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Big Brother 3
I feel slack-jawed
with disbelief, that for three summers running, CBS has insisted to: 1)
renew Big Brother, 2) realize it's current formula is to
ratings what Kryptonite is to Superman, and yet 3) they continue to keep
99% of the exact same formula, which does not work. What is
really annoying about this is, Big Brother 3 could've easily been another Survivor
or Amazing Race,
yet decided to just re-use the same Big
Brother 2 formula, with merely 1% changed. That's not enough,
guys.
So, what's changed? For starters, no more kiddies using
their piggy banks to pay for juvenile insults via those airplane banners over the house!
Word is that the new house is near the Burbank Airport, so no
banner-planes can be flown overhead (bravo!). Second, houseguests now compete for the power to "veto" one of the two nominations for
eviction that week. Many think this will be a twist worthy of the tribal
"switch" in Survivor
3, yet when you look at it, they barely used the power of veto
at all, and those who did paid for their generosity by leaving before the
vetoes person themselves (like Gerry). What's worse; they can't use the
veto on themselves if nominated, reducing half of the whole suspense.
What reality TV shows boil down to,
however, are the participants. Here's some thoughts,
and a performance rating, for each:
The Techtite.com ratings system (icon version):
 Burnout
 Near
Miss  Small
Crater  Large
Crater  Deep
Impact
Lori Best
One-Line Summary : The first to start an argument...and the
first to go. My Comments:
Lori was --to look at the video that aired on TV-- the only contestant picking fights as
soon as she got there. To be fair, Lori is perhaps
the only person in the whole house who faced the real
Danielle, and not the "Oh can I be your friend only until I vote you
out so I can be in the final two" Danielle. This resulted in one of
the more heated arguments in the house, between Dani and Lori. Sadly, Danielle had enough
"friends" to ensure Lori would be evicted as
soon as Lori was nominated...which, sadly, was right away. Booted Off:
1st High Point : Leaving the house
when it was still pretty civil; i.e., the first few days! Low Point:
Not in the house long enough to know if being in the house longer would've
made her look better or worse. Rating :
Near
Miss
Tanya Best
One-Line Summary : Another "pawn" gets "rooked"...
My Comments:
In your wildest predictions, could anyone have seen the obnoxious,
butt-grabbing Josh squeak past an "obvious" eviction, in a
5-to-3 vote between him and Tanya? Apparently, the boys in the house
wanted to act all high and mighty to the girls, evicting the girl with the
biggest chest. They should've ran this past the girls, however, who wanted
butt-grabbing Josh to go, go, GO! Admittedly, Tanya led to half of the
video footage being unusable on television (including a "beauty
pageant where she, Chiara and Lisa were decked out in "peanut butter
and flower petals" bathing suits with little to the imagination). There's also that
"jovial" shower she shared together with Chiara. Regardless, she
was irrefutably the surest chance at ratings for CBS...and she left as
early as week #2.
D'oh! Booted Off:
2nd High Point: Once again, at least
ONE of the house guests was willing to make the online, pay-per-view Live
Feeds worth anything more than a bright, shiny nickel. Low Point :
When evicted, few could contain their shock. Unfortunately, neither
could Tanya, who was totally ill-prepared...no matter how little one has
to prepare for Julie Chen's "interviews." Rating :
Small
Crater
 Amy,
v1.0 Best
One-Line Summary : Behold the power of cheese...for what it's
worth. My Comments:
What is so bad about liking cheese? What is so bad about flirting with
a boy (Roddy) whose alleged "girlfriend" (Chiara) has only known
him for a
week...? What is wrong with a drinking binge? Well, okay, that last
part's a little bad, though aside from various inebriated moments, I have little
more to personally say against Amy (shown here, with Marcellas and Chiara
in the background). I dunno; maybe I just missed the reason she was dissed
by the other female house guests, other than her flirtations with Roddy,
which quite frankly were totally harmless. Then Roddy nominated her for
eviction --apparently, as a sign of good will to "girlfriend"
Chiara-- only to nominate Marcellas, as the "pawn" that ensured
her departure. Marc gets so sissified at the thought of getting even one...single...solitary vote against him,
that as soon as he hears Amy is trying for a single
sympathy vote, he yells at
her until she's in tears. Personally, I didn't care what Amy did by that
point; she deserved better than that. Marcellas felt bad about it though
--as he should have-- and in the end, he helped Amy get back in the
house...though that's a story I'll leave for later, as "Amy
v2.0"... Booted Off:
3rd High Point : Keeping her cool upon
a unanimous eviction. Even the cold shoulder from the other
"ladies" of the house could
not keep her from leaving with her head held high. Low Point :
Between those cigars she smokes and the drinks she downs like tap water,
she really needs to take care of herself a bit more. Rating :
Large
Crater
Eric Best
One-Line Summary : For those who thought Apnea was an allergy
medication... My Comments:
Who would've thought that
what appeared to start merely as strategy on Lisa and Erics part
--to harmlessly flirt with each other to form an alliance with one
another-- would turn into a romantic
couple, for real? If only Eric could get control
of his sleep apnea --talking out loud in his sleep-- they'd be a couple
out of the house, for sure. Unfortunately, Eric is also a play-to-win sort of guy, so upon
being nominated alongside Lisa, Lisa was all "I'd do
anything to veto his nomination," while he was, "Gee, it's too
bad she's leaving..." Of course, nobody could see the little
anti-alliance at play by now, with Danielle as the ring leader, making
sure Eric was the one to go. Seeing the shocked look on his eyes as he left, Lisa began sorting the
clues...so much so, that just two weeks later she wound up voting for Amy to return to the
house, not Eric. The tides of romance are a tricky thing; politics
in the house only made it worse. Booted Off: Fourth High Point : His
sleep apnea --speaking out loud while asleep-- may be a
more serious problem than the show implies, though it makes
for amusing TV! Low Point : His
diary room cockiness when nominated against Lisa --"Gee, I'll miss
her when she's gone!"-- will not bode well for their romance, when
Lisa inevitably hears it for herself! Rating :
Small
Crater
Josh Best
One-Line Summary : Very obnoxious...though he can be persuaded.
My Comments:
From his carefree flatulence to his butt grabbing of women in the
house, Josh was the contestant who probably knew he was on camera; he just
didn't know how he looked on camera. So fed up with Josh that she
wanted an iron-clad guarantee he was evictee #5, Chiara wound up
nominating "boyfriend" Roddy himself as the pawn to guarantee
Josh's unanimous vote-OUT. Sure, her nomination speech was cruel, though
if you felt sorry for him, that all went out the window upon the finale,
when he actually considered voting for Danielle to win the half-million.
His reasoning was that her way of playing the game was no different than
how he would play it. If this is his own confession to being a bit
duplicitous and devious, who are we to argue? Booted Off: Fifth
High Point : Not hitting the
"Panic button" that last week, even after being chewed out by
Chiara. This showed a form of courage few would've expected... Low Point :
...On the other hand, after his oh-so-inappropriate behavior in the house
--and oh-so-inappropriate jokes-- he could've been a bit more courteous,
in a game where what people think of you is crucial... Rating :
Near Miss
Chiara Best
One-Line Summary : "Kiki"...? My Comments:
Women hate Chiara for latching onto Roddy, apparently, simply because
he's cute and has a nice derriere. Whatever the reason, this
"alliance" was the one to topple, particularly after Eric and
Lisa's relationship was already "split" in week #4. Who else
would one expect to cause this split, than Amy herself, who in week#6 was
offered (along with the other half-dozen evictees) to bet a share of her
possible grand-prize winnings on a chance to get back in the house? Amy
bet as much as Eric, yet when it came time to pick one to come back in the
house, nobody wanted master strategist Eric back in, so Amy was baa---aaack...and as it happens, the HOH for week #6. Her first order
of business: nominating Roddy and Chiara as the next in line to go. I'm
not sure what type of mind games were at play that kept Roddy in the house
over Chiara, given that he was a bigger threat than Eric ever was.
However, Amy wanted Chiara gone, so gone she was. Booted Off:
Sixth. High Point : Leaving behind one
of her prized possessions in the house just so Roddy could have it a few
more days. Awww! Low Point : Even as a guy,
I would agree that her strategies should have been a bit more independent from
Roddy's. Rating:
Near Miss
 Gerry Best
One-Line Summary : Oki-Dokie Kenobi My Comments:
Am I the only one who looks at Gerry and sees a plumper version of
Obi-Wan Kenobi from Star Wars? Probably. However, I never remember Kenobi being as condescending.
He sees nothing wrong with acting as if Marcellas' nomination in week one
was prejudiced and only Gerry can save him blah blah blah, and yet Gerry sees
nothing wrong with going to the bathroom without washing his hands, or
forgetting to brush his teeth, or...oh, never mind. Still, the lovey-dovey couples needed their
cages rattled, so when Gerry won the fourth Head of household competition,
Eric and Lisa were indeed two good choices to boot off, regardless of how
cutie-patootie their relationship had become. I give Gerry a marginal
thumbs-up because he was a nice enough guy regardless of his lack of
people skills. I also did not like how in the end, even Marcellas --who
owed Gerry BIG-- voted for Gerry to go, unanimously. The candor Gerry
showed upon this stab in the back is more than worthy of a thumbs-up. Booted Off: Seventh. High Point : Not losing his
cool to these young whippersnappers, the way Kent did last year. Low Point :
...His overdone, holier-than-thou lecture when vetoing
Marcellas' eviction nomination in week #1, is what began the tides against
Gerry. Why was it so "obvious" Marcellas was being singled out
for racist or homophobic reasons? Rating :
Small
Crater
Roddy Best
One-Line Summary : Better an honest enemy than a false friend,
I say. My Comments:
Sure, when Chiara latched onto him like
one of those spider-things in Alien, Roddy took advantage
of a good alliance possibility. Who wouldn't?
Roddy was a gameplayer who wore his strategy on his sleeve; he never
promised one thing then made excuses for not following up on them (are
listening, Marcellas?). That said, what is it that really dropped his
grade to near-miss-ville? The way he treated Amy as co-nominee; that's
what. He allegedly had a deal with her as old as week#1 to veto his
nomination for eviction if she could, though to be fair, that deal never
offered the stipulation that she might be the other nominee, herself!
There's no way she could have vetoed Roddy without sealing her own
eviction, and Roddy knew this. Yet even on Live TV, he rubs their former
"deal" into Amy's face as if her not vetoing his nomination was
the worst thing she could have done. I really never thought his alliance
was any more "devious" than Danielle's, though. It's just his
sore loser attitude which caused his grade to fall. Booted Off:
Eighth High Point : He
really could've been a letch with Chiara, when either he or she had the
HOH room to themselves. In that respect, he was a perfect gentleman. Low Point :
When the girls are jokingly applying facials to the boys, Chiara wants to
do the same to Roddy. Pointing to the couch, Chiara asks Roddy to "Lie like
Eric." Smiling, Roddy cooly responds: "Okay; 'I love you very much!'
" OUCH! Rating :
Near Miss
Marcellas Best
One-Line Summary : Social critic, critique thyself. My Comments:
Yikes; for a man whose lifestyle is "gay," Marcellas is
rarely a happy man, is he? No sooner does he act all squeaky voiced
Richard Simmons one minute, then he gets behind the scenes (usually, with Danielle holding his leash)
so he can insult someone's hygiene...or drinking habits...or simply how
they annoy him, for no definitive reason. This is quite a biased,
"better than thou" perspective from a man who --let's be
candid-- should know better than to apply labels onto someone's lifestyle
(Tanya was right; labeling her a "stripper" mother was going a
bit too far). However, Marcellas went from "cool" to ice, when nominating "friend" Amy the prior week, giving a
holier-than-thou "intervention" speech that was as heartless as
it was uncalled for. Who was his second nomination? Roddy --who he
allegedly had an alliance with just two weeks ago!-- only to back out of
it in week #8, saying "that was just for that week." His
comeuppance would be handed out by "allies" Danielle and Jason, who
would become the sole instruments
to Marcellas' own eviction, the very next week.
Oops! Booted Off:
Ninth High Point : He
helped vote Amy back in the house, showing on that rare occasion, re
remembers what friends do. Low Point :
His nomination choices are like a bind man driving a gas truck. He first
nominates Josh and Tonya, only to have "pawn" Tanya go. Then he
nominates Roddy and Amy, when Amy is his best friend in the house! Oh, right; Danielle
doesn't like her. Good reason to nominate her...not! Rating :
Burnout
Amy, V 2.0 Best
One-Line Summary : She's back, and full of cheese! My Comments:
A "twist" in the rules gave Amy
and Eric the chance to get back in the house, with Amy winning the vote. However, was this
compassion from her ex-house guests, or just strategy? Eric would've spelled D-O-O-M for
Danielle's under-the-radar alliance at the time, so obviously they all
vote for Amy. Amy returns, wins HOH, eliminates Chiara and
Roddy's alliance (Chiara was next to go), then all of the
sudden Danielle is helping everyone "see" how bad Amy is to keep
in the house. Sure, she saved Danielle's backside from being booted out:
so what? Amy wound up being nominated for eviction every single week
she remained in the house! So catty was Danielle to Amy, she claimed the only reason she kept Amy in the game
this long, was because if they were the final two, D would be shocked
if the jury picked Amy over her. Yes, Danielle is that cold. The truth is:
Amy would've kicked Danielle's ass in the final two.
Maybe that's why Danielle's puppet, Jason, voted for her to finally go in week 10.
Sadly, we'll never know. Booted Off:
10th High Point : As a dog owner, yes, that moment when she was re-united with her pooch upon
eviction was cute. Low Point : After
so many condescending "interventions" from Marcellas, she never
once had the chance to tell him to CRAM IT. Rating :
Large
Crater
Jason Best
One-Line Summary : Puppet Mastered. My Comments:
To girls, Jason was the cute guy to root for, because...he's cute. One may wonder
why girls think Jason's "cute" while Roddy is a "schemer," when their
alliance schemes were practically identical. Probably because Roddy did his own
strategic thinking with his own brain --the cad!-- while Jason did a woman's bidding
like a good little boy. I don't blame girls
for preferring Jason due to his submissive, puppy dog nature, though don't blame a man for
thinking less of him, for that exact same reason. So "whipped"
was this poor boy, even until the very end, he voted for Danielle to win
the half million...even when she ADMITTED to his face, that she had made a
deal with Lisa to boot him instead of Danielle. Well,
Lisa kept her word, and booted Jason. Don't get me wrong; he's clearly a
nice guy who surely has a ton of friends back home. However, when it comes
to "guilt by association," his hands are as dirty as Danielle's.
Booted Off: 11th...Gee, thanks,
Danielle! High Point : While
the maneuver was pretty dim-witted, his alliance with Danielle nearly
got him the $500 G's, didn't it? Low Point :
Allying with Danielle. 'nuf said. Rating :
Near
Miss
Danielle Best
One-Line Summary : Promises, Promises, Promises, Promises,
Promises. My Comments:
Danielle is the master strategist that --darn it-- none of the house
guests saw until it was too late. She would tell people "I've got
your back" as if it meant something, only to vote for them to be
evicted, sometimes only a few hours later. What really made me dislike Danielle, however,
was how she cattily insulted people behind their backs, often minutes
after calling them a "friend," to their face, in the very next
room. This behavior peaked when she started calling Roddy the "devil," which
aside from what you think of him is a bit harsh. If Roddy's antics were
devilish, what would you call Danielle's, when making a last-minute deal
with Lisa to
boot out Jason --the sole person she hadn't stabbed
in the back yet-- if that meant Danielle was in the final two...? Jason
was the
sole reason Danielle was still in the game, and deserved better than that.
I guess upon the final week, her desire to
stab everyone in the back was too great. Booted Off:
The $50 Grand second prize winner High Point : Unlike
other players, she knew the most trustworthy person in the house
--Jason-- and made an alliance with him right away. Low Point :
Her panning of all the house guests in her diary room discussions --as
early as weekend #1-- was just plain petty. Her worst comment? Implying Tanya
uses her cleavage just to get added attention; this being said when Danielle's
own cleavage was in a blouse cut-down-to-there. Rating :
Burnout
 Lisa Best
One-Line Summary : Next to Jason --and in some ways, even above
Jason-- she deserved to win the game. My Comments:
Danielle once implied that the person who needed the
money the most deserved to win. I agree; Lisa
deserved to win. I'm sorry; did you think that I was going to say a media buyer needs
the money more than a bartender? Serve drinks for a week, and
think again. I think it speaks volumes that Lisa was voted 9-to-1 as the
grand prize winner, by every other member of the house. The only exception
was Jason, whose insistence on voting for Danielle made him look, quite
frankly, like a jackass. He even made a speech, imploring them to vote for
the one who played the game the best. Nice try, Jason, but that would be
Lisa. Who else could have kept their head held high after her alliance
started crumbling in week #4, only to be crowned the winner 8 weeks later?
Yet Lisa never stabbed any backs, and when offered $15,000 temptation
money in week 10, she turned it down flat, because the very offer meant
the others would not get a phone call from home. Sure, she made a deal with
Danielle to boot Jason, and yet that was her only
way to stay in the game, and Lisa knew it. Come on; she was up against two
"allies" that wanted her gone. Who was Lisa to not
take advantage of a last-minute plot by Danielle? However, I digress. Lisa was a
fun house guest and a pleasure to watch for 12 weeks. Will she and Eric
start dating? Well, with $500,000 in her pocket, the former bartender can
now own the bar. It's all up to her. Booted Off:
The $500,000 winner! High Point : The
only house guest to not accept a possible $15,000 prize, when doing so
would've meant they would not get a phone call from home. This was perhaps
the one, final selfless act that got her a 9-to-1 vote as the grand prize
winner. Low Point: Booting out Jason
when her heart clearly was telling her Danielle's sorry butt was the one
to boot. This meant Danielle left with $50 grand that could have gone to
Jason; a very low point, indeed. Rating :
Large
Crater
---------------------------
...so, in the end, what's the
final score? I'd probably have to give this season a Small Crater, if just
because on the one hand too many guests could have been chosen better,
though on the other hand, seeing a back-stabber alliance get their just
desserts made the whole season worthwhile. It's still a series with
problems, however; so much so, I've made a new list of Top Ten Suggestions
for Big Brother 4. Aside from that, once again; at least it was better
than reruns!
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