Techtite's TV Reviews!

Other Survivor seasons reviewed:

The first season!

The 1st contestants!

Australian Outback

Africa

Marquesas

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Sidebar ::

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Question of the Week (Week 1): How stupid is a practical joke among strangers? Another season, another sidebar filled with the biggest question of the week. In the premiere, we had John R. (not to be confused with John from last season!), who felt it best to make a little joke about finding a swampy mud-hole as their "drinking water" when in fact he knew they had a drinking well (with a cover to keep out the junk!). The trouble is, practical jokes are only funny when used among friends who know you mean no harm. These were total strangers. John R. was inevitably bootee number one. Oops.

Question of the Week #2: How sick is "sick"? Tanya felt sick, much like how Jessie in Survivor Africa felt sick, who was also booted second on that season. However, is booting off suck sickly contestants ever 100% wise? Jessie was a police officer who, if fed well, could've recovered into a formidable ally. Likewise for Tanya, whose social worker skills could've mended a few fences in her tribe if she was around during the whole Ghandia/Ted thing (more on that later). Do other tribemates consider the impact of their decision, or is it all, "Better the sick girl than me"...? 

Question of the Week #3: Did Robb seal his fate after the reward challenge? It was a major blow to Sook Jai tribe that their winning streak was crushed tonight. However, did Robb have to complain about it so much, knowing full well that tribal silence is their way of saying, "We're staying under radar: SHUT UP!" I guess I should've expected such childishness from Tommy Lee's long lost little brother (just kidding), though Robb could've been a better sport about his tribes single loss by that point.

Question of the Week #4: Just how "gone" was Ghandia, even before she was gone...? Within their episode recap last week, Television Without Pity polled over 1741 internet users, to see which message board nickname for Ghandia was their favorite. Here's the results: Goondia, 1%; Ghandinot, 1%; Ghandiva, 6%; Gonedia, 8%; Grindia,  27%; and last but not least, 57% voted for "That Crazy Bitch." Yes, that's TV w/o pity web site to a capital "T," and yet few couldn't see it coming when it came to Ghandia. Sexually harassed or not, she really was off the radar about it, and to go after Clay instead at the eleventh hour...? That's what cinched it. She was not a "wronged" woman at that point, but a woman trying to stay in the game. That said, she had to go.

Question of the Week #5: Will a puzzle ever be SOLVED by "puzzle whiz" Shii-Ann? This is yet another week where the immunity challenge was a puzzle more than brute strength, sport, or a race. All you had to do is sort out the right fish and put them in the right baskets. Sounds simple, right? That's what makes it all the more perplexing that, once again, the Sook Jai tribe loses an immunity challenge that was a puzzle, at a time when Shii-Ann still insists she can do puzzles "in her sleep." Maybe that's true, though there's no denying she's pretty worthless when awake. Why is her tribe keeping her on the team...?

Question of the Week #6: How good or bad was Robb, really? Maybe it's the nice things he said while inebriated that last night, though I had little complaint about Robb. Granted, he had one too many tattoos and at least one too many body piercings (his lower lip?!?), though in the end he turned out to be a nice guy. The very fact that his tribe voted him out anyway shows how they are the shallow ones, not him. Heck, even Patty cried when he left, when she helped vote for him to go! If she knew someone right next to her who deserved to leave even more --not naming names, Shii-Ann!-- she should've voted for her instead, IMO.

Question of the Week #7: Do wise men really shut up while idiots talk too much? Days after hearing Shii-Ann's little proverb last, week, I keep wondering if this "wise" old saying is, in reality, a big pile of hooey. Intelligent people have a tendency to talk endlessly about the most boring of subjects, while idiots reply to every other comment with merely a "Yeah" or an "Uh-huh." This sounds like some blowhard's way of implying he hates talking to dumb people who talk too much, though come on; how boring are smart people, who similarly, talk WAY too much? Okay, yeah; I should practice what I preach. Shutting up now.

Question of the Week #8: So, like, Sook Jai tribe really are that bad, huh? When Shii-Ann was part of the tribe, she'd always have this chipper attitude post-loss, telling viewers her tribe "meant" to lose the latest immunity, to get rid of uncongenial players. While this was hard enough to believe as it is, now they need to win to survive...and for four immunity challenges in a row, they're still losing. Heck, in immunity challenge #8 the team's younglings couldn't even stay underwater longer than a 61 year old! Seems to me this is a team that either is still "trying" to lose, or is just plain bad.

Question of the Week #9: No "offer" for the necklace wearer this season, eh? Last season, while never used, it was intriguing to see the politics at play whenever someone could "give" their immunity necklace to someone else if they wanted, yet didn't. However, none of that this season. I admit it's like a spice rack without paprika --in both cases, I could personally care a lot less-- though it would've been interesting to see the politics that might ensue, you know...?

Question of the Week #10: So, no "eating crap" competition this season, eh? Since there's not many questions this week, here's one that has been accumulating ever since week 3, when on prior Survivor seasons, the tribes had to eat disgusting things to win immunity. That competition seems decidedly absent. My take...? BRAVO! Leave the cheap shock value for cheesy Survivor wannabe shows like Fear Factor. Seasons of Survivor will be much better for it.

Question of the Week #11: So, the "eating crap" competition went to the relatives, eh? I guess I spoke too soon; the very week after I declare --huzzah-- no eating crap this season, up comes (no pun intended) the nauseating need for contestant's friends and family to eat disgusting bugs. However, the last two insects to eat were cooked tarantulas and scorpions? That is just plain wrong.

Question of the Week #12: Could there be a better message against alcohol? No sooner does Ted get drunk then he acts like a total goofball after the reward challenge. Considering Ted is the contestant who claimed he snuggled up to Ghandia "thinking she was my wife," this is saying a lot. Word to future contestants; lay off the booze! One big mistake.

Season Finale Question: Then why did she vote for Jan? If Helen wanted audience sympathy for her teammates "back stabbing" her without telling her she was to go, why then did Helen so readily vote for Jan, thinking it was either she or her? Her tales of woe would've fallen on much less of a deaf ear if she had voted for Clay, and done what she knew was the right vote, not simply the "safe" vote. It still stinks she was next to go, though. 

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Survivor (5): Thailand

Once Again: The Winners, The Cheaters, and lastly, The Finale...

A Review by Techtite

The fifth Survivor season, Thailand; intriguing locale, moderately-interesting contestants. I guess it's bittersweet to say that right up to the tribal "merger," no contestant stuck out like a sore thumb. I guess that's why they decided to throw in a monkey wrench and make the initial merger a merger of two separate tribes, not one. It was all downhill for the teams from there...and a rise for the TV audience.

However, as with any reality TV series, the season is only as interesting as the players. As it has been for 4 seasons, here is a run-down of Techtite's opinions of each castaway, in order of their boot-off:

The Techtite.com ratings system (icon version):

Burnout  Near Miss  Small Crater  Large Crater  Deep Impact

John R. Best One-Line Summary : The lesson here is, practical jokes are a bad ice-breaker! My Comments: It is commonplace for the first bootee to have been judged unfairly; contestants don't know each other in a mere three days, and it usually is just a matter of who wasn't the most goodie two shoes in the bunch (as well as who wasn't smart enough to keep staying under the radar...). Case in point: the only pivotal reason for John's boot-off is a practical joke he pulled; claiming that their water source was a muddy swamp, and not the small, cleaner well he found nearby. The point is, practical jokes are only laughed at by people who know you're just kidding. These people didn't know John yet at all. Oops. Booted Off: 1st High Point : Well, he has a sense of humor; that much is certain. Low Point : That dirty water joke would've been a lot "funnier" if he made it to one or two tribe members, not the majority of the tribe, and not when they're about to vote someone OFF! Rating : Near Miss

Tanya Best One-Line Summary : The yearly contestant to fall prey to the "elements"... My Comments: The biggest problem with Tanya was, her body wasn't liking this game very much. She threw up and seemed weak after a mere 6 days on the island. That was strike one. Strike two was during the last reward challenge she participated in, where her "directions" led her blindfolded teammates into trees and bushes galore. Was there a strike three...? Not really, though in this game, it didn't matter. Even if the following immunity challenge loss was hardly her fault, the prior reward challenge loss and her poor health meant a quit boot-off. However, aside from health, was there anything bad to say about Tanya? Not really...and on this show, that's extremely rare. Booted Off: 2nd High Point : Regardless of looking like she might be the next to go, she never tried to point fingers at other teammates to try and keep herself in the game a bit longer (not naming names: GHANDIA). Low Point : Not having a tribe that at least tried to take care of her, get her health up, etc. Rating : Small Crater

Jed Best One-Line Summary : Aside from "losing" a flimsy fishing net, I saw nothing bad about the guy. My Comments: Immunity Challenge #3 was a typical "Towers of Hanoi" (or, what some cynical gamers call, Towers Of Annoy) puzzle, where you must move a small tower from platform 1 to platform 3 while using platform 2 because you can only move one piece at a time and no smaller piece can be above a bigger piece blah blah blah. Sounds like a "Shii-Ann" puzzle, right? Wrong...or so says Shii-Ann, who allegedly "purposely" lost the challenge to boot off...Jed? JED??? Sure, he was a bit "lazy," and yes he is one of two people "responsible" for losing the net that any one of his tribemates could've helped him find, very easily. Oddly, Shii didn't choose to boot Robb, who liked Shii-Ann about as much as a root canal --and vice-versa-- and yet she helps boot Jed. Is there a deeper love for the fishing net that I'm not getting, here? Booted Off: 3rd High Point : His parting words were very graceful and sportsmanlike, unlike Shii-Ann's last-ditch effort to pass the buck to Penny, when she was next to go. Low Point : Video clearly showed him and another teammate looking for a fishing net that was right behind him in the water, just a little further off the shore. Could this be real; could he really have missed something that close by...? Rating : Small Crater

Ghandia Best One-Line Summary : Personally, I voted for "GhanDIVA." (see sidebar) My Comments: What can be said about Ghandia? Well, she's the one who took her tribe's big lead in the first immunity, and dragged them all the way to second place. She's the one who paraded naked down the beach without care (or so the little computer "censor" blocks imply). Oh, yeah: Ghandia is also the woman who started the whole "sexual harassment" spiel this season. She claims Ted copped a feel in her sleep, nibbled her neck and/or something else. We're to believe that Ghandia's legs were unable to move someplace else, that she was unable to (gently) smack him in his sleep and say "Knock it off," and most importantly, that this wasn't some blind ploy to stay in the game longer, as her tribe's Least Valuable Player. Her harassment cries almost had us fooled --as well as her female teammates-- until she shifted gears at the 11th hour, and wanted to help boot off Clay. CLAY?!? This was clearly an attempt by the weakest tribemate to stay in the game, not the act of a woman truly hurt by TED. Unfortunately, Helen and Jan could see the ploy at work here, and in the end, Ghandia's last dance was a dance right off the show. Booted Off: 4th High Point: Not guest starring on "Oprah" the day after this "sexual harassment" episode aired. Low Point: Whatever Ted did to her, she let it happen, as frustrating as that is to admit. Ted may have been a letch, though if I was G's hubby back home, I'd really like to know why her boots weren't made for WALKIN'. Rating : Near Miss

Stephanie Best One-Line Summary : If it's any consolation, she was right; her fellow tribesmen's "tent" sucks. My Comments: Stephanie wanted to look for food those first days, while the men (and Shii-Ann, I guess) wanted to make shelter first. This was stage one of a schism of sorts, between Stephanie --a firefighter, and hardly a bad person-- and her tribe. Yet was she really that antisocial? I wonder. Conversation is a two way street, and I never saw any of her tribe approach her any more than she approached them. Unfortunately, gosh oh golly Miss Molly, another thinking man's puzzle --sorting fish into the proper bins-- was too hard for puzzle "genius" Shii-Ann to help solve, and she once again had to point the Weakest Link finger at someone else. Ooh; I know! The firefighter who might help us from losing every physical challenge here on out! There you go! All I can say is what I said earlier: if it's any consolation to Stephanie, their tent was a flimsy diorama piece of crap. Yet due to an apparent alliance we've yet to see, Robb stays, Shii-Ann stays, Patty-kins stays, and Steph goes. Go fig. Booted Off: 5th High Point : Seriously, she was pretty under the radar; if it wasn't for strategist Shii-Ann, her lone-wolf routine would've kept her in the game far, far longer. Low Point : ...however, surviving in a social atmosphere means making compromises. She could've at least helped make their P.O.S. diorama "tent," right? Rating : Large Crater  

Robb Best One-Line Summary : Tommy Lee's long lost little brother (just kidding) My Comments: Somewhere there is bound to be one of those "separated at birth?" magazine photos, with Pamela Anderson's ex-husband Tommy Lee shown next to Robb. With the oversized tattoos, body piercings, hair style...I'd be surprised if Robb didn't have a Motley Crue CD collection back home. However, beauty isn't skin deep, and when slightly inebriated that last night, he said a lot of nice things: never having a good relationship with dad, growing as a person on this show, and feeling a bond with his team. Then they boot him off. Patty helped his boot-off, yet seemed really sad about it, which really steams me every time: if YOUR vote brought you to tears with the result, why'd you vote that way, girlie? However, agreed; before the alcoholic confessional, Robb was to this season what Rob (one "b") was last season; a guy who often said the wrong thing at the completely wrong time. Unfortunately, this also means he was the one player this season, who brought life to the whole show...and now he's gone. Nice going, Sook Jai! Booted Off: 6th High Point: His parting comments --and his comments pre-boot-off-- elevated him to a thumbs-up level I never would've considered giving him after his sore loser spiel in week #3 (calling Clay a "punk" blah blah blah) Low Point : His endless banter elsewhere, had its limits. Rating: Small Crater

Shii-Ann Best One-Line Summary : Shii-Devil (in her own words; who am I to argue?) My Comments: To quote the words that Shii-Ann used to boot off Robb, just last week: "A wise man knows much but says little, a fool knows nothing but says too much." Philosopher, philosophize THYSELF! I don't think Shii-Ann has opened her mouth once this game, without putting her foot right into it. This peaked when she decided to rather openly pull a Benedict Arnold upon the presumed tribe "merger," where she planned to help Chuay Gahn tribe vote away her own fellow tribemates and nyah-nyah to them! Then Jeff Probst revealed a surprise; they weren't a merged tribe at all; they just shared the same island at first, to see what political angst would ensue. Indeed; Sook Jai tribe found their traitor, purposely lost the immunity competition (again!) and Shii-Ann got the heave-ho. However, she didn't leave easily; she had her share of things to say about how her tribe should vote off "manipulative" Penny blah blah blah, and how her attempting to change sides was understandable, yada yada yada. Gee, Shii-Ann, don't you know that a wise man says little while a fool...oh, skip it. Booted Off: 7th High Point: For her tribe to look to her for puzzle advice so many times --with no sign of why they should do so-- it would appear she's either shown them puzzle expertise we never saw, or they really were that much stupider than her. Low Point : ...regardless, did she have to act so smug about her "superior" intellect, in video confessionals? Show some class, Einstein. Rating: Near Miss

Erin Best One-Line Summary : A contestant who, from my vantage point, was far more "real" than Penny...breasts notwithstanding. My Comments: Penny peeved a lot of women who like to think they're fair and impartial and yet, whenever a chest strolls by that's bigger than theirs, well then she must be some conniver and get that evil marriage breaker outta here! However, insecure females notwithstanding, I find few people who can name one thing Erin did that was conniving, back-stabbing, or all out "wrong" in this game; a rarity, considering this is Survivor! However, Erin did have one fault --staying under the radar-- which came back to bite her when Penny did her little tear-jerker thang and suddenly the boys --who clearly were allied to vote for one of the girls-- booted Erin instead. Such is the game of Survivor, I suppose. Booted Off: 8th High Point : Her comments of support to team "leader" Jake upon their 4th immunity loss in a row, was very sportsmanlike and, to look at it at face value, completely genuine...  Low Point : ...then he helped vote her off anyway, showing that 20+ days under the radar isn't going to help you, when the need arises to be on the map. Rating: Near Miss

Ken Best One-Line Summary : So, NYPD...blue? (a bad joke; I know) My Comments: Not really anything bad to say about Ken, aside from being the typical "Pagoner" teammate, where upon merging, one team is larger than the other and what's left of the other team gets picked off one by one. Ken was clearly more of a threat to immunity than the older Jake and the always-smiling-yet-still-going Penny. So, he was the next voted off. However, all told, I have nothing bad to say about him, which is good (and in Survivor, quite rare!).  Booted Off: 9th High Point : He gets to spend time at "loser lodge" with a heated pool, lots of food, and Erin as the other jury member there. Aside from not getting the million, I doubt he's shedding any tears about his predicament!  Low Point : If they got rid of Shii-Ann long ago, his team wouldn't have voted off MVPs who were merely getting on the LVP's nerves, and he'd be on a winning team right now. Rating: Large Crater

Penny Best One-Line Summary : Crocodile tear. My Comments: Every time Penny helped boot off a fellow teammate, here come the water works. If it was that hard to vote off that person, why'd she do it? She had people she could've voted off that were far less tear-worthy --when it came to helping the opposition vote of Jake, her eyes were decidedly dry-- though she chooses to vote off the ones that lead to tears...? These crocodile tears became more apparent when she nearly helped vote off the one person who she should regret voting off the most, without one single tear. When it came between her and her older former "team leader," Jake, she was ready to sell him out in a heartbeat to stay in the game, all while Jake tried so hard to keep them both in the game; a tactic that, if not for Penny, nearly worked. The only reason I can see that the likes of Jan and Helen would not have allied with Penny and Jake is because, clearly, Penny and Jake are no longer a team. Of course, neither are the others by now...though that reality check will have to wait... Booted Off: 10th. High Point : Getting on Jake's good side enough to have her be the second-last member of Sook Jai to leave the game...for what it's worth. Low Point: While hardly uneasy on the eyes, she lacks the perky spark that earlier season's "Colleen" and "Elisabeth" had. Rating :  Near Miss

Jake Best One-Line Summary : May the last Sook Jai member please take the flag...? My Comments: There's nothing truly bad I can say about Jake. His team was riding pretty high for a long time, and if all his fellow teammates are no longer in the game, it's from no real fault of his...sans one. While giving Sook Jai tribe a nice sense of leadership, he could not sense unrest in the tribe, and nip such unrest in the bud. As much as I think she sucked, Tina showed such diplomacy, and won the million in Survivor Australia, partially, for that very reason. There's nothing really wrong about Jake's personal strategies, though --no back stabbing or other shenanigans went on-- and when he left, it was only because it was the last chance Chuay Gahn had at a "Get out of Jail Free" card before booting off their own teammates. Booted Off: 11th High Point : When the tribes officially merged, he was OH so close to convincing Helen and Jan to join he and Penny to boot off the not-so-invisible Ted/Clay/Brian alliance... Low Point: ...though sadly, he wasn't close enough. Rating :  Large Crater

Ted Best One-Line Summary : The first of "Brian's alliance" to realize there was no alliance. My Comments: While I at first really wanted Brian to win, by Episode 12 his practices became more than a bit dastardly. However, how could they not? To stay in the game this long he made promises to every single teammate...and now, he HAD to vote one off. So, why Ted...? Because of sheer hearsay, where Brian heard Ted and Helen were writing names in the sand of who to go. Truth is, the name in the sand was CLAY...who used Brian's paranoia to play him like a well tuned fiddle, all the way to the $100,000 second prize. However, this has nothing to do with Ted. This was a man who played a good game. If it wasn't for Brian's paranoia (I sense a Survivor Africa's Lex, "gut feeling" joke brewing), he would've made it farther. Booted Off: 12th High Point : He still voted for Brian in the end, which shows true sportsmanlike conduct (a Survivor rarity!). Low Point: Even if what happened between him and Ghandia (in episode #3) was 90% paranoia on Ghandia's part, the claim that Ted "in his sleep" thought Ghandia was his wife was a weak excuse. True, she could've backed away from something as innocent as a little touchy-feely action; he still should've come clean about it, and nixed the "in his sleep" spiel. Rating :  Large Crater

Helen Best One-Line Summary : Winner of this season's "It sucks she didn't win" award. My Comments: Let's be fair: with Ted gone, the biggest threat was Helen. As a Navy instructor, she was the one who appeared to have the best stamina and willpower to succeed. However, when Brian booted her off without even telling her --even telling her to her face she wasn't next to go-- it was clear she was no longer "tied" as the best person to win the million; she should've won it, plain and simple. Her sportsmanship and teamwork snatched victory from the jaws of defeat for her tribe. Brian should've seen this. In the end, maybe that's what he feared most; by episode 13, she truly was a better sportsperson than he. Booted Off: 13th; the "Susan Curse," I guess. High Point : Even when episode 1 had her claim she would have "shot [Jan] first and [herself] second" if stuck all day in that canoe, she learned to respect Jan enough to keep her in the game right up to the final four. Low Point: ...though why did she turn on her, on the night it was "either her or Jan"...? Why, in fact, did neither Jan nor Helen consider swapping notes and voting off CLAY?!? Forget finger-points at Brian's direction; the power to change the guard was clearly Helen's and Jan's. Clay's leaving the game with 100 grand is their fault, and theirs alone. Rating :  Deep Impact

Jan Best One-Line Summary : Bat-Woman My Comments: If all your fellow teammates were starving, dehydrated, weak, and exhausted, would you look at a dead baby bat on the beach and take the time for a burial? That's the bittersweet kindness yet arguable peculiarity behind Jan; a likeable old lady who did just that in the first days on the island. Say what you will about such kindness; it more or less showed her team they needed a new "leader" (of sorts) and that role went to Brian. The decision made the most sense in the final episode, when Jan helps vote off Helen in the second-last tribal council, only to be all smiles about it in the next tribal council, as if they were still best pals! Well, if they were best pals, why'd they try to vote each other off instead of CLAY, hmmm? Jan's likeable yet still not-so-well-thought-out shenanigans lead me to a marginal, slightly regrettable thumbs-down. Eating chicken and then paying respects to the bones? It sounds considerate, yet I don't know... Booted Off: 14th High Point : One of the oldest contestants to ever make it into the final three. Low Point: When, by the season finale, a dehydrated baby bat got better respect than Helen did, how did Jan think that made her feel? Rating :  Near Miss

Clay Best One-Line Summary : This season's Luckiest Sonofagun. My Comments: I really didn't have anything against Clay, really; I just think that Ted, Jan and Helen deserved $100,000 for their hard work more than he did. Of course, who's the more foolish; the alleged fool who doesn't deserve the million, or the ones who helped get him to the final two, because they were sure they could win the million next to him? Brian knew this, though let's be honest; that had to be Helen's, Ted's, and Jan's strategies as well. Why else would not one of them have ever voted for Clay?!? Well, okay, Jan did --once, in episode #4-- though why never since? For viewers, Clay was the contestant who was fun to watch, even if you weren't exactly rooting for him. For contestants, he was a game piece used for a checkmate. Don't blame Brian for being the gamer left to make the final move, since that was the move all his fellow teammates had planned. Booted Off: The $100,000 grand prize winner High Point : His last dance, feeding on Brian's paranoia against Brian's own alliance, worked like a charm to the final two, and was brilliant strategy. Low Point: ...however, his "strategy" of telling three jury members to essentially stuff it with their questions to him, practically gave Brian the million dollars, in a vote of 4 to 3. D'oh! Rating :  Small Crater

Brian Best One-Line Summary : I think all of America was rooting for him 100%...until the final episode. My Comments: ...and yet, we still rooted for him in the final episode, too, regardless of the back-stab of Helen and, possibly, Ted. Why such loyalty to the final "snake/rat," as Susan Hawk may have called him? Because when rooting for someone to win, in 15 out of 16 episodes, old habits are hard to change. Of course, who can blame Brian for the same strategy everyone else had...? Clay's tactics made him the gamer who was the least likely to win, and therefore, the surest shot to victory if kept until the final two. This is why everyone --not just Brian-- kept Clay in the game. You really can't fault Brian for winning based on the same strategies everyone else was doing. Even policeman Ken's "I never would have done what you guys did" rant in the finale sounded like pure bunk; to say he helped boot off his own tribemates "because he had to" is mere speculation. The truth is, we'll never know who would have done what, if given the same Immunity Necklace Brian got on those last tribal councils. Brian played a good game, fair and simple...though, as Ted put it, it really was a matter of the lesser of two evils. Booted Off: The million dollar grand prize winner. High Point : Even when (however deservedly) jury members gave him both barrels, he kept his cool (which is more than I can say for most of the jury, or even Clay!)... Low Point: ...on the other hand: indeed, his tactics were hardly 100% honest. Rating :  Large Crater

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