Techtite's TV Reviews!

"[Bachelor #2] is the typical ex-jock who's  a party animal first, a lothario second, and after 98 other categories, "eligible husband" squeaks in at #101...This show clearly never got 100% of his attention span. The feeling's mutual."

---from the review

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Sidebar ::

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Would the producer's head get out of the clouds, NOW? It's far from uncommon for a producer to be in "spin control" when asked about his show.  However, when even the likes of MSNBC has revealed the truth, such spin control quickly becomes pure denial. It is confirmed BEYOND A DOUBT that the first season's couple are not engaged. It is confirmed BEYOND A DOUBT that Joe Shmoe (okay, okay: AARON) and Helene have only seen each other TWICE since the show wrapped up its taping 12 weeks ago. Furthermore, in true banker fashion, Aaron has insisted Helene sign a prenuptial agreement, though in case of break-up, she can keep the ring. Yet the producer insists that not just Aaron and Helene, though even the original couple are "still together." I'm sorry; someone needs to get up to speed here. Seeing as how most of my information comes from MSNBC, I doubt it's me.

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The Bachelor

A Review by Techtite

(review posted October 17th, 2002)

When The Bachelor first premiered in early 2002, everyone wondered what ABC was thinking. The Disney-run, family-oriented network normally avoids tabloid/reality TV shows like this as if they were The Plague. Its only saving grace was in the quasi-romantic possibility that Mr. Wrong would find Miss Right and they'd both be happier. When the finale made the whole value of the show worthless --he wanted to just keep casually dating the last girl-- audiences scoffed...only to have ABC decide to bring the series back, for at least two more goes. What is going on, here?

Here's a run-down: one bachelor is chosen, who is of good economic standing (read: he moved out of his parents' basement), cute (or so the casting agent thought), and ready to get married (<cough> <cough>). Enter 25 surprisingly bright young ladies who are, college degrees notwithstanding, stupid enough to let this show treat them like prostitutes, as they are pimped to the groom-to-be. Each episode, the bachelor gives roses to the ladies he wishes to keep dating, until one girl remains, who is to be proposed to on bended knee. Yeah, it sounds slightly romantic...sort of. HOWEVER...

Here's where an already saccharine idea turns very bitter and sour. Their choice as Bachelor #1 could not resist the temptation to "take advantage" of his situation. A LOT. So the "winning" girl has to watch the show on TV, seeing her boyfriend party hearty with any number of other women from the series. Oh, yeah, in case you didn't read between the lines when I said "boyfriend" and not "fiancée"; nope, he didn't propose to her! He claimed it was because he wanted to date her "for real," and then give a real proposal. Less than a year later, they've officially broken up. So, yeah, we all watched the show for nothing.

So, what does ABC do, with so much egg on their face? Bring the series back! You'd think this was to save face, though maybe not; their choice for bachelor #2, quite frankly, has the personality of a carrot. Let's just call him Joe Shmoe, since his true identity --and personality-- is clearly not as important as his looks. Joe is the typical ex-jock who's a party animal first, a lothario second, and after 98 other categories, "eligible husband" squeaks in at #101. He keeps one girl on hand only because she was "Miss Idaho"; then he talks to her, finds out she has emotions (gosh!) and gives her the boot. Another girl won't likely be the one he'll propose to in the finale, but, so what; share a rub-a-dub-dub in the tub with her anyway! His bored expressions in his commentaries --explaining these so-called "thought processes"-- get annoying really fast. This show clearly never got 100% of his attention span. The feeling's mutual.

Here's a typical moment that speaks volumes to me. Helene begins a one-on-one date with Shmoe at a ritzy clothing store, all to herself, compliments of ABC. She jovially puts on a pair of skin-tight, nothing-to-the-imagination pants which make her look, quite frankly, like a street prostitute. Shmoe goes on and on about the pants, totally oblivious to how his eyes are not saying, "You look beautiful!" as much as, "Hey! I can see your butt!" She goes to the dressing room with her hands covering her "assets," clearly showing how this date will be totally ruined for her, if Shmoe insists she choose the hooker pants. She then tries on a glamorous, elegant cocktail dress, looking to Shmoe for a simple "You look beautiful" --which she did-- so they could be off on the rest of the date. Instead, Shmoe says, "Hmmm...are the pants totally out?" BIGGEST. MORON. EVER. What's worse, his pouty attitude --and the fear of being booted because of it-- made her choose the hooker pants, leading to insecure small talk at best, and a mere palsy-walsy date at worst. This is romance?

Of course, I'm sure I'll be sent letters, telling me how "none" of this could be so if he truly did (spoilers notwithstanding) propose to one of the girls at the end. How could this be, if he wasn't truly in love with this girl? Answer: because Disney Television made it a part of bachelor #2's contract. Think about it; a proposal means nothing until you walk down that aisle. Semantics notwithstanding --and particularly in this case-- he and his "fiancée" are still "just dating," no matter how much publicity hype Disney/ABC throws their way. You may think that the price of a wedding ring is a lot to give away, though in truth, given the experience Joe was given --with no less than 25 girls to date as he pleased-- the price of a wedding ring is a small price to pay. Yes, the girl he chose may be sweet and all, and having her as a fiancée for a year or two is hardly torture for "poor" Joe!...yet in the end, I'd be dropped onto the floor with slack jaw surprise if a wedding actually occurs. You read it here last!

The bigger question here is, who invited Joe Shmoe in the first place? No sooner did the first season end, then the female "runner-up" was offered a chance to be in a second installment to be called, "The Bachelorette." While that sounds like an intriguing concept --if just in a feminist tit-for-tat sort of way-- it is unlikely to improve the original concept. The Bachelor is still a stupid idea, concocted by stupid people. Of course, what can you expect from the network that replaces That Was Then with a second hour of Funniest Home Videos? There are many things that can get me to watch ABC for more than just The Evening News. This show isn't one of them.

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