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Big Brother 5
("Project DNA")
The Winners, The Cheaters, and
(when it airs), The
Finale...
Last season's "X factor" was
intriguing, though it didn't quite go
the distance as many had hoped (including CBS' own expectations, I am
sure). It's actually quite amazing that this series keeps getting renewed,
but hey; with peanut butter and jelly the most common expense in the
house, and no major prize other than the one million dollar grand prize at
the end, think about it: an entire season of this series costs little more
than one million dollars, when most shows cost several million per
episode. Then again; at least they're trying to make it more interesting,
even if they don't have to.
This season's big twist was "project
DNA," or "Do Not Assume." It began with the revelation that
two contestants were in fact half-siblings who never met until this show
made it happen. The second DNA twist was a pair of twins who acted as
"one" contestant for the first half of the game. If they could
pull off a periodic switch without anyone figuring it out, they could be
brought in as two separate contestants. This was an intriguing pair of
twists, especially when thrown in with all the typical alliances and
flirtations. Would such scheming overthrow sibling attachments? Well,
that's what the following boot-by-boot review of the season is for.
The Techtite.com ratings system (icon version):
 Burnout
 Near
Miss  Small
Crater  Large
Crater  Deep
Impact
-----------------------------------------------
Mike Best
One-Line Summary : This season's "Kent"...'nuf said? My
Comments: Kent will always
be remembered in Big Bro history as an enigma that fans either loved or
hated....and all because of his honesty. He wasn't one to debate political
correctness; he just said what he felt, right down to looking the
"token gay man" of the house in the eye in the season premiere,
and tell him how his lifestyle "wasn't normal." Granted; at
least Kent did not know the man was gay at the time.
Mike knew Will was gay, and still debated with him about the pros
and cons of legalizing gay marriage; sort of like someone sitting down and
debating with a Christian if Jesus was really the son of God. Sure,
they'll be cordial with you, but they aren't going to keep you in the
house, either, when it comes to a vote! That, in addition to being to
honest about what alliances he did or did not belong to, all led to Mike's
eviction. Booted Off: First. Opposing
Nominated Evictee: Jennifer, aka "Nokomis". HOH
that week (nominations): Jase. High
Point : Well, at least he's honest. Low
Point: Then again, if you can't say anything
nice...well, you know. Rating : Near
Miss (booted too soon to rate otherwise)
Lori
Best One-Line Summary : Lori who? My
Comments: Sometimes staying
in the shadows isn't the best plan. Take Lori, for example, who was in the
wrong alliance at the wrong time. Basically, four men in the house created
the "four horsemen alliance," consisting of Jase, Scott, Drew,
and Michael. When implied "fifth horseman" Marvin became HOH,
they invited him into their little "boot the women out first"
bandwagon, without Marvin even suspecting the truth; that the four
horsemen wanted Marvin gone next, though if he needed to boot someone, it
might as well not be one of their alliance, so yeah (wink, wink) let's
boot off all the women. Who does he pick? The two women he didn't get
along with very well, Holly and Lori. Holly saw the writing on the wall
and (whether she really liked him or not is up to anyone's interpretation
of what was shown) convinced Power of Veto Winner Jase to kick her off the
chopping block. It was immaterial if she was replaced with Karen; Lori was
the one people knew the least about, so she was next to go. Booted
Off: Second. Opposing Nominated
Evictee: Holly (vetoed), then Karen. HOH
that week (nominations): Marvin. High
Point : Leaving the house before anyone could say anything bad
about her. Low Point: Leaving the
house before anyone could say anything good, either. However, if I had to
choose a side of the fence: Rating : Small
Crater
Holly Best
One-Line Summary : A good character actress, or...? My
Comments: Smart or dumb? Good
question...on so many levels. Yet let's pursue this question with Holly
first. There's a whole perspective that pours in, whenever a woman's voice
is high-pitched. This goes double for a high pitched voice that, based on
her voice when she's talking "normally," isn't truly that high
pitched. So what was up with Holly's boop-boop-be-boop voice whenever
talking to the boys? It's the most surefire way to have most women not
like you very much...and quite a few men, for that matter. Of course, Jase
couldn't get enough of her, and was probably even ready to "make his
move" on her, the next time he became HOH. Too bad for Holy that Drew
was HOH first. He wisely saw Holly as a threat to the three horsemen
alliance, and promptly put her up, right next to Jennifer. Though Jennifer
was Jase's choice in week one as well, it was clear that she was just a
pawn by this point, and Holly was next to go. This was driven home even
more so when Michael --as a gallant gesture to his half-sister-- vetoed
Jennifer's nomination, putting Adria on the block. Yet none of this would
keep one fact from being most likely, to Jase's four horsemen alliance;
that when it came to the final four, Jase would keep Holly in the house,
even above the three teammates that helped him get there. Mind you, Jase
was right, too; Holly was too infatuated with Jase to back stab any of his
alliance, making her the perfect fifth wheel in the following weeks. Too
bad his alliance was too busy looking into the farther future, and took
the opportunity to evict Holly...unanimously. So, the question remains:
Smart or Dumb? As for Holly, the jury's still out. As for the four
horsemen, well... Booted Off: Third.
Opposing Nominated Evictee: Jennifer,
and then Adria. HOH that week (nominations):
Drew. High Point : When shown
"farewell messages" from the house guests, Diane couldn't help
but bluntly tell Holly that quite frankly, she never liked her. Say what
you will about Holly, but she took the blunt comment like a real trooper. Low
Point: Her personality appeared so two-sided in the house,
several people were convinced she was the "twin" twist, even
after the true twin's revelation. Given that she is not a twin; how
untrustworthy is that, for someone to seem like two totally different
people? Rating : Near
Miss
Scott Best
One-Line Summary : Jase may be obnoxious, but he was right,
dude... My Comments:
The truth hurts: had Holly stayed in the house, she would've been in
the final four next to Jase, long before any of the four
"horsemen" he first allied with. Yes; Scott was in the right to
be fearful of this, and make his move against Holly at the most immediate
opportunity. However; it was too soon. Jase was right in saying that in
the here and now, Holly would never have voted for one of Jase's buds, and
Marvin would've been the one to get The Big Goodbye this week (especially
when Marvin nominated Holly just two weeks ago). The bad news for Scott
was that Diane was HOH, and promptly put up her arch rival in the house,
Jase. The bad news is that the "pawn" she chose was Scott,
Jase's best friend in-house. The good news for Jase was that he won the
Power of Veto, and promptly put himself off the chopping block. The better
news: Diane chose Marvin to go up in his place, not either of the other
"horsemen" alliance members, Drew (who Diane thinks is cute) and
Michael (who is, after all, a blood relative of Jennifer's). Yet there was
no denying that if Jase wasn't the next to go, the next best thing would
be to vote off his best buddy. That's a shame, because I can't say
anything else bad about Scott at all, nor could anyone else (in farewell
messages). It was just his alliance with Jase, even up until the very end.
Yeah; what was up with that dude? Booted
Off: Fourth. Opposing Nominated
Evictee: Jase (vetoed), and then Marvin. HOH
that week (nominations): Diane. High
Point : When Jase's farewell message to Scott was some rudely
stated baloney about how Scott shouldn't have voted off Holly blah blah
blah, Scott truly seemed taken aback by it, showing he was a friend of
Jase's to the very end. Low Point:
Then again, strategically, Jase was right; if Holly was still in the
house, there would've been no Adria to attempt to "swing" the
vote this week, and Scott would've still been in the house. D'oh! Rating
: Small
Crater
Jase
Best One-Line Summary : Don't very
much mind who wins by this point, you know...? My
Comments: After Holly's
ouster from the house, Jase seemed like a man without his cold shower,
acting obnoxious even to those who were still his alliance members. Sure,
they booted his honey pie, and yet...was she part of their "four
horsemen" alliance? No; hence the "horsemen" moniker.
So what was Jase's problem? I doubt even Jase knew for sure, when Holly
comes to greet him in person upon his eviction from the house, only to
have Jase seem obnoxiously standoffish. This was the perfect epilogue to a
contestant's history of ticking off everyone in the house. So
disliked was Jase, in fact, that HOH Jennifer concocted a totally
outrageous plan to oust him; nominate two unlikely bootees at first
--Diane, and Marvin-- only to have someone from her alliance win Power of
Veto, veto Diane, and then put Jase up; the perfect plan, given that Jase
couldn't stop his boot from the house by that point, without any veto to
fight for. The plan was bold, outrageous, ludicrous, and crazy...yet it
worked like a charm. In fact; even when former alliance member Drew won
the veto, it didn't take much convincing for Diane to have him use it on
her, one must assume, because Jase had been obnoxious even to Drew by that
point. So, Jase is gone from the house. Now who do we root against...? Booted
Off: Fifth. Opposing Nominated
Evictee: Took Diane's place due to Drew using the veto; Marvin
was the other nominee. HOH that week
(nominations): Jennifer, aka Nokomis. High
Point : Call it blind trust or just utter naiveté, but Michael
kept true to his alliance with Jase, even to the very end. Low
Point: Call it an "act," call it "the real
him," or call it alcohol in the house, but Jase was so obnoxious in
the house, there just isn't any web page long enough to list all the
"low points." If just for how he played the game, the only
rating possible is... Rating: Burnout
Will
Best One-Line Summary : Seriously, one
of the nicest contestants I've seen on this show. My
Comments: You can always
tell when a season of Big Brother starts to get "ugly," when one
of the nicest contestants is booted off, right after the most obnoxious
one. What happened here? Well, it's simply a case of everyone who's left
in the house being so busy to evict Jase they forgot to make any coherent
game plans afterwards. Seriously; until Adria became HOH and nominated
Will & Marvin, who would you put up? Even the
former "four horsemen" alliance members, Drew and Michael, were
mere pawns in Jase and Scott's scheme; nobody has the heart to put them up
(of course, Drew being the current "boyfriend" of Diane, and
Michael being Jennifer's long-lost half-brother, doesn't make it any
easier to put them up, either). So, Adria is made HOH, and she elects
Marvin and Will. Why? Who knows. So clueless was the house to her
reasoning that even they were deadlocked in a tie vote, leaving it up to
HOH Adria to evict Will. Why?!? Again: Who knows. She was so busy trying
to cover up her decision like some freak game of chance, that she never
totally came clean with why she put up, as Marvin put it, "The black
guy and the gay guy." However, this is digressing. The point is that
Will was a great guy who in the end has one saving grace, in that his
eviction made no sense. Of course, this game does something to people in
time (just look at Adria this week), so who knows what might've happened
had Will stayed in the house. The point is; he was hardly a threat at the
time he was booted out, so why boot him out? That's a question that will
never truly be answered. Booted
Off: Sixth. Opposing Nominated
Evictee: Marvin HOH that week
(nominations): Adria. High
Point : Perhaps the most poignant farewell videos from the
houseguests; even Will got misty eyed seeing them. Low
Point: Yeah, I know; at certain points in the game he was heard
scheming to split up the pairs in the house, including Adria and Natalie.
However, anyone is innocent until proven guilty, so based only on his
actions up to the time he was evicted, only one rating makes any sense: Rating: Deep
Impact
Natalie
Best One-Line Summary : Actually; I
didn't think the "twin" gambit would even last this long. My
Comments: Natalie was the
twin who was merely ropes on the blimp of a gambit; that is, her twin
sister Adria was in the Big Brother house, and the producers of the show
wanted a twist this season; have Natalie change places with Adria,
throughout the week, and if they make it to the "halfway" point,
they can come in the house as equals; two different players. Trouble is,
much like anyone who would agree to such a scheme; Adria is indeed quite
the schemer. We never really got to know Natalie very much to know if
she's as big of a schemer as her twin, but after Adria's double-cross of
Will last week, the house didn't want to take any chances. The stage was
set this week, when HOH Jennifer nominated the twins for eviction. But
when Adria (their true target) won the veto, she promptly saved herself,
leaving her sister high and dry...and eliminated. Booted
Off: Seventh. Opposing Nominated
Evictee: Adria, and then Michael HOH that week
(nominations): Jennifer. High
Point : All signs point to her not being quite the same as her
sister, who's a bit of the schemer... Low
Point: ...however, we really didn't get to see Natalie for too
long in the house, so who can say what would've happened to her image, had
she stayed? If just by association, her rating must be... Rating:
Near
Miss
Adria
Best One-Line Summary : At the very
least; she was no "Allison"! My
Comments: Yeah, it's a spin
control piece of fluff, but let's be fair: Adria was no Allison. Adria did
not bat her eyelashes at a cute boy to get off the eviction block, only to
shrug when he needed help in later weeks, as he was evicted, along with
all her competitors. In a very real sense, the only reason Allison stayed
in the game to the end is because everyone knew that no jury member would
vote for her, if they were against her in the final two. Either Adria's
congeniality with the jury was better, or this was a fairer house; your
pick. The bottom line is that Marvin was told in so many words two weeks
back, that some sort of divine force told Adria to nominate he and Will
for eviction. It's one thing to say you nominated them because they're
tough competition, but to call the choice practically a divine inspiration
was too much for anyone to accept. Adria had to go, so go she did this
week. Booted
Off: Eighth. Opposing Nominated
Evictee: Michael HOH that week
(nominations): Marvin. High
Point : Let's be fair; if she was as low as this season got, it
was a pretty good season. Low
Point: Still; it's equally saying something when Adria's
booting off Will made her even more deceptive in this game than Jase.
Ouch. Rating:
Near
Miss
Marvin
Best One-Line Summary : Rule #1 in
elimination schemes; eliminate the eliminators. My
Comments: No less than two
times was Marvin HOH, totally clueless to how his choices were being led
by other alliances in the house. Marvin never seemed to attempt to make
any alliances himself, however, so in the end it was him up against the
alliance of women, and the alliance of men. Now; a smart strategist would
ally with the two men with a "the women will gang on us"
warning, and off one of the women goes. Nope; Marvin gets nominated
against Diane, and since she's so coochie-coochie-coo with HOH Drew, it
was guaranteed by-ebye Marvin. Maybe if he had made alliances early on, he
wouldn't have been in such a pickle. Come on, Marvin: not one alliance?
None at all? Booted
Off: Ninth. Opposing Nominated
Evictee: Diane HOH that week
(nominations): Drew. High
Point : His daring gambit to casually hug Diane near the
bathroom to make Drew jealous nearly worked. At the very least it made for
cool reality TV twists. Low
Point: No alliances? None at all? Rating: Deep
Impact
Karen
Best One-Line Summary : Heh, heh,
Beavis; she said "backdoored." My
Comments: Karen was the
victim of the last, best double cross this season. Jennifer won HOH and
promptly put the two remaining "four horsemen" on the block:
Michael and Drew. Yeah; it was kind of stupid on Jennifer's part to look
at it so cut and dry in "battle of the sexes" terms to put up
her own half-brother, though that's a story best left for Jennifer's
eviction(?) summary, in a later week. No; at this point the girls were
high and dry, the two remaining men were on the outs, and it looked by all
accounts that it was a woman's game. Then Diane wins the power of veto.
Drew gets all "I saved you now you have to save me" on her sorry
tush, and Diane is all giggle-giggle, let's pull one over on the girls.
Diane vetoes Drew's vote, leaving Jennifer no choice but to replace him
with Karen. Now, it's bad enough that this would at best lead to a
"tie" vote between Diane and Drew, leaving it up to HOH Jennifer
to cinch her "girl's alliance" power, and boot off her own
half-brother herself. Nope; Diane would vote for Karen to go, as well,
making it a unanimous boot-off of her former alliance teammate. Karen
called it being "backdoored." Man; what a woman to use the term
"backdoored," eh? With a backside as curvy as that...er...um...I'm
sorry; what was I saying? Booted
Off: Tenth. Opposing Nominated
Evictee: Michael. HOH that week
(nominations): Jennifer. High
Point : From the raspberry she gave Jase in her farewell speech
to the impersonations of the four horsemen in the diary room; she was the
most fun to watch this season. Low
Point: In the veto competition, when Karen and Jennifer saw
Diane being helped by both the nominees (!), she should've known something
was up straight out. That's too bad. Rating: Deep
Impact
Jennifer
Best One-Line Summary : Did we ever
learn about that "Nokomis" thing...? My
Comments: As soon as
Jennifer said in the season premiere that she preferred to be called
"Nokomis," you could tell she was not going to be a typically
boring Big Brother house guest. Yet for all her many dyed hairstyles
throughout the season, to her confession of having a body piercing that
we'll never see on network television, Jennifer still maintained a very
honest, fair, and kindhearted attitude throughout the game. All my friends
and family agreed that it'd be a blast had she won the whole thing.
However; when Diane showed her new colors last week when booting fellow
girl's-alliance member Karen, the writing on the wall was not good. It
would've been bad for Jennifer had anyone won HOH this week, and with her
having been hoodwinked as HOH last week, she couldn't even compete, to try
and save herself. Think the news is dire enough for poor Nokomis? Think
again. The veto this week would be won by none other than half-brother
Michael. Oops! Maybe this would've been a good thing, had Jennifer not
nominated Michael herself, just last week. In fact; when pinned against a
wall about having to boot either her half-brother or friend-in-the-house
Karen, she would've chosen Karen, as she made quite clear. It's loyalty
like this that is very likeable in Nokomis. However; it's also loyalty
like this that, in the end, got her out of the game. Booted
Off: Eleventh. Opposing Nominated
Evictee: Diane HOH that week
(nominations): Drew. High
Point : She allied with Will and Karen, which kind of shows
how much of a good judge of character she is. Low
Point: It doesn't lower my grade of her as a contestant in the
slightest, but seriously; had she not nominated her own half-brother for
eviction just last week, maybe he would've been more ready to aid her this
week. I'm just saying. Rating: Deep
Impact
Diane
Best One-Line Summary : For once; the
schemer doesn't make the Final Two. My
Comments: See; here's what
makes this show so annoying most seasons. The fact is, a house guest who
sees their chances of being in the final two are slim, can back-stab their
original alliance, and in the confusion, often cruise their way right to
the 50 grand second place prize, if not the whole half-million. Yet that
wasn't the case this season, when Drew won HOH, and in a wonderful stroke
of conscience, chose to evict his in house "girlfriend," Diane,
and not his longtime alliance member, Michael. What made this choice so
significant was how Diane would've probably been a lot closet to the final
two, had she herself kept true to her original promises, and kept Jennifer
and Karen in the house. However; regardless of the double-cross, why did
Drew choose Michael over Diane? Promises aside, he probably also saw how
Diane could sweet talk her way right to the half million, and didn't want
to take such a chance. In the end, Diane was sent packing, as the last
jury member evicted from the house. It almost makes you feel sorry for
her...though her double-cross of her own girl's alliance simply cannot be
rated highly; "near miss" from me. Booted
Off: The 12th evictee from the Big Brother House. Opposing Nominated
Evictee: Michael. HOH that week
(nominations): Drew. High
Point : Right up to the end, she showed she truly cared for
Drew, so no it wasn't all smoke and mirrors to get her close to the final
prize. Low
Point: However; yeah, back stabbing her alliance was pretty
much of a mistake. I mean; if she and Drew were meant to be, he could
accept her booting him, as well as the other way around, right? Right...? Rating:
Near
Miss
Michael
Best One-Line Summary : Cowboy. My
Comments: As Karen put it
earlier in the game, being mean to "cowboy" Michael was like
going after Forrest Gump. He just was too much of the nice guy. However,
nice guys are always taken advantage of, and Michael knew this. In fact;
when Drew actually showed some honor and class and kept his promise to
Michael, right up to the final two, the act even got Cowboy a bit misty
eyed. However, yeah; sometimes he was too much of the nice guy for his own
good. When Diane was up against Jennifer --a half sister that, until this
show, he had never known-- his most strategic move, if not the most
ethical, would be to have booted Diane. Yet he kept "true" to an
alliance he had only recently made with Drew and Diane, so he booted
Jennifer. It's maneuvers like these that both at once got him to the final
two, yet kept him from the grand prize. Then again, in cowboy's own words:
he won 50 grand, and they didn't. Booted
Off: The $50,000 second place winner. Opposing Nominated
Evictee: None. HOH that week
(nominations): Drew. High
Point : One of the most harmless and likeable final two members
of the game you could hope for. Low
Point: Admittedly, he was not a major player in the game, since
he rarely got close to the HOH, nor many powers of Veto. Not that he
needed one. Rating: Deep
Impact
Drew
Best One-Line Summary : Finally, once
again, someone worthy wins the grand prize. My
Comments: Allow me to take
this last contestant review to confess that last season sucked. Sorry,
Jun, but the biggest thrill in seeing you win was in seeing Allison lose.
The feeling is mutual for the prior season, where the otherwise likeable
Lisa won, yet her win was overshadowed by the utter joy of seeing
similar-to-Allison Danielle lose the grand prize, as she left the house in
tears. That said: Drew was up against a contestant that was no
"Danielle," no "Allison," and was in fact the very
congenial cowboy. One would muse that had he chose Diane for the final
two, this season would've been just two degrees from being just like the
prior two seasons, all over again. Yet he chose a harmless
"cowboy" and best friend in the house to be next to him in the
final two. That speaks volumes to Drew's character, and although it was
indeed a close vote, Drew won the grand prize by a vote of 4 to 3. Booted
Off: The Half Million Dollar Winner. Opposing Nominated
Evictee: None HOH that week
(nominations): None. High
Point : Choosing Cowboy to be alongside him in the final two;
an alliance that he kept true to since the first week of the game. Low
Point: Though it's hard to feel for Diane; what was Drew's
intentions? It's something we'll never know, but he could've been simply
using her to get a guaranteed spot in the final two. Now we'll simply
never know. Rating: Deep
Impact
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