Techtite's TV Reviews!

"Forget conspiracy-ridden rants from rotund rodeo clowns; it was Adrien Brody who would offer the sort of unbiased, unscripted speech that always leads to a standing ovation...and did. Are you learning, Mr. Moore?"

---from the review

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Letters; we get letters! As we get letters about a review, we like to link to some of them. Here is the top of the e-mailbag for this review:

"Not that I agree with [Moore], though some newspapers edited what he said as being just "political", without offering a full dose of how obnoxious he was."

The "little think lacking".... While the show succeeded in sticking to its midnight (EST) deadline without going overtime, I was a bit disgruntled at how they managed it this year. To get to the point: they removed all the clips showcasing the nominees! Usually you see a 15 second clip showcasing each nominee's "Oscar worthy moment" from their films. That was done away with this year. While this probably reduced the length of the program by at least 15 minutes, what's the point of a winner, if you have little or no memory of why they won at all?

The "Fictitiousness" of Michael Moore. The truth is: if Moore was as impassioned as he claimed about his latest rants du jour, he could've made a documentary about it, and let people make their own opinion. Instead, he offered his opinion during the Oscars, without any possibility of retort on the matter, as if his was "The Only Opinion That Need Be Said Or Heard™." Why? Because that's the sort of jackass he is. Oh, as for documentary nominees being kings of intellect; there is no such word as "fictition," halfwit. Something to think about the next time you overdose on Twinkies.

The "Fictitiousness" of Michael Moore's openness for debate. So, Moore is all for First Amendment rights, eh? ...OURS, or HIS...? Why is the "forum" of his site down, quite coincidentally, the very day after mumbling The Most Biased Oscar Acceptance Speech In 25 Years? Claims the main page of his official web site: "The Michael Moore Forum will be down for technical reasons until further notice. We apologize for any inconvenience." So, like, this error in the forum "suddenly" happened, eh? Yeah, right.

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The 75th Annual Academy Awards

A Review by Techtite

If a TV critic wonders if he's typing a review or an editorial, it has to be The 75th Academy Awards. Never has Oscar Night tried to be more "humble," only to be more controversial than the evening has been in over 25 years! As Steve Martin mused at the onset, "Well, I'm glad they cut back on the glitz!" This he said, while dwarfed by the typically oversized, golden Oscar statues. Yet even these giant Oscars would be dwarfed by one star's total arrogance, halfway into the evening.

Memorable presenters were quite rare this year. Alias fans got to see Jennifer Garner present the Best Animated Film award next to a CGI Mickey Mouse! This was a cute moment, and a nice slice of cake to swallow among so much castor oil. Likewise to a surprise appearance by Olivia de Havilland, who I'd presume was originally intended to show a salute to "75 years of Oscar," though over 15 people couldn't make it. The "59 years" of old stars was still an impressive group to see together on-stage, though. I'd say there were other memorable presenters of the evening, but...sorry, no.

Kudos, then, must go to Steve Martin. This was perhaps the hardest Oscar ceremony to host in decades, and after handling it with such panache, I'd really love it if Martin was invited back next year. From his subtle joke about he and Queen Latifah "Bringing Down the House" (the current #1 film at the box office) to his quick quip about Michael Moore (we'll get to that later!), Martin handled the hosting duties excellently.

Now, the envelope please. While it's unlikely anyone will win the office pool, nearly all unexpected wins were a nice surprise. Adrien Brody won for his role in The Pianist; a first-time nominee against four former winners. Good for him. Chris Cooper won as Best Supporting Actor; an outstanding character actor who's finally gotten his due. Catherine Zeta-Jones, meanwhile, offered two surprises: singing one of the best songs of the evening ("I Move On," from Chicago), and accepting her Best Supporting Actress award, all while nine months pregnant! The biggest surprise, though, would be when Best Director went to Roman Polanski, who regardless of being unable to enter the U.S. due to an outstanding court case, must be happy to have seen the standing ovation he received when he won. Yet Chicago still won the top prize of Best Picture, which is as it should be; it kept winning all evening.

Other surprises weren't as pleasant. Like Martin Scorsese still not winning a single Oscar; a gripe that speaks for itself. Meanwhile Nicole Kidman won as Best Actress, for The Hours. While I would hardly go as far as Time magazine did when they named that film Worst of The Year, I would say Salma Hayak, Diane Lane, Julianne Moore, and Renee Zellweger, each deserved the honor a bit more than Nicole. Last though not least, Spirited Away --a foreign animated film-- won as Best Animated Film, against more hyped competition like Lilo & Stitch, Ice Age, Treasure Planet, and the underdog hit Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron. Why Disney's double-loss? Simple: Lilo had the good writing, but Treasure Planet had the best animation. They've been spreading their animation staff too thin and it shows. I hope they change this, and soon.

By the halfway point, everything was surprisingly smooth as silk...until Michael Moore accepted the award of Best Documentary (Bowling for Columbine). Now, mind you, the only reason "films" like documentaries are nominated at all is because Oscar erroneously feels that documentary makers are more intellectual, and thereby give a "smarter" edge to the festivities. I think this theory needs closer examination, after Moore's decision to rant the following conspiracy-laden drivel:

"I've invited my fellow documentary nominees on the stage with us. We would like to, um...They are here in solidarity with me because we like non-fiction. We like non-fiction, and we live in fictitious times. We live in a time when we have fictitious election results, that elects a fictitious president. We live in a time where we have a man sending us to war for fictitious reasons...whether it's the fictition of duct tape or the fictitious of orange alerts. We're against this war, Mister Bush; shame on you Mister Bush! And any time you have the Pope and the Dixie Chicks against you, your time is up! [boos from the audience, so Moore cattily applauds himself]. Thank you!"

How ill-received was this speech...even among an audience of mostly- Democrats? Well, let's put it this way: the crowd began with a standing ovation for his documentary, then he opened his mouth, and everyone sat down in disgust. Many booed him off the stage. Moore later urged the media to "do their job" and report that only five people booed. This is a nice try, though sorry: the camera doesn't lie. This was hardly a mere five people booing! Moore even attempted a claim that all boos were from friends and family members, who wanted to liven things up among all the applause. This is a man who hates fiction? Dude; even if someone were to agree with anything you said, you made anybody who might agree with you look like a blabbering moron.

So, what was the result of Moore's rant...? Why, of course: it led to the two biggest laughs of the evening! One was when Kathy Bates introduced a video of past winner's anecdotes. The audience couldn't help but snicker --with Kathy smirking along with them-- as she mused about how Oscar winners are often so "excited or so numb, they don't even remember what they said or did...It's only later when they get the full impact of what happened." Indeed. The second (and far heartier) laugh was from host Steve Martin, who quipped "It's so sweet backstage...The Teamsters are escorting Michael Moore into the trunk of his limo." I doubt even Billy Crystal would've been able to handle such a crass moment with such quick wit.

Fortunately, people with true emotions knew what to do with them, and offered some truly great moments. When Conrad Hall's son accepted his late father's cinematography Oscar, his speech of not having a better gift in life than his own father, was truly heart-warming. Likewise for an extremely passionate Adrien Brody, whose off-the-cuff speech began with a long kiss for presenter Halle Berry, and included him humbly saying that "Whomever you believe in, if it's God or Allah, may he watch over you and let's pray for a peaceful and swift resolution [to the war]...I have a friend from Queens who's a soldier in Kuwait right now. I hope you and your boys make it back real soon. God bless you guys. I love you." Forget conspiracy-ridden rants from rotund rodeo clowns; it was Brody who would offer the sort of unbiased, unscripted speech that always leads to a standing ovation...and did. Are you learning, Mr. Moore?

Not that Oscar is against embarrassing himself from time to time. Like when Eminem won for Best Original Song; the only nominee not performed live! In fact, the foul-mouthed, four-letter-word-laden song from 8 Mile was not offered at the 75th Academy Awards at all; censored, or otherwise. If the Academy loved this song the best, why were they afraid to air even a portion of the song...? Presenter Barbra Streisand seemed peculiarly overjoyed that Eminem won this award. That makes one of us.

Not much else to say for an evening where most presenters just presented, the eldest big mouths seethed, and the newest big mouth is headed for an unemployment line behind Marlon Brando and Vanessa Redgrave! The outcome of the war is still uncertain, though one thing's for sure: we all survived another Oscar night. Will miracles never cease?

---Techtite

 

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