Techtite's TV Reviews!

"[acceptance speech excerpt]: I cannot tell you what would've happened to me if I couldn't have gotten out what was inside of me tonight...I try not to drink, but s--t!...and look at the company I'm in...just look at it!...and I'm so glad none of them won! I'm so glad! None of them won! I won!"

---from the review

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Sidebar ::

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Added Moments...  

In three hours of TV live programming, there's a lot of moments that couldn't make the review. Here's a few of them:

---in an otherwise humorless skit in a bathroom between Ray Romano and Garyy Shandling, the camera pans out to show Chris Rock in the urinal next to them, saying the best running gag line of the evening, "Who the heck is 'Elaine Stritch'...?"

---in another "that's why you weren't selected as host" presenter moment; George Lopez gives some snide remark about why there are no Hispanics on The Apprentice; "because we can't be fired." Not even The Donald could offer a courtesy smirk about that one.

---One failed attempt to honor this year's Olympians in the audience led to such apathy that they had to jump right to commercial afterwards; a move that must've been only more embarrassing to said Olympians, who deserved better than that.

---Compare that Olympian moment to the congenial attitude given to two total strangers off the street, who got to present the award for best reality TV series on stage; one of them even got to share a bit with Jennifer Anniston in the audience as she claimed people say she looks just like her. 

---Most of the "losers" of the evening got off Scott-free from being mentioned by the winners -which always leads to them having to politely mug to the camera when their name is mentioned-- except for Mariska Hargitay (sp?), who when Allison Janney (sp?) won as Best Actress/Drama, was the only actress who accepted Allison's invitation to "come on stage" with Allison, only to be told to stand to the side, off-camera, as Allison gave the rest of her acceptance speech. Ouch.

---the nominees for Best Comedy Writers offered little skits which starred the nominees, of how they get their inspiration. Among the funniest; the writer of an episode of Sex and the City is sitting next to a group of women in the park. When one asks if he's writing what they're saying down, he says "no," then runs. That's a funny bit.

---Last and Best of the whole evening: The Amazing Race, Best Reality Series. Yay!

The 56th Prime Time Emmy Awards (2004)

A Review by Techtite

Even a three hour blank screen would've been better than the Emmy telecast debacle last year. So, let's just say the compliment as weak as it may be: yes, this year the Emmys were better. They weren't much better though. Not a single comedy shtick was worth barely a smirk, nor was a single acceptance speech worth it to not press the mute button. Some winners were deserved, yes, though the speeches, and the presenters' many tirades, were not. This was one boring awards show.

Let's begin with the running gag of the evening. Accepting the Emmy for Best Performance in a Variety or Music Program, Elaine Stritch gives a brutally honest yet still honestly obnoxious speech, including the following: "I cannot tell you what would've happened to me if I couldn't have gotten out what was inside of me tonight...I try not to drink, but s--t!...and look at the company I'm in...just look at it!...and I'm so glad none of them won! I'm so glad! None of them won! I won!" Elaine then proceeded to blurt out a whole lot of names that she felt she could list "until someone comes and gets me. You never know. You just f-ing never know." Yes, she actually used the term "F-ing." What a moment for the 56th Emmys to be remembered by.

Not that Elaine was the only pretentious acceptance speech; hers was simply the most entertaining. There was Jeffrey Wright's speech as Best Supporting Actor in a Mini-Series/Movie (Angels in America). Jeffrey actually began his speech quite humbly, saying that when one of his fellow nominees win, they all win. Then he had to go overboard by saying that "When I originally started my journey with this [film], AIDS affected mainly gay men. Now it affects African-Americans in extraordinary numbers!" So, like, he's trying to tell us that AIDS awareness is all the more important these days, because it is now affecting his race, not just gay men. Can you imagine what would've happened, had someone white, Asian, or Hispanic tried to offer a similar speech? I'm just saying.

I guess it's all in the delivery of such speeches; that small sprinkle of humility in your voice. Meryl Steeep opened her Best Acceptance Speech Of The Night by musing, "You know, there are some days when even I think I'm overrated...but not today!" Earlier, David Hyde Pierce (best supporting actor/comedy, Frasier) offered the humble line, "That's not the way I would've gone, but...okay!" Drea De Matteo (Best Supporting Actress/Drama, The Sopranos) put it this way: "There's so many people that are responsible for this, but if I even try to thank any of them right now, I might puke, choke, cry or die, and you've already seen me do that, so I'm just going to say 'thank you' and go have ten drinks, and I'll thank you all later. Thank you!"

It's at this time in an overview of an awards show when the music would be softly playing if it could, with a "wrap it up" message. So let's just go through the numbers. Michael Imperioli won as Best Supporting Actor/Drama, which was only fair, when Drea De Matteo won as Supporting Actress, and they were so good together last season, as a pair of ill-fated fiancées. Kelsey Grammer won his last Best Actor/Comedy Emmy for his role as Frasier, although the opening of his acceptance speech humbly honored the late John Ritter, who was also nominated. Meanwhile, Sarah Jessica Parker finally won an Emmy for her role on Sex and the City, which seems odd to those of us who've seen her juggle no less than four Golden Globes in that category. Oddly enough, this is her first Emmy as Best Actress. Isn't that strange?

As for the Most Boring Moment Award, that would sadly go to when Chairman and CEO of the Television Academy, Dick Asken, had to introduce a segment of "the finest moments from last season." This is what I think happened: HBO provided an overblown commercial of all their nominees, then ABC wanted in and put every single show they air into the montage as well. Why else would you follow a shot from HBO's Angels in America, with the forgettable past season of The Practice and Alias? There was Sex and the City, Sopranos...then soon after, ABC's "Trista and Ryan's Wedding." Did you forget that ABC also hosted the Oscars? Of course they did; it was the only televised awards show even mentioned. Sure, there's a snippet here and there of CSI or 24, to make it look less like an HBO/ABC commercial, but come on: a batch of mostly HBO and ABC snippets is hardly the finest moments from last season. Where's Rob proposing to Amber on live television, on Survivor All-Stars? Where's The O.C.? Where's Cold Case? Where's most of the nominees for this evening?

Then come the big awards: Best Comedy, and Best Drama. These would be the reasons to watch the show for three hours, because even if you didn't agree with the winners, they were certainly quite surprising. For Comedy, the Emmy would go to Arrested Development, which seems to get all the critical praise yet not one major Nielsen rating. The situation did not go unmentioned in the show's chosen acceptance speech, which muses, "You know what? Let's watch it. You wanna? Why not?" Then came Best Drama, which was won by The Sopranos. Out of a mere six seasons, this series has won 89 nominations. This is it's first win as Best Drama.

The truth is: Billy Crystal could've really made lemonade out of lemons this evening. Instead, we're given Garry Shandling, who is a welcome breath of bland air whenever an awards show is too saccharine for its own good. In an awards show like this, Garry seemed like a lemon without his sugar...or even a glass or water. This was a very sour note on the Emmy's indeed. Wake me when the show is on next year. If I can't reach the snooze button on my alarm clock, I just may watch it again.

                                                                    ---Techtite

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