Techtite's TV Reviews!

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The 1st contestants!

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Question of the Week #1: Who was the real turncoat...?: Nicole was  apparently booted because her tribe members felt she was untrustworthy when she lobbied to get Tijuana off the tribe. Let's be fair here, though; the only reason this little tiff erupted was when Nicole tried to be nice and extend an olive branch to Lillian, who felt she was sure to be booted (and let's be frank; she was right). So Nicole tells Lillian that frankly, she'd just as soon boot Tijuana off...then what does Lillian do, but tattletale to all the other tribe members what Nicole said and <nudge> <nudge> maybe we should boot Nicole...? Yep, there's a real underhanded play that happened in this premiere. Nicole's wasn't it. Sorry.

Question of the Week #2: Will the Last Morgan scapegoat bring me your torch, now...?: Will Morgan tribe run out of tribe members to make into their next scapegoat, before they realize that they're just simply a crappy team...? First Nicole is the scapegoat, for an alleged lack of solidarity; now Ryan is the "weakest link" blah blah blah. Accept it, kids: it isn't any "one" teammate who stinks. Your whole tribe sucks. Accept it.

Question of the Week #3: So, Morgan tribe sucks, right...?: Survivor is incorrigible when it comes to "twists" to help out the underdog. Who can forget how they swapped teams in Survivor Africa, or how they showed the tribe of Survivor Marquesas an alliance's secret "pecking order," so that alliance could be defeated in time? Don't put your bets on a Drake tribe member as the final winner just yet. There's a few chances here that Morgan tribe will pull through...if just a FEW. At least there's a chance. Seriously.

Question of the Week #4: So, did Morgan tribe steal Drake's luck, or what?: In a surprise last-minute twist, Survivor host Jeff Probst reads a letter, saying that the winner of the immunity challenge, if by some streak of good luck is Morgan tribe, can choose any team member from Drake. They immediately choose "Rupert"; irrefutably, their best player. But Rupert was also their brains, not just brawn, which is all the more apparent when Drake goes to tribal council and boots off Burton; i.e., MVP #2. What is their strategy here? How sweet; you think they actually have one. Sorry, I doubt they do. They're too busy keeping Jon to realize they just piffled away their best chance at winning the next reward challenge, if not the next immunity challenge as well, if not...well, the whole game. Wait and see what I mean...

Question of the Week #5: Is keeping an imbecile like Jon going to ruin any chance of winning, for Drake?: Let's put it this way: they used to have a 3-person lead. They now have no signs of winning as little as one more challenge. If they lose next week, their lead is gone, and the teams are tied. Whose stupid idea was this? Well, it was Burton's, actually, though his idea was to boot JON, so he was actually quite smart. If they boot Jon next week they have a chance; if they don't, well, a Morgan tribe member wins the whole game! You read it here first.

Question of the Week #6: Who's the more foolish...?: This is a homage to a classic )though slightly confusing to some) comment by Obi-Wan Kenobi in the original Star Wars: "Who's the more foolish, the fool, or the one who follows him?" Well, based on these two tribes, I'd have to say Drake, because they had this game in the bag, only to intentionally throw a challenge, give the other tribe the self esteem they needed to win, and the rest is history. Drake used to have a 3-person lead; now, they're even with Morgan tribe. Nice going, guys; now all odds are considering Morgan tribe the dark horse in this race that just may win the game. We'll just have to wait and see for sure.

Question of the Week #7, part 1: Is the Drake Tribe Total Imbeciles for Keeping Jon, for Four Tribal Councils in a Row...?: YES.

Question of the Week #7, part 2: Is Osten a "quitter" or a "martyr"...? ...and what was up with Jeff Probst's needling Osten for quitting...?: As my fellow couch potato put it, "of course" host Jeff Probst was upset that someone was silling to leave, instead of an actual tribal vote; it meant for far less TV show suspense, after all! However, there's no denying that Osten quit, period. He was hardly thinking for "his fellow team," because if he was, he would quit his whining and use those muscles of his to help them keep winning. Consider also: had he quit earlier when he was allegedly already quitting, maybe the Outcast tribe would'nt have won, with such a quitter in their midst. Instead, the outcasts consisted of people who wanted to be (and possibly, return) in the game. Sorry, Osten...

Question of the Week #8: Video trickery or "biased cad who had to go"...?: People with bad long-term memories forget all the good Andrew did for his tribe. He was part of the tribe as it lost three immunities in a row, sure, though he was irrefutably the one who helped them take that three-man loss and turn it into a dead-even horse race upon the tribal merger. Who can forget how he practically blew a gasket trying to win that last two-team immunity challenge for his tribe...? Yet for his ouster, video editing made it a purely one-side argument. Lillian was wronged somehow! She was wronged by Andrew! She helped Drakes boot Andrew! What-EVER, Lillian. Video editing and one-sided arguments aside, you'll still be the scout master who couldn't even untie a simple know around a flag in that episode 2 challenge. Andrew booted you for a reason. A good reason. If you helped defeat everything he worked so hard for --for both he and his tribe-- well...at least the more gullible couch potatoes like you for doing so. As for me, well...ppppfffffttt!!!

Question of the Week #9: "Bitch"...?: No, really; why did Ryan O. call Christa a "bitch" when voting for her at tribal council...? Weird.

Question of the Week #10: Who's the real threat...?: The whole thing about booting Rupert is that people felt he was their biggest threat to the million. Consider how stupid this is: he was the most reliable, trustworthy ally, and you boot him because he can get immunity more than you...? So what?!? Just ally with him enough to be next to him in the final two and people will probably vote for you anyway, if just for pity's sake. Instead, they decide to boot him because he's a threat. This is a myopic plan, particularly for Jon and Burton; the newest "big threats" in the game. Booting Rupert now makes them the people with the biggest targets on their backsides. Bad move; one of them is surely next!

Question of the Week #11: What if she had allied with Sandra earlier...?: Admittedly, Tijuana was in a situation where she was one of only two original tribe members left of the former Morgan tribe. Her options were numbered. However, had she allied with Sandra to boot Jon and Burton early on, would she still be in the game...? That's a tough call. My guess is: yes. 

Question of the Week #12: Should Sandra have fessed up for Christa...?: One of the core reasons Christa was booted before Sandra was because everyone felt Christa had thrown out a bucket of fish in retaliation for booting Rupert in episode 10. The truth: Sandra accidentally tripped over the bucket! There was nobody "pouring the fish out so they'd be soiled" at all. Should Sandra have fessed up, for her friend, Christa? Well, this is an even tougher call that the prior question, because had she done so, it would've been Sandra who was gone. It's a shame Christa was booted, though...for all the wrong reasons. 

Question of the Week #13: What did Burton see in Jon, anyway?: Think about it: you're the MVP ever since Rupert left. You can pretty much let anyone ride on your coattails you want. So, you ally with...Jon?!? What was that all about? This is not just a tough call, like the questions for weeks 11 and 12: this is one of those questions which I doubt we'll ever know the answer to. Jon?!? What was Burton thinking? Did he really think Jon could help him get close to the million? In that case; man, was he ever wrong, wasn't he?

Question of the Week #14: Why Darrah before Jon...?: The truth hurts: Darrah had to leave before the "final two"; that much is definite. Even from a fair and honest gamer perspective, Darrah was this season's "Colleen" and therefore a major threat if brought to the "final two." Any jury would feel tickled pink to give this girl the million. So, for strategy's sake, they needed her gone. However; why her before Jon...? I guess someone felt that they could win against Jon in the final two, more than Darrah. This was to me an incorrect assumption, due to Jon's masterful puppeteer work of nearly everyone in this game. However, at least this season's "Colleen" lasted until the finale.

Question of the Week 14, part 2: How did this guy survive in this game as long as he did...?: Say what you will about Jon --believe me; I've done so in this review, haven't I?-- but he knew some puppets when he saw them, and made a masterful puppeteer job this season of all the admitted I-D-I-O-T-S on this show. Don't argue; why else would they yell at Jon --Burton and Shawn seemed close to knocking his block off on at least one occasion, each-- yet they kept him in the game? That just plain weird, guys.

Question of the Week 14, part 3: Did Lillian "screw up" her chance at the million?: Yeah; I know that from a show of hands, the majority of the jury would have voted for Lillian. OR SO THEY SAY. It's easy after being so obviously fooled by Jon for the ENTIRE GAME to come onto a live reunion talk show and say that by the finale you'd "see right through him" and vote for Lillian, had she booted Sandra and kept Jon. However, the truth hurts: they were fooled by Jon for a grand total of 38 days; what's one more day? Of course they would've given Jon the million. At this point, Lillian was ensured 100 grand, and had to choose who would win the million next to her. She chose Sandra; a wife and mother just like Scout Lillian. Good for her.

Question of the Week, "The Finale": Did the deserving winner win...?: This is a tough call given how Jon was kept in the game longer than anyone would've liked, putting a major fly in the ointment of this whole season. However, if Rupert was not the million dollar winner, anyone smart enough to have allied with him, even up to his dismissal, deserved to win. That list includes merely two people: Christa, and Sandra. So yes Sandra deserved to win the million dollars...or close enough to say so.

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Survivor (7): Pearl Islands

Once Again: The Winners, The Cheaters, and (when it airs), The Finale...

A Review by Techtite

In the final episode of Survivor: Pearl Islands, the remaining four contestants "salute" those who left the game, by setting a derelict pirate ship on fire! The ship slowly burns to ashes as we see scenes of all the past contestants who left before; contestants who were, quite frankly, the only ones worth their weight in dubloons. Who could've thought this burning wreck of a ship would be a fitting metaphor of not just former contestants booted from the game, but this season as a whole?

This is a shame, because much like that pirate ship, everything looked great at the beginning. Pearl Island Survivor had all the signs of being a reality TV "Pirates of the Caribbean," which based on how popular the film was, was welcome news. They pillage, they plunder, they riffle, they loot, yo-ho! Yet this pirate ship of dreams would quickly crumble to ashes. So much so, I nearly quit the series early; the first time I've ever had that urge in all of Survivor history (so far). This is surprising to anyone who saw the premiere, because, hey: it looked promising...

Then came Jon. Alias: "Jonny Fairplay." Preferred online message board nickname: Johnny Jackass, because that's what he acted like each and every episode. I'm sorry, the truth hurts: the only bigger jackass than Jon this season was whoever was responsible for casting him, on a season that would be the most intense ratings battle this series ever faced: not only did it have to battle the last season of Friends, but also Tru Calling, and ABC's newest "Best Show You're Not Watching," Threat Matrix. There were episodes that I actually missed this season, just to have a reprieve from Jon. Trust me, kids; he was that bad.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: every season of reality TV is only as good as the contestants. Here's the latest roll-call, in order of boot-off...

The Techtite.com ratings system (icon version):

Burnout  Near Miss  Small Crater  Large Crater  Deep Impact

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Nicole. Best One-Line Summary : Um, you forgot your bra...why? My Comments: Nicole is the contestant who was second only to the Armani-suit-guy, as the least prepared for this show. At the time the guests were told they were on their way to the game --not a cocktail party-- Nicole was in a strapless gown of sorts...sans bra! So, it's not like she would have lasted in very many competitions without at least a sports bra to keep her upper region from harm and exposure (and I mean that literally; sunburn was the least of her worries). However, for all the accusations of underhandedness by Nicole, she was in a very underhanded tribe. No sooner did Nicole tell Lillian --the most likely to have gone first-- that Nicole wished Tijuana should go, when all of the sudden Lillian is using this comment as leverage to keep from being booted off. Trouble is; she didn't try to help get Tijuana booted. Instead, she made it seem like Nicole said this behind Tijuana's back so blah blah blah let's boot Nicole because we all know we'd never <cough> <cough> say anything behind a teammate's back! Sure, what Nicole did was pretty stupid; Lillian and Ryan were like two get out of jail free cards. Just shut up and nobody else goes for two eliminations. However, to try and help a teammate in need, only to be back-stabbed by that same teammate? Ouch. Booted Off: 1st High Point : She was booted for perhaps the most noble of reasons of any first-bootee on this series; trying to keep a soft-spoken teammate in the game, while a loudmouth lobbied for her to go... Low Point: ...yet on the other hand: Nicole was booted for trying to keep Lillian on the team...who, although I don't dislike her, is hardly worth keeping around. If Nicole had just kept her mouth shut, the first (and frankly, second) boot-offs in her tribe would've been a done deal. Rating : Near Miss (as always; booted too early to rate otherwise)

Ryan S. Best One-Line Summary : The Weakest Link...In a Tin Foil Chain. My Comments: To say that Ryan S. was the "weakest" member of his tribe is to look at the least drunk member of a beer competition. Too cryptic for you? Let's put it this way: Morgan Tribe is losing badly. They're quite probably the worst tribe to come down the Survivor turnpike in ages. They lost their immunity challenge #2 because they couldn't untie a knot around a treasure map! What's more; Ryan S. never tried to untie the knot, so that's hardly his fault. That would be the fault of Tijuana, and "scout troop leader" Lillian, among others. However, Ryan S. didn't play the game with the politics required to survive. Personally, I had nothing against Ryan; he was a great kid. He just was the most likely scapegoat among a team that was too unsportsmanlike to take responsibility for their losses, equally. Let's just see who they try to make a scapegoat now that Ryan is gone. I can hardly wait. Booted Off: 2nd High Point : Oh yeah; as if a contestant who said in his bio that he "loves video games" wouldn't be a thumbs-up contestant in our book. About 50% of everything Techtite.com reviews are games! Low Point: On the other hand, he did lose big time during that reward challenge...if not the immunity challenges. Rating : Small Crater

Lillian. Best One-Line Summary : Only a losing tribe would see her as the best scapegoat, for their own failures. My Comments: I wouldn't say Lillian was LVP of the Morgan tribe. My beef with her isn't the way she performed in the challenges, nor the lack of support from her fellow tribe members; it's the way Lillian handled a little tête-à-tête in the first three days, which makes me feel less sympathetic to her departure. Knowing that she was the most likely scapegoat for her team's premiere failure --a failure which would turn out to be, as of now, the first of five-- she approached Nicole, asking if it was right in thinking she (Lillian) would be the first to go. Nicole comforted her saying that, you know, if it was up to Nicole, Tijuana would go. So, what does Lillian do with this piece of information, but go to all the friends of Tijuana, telling them what Nicole said. In the end, it wasn't Tijuana who would go first, nor Lillian; it was Nicole, based on nothing more than an attempt to offer an olive branch to a potential friend in the game. Some friend; in the end, even Lillian would vote for Nicole to go. However, as a former Scout myself, I cannot find the heart to give this Scout Leader a thumbs-down. It just isn't as high of a thumbs up as it could have been. Booted Off: 3rd High Point : While he wasn't MVP, Ryan S. was the nicest person on the Morgan tribe, and for Lillian to bond with him while everyone else did not shows what kid of a nice person she is deep down.  Low Point: When Lillian went fishing, only to come back with nothing --and one hook missing!-- it was very clear that she was the next to go. Rating : Small Crater

Burton. Best One-Line Summary : What...? Didn't his team know how to spell J-O-N on a voting card???. My Comments: The video editors over at Survivor: Pearl Islands wanted this boot-off to be a surprise. Well, color me surprised, because much like everyone I've talked to, nobody saw this coming. It was Burton's own idea to intentionally throw the immunity challenge, so they could boot off Jon, who is quite frankly a overbearing, sardonic, loud mouthed, confrontational imbecile. Then his team almost unanimously boots off Burton, in a 5-to-2 vote. There's not much more to say, because I don't know what their strategy was at this point. From my vantage point: they just piffled away one of their two MVPs. With Rupert shuffled over to Morgan tribe due to a tribal twist (see sidebar, Question of the Week 4), how are they going to win anything? Idiots. Booted Off: 4th High Point : His farewell speech was very sportsmanlike, almost like he actually feels sorry for his tribe which he's sure will lose with he and Rupert gone. Word. Low Point: ...yet he made the same mistakes as Nicole in the first episode. Yeah; everyone knows who should go. Shut up about it, and maybe that person's alliance doesn't make YOU the one to go. Rating : Small Crater

Michelle. Best One-Line Summary : She lacked the stomach to see her tribe go down in flames (as do we all) My Comments: Michelle is arguably the lucky one. Her team --for the first three episodes, the "obvious" winners-- is going down in flames, and now she doesn't have to stay and see it. However, as for her personally, she did a pretty good job in the game. Her only mistake was in thinking prior to the obligatory immunity challenge involving "eating gross things," that she had a cast iron stomach that could withstand anything. She quickly (and very prematurely) promised she would act like she was queasy, make Morgan choose her for the "queasy" final two tiebreaker (as is always the case in this game), and she'd speed through it. Trouble is; as soon as she saw the actual food, she obviously truly was queasy, and quickly changed plans, chugging down her food to protect herself from eating any more (and even then, she threw up upon returning to camp). This was seen as "deception" (or whatever) by her teammates, which is idiotic but hey; what do you expect from the guys who keep Jon? Booted Off: 5th High Point : Showing a good sense of loyalty, she stuck with her alliance of Burton, Shawn, and herself, even when Shawn quickly jumped ship to save his own behind. Low Point: If she wasn't so weakened from the food competition, she may have been able to sway her team into booting Shawn, or possibly (please?) Jon. Rating : Small Crater

Trish. Best One-Line Summary : Another "wisely kept in the shadows only to open her mouth too soon" contestant. My Comments: Gee, thanks a lot, Trish. If you had simply waited for Jon to open his yap with latest half-witted scheme, he'd be the one gone tonight. Instead, she has to be the one who suggests The Stupidest Strategy Of This Season, where they get rid of Rupert, their MVP! Heck, in fact, he's both teams' MVP, with his being the "win" that helped Morgan win their first real challenge, back in episode #4. Trish opened her mouth with this idea long before even Jon would think up such a diabolical idea. Then when this idea gets shot down by Rupert's friends --who, aside from Trish and Jon, is the whole frikkin' tribe-- they look for who came up with the scheme to begin with. Well, that would be Trish. It's a shame though that she couldn't have waited merely 5 minutes for Jon to open his yap. Then he'd be gone now, not Trish. Bummer.  Booted Off: 5th High Point : It's a high point in itself to say she never ticked me off in any way... Low Point: ...then she actually had the crass to suggest getting rid of Rupert. Rating : Near Miss

Shawn. Best One-Line Summary : Again; Drake snatches defeat from the jaws of victory... My Comments: What's happened to Drake? Stupidity, that's what. This stupidity has led to them booting off no less than three capable, superior gameplayers in the past three tribal councils, instead of Jon: the King of the Bungling Boobs (remember: Jon is the idiot who used his team's rowboat in a challenge...as an OAR(!), steering the boat clear off the playing field). So, surprise, surprise: Immunity chellenge #7 has a twist: the "outcasts" have returned! Maybe if these outcasts included Jonny Imbecile --oops, I'm sorry: "Jonny Fairplay"-- they would have lost in flames. Instead, they included the athletic Burton, the strong-willed Michelle, and the vengeful Trish, all of whom helped the Outcast "tribe" win the challenge by a wide margin. Their reward: two of theirs voted back into the game, with one of each "real" tribe voted off. So, who does Drake boot off? Jonny Half-Wit...? Nah; that would imply they snatched victory from the jaws of defeat. Instead, it's the other way around, and the boot off Shawn. Excuuuuse me here: Jon has fought with every member of the tribe, and is the sole remaining member of the tribe to NOT vote along tribe lines in the last tribal council, yet he stays and Shawn goes? I used to think Drake tribe would be the surefire winners. Now; I just want to see them lose in flames. Idiots. Booted Off: 7, #1 (same show) High Point : While it's true I have little to say about Shawn personally, I have little to say against him as well, except for the fact that... Low Point: ...He should have smacked Rupert and Sandra upside the head; that's what. No, not just because the only reason Rupert is still in the game is because Shawn voted for Trish at the last tribal council, and not Rupert. Consider: both Rupert and Sandra have argued with Jon and yet they stay in the game, while Shawn "must go" for a similar shouting match...? I-D-I-O-T-S!!! Rating : Small Crater

Osten. Best One-Line Summary : Quitter or "selfless martyr," he still should've been gone weeks ago. My Comments: Osten seems like a nice enough guy; he just gave up too soon. In fact, he quit as early as the third night in the game. His only continual support was from "Savage" (Ryan S.), who still saw potential in the man, and Tijuana, who obviously wanted Osten to be in the jury, as the "Sean" to her "Vecepia" (the Survivor: Marquesas winner-by-a-short-margin --4 to 3-- who arguably won entirely because of Sean). Sorry, Tijuana: Osten quit. Yeah, I know; he "took one for the team" when they needed to vote someone off. However, consider: if he had "taken one for the team" as far back as the first tribal council, maybe the "Outcasts" (see Shawn's summary, above) would've included quitter Osten, and lost. Instead, they included at least three people who should never have been booted...and won. In short, it was Osten's insistence to stay in a game he didn't want to stay in, which helped the "Outcasts" get back in the game. Consider that. Booted Off: 7th, "#2" (same show as Shawn) High Point : He is not "Jonny Fairplay" Jon; in other words, his team liked him for legitimate reasons that made sense from an emotional standpoint. In other words: he was a nice guy. Low Point: In one of his most memorable challenge losses, he was asked to swim and suddenly insisted he was drowning; this from someone who did not have to swim in the challenge at all (he could've opted to get a beach-hidden puzzle piece), and with a rope/buoy floating right next to him. Rating : Near Miss

Andrew. Best One-Line Summary : Another victim of CBS' clever video editing. My Comments: What a difference the video editors can make of various people's conceptions of a contestant. Just a few short weeks ago, Andrew was the hero of his tribe; the guy who held his weight over his shoulders the longest, keeping his team afloat and tying the game, yanking victory from the jaws of defeat for his whole tribe. Then this season's "twist" surfaces, and Lillian and Burton are returned to their former tribes, with Shawn and Osten gone. Burton takes the return in stride, wisely not tipping his hand too quickly. Lillian, however, made it very clear she took her ouster personally, and in the end, helped the Drakes start booting of the Morgan tribe. In any other world of "reality," this would be the surest sign of a "Lillian you traitor!" and an "Aww, poor Andrew!" Instead, this is reality television...where video editing made several women (including my own fellow female couch potato) insist that Lillian was "wronged" somehow and Andrew was a total cad who "wronged" her so gee, we're all supposed to give Lillian a You-gooooo-girl! for being Benedict Arnold at the highest point of her tribe's existence. I know I'll get letters for saying this but: Lillian, you were hardly "wronged." It's a game. However, yes, you had a moment where you could play the quasi-hero for Drake and help them cannibalize your own team, so you went for it. Yes, indeed: "it's just a game." Sorry, Andrew.  Booted Off: 8th High Point : Say what you will about him; that immunity challenge he won for his tribe was superbly played, and he deserves praise for it. Low Point: ...however, the reason he was targeted by pity-me-pity-me Lillian is because he was supposed to tell her to her face she was targeted in episode 3, and he never told her; a mistake that cost him, and Morgans, the entire game! Rating : Small Crater

Ryan O. Best One-Line Summary : "Rhino"... My Comments: Ryan O was the typical seasonal contestant on Survivor, who was not a bad guy at all; it was just luck of the draw that put a good for nothing like Jon in the Drake tribe, and a decent guy like Ryan O. in the Morgan tribe. Who can forget, though, the time Rupert went to Morgan's tribe for a while, only to bond so well with Ryan O., as he taught Ryan how to fish...? Okay; so Ryan lost the biggest fish they tried to catch when putting it in the bag, though hey; the bonding experience was there. Even when "forced" to vote off an old friend, Rupert admitted that it sucked Ryan O. was on the opposing team's members, since in a very real sense, he'd trade him with any of the low-lifes on his tribe very quickly (yes, Jon, we're all looking in your direction!). However, luck not smiling on Ryan, he was the strongest of the remaining Morgans, and therefore the next to be cannibalized by Drake. Sorry, dude. Booted Off: 9th High Point : If I was to rank all my favorite players at this point, Ryan O. would be right after Rupert, and that's saying an awful lot... Low Point: Calling Christa a "bitch" when voting for her at tribal council...? Is there something worth such animosity here which we simply weren't shown...? Rating : Large Crater

Rupert. Best One-Line Summary : Proof that once again, "Survivor" is only a game title. My Comments: There's every reason to believe that if Rupert was a legitimate castaway on a deserted island, he would survive admirably. He can fish, he can improvise with local raw materials to make shelter and what-not, and overall, he's a strong guy. However, as we've already learned for six seasons by now, Survivor is not a test of the strongest "survivor"; just the strongest gamer. In the end, the most valuable player was ousted by the most devious poker faces, telling him he had nothing to worry about. The problem? One of them was Lillian, proving that once again extending an olive branch to this woman is never a wise move. Lillian is still in the game entirely thanks to Rupert. Look what that cost him... Booted Off: 10th High Point : For all his grand staging he never stabbed anyone in the back, and that's something few contestants on this show can say. Low Point: If he hadn't "spiked the ball" so much when a conspiracy or two tried to boot him off, maybe Jon wouldn't have been able to pull so many "poor little me" routines, and people wouldn't have turned on Rupert to ally with Jon --Jon?!?!?-- like the gullible folks that they are. Rating : Deep Impact

Tijuana. Best One-Line Summary : The second-last Morgan leaves the island. My Comments: Not much to say about Tijuana except that she stayed in the shadows too much. True, this battle scheme worked like a charm back when Vecepia won the whole million dollar prize, but with all the underhanded back-stabbing and scheming for that season, seeing a shadow-player win the million was a sheer fluke. Tijuana obviously had a lot to say in the first few days, and seemed like a go-get-'em contestant, only to suddenly be a shadow-player, staying in the corner until someone else made their move. Well, as of tonight they made their move, all right, and booted Tijuana. If only she'd come out of the shadows sooner... Booted Off: 11th High Point : Although she had a memorable fight with the store lady in the premiere, she kept her cool for the rest of the entire game. Low Point: If she had made some sort of bond with Sandra and Christa to boot Jon or Burton, maybe the best part of this season --when Burton and Jon are finally booted-- would've happened days earlier. Rating : Small Crater

Christa. Best One-Line Summary : This seasons "Well, at least she got to leave before she had to back-stab her friend" contestant. My Comments: Much like last season's Jenna and Heidi, Christa and Sandra seemed to have a genuine bond of friendship. Even to the end, they both voted for Lillian. Trouble is; everyone else allied with Jon, again(!), and booted Christa. Though hey; at least Christa doesn't have to be in that awkward position where she would've been offered this or that to back-stab Sandra to stay in the game. Not that she would have. I'm just saying...  Booted Off: 12th High Point : I would say her friendship with Sandra will last beyond the game; a Survivor rarity. Low Point: With all the times Jon came to her with attempts to boot Rupert, you really would've thought she, Sandra, and Rupert would see Jon's back-stabbing of Rupert coming. Rating : Large Crater

Burton, V 2.0. Best One-Line Summary : The friend of my enemy is my enemy. Sorry. My Comments: I really wish I could pretend to like this season by hoping Burton would win. See, here's why I can't; no matter how much I was all "you go, boy!" when he won the chance to be re-entered into the game some weeks back (after leaving as evictee #4), he keeps saying that he's ready to seek revenge against his former tribe. Then he allies with Jon. Jon; the same guy who lobbied to get Burton evicted in the first place. Jon; the guy who Burton threw the immunity challenge in that fourth episode, just to see Jon hopefully GO. Jon; the guy who allies with Burton only because he's the strongest MVP since Rupert left, and allying with the person who wins immunity the most, is a sly surviving maneuver. However, to coin the old saying, the friend of my enemy is my enemy, so I simply could not root for Burton if he'd prefer to keep allying with Jon. Sorry. However; when the ladies allied with each other to go against the two remaining guys, why did they go after Burton first instead of Jon? Well, I suppose they saw Burton as the bigger threat, though hey; with Jon gone, either one of them could've been Burton's new ally. The reason they opted out of that new position: maybe they just didn't want to be associated with a guy who would win immunity so many games, only to ally himself with...JON. I'm just saying. Booted Off: 13th High Point : Maybe it was all an act, but upon returning to the tribe that booted him, he had apparently decided to let bygones be bygones...or so he said. Believably. Low Point: He allied with Jon. JON! Rating : Small Crater

Darrah. Best One-Line Summary : Hey; for the last Morgan to have survived up to the finale; that's something, right? Right. My Comments: Darrah is victim of what I would call the Colleen dynamic of Survivor. Colleen being the cute first-season girl who is also the icon at the upper-right of every Survivor review of every Survivor season for seven seasons now, and counting. Trouble is, as cute as Colleen was she wasn't much in the way of alliances, back-stabs, or other things that would keep you in the game. The same thing can be said of all the other cute contestants that followed, including Elisabeth from Survivor Australia (who has even been made the newest co-hostess of the daytime talk show The View). The only reason Darrah survived longer than Elisabeth or Colleen did is because she won immunity three episodes in a row. Then she lost and, well...does the "Colleen" ever win the million dollars on Survivor? Sadly, no. Though hey; at least this season's cutest contestant stayed on the show right up to the final episode. That's something, right? Right.  Booted Off: 14th High Point : Oddly enough, she seems to have survived a dozen tribal councils without having a single "secret alliance"; or at least, none that we know of. Low Point: Darrah...? A bigger threat than Jon?!? What were Sandra and Lillian thinking...? Rating : Large Crater

Jon. Best One-Line Summary : Johnny Jackass My Comments: I apologize to every single contestant I ever bad-mouthed on this series, acting like "they" were the lowest of the low. This guy; he's the lowest denominator. Jon is quite honestly the most dirty, rotten, lying, back-stabbing, conniving, duplicitous, underhanded, crooked, shifty, devious, dishonest "survivor" ever to come down the reality TV turnpike. What is so bad about him, you dare to ask? Maybe it's how he thinks he's so cool, with his Bugs Bunny teeth and outdated William Katt "Greatest American Hero" hair style. Maybe it's how even his own Grandmother's possible death is fair game for his latest game tactic, when he acts like he just got news from home that his "favorite Grandmother" passed away while he was on the show, only to smirk to the camera in private that, heh-heh, she's home, alive and well, probably watching Jerry Springer. Then he was booted. Sure, it was halfway into the finale until it happened, but it finally happened. Thankfully. Booted Off: 15th High Point : There is no way I'll ever have to see this guy on television again...or so I hope. Low Point: As someone who lost his own Grandmother just last May: Jon's "little joke" about his Grandma's dying...? NOT FUNNY. Rating : DOUBLE Burnout  

Lillian, "V 2.0." Best One-Line Summary : "Scout's Honor," I nearly gave her a thumbs-down...until the finale. My Comments: My opinion of Lillian upon her original boot from the show stands: she had every right to have been booted from the show based on her performance that first few days. However, nobody can fault her upon the season finale, for single-handedly saving this season from the abyss from which it was doomed to fall into. To wit: she, and she alone, had the guts, intelligence, and common sense to finally, finally, finally boot Jon from the game. Now, many people say she would've won "easy" against Jon, had she kept this clod in the final two against her in the final tribal council. No, no, no, no NO! The jury was filled with people who were foolishly fooled fools; puppets in Jon's hands. He would've given them his "my Grandmother's dying wish" speech about the Grandmother who in truth did not pass away, tales of how he deserves to win because he's a good game player blah blah blah, and of course, he would've taken Lillian's own underhanded plays against Rupert, Burton, and (in the case of keeping Jon) Sandra, and played it for all it was worth. All Jon would need is one more vote and he'd have won the million. Well, all that changed thanks to Lillian. Jon had no chance at the million, nor even the hundred grand second prize, all thanks to her. Not only does Lillian --no matter what anyone may think of her strategy in this game-- deserve all our heartfelt thanks; she saved the whole season from being remembered as "That stupid [your favorite expletive here] season where Jon won the million." Saving the season single-handedly...? Well, that may have even been worth the million dollar grand prize...but it's more than worth a hundred grand all by itself. Thanks, Lillian! Booted Off: The $100,000 second prize winner! High Point : To be fair, she had a nice rapport with Ryan S.; so much so, one can only wonder what would've happened with these two had they been able to get Darrah and maybe Tijuana into an "alliance" of sorts, early on... Low Point: She goes all woe-is-me to Andrew about him lying to her about booting her off in the 3rd episode, then she does the exact same thing to Rupert? That was pretty underhanded. Period. Rating : Large Crater

Sandra. Best One-Line Summary : "I think we should boot Jon, You agree? Oops, wait a sec; Jon...? What do you think...?" My Comments: Sandra seems like a bright young woman. So why did she keep allying with Jon? Why, girl? Why, why why why WHY?!? In her defense, upon the boot of Rupert (and later Christa), her alliance was crumbling. However, she was soooo close to an alliance with Tijuana and Darrah early on, and to look at their votes in episode 11, they would've helped her boot Jon, making the entire remainder of the season a totally cool battle of wills between the surviving ladies. Instead, we had to see Jon right up to the season finale, and I pretty much blame Sandra for that. However, hey; out of seven seasons so far, she's one of only three Survivor grand prize winners that deserve a thumbs-up rating in my book...so it's not like I'm against her. It's just that; why did you ally with Jon at all, Sandra? Why why why why WHY?!? Booted Off: The million dollar winner! High Point: Unlike nearly every single survivor winner before her, she won without having ever been voted for in a tribal council, meaning nobody had ever voted for her to be booted off. Low Point: Allying with Jon at all. Rating : Small Crater

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Final verdict...? Well, let's just say the season began as a "Deep Impact"; the highest rating possible. Then it kept Jon...again...and again...and again. If not for the finale where he was booted with a loud "Yeeeeeeeaaaaaah!" from my whole family, this season looked a Burnout rating --i.e.: the lowest of the low-- square in the eye. Sure, next season they're going to have a "celebrity edition" of survivor with all the most favorite castaways ever, but please: for season 9, when you're choosing who to bring on the show again...choose wisely, okay? This season was almost total garbage thanks to poor casting. Think about that next time.

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