Techtite's TV Reviews!

"If Oscar night 2004 begins with Michael Moore trampled by an elephant, you know it's going to be good. Predictable? Yes, but at least it wasn't surprising in the "I can't believe they gave an award to that" department."

---from the review

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Sidebar ::

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The Top Five Good Points... Just like the Golden Globes, there's those Great Little Moments that don't make it into the review, though are worth mentioning anyway:

---Adrian Brody, who received lots of flak for his daring lip lock on presenter Halle Berry last year when winning as Best Actor, jovially began his presentation of Best Actress this year by saying "Don't worry; they have me under restraining order" followed by him using breath spray before opening the envelope. A nice comical respite for the nominees...and funny!

---An observation: Liv Tyler in glasses is even more adorable than Liv Tyler as the elfin princess.

---Entertainment Tonight's Maria Menounos in the Oscar pre-show was so sexy --and a good interviewer, too!-- that we nearly forgot the many admittedly bad puns by her co-host, Billy Bush.

---Regardless of winning in 11 categories, not one Lord of the RIngs Oscar recipient offered a single  embarrassing speech of the "I'm King of the World! Wooo-hooo!" variety. Given the subtitle "Return of the King," one cannot help but love the irony of this.

---and in the "just FYI" department: USA Today reports that every winner and presenter got a gift bag including: a $500 espresso machine, a gift certificate for a $6,000 43-inch Samsung HDTV and a year of satellite TV, a $1,500 steak dinner at Morton's, $12,000 worth of Victoria's Secret lingerie and fragrances, $2500 worth of Revlon makeup, and a gift Joan Rivers called the cheesiest of all; round-trip airfare from L.A. to New Zealand -- business class.

The Bad Points... Then again:

---Billy Bush, the male half of ABC's pre-show, offered stale jokes and even worse interviews, making my family room of couch potatoes decide to even change the channel, just seconds prior to the actual Oscar show.

---To everyone who'll inevitably whine like babies that a "geek" film like Lord of the Rings won 11 categories all night; Where were you when Titanic did the same thing?

---The winner of this year's "The Speech lasted longer than the Movie!" Award goes to, of all people, the winner of the "best short film" award, Two Soldiers, where one of the winners spoke so long that his partner, speech in hand, was unable to speak. No matter; the look he gave the camera during the every-winner-on-stage finale spoke volumes.

---with the sole exception of The Triplets of Belleville, the Best Song nominees this year were quite maudlin this year, no matter how much the song from Return of the King was needed for its Titanic-sized 11 Oscar tally. See Eisner; this is why nobody likes you handling DIsney. Who thinks we don't want a new, toe-tapping Disney tune every year?

---And the winner of this year's Roberto Begnini "You Wouldn't Act This Way At YOUR Country's Awards Show" award goes to the Foreign film winners for The Barbarian Invasions, who said smugly that "We're glad that The Lord of the Rings did not qualify in this category." Sorry, guys; this isn't even a new joke! The Best Song Winners of 1997 said the same thing, due to  that year's sweep, The English Patient.

The 76th Annual Academy Awards, 2004

A Review by Techtite

If Oscar night 2004 begins with Michael Moore trampled by an elephant, you know it's going to be good. Predictable? Yes, but at least it wasn't surprising in the "I can't believe they gave an award to that" department. Everyone who won deserved to win. Isn't that what really matters?

Well, not exactly; Bill Murray lost a "Best Actor" statue to Sean Penn, for Mystic River. This is a good example of how the Academy must often choose between awards to the "best acted performance", or "most memorable." Penn's work in River was exceptional and yet it is nothing new for an actor who has been doing dramatic work ever since 1983's Bad Boys. Murray's Lost in Translation role, by contrast, was the most memorable of 2003; a comic most known for Caddyshack and Ghostbusters, offering the most dramatic role of his career. Too bad he lost, as understandable as Penn's win truly is.

As for other categories: name 11 of them, other than acting, and Lord of the Rings probably won it. From Best Adapted Screenplay to costume design to Best Original Song, this film won it all, tying its Oscar wins with the two biggest in Oscar history, Ben Hur and Titanic. Even the most visually glitzy musical number --from France's "The Triplets of Belleville"-- could not keep Lord of the Rings' "Into the West" from winning Best Original Song as well. However, anyone could've seen this film's Oscar sweep coming, as soon as Ian McKellen presented that impactful final scene of the small Hobbits being bowed to by the nobles whose lives they saved. This is one of many reasons Return of the King truly was Best Film of the Year. Anyone who disagrees is, well...wrong.

Although Lord of the Rings dominated each of the 11 categories it was nominated in, the film did not receive a single acting nomination. So, how predictable --or unpredictable-- were the acting awards this year? Decide for yourself: in addition to Penn's Best Actor nod, there was Tim Robbins' as Best Supporting Actor, Renee Zellweger as Best Supporting Actress, and Charlize Theron as Best Actress. Personally, I rooted for Charlize as Best Actress, and that's it. Let's just move on before the letters column overflows with flame mail on that one...

Overall, the evening was as light-hearted as it was polite and cordial. The only exception would have to be --who else?-- the Best Documentary Film winner, Errol Morris (The Fog of War), who made some comment about how ""Forty years ago, this country went down a rabbit hole in Vietnam and millions died. I fear we're going down a rabbit hole again." Well, maybe so, maybe so Errol, but for all your voice of reasoning, could you explain to us, please, why the documentary winners for two years running feel like they alone watch CNN, and must report their editorials on a Hollywood awards show? But hey, good news Errol; for all your ruining a good laugh with a cliché editorial byte --one which everyone knew, but you just "had" to tell us-- you are this year's winner of Techtite's annual "For Crying Out Loud It Was Just a Movie" acceptance speech award. No additional speech is needed. Get off the stage please.

Not that I am against politics on Oscar night; if I was, I wouldn't be able to watch the Oscars at all! There's just a way Hollywood can be political, and not lose their eye for entertainment. Just look at the far more comically underhanded "political" comments from Robin Williams, who first mused that standing next to Billy Crystal made them look like the top of a "San Francisco Wedding Cake" (a joke that particularly left Jamie Lee Curtis in stitches). Then Robin jested how a French Minnie Mouse, after Disney lost Pixar, might be saying to Michael Eisner "If you lose Miramax all you'll have basically is a muppet and a water slide!" That was not only funny, but it got its message across with style. Please take notes, oh brilliant producers of "intelligent" documentaries!

This is belittling the evening's host, Billy Crystal, who once again proved why he is the definitive awards show host of our time. In fact, I would call tonight one of his best hosting jobs. Every joke he made was a howl, right down to his now-trademark opening song based on the Best Picture nominees. For Lord of the Rings, Billy sang to the tune of These Are a Few of My Favorite Things: "Frodo and Sam on a mystical planet then Smiegel pops out like the right boob of Janet/ Britney and J-Lo brought both their flings; they thought it was called the Return of the rings!" This was even funnier when preceded by Billy digitally added to all the films. Thanks, Billy. You made Oscar Awards night an even better one...again!

As for the "Best Presenters" award, that would have to be Jack Black and Will Ferrell. Admit it; as amusing as all the Best Song nominees were, the funniest song would be offered by Black and Ferrell, who jovially mused that even the tune played when a presenter's speech time has run out has lyrics. As the orchestra played the tune every Oscar winner would loathe to hear, Farrell and Black started singing, "No need to thank your parakeet...You're Bo-ring!...Look at Catherine Zeta-Jones...She's Sno-ring!" Even Julia Roberts, the queen of rambling speeches, had to laugh out loud when these two were on stage. They took a sadly lemon-scented Best Song category this year, and made it into lemonade.

I guess an awards show with this much levity couldn't help but give a special award to Blake Edwards, who equally couldn't help but make his entrance to accept his award into its own comic shtick. Acting as though he was with a broken leg in an electric wheelchair gone haywire, he zips past the stage, grabbing the award on the way, and crashing through a "wall" stage prop on the other side. This was a nice cap to an equally funny montage of Edwards' comedic work through the years.

In the end, everyone that should've won did. Yet instead of sleep-inducing redundancy, the entire evening was a howl. Even otherwise rarely-seen-laughing fellows like Sean "James Bond" Connery were laughing in the aisles. This was a great show. Thanks Billy; this was one of your best Oscar hosting jobs yet. As for the Academy; thanks to you, as well, for finally voting for people who actually deserved to win, not the ones with the biggest publicity hype campaigns. Of course, next year a Best Film nominee may be from Miramax, and all Oscar logic is thrown right out the window. For now I'm happy. See you next year Oscar.

                                                                    ---Techtite

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