner! High Point: Keeping Ethan in the final two. Low Point: To be honest, she was singularly responsible for many of Boran's losses, before the tribal merge.  Rating:  Large Crater

Ethan Best One-Line Summary : Someone who actually deserved the million, actually won in Survivor. What a shocker!!! My Comments : I must admit, to say Ethan is the most congenial member of this sorry lot chosen for Survivor Africa, isn't too big of a challenge. However, I think Ethan could've been just as successful in Australia, or, for the most part, the first Survivor (until Richard Hatch's underhanded alliance booted him off, that is). He played the game well, not arousing suspicion in too many immunity challenges, yet not stabbing any backs, either. He didn't go ballistic, or try to deceive people, or, apparently, get into any major arguments at all. In short, Ethan is the first Survivor contestant to play by the rules, keep true to his promises...and still win the game fair and square. Booted Off: Winner of the Million! High Point: When Brandon, as a juror, asked "Who do you think least deserved the million?" the obvious choice was Brandon himself; he back-stabbed his own teammates, when they were so close to victory! However, who'd admit that to Brandon's face, as one of the jurors? Ethan, that's who, regardless of the potential consequences of his honesty. Low Point: Although some more avid watchers may call me on this, I can't think of a single low point Ethan did in this game. Therefore... Rating: Deep Impact.

...And so, that brings us to my final rating of this season. Suffice to say, finale night was a real pleasant surprise! Producer Mark B. & Co. actually came through --if just for once-- awarding someone truly nice with the million dollar prize. Making things even nicer was the humility of the two final contestants, and the relative lack of any major hissy-fits from the Jury (with the possible exception of Kelly, who actually smiles too much when talking to take her roasting too seriously). In short, a nice season.

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