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The Amazing Race 5
(Summer, 2004)
The Winners, The Cheaters, and
(when it
airs), The
Finale...
To be honest, I love The Amazing Race
more than Survivor. As for Big Brother; no contest; of course I like
racing through the exotic overseas locales more than hanging out in a
one-story "house"! So, you may ask; why haven't I reviewed a
season of TAR, since the premiere? Good question; let's resolve that from
now on, via The Amazing Race 5.
As it is for Big Brother and Survivor,
here's a quick review of all the teams, in order of their elimination from
the race. Here we go:
The Techtite.com ratings system (icon version):
 Burnout
 Near
Miss  Small
Crater  Large
Crater  Deep
Impact
-----------------------------------------------
Dennis & Erica ("Once
Engaged"). Best
One-Line Summary : There's "nice," then there's
"first eliminated." My Comments:
If Dennis is this nice of a guy in real life, one wonders why this
couple has the "once engaged" prefix. What caused them to not
still be engaged? Anyhow, let's be brief, since a nice guy deserves
nothing less: Dennis was nice to other teams --even to the point of
letting them freely take the next cab, when it could've easily been a
"whoever gets there first wins" battle-- only to be the last
team at the finish line. This being an elimination, mind you, when at
least two other teams made mistakes so dire, they had to actually go back
to a checkpoint and "check in" because they hadn't actually
followed the true path of the game; they stumbled apon the following
"Road Block" challenge by dumb luck. Sadly, dumb luck wasn't in
Dennis & Erica's corner, who regardless of Dennis' great cab etiquette,
were the first to go. Booted Off:
First High Point : One of the few
"first bootees" that I ever wanted to give a high grade to,
first-off or not. Low Point:
Seriously, dude; with yours being one of the cutest teams this season; how
could you not try harder to stay in the game...for viewer's sakes, at
least. Rating :
Small
Crater
Allison & Donny
("Dating"). Best
One-Line Summary : Isn't that; "were
dating"...? My Comments:
Those who saw her in Big Brother
4 need not have me get into the how and why to episode 2 being
quite enjoyable this season; the early, merciful-to-ears ouster of
Allison. Even teammate/boyfriend Donny had to confess that he was ready to
call it quits...with Allison, that is. One wonders what might've happened,
though, had someone like Allison been forced to lock horns with Charla
& Mirna, or worse yet, Colin & Christie. Now we'll never
know...and overall, that's a good thing. Booted Off:
Second High Point : After having him
spoken about in the third-person so much in Big Brother 4, it was nice to
see Donny at last. As one would expect from someone willing to pair up
with Allison; he seems like a swell guy. Low Point:
...not that this made seeing Allison rip into every single thing he did
any easier on the ears. Rating :
Near Miss
(Sorry, Donny; with Allison, a thumbs-down is pretty clear)
Jim & Marsha
("Father/Daughter"). Best
One-Line Summary : If only his knee hadn't been hurt. My Comments:
Both Jim and daughter Marsha seemed tough as nails; ironic, when a nail
would be their undoing. Someone (I'm thinking Colin, though I'd have to
see a frame-by-frame replay) accidentally tripped Jim upon the first
"Go!" at the start of the race. Jim fell onto what he said to be
a protruding nail of some sort, on the floor of the pier. While one would
presume such nails and what-not were given the once over at the start of
the race, one cannot deny the visible injury of his leg upon reaching
their "race" van. Upon getting to the airport, they wouldn't
even let him on the plane until he went to First Aid; even with stitches
and bandages, it could only be a handicap on their progress from there.
With such a hurdle to overcome, it would only take one simple mistake to
bring them to last place, which in this case was another one of those
simple airport ticket mixups. Well; that and not allying with Charla &
Mirna when offered, which, love them or hate them, would've been a good
idea. After all; aren't they still in the race? Booted Off:
Third. High Point : Another sweet
parent/child team in the history of this Race. Low Point:
Too much of a tough ex-soldier act can be a bad thing. With how successful
Charla's "help me I'm a little person" gambit pays off, it's
surprising how little Jim seemed to play an angle of "help me I'm a
senior citizen with a bandaged knee." Humbling or not; it would've
helped him in the game. Rating :
Small
Crater
Bob & Joyce ("Internet
Dating Couple"). Best
One-Line Summary : Internet...who...what? My Comments:
What the heck is an "internet dating couple"...? One would
presume that it's a couple who only dates on the internet. Yet Bob &
Joyce seem to be much closer than that; two older players who met (or so
we must presume) on a chat site for the families of cancer victims, having
lost both their spouses to cancer. Now, I'm not the sort of person who
feels fervently about someone staying married even after "death do
you part." Yet...well, as the son of a father who died from
pancreatic cancer, let's just not go there, shall we? Let's just say that,
as a team of 50-somethings, Bob & Joyce did surprisingly well. Only
the rigid cold of Russia could slow them down, and in fact, if not for a
major lead, it might've done the same for Marshall & Lance, given
Lance's knee injury while there. Yet due to more airport mishaps and
what-not, Bob & Joyce were the next to go. Booted Off:
Fourth High Point : They do seem to be
in love... Low Point:
...yet it's a controversy worth discussing; how long should one honor the
death of a long-time spouse --the late mother of Bob's two kids, and
father of Joyce's three -- before dating again? To be honest, I bring it
up only because I have no other viable topic to put in Bob & Joyce's
"Low Point" category, but still...you know what I mean? Rating :
Small
Crater
Episode 5: Linda & Karen, The
"Bowling Moms". Reached the last leg of this race last,
yet weren't eliminated. This season's twist: in a non-elimination leg (the
first of four of them), the last team to arrive must surrender all their
cash for the next leg of the race; only air travel is paid for by the
show. If they can make it to their destinations without any viable cash
source, they're still in the race. Did they make it? Yep:
Marshall & Lance
("Brothers"). Best
One-Line Summary : Without the need for stitches nor
bandages...what happened here? My Comments:
I don't like to ramble about one's shortcomings when they're down.
However, when a 53 year old like Jim can make it to his inevitable
elimination, stitches and bandages on his knee and all, why couldn't
Marshall endure his knee injury? I know that's easy to say when you're not
Marshall, and can bend your knees just fine, far from the cold Russian air
where he first hurt them. So let's just put it in impartial terms;
Marshall & Lance were in an unusual final challenge, where it was
clear from the rumbled look of the other teams' playing fields, that they
were the last team to compete in that challenge. After what a later interview revealed to be around two and a half hours, Lance quits,
calling the concept of finishing this challenge --just to be eliminated-- pointless. In the
first time ever for this series, Phil the host arrives at
the challenge
site, asking them if they're truly quitting, and announcing them as the
"next team eliminated" from there. In fairness, it isn't the first time a team
has quit, though it is the first time that said quitting team
didn't at least go to the check-in point and take the bad
news like good sportsmen. I mean, come on; Marshall had a chair and everything. Lance
should've dug until there wasn't a grain of sand in that pit, and found
the stupid Egyptian Scarab hidden within. Yet, again one must ask: would I feel that way if
my knee hurt so
bad that I couldn't even bend it? No. It's just the way the game played
out for this season's "brothers" team. Booted Off:
Fifth High Point : Their sibling
relationship seemed very strong, especially when Marshall was injured; not
to name names, but I do wonder if some of the other still-in-the-race
teams would be as compassionate to their own teammate. Low Point:
As for their ongoing feud between Charla & Mirna; either the editors
cut out what all the fuss was about, or I simply don't see it. Not that I
want to, but I'm just saying. Rating :
Small
Crater
 Charla & Mirna ("Cousins").
Best
One-Line Summary : The enemy of my enemy is my friend...even if
a bit obnoxious at times. My Comments:
Let me be blunt: anyone who allied with Colin & Christie was as
strategic as they were a jerk. Charla & Mirna didn't ally with him,
and for whatever reason that made me like them...a lot. Not that you need
a reason to like Charla & Mirna. After all: being a self-described woman fighting a stereotype against dwarfism, what could make you not want to root for Charla? Well, maybe
her slightly-overstressed teammate may
be the answer, who for whatever reason, seemed too tense throughout
this race. Not that she didn't have reason to be stressed. Regardless of a
stressful race however, Mirna & Charla were worthy opponents, even if
they were clearly pushing their
limits, compared to the other, more athletic teams. Yet Charla made the team an enjoyable one to
watch,
especially when seeing how much resolve and spirit she gave to the game. In fact, love
or hate this team,
one thing is clear; only the combined efforts of three of
the teams still in the game could topple Charla
& Mirna's close-to-first-place performance in each episode. Booted Off:
Sixth. High Point : Say what you will
in agreement with various teams' comments about Mirna; seeing her put arrogant, sexist men in their place when told to
"go away" was
classic reality TV. Hello! You don't own the airports, guys! Low Point: In the
end, Mirna was defeated by her own racing greed, when trying to book an
airline flight that probably was a mere half hour (at best) faster than the other
teams'. The airplane got delayed. D'oh! Rating :
Large
Crater
Episodes 8 & 9: Karli, Kristi,
Brandon, & Nicole: At this point in the race, two back-to-back
elimination episodes were aired, where the "twins" were last,
followed by cute-couple Brandon & Nicole. Both had to endure what the
bowling moms did; still in the game, albeit without a dollar to their
name. Interestingly enough; the twins made the challenge into a mere
cakewalk, smiling to the cute men and getting the meager number of bills
they needed to stay in the race, without even trying.
Karli & Kristi ("The Twins").
Best
One-Line Summary : Think of it in the long run; had Chip used
the Yield on them, he wouldn't have been able to use it on Colin. My Comments:
It was cool to see Karli and Kristi stay in the game long enough to
have been last, though not eliminated, only to flirt their
blonde-twin-eyes into making said last place into a non-event. In fact; in
the end, they had earned from amorous tourists and locals around as much
money as they would've been given, had they not been last. However; last
place is a hard place to leave from, especially when there's only five
remaining teams. The good news; Chip and Kim did not use any
"Yield" on the twins, even though they could have, to stay in
the game. The bad news: they didn't have to. In the end, the twins chose
the slower of the two possible challenges --regardless of being in last
place!-- and were eliminated. Booted Off:
Seventh. High Point : Like I said;
seeing them batting their eyelashes and making all those locals and
tourists give up huge wads of cash, was great reality TV. Low Point:
Allying with Colin & Christie was like a little leaguer allying with a
big leaguer; they can help you throw a ball or two, but when it's game on,
you're left high and dry...and out of the game. Rating :
Small
Crater
Episode 11: Colin & Christie:
Here's where this series continues to be only worthy of Summer-season
status (or, at best, Saturdays at 10): the three remaining teams join
forces to make sure that Colin and Christie are out. Trouble is: this was
the last of four non-eliminations, so they're still in the game. What's
worse: with their biggest competition, Chip & Kim, no longer able to
use a "yield" on them, it's anyone's guess if the winners will
indeed be Colin and Christie, even if, in the rules of the game, they don't deserve
it at this point. They're last. Let them go.
Linda & Karen ("Best Friends").
Best
One-Line Summary : As they themselves nickname their team:
"The Bowling Moms." My Comments:
It's actually pretty sad that Linda & Karen were so close to the
million dollar prize. Man; to be the last team eliminated, just prior to
the final stretch to the finish line? Ouch, ouch, ouch! Yet to be honest;
I doubt that the two "Bowling Moms" could've endured those hard
as nails ice challenges later in the game. That said; how were the bowling
moms? Well; they got farther in the game than any other all-woman team;
that's something in itself. However; what was up with Linda's constant
whining, leading to one episode even being titled "If you're going to
whine, just shut up!" Maybe this is what led to Linda's best quote
upon elimination, where she mused that Karen puts up with her almost as
well as her husband. At least they had a sense of humor about things,
right up to the end. Booted Off:
Eighth. High Point : The
rather sexist Colin will have to endure for the rest of his life that a
middle-aged bowling mom was just one small hair away from beating him in a
rope climbing challenge. Low Point:
Seriously; what's up with Linda's whining? Rating :
Large
Crater
The following teams are listed in terms of
finish line status, from "third" to the first place, million
dollar winners:
Brandon & Nicole ("Dating").
Best
One-Line Summary : Religious to the end. My Comments:
Many people have commented about how much Brandon and Nicole talked on
and on about their "role" in the game, as guided by, shall we
say, The Man Upstairs. Yet what I admired about their strong sense of
religion was; at no point did they say with a  cocked
eyebrow that said Man Upstairs wanted them to win. It would be a
whole different outlook had they acted as if faith was their ticket to
money. All they said is that
they would be guided in whatever direction the powers that be so wished.
It's intriguing, then, that even in several moments of almost assured
elimination, Brandon & Nicole still managed to snatch victory from the
jaws of defeat. To get in last place, just after a non-elimination leg,
only to have it be another non-elimination leg --two of them?
Consecutively?-- is pretty
miraculous, if you ask me. Yet I'm a religious man who always
believes that even a miracle needs a hand. In the end,
Brandon & Nicole's biggest mistake was in not daring to do the hardest
of the tasks set out for them. Sure, miracles happen, but a faster
competition is still fastest. In the final leg, they wasted way too much
time attempting a "safe" bike challenge,
only to realize their mistake at the eleventh hour, and decide on the more
tougher challenge; a two-man luge. Had they chosen the luge first, they'd
be in the final two for sure. Yet their final
mistake was choosing the most cautious of taxi drivers, who when
asked to drive quickly, almost hilariously mused that he was driving on a
"highway," not a race track. Interestingly enough; this one
blurb was more annoying than anything said in this whole race combined
(which on a season with endless bickering between teams, is saying a
lot!). The truth is: Brandon and Nicole quite nearly won the
whole thing, but as Brandon or Nicole may put it: it just wasn't meant to
be. Booted Off:
Third Place Winners! High Point : I've
said it before, and I'll say it again; it's always refreshing to see
people so religious these days. Low Point:
Models or no models; they should've shaved their heads for that fast
forward. Rating :
Large
Crater
Colin & Christie ("Dating").
Best
One-Line Summary : "My Ox is Broken!" My Comments:
Even series host Phil Keoghan had to confess the truth: Colin was by
far the most hard-edged competitor this race has ever had. Yet how far is
too far? In the definitive episode of Colin's meanest moments, he actually
tried to give a taxi cab driver half fare, because of a flat tire incident
that, in a poor country, was out of the cab driver's control. Colin was
even sent to the nearby police station, where an incredibly polite
policeman tried in vain to explain the situation,
which, quite clearly, would've meant jail time for Colin. Yet right up to
when he reunited with the other racers, Colin insisted that he was sooo
close to getting out of giving the cabbie full fare, if not for Christie's
worries to the contrary. What. Ever. The truth is: Colin was a nice guy
only when he was winning; the rest of the time, he was a powder keg doused
in kerosene. This reached fever pitch when it came to the near-final-leg
of the race, and Chip & Kim did what any sportsman would've done;
using the game's option to "yield" any team behind them on Colin & Christie,
during that one fleeting moment when they were actually behind them in the
race. To be fair, any yield is only for a few minutes, but that was enough
to send this team's chances over the edge. Colin just couldn't get beyond
being in "last place" for a change. This even resulted in the
definitive breakdown of the season, when a particularly stubborn Ox in a
detour challenge actually exited the playing field, leading to Colin
exclaiming, "My Ox is broken!" One can only hope that in the
privacy of his own home back in the States, Colin can appreciate the
hilarity of this scene. Yeah; he lost the million dollars. Though let's be
honest; if not for this season's addition of the "yield," he
would've aced the whole thing. That's something he should be proud of. His
poor sportsmanship near the middle of the race, however; not so much. Booted Off:
Second Place Winners! High Point : Though
he proved to be a belligerent jerk on a few occasions, he also seemed very
protective of Christie, leading to a cute kiss at the finish line,
"second place" or not. The sight of last-minute good
sportsmanship on Colin's part is worth a marginal thumbs-up
rating...barely. Low Point: Yes, I
said it: Colin was a belligerent jerk, on a few occasions. So much so;
it's a major testament to the type "B" personality of that
police officer, that Colin's last days in this race weren't spent in
jail. Rating :
Small
Crater
Chip & Kim ("Married Parents").
Best
One-Line Summary : Maybe if CBS saw this finale earlier, the
show wouldn't be bumped to Saturday! My Comments:
I think what really got Chip & Kim ahead in the game is how, at
the game's start, they were so far behind. In fact; due to a snafu where
they did not find a route marker as instructed, they had to retrace
their steps to that point, nearly making them the first ones to go, on the
very first day. However, I sense such bad fortune  early
on put them in the right frame of mind. Their approach seemed to be: just
try to stay in the game, not
necessarily "first." This allowed them to keep their energy
until the final leg of the race, where it was all game-on. Their
first move was in giving their one-time-only option to "yield"
an opposing team to MVP's Colin & Christie. That basically eliminated
their toughest competition right there. Sure, you can blame their win on
dumb luck at the airport, where they got the only seats on a flight that
got into the finish line's city of Dallas, 10 minutes earlier than the
remaining teams. It still was no easy feat for the married parents team,
when Chip had to endure his fear of heights twice, while both he and Kim
nearly broke their backs in that two-man luge challenge. However, this is
beside the point. Chip & Kim played the game fair and square, right up
to the end, and unlike other teams they did it with good sportsmanship and
class all the way. This is truly the best pair of winners to have ever won
this race. Booted Off:
The million dollar winning team. High Point :
Simply put, they were the favorites to win, for every fan of the
series worth consulting online. Low Point:
Yeah, sure; maybe Colin & Christie would not have used the yield in a
similar circumstance, but hey; it's all part of the game, right? Rating :
Deep
Impact
Return here, next week, for a full listing
of the season finale's final four, from fourth place, all the way to the
million-dollar winners.
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