Techtite's TV Reviews!

"So, in the end, what do we have? Well, we had a season where Bob kept Lee Ann on longer than anyone would've wanted, ditched the one woman on the show worth a darn, and kept the one woman who --sorry, reality is a bitch-- will not be too angry when Bob gives her the heave-ho in a few weeks."

---from the review

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Is this show only romantic when a woman's in charge...? Let's face it; when it comes to male Bachelors on The Bachelor, this show needed an IV of romance, stat! Just look at my review of the first two seasons, to get an idea. The first bachelor broke up with his new female "friend" (no; he didn't propose) as soon as he moved to Hollywood with celebrity pipe dreams. Then there was Aaron, who seemed to be in it just to meet a few cute chicks. Season three was the "Firestone" guy whose family once led the Firestone tire corporation; he's still engaged, though it doesn't seem like they're quick to get hitched, either. Was Bob the exception...? That's what many people hoped. Answer: nope. Sorry. Time to bring  in the next bachelorette, people!

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The Bachelor, Season 5

 ("Bachelor Bob")

A Review by Techtite

Back when The Bachelorette showed that the best man for the job was a woman (when wanting romantic reality TV, anyway), one of the evictees stuck out from all the rest: Bob, the slightly overweight yet jovial Average Joe with an apparent eye to get married. Well, I'm not a guy who would know, but it's said that many woman called and wrote in by the bushel, asking why someone like Bob wasn't on the show, as one of their lead "Bachelors." Good question. This fifth season of the Bachelor (well: fifth, if you count The Bachelorette) has the answer...

Let's cut to the chase: this season was slightly better than all prior Bachelors, yet not even half of what The Bachelorette was. The problem...? Let's start with Lee Ann; a walking fireball of sarcasm to the other ladies, yet seen as some sort of dove with an injured wing by Bob. Bob booted a lot of sweet, charming bachelorette hopefuls in order to keep Lee Ann in the game; a factor which made at least half of the season painful to watch. Of course, maybe someone liked it when Lee Ann went to poor Jenny and said sardonically, "No, I'm not talking to you Jenny; if I did, I'd be saying, 'Jenny'..." What. Ever! It took a long time before Bob wizened up and ditched Lee Ann. Too long.

Cutting to the chase even quicker than that: What went wrong this season...? Well, see, Bob is a guy who loves his mom very much; so much, she was brought on the show as a surprise guest in the premiere, to help Bob choose which women should be his first "15" finalists. Now, I'm the sort of guy who gets very steamed when he hears the term "Mama's Boy" just because a guy loves his mom. However, there's a big difference between loving your mom and asking for her advice when choosing a bride. This isn't an arranged marriage here, Bob! You should've made your own decision, from the very beginning. Proving my point: Mom took a liking to Lee Ann! Clearly, Bob's Mom didn't know what was best for her son at all. Did she want her future daughter-in-law to say to her during dinner, "I'm not talking to you Mom; if I did, I'd be saying, 'Mom'..."...? No, of course not. But hey; this was just the season premiere. Bob would wizen up and make his own decisions later, like a grown up adult, right? Right...?

Sadly...the answer was "no." This would culminate in a finale that shocked one and all, lest you paid attention to who Dear Old Mom liked during the obligatory last-episode "trip back home." It was down to two lovely ladies: Kelly Jo and Estella. Estella had a lovely chat with Mom, but Kelly Jo was understandably flustered in her first meeting with Bob's parents at his parents' own house. So, Mom says in a video clip that Estella was more open to her, and although she really wanted Kelly Jo to open up to her too, well... Clearly, Mom was asked who to choose, period. Okay, that's too harsh: there's no evidence that Bob can't make up his own mind on who to give an engagement ring to at the end of the series. But did he? Even Estella was shocked at his final decision!

Who should Bob have chosen? Just look at the episodes; the video footage of each date says it all. Sure, earlier seasons had their share of little off-camera red herrings, like the brilliant one where Trista was allegedly caught in a "speed trap" with "Charlie" in the car, when she actually chose "Ryan". However, anyone with half a brain knew that Ryan would be the one she'd chose, based on their dates together. If it had been Charlie, they would've edited the video as if he and Trista had "more chemistry" than she and Ryan. They didn't. Comparatively: Bob showed a lot of chemistry with Kelly Jo yet merely a sort of  "friendship" thing with Estella, and yet...nope; he chooses Estella. I'm just sayin'...

Now, I have nothing against Estella. Truly. It's just that if she was oh so much better than Kelly Jo, you would think that Estella would be offered a better reward from Bob than a "friendship ring." This culminated in a truly worthless season finale, where Bob insisted Estella place the engagement ring on her right hand, while they remain friends and see how things go. Huh?!? If he was this interested in simply making a new pal, couldn't he have chosen Kelly Jo? What exactly is going on here?

Not that I'm a conspiracy theorist by nature, but part of me actually thought this might happen, but only if the show's producers were to say among themselves, "Hey, if Bob chickens out in the finale, wouldn't Kelly Jo be great for season six...?" My guess; the producers went to Bob and said, in so many words, "Bob, my man, Kelly Jo would make a cool Bachelorette, so if you're going to chicken out and attempt some sort of 'friendship ring' malarkey, could you do it with Estella so we can bring Kelly Jo back as the next 'Trista'...?" Well, something like that must've been said. That's what I'm telling myself, anyway: Kelly Jo wasn't chosen, because Bob wanted out, so ABC urged him to choose Estella so they could make Kelly Jo the next Bachelorette in, say, season 7. You've read it here first.

[Editor's Note: According to reports as of the end of the year; that's exactly what they did, and offered her the very next season! Sadly, she refused, deciding to enjoy a young date life for a little while longer. Awwww!]

So, in the end, what do we have? Well, we had a season where Bob kept Lee Ann on longer than anyone would've wanted, ditched the one woman on the show worth a darn, and kept the one woman who --sorry, reality is a bitch-- will not be too angry when Bob gives her the heave-ho in a few weeks. So much for another Bachelor. Thanks for wasting your television couch potato time for another nine weeks, suckers!

---Techtite

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