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The 55th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards (2003)
I'm sorry; was I supposed
to be reviewing an awards show here? It seemed more like I was
watching Last Comic Standing. Apparently, some total idiot thought
it would be great to hire multiple hosts this year...and they all had a monolog to
offer, every 5 to 10 minutes of the entire show. No
less than 12 comedians tested everyone's patience, endlessly, with monolog
after monolog after monolog after monolog, as we all waited
for...oh, I don't know, how about the
awards to be handed out? Welcome to The 55th Annual Emmy Awards,
2003.
Personally, I'm glad it's over.
What went wrong this
year? Well, that's the problem with telling a dozen comics that they have
"equal billing"; each one thinks it is their job, and theirs
alone, to offer a show-stopping standup routine.
Normally, there is one monolog by the host at the start of the show,
followed only by short comic blurbs from the presenters. This year, we had
every single comedian offer a monolog, wasting up to a whole third
of the awards show, if not a full hour and a half. There was Garry
Shandling offering his latest cliché homoerotic joke, Wanda Sykes
shamelessly promoting her FOX series, and Darrell Hammond proving once and
for all that someone should stick a fork in Saturday Night Live: it's done. Martin
Short sang a song
ribbing "The Losers" that resulted in mere pity applause.
In a similar moment, Bernie Mac gave a monologue about his own
Emmy loss that was so poorly worded, it was hard to know if he was honestly
bitter, or honestly not funny.
 There
was even former Emmy hosts Ellen Degeneres and Conan O'Brien, who did such
a good job hosting the awards show the past two years, that their reward
is to now share the stage with idiots and morons. O'Brien even poked fun at the absurdity of
the format this year. In a mock attempt at an old-style musical dance number, he is told via intercom that they
have no time for his musical number after all, because of too many comedian
monologs running overtime. However, when viewers yearn to
have actually seen the musical number had it truly existed, you know you're
bored. Then again, how do you think O'Brian and Degeneres felt?
Personally, I felt sorry for them. Truly.
Adding insult to injury
was the ill-delivered John Ritter tribute, which without a stopwatch easily
available, I can only guess clocked in at a mere 30 seconds. After all the
minutiae from the "hosts," you would think they'd at least give equal time, to a subject
that actually mattered. This el cheapo homage included little
more than scenes from Three's Company and 8 Simple
Rules...; a mere
pittance of the 85
roles and 71 guest
appearances in Ritter's entire career. Making matters worse; this
memoriam was followed by an even more rushed video montage, of all
recently passed-away TV stars. This is a surprising rush-job, considering
that it's a list that includes Katharine Hepburn, James
Coburn, Buddy Hackett, and Fred "Mister" Rogers. We have time
for 12 monologues, yet don't have time for this?
The final straw was when
even the tribute to Bob Hope --yes, BOB HOPE-- seemed to take less time
than the comics, and their vain attempt at a few minutes of standup comedy
on primetime. What
total imbecile thought we wanted to "enjoy" last year's jokes more than this
year's awards show? If I wanted jokes without any
substance, I would tune into Comedy Central. This was an awards show.
It's a self-absorbed predictable awards show, yes, though an awards show.
At least I thought it was.
On the plus side, the
awards --when they finally got to them!-- had a few surprises. Debra
Messing finally won for her role in Will & Grace; a
performance that has garnered her four consecutive nominations, with this
her first win. Meanwhile Tony Shalhoub won the similar award for
Best Actor in a Comedy. His cable-TV
comedy-drama, Monk,
may not be as well known as Friends or Frasier, though his is
still The Best Performance By an Actor in a Comedy on television today.
The similar awards for Best Dramatic Actor/Actress went to James
Gandolfini and Edie Falco, for The Sopranos: predictable, yet
deserved. Even The Amazing Race beat out
its over-hyped competition, for
Best Reality TV Series. That's the good news.
As for the big awards of
the evening, they went to The West Wing (Best Drama) and Everybody
Loves Raymond (Best Comedy). These are typical winners for the Emmys
the past few years, and every year it makes less and less sense. Answer me this: how does a series like The
Sopranos get three acting awards, plus a Best Writing in a Drama
award, and yet The West Wing still wins as Best
Drama? As for Raymond, it needs to be finally said: sorry pal, everybody does not love you.
The critics are too busy praising HBO comedies like Sex and the City, Six Feet Under
and Curb
Your Enthusiasm. As for the omnipresent Nielsen's; they are in favor
of Friends or Will & Grace. Remember when the
Emmy reflected who we all thought should win the award each year?
Those were the days...
 I
guess it's only fitting that a Emmy year this flawed would have flaws that
stem right onto the stage...and the backdrop! The stage's giant "EMMY" would rotate to
let stars enter from back stage more easily. The problem was that
sometimes these giant letters would rotate until they were seen from
behind, where it appeared they spelled "YMME." D'oh! Look, kids,
it's the primetime Ymme awards. Man, what a relief; I thought I'd have to
insult the Emmys this year. Instead, I only have to insult the first
annual Ymme Awards. Man, did they suck! Wake me when it's over. Oh,
never mind; Zzzzzz...
---Techtite
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