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Big Brother 6("A Summer of Secrets")
A Techtite TV ReviewWhat happened here? No sooner does Big Brother get a new house and new opening theme song, then it offers, in some bizarre mishap, one of the most mistake-ridden seasons since the first summer it aired. Not that there were no good ideas. There's a new house...and...and... If only a new house was all it took. Something went terribly awry this season, beginning with the format of a "house of partners." This made it easy as pie to make alliances, because all you needed was to chat with one house guest and poof, you had an alliance of four. This led to a very polarized house this season, with two alliances of six(!), as early as the second week. These teams flip-flopped control of the house between themselves with such boring predictability, little was exciting about this season at all. Which brings us to who was the best and worst this season. Mind you; "best" and "worst" is in the context of the game, not the individual. Nobody wants a house full of "chicken man"; a contestant from the first season who was so much of a goody two shoes, he actually tried to convince everyone to quit the game early, so they could all be winners. I'll take an intense house of "Ivette" and "Maggie" over a house of chickens any day of the week. In other words, as always, reality TV is only as good as the contestants. Here's the latest roll call, in order of their "eviction": The Techtite.com ratings system (icon version):
----------------------------------------------- Ashlea Best
One-Line Summary : This season's "this isn't Survivor"
contestant. In-game summary:
In the game of Survivor, you stay in the
shadows. You do your chores and
hope nobody notices you as they pick off the obnoxious teammates. Ashlea, one must presume, took this advice to heart. She kept quiet and didn't make waves. The trouble is: in
Big
Brother, you need to be noticed. When Rachel nominated
her, by Rachel's own admission it was nothing personal, but she didn't know her very well. Oops. Booted Off:
First. "Secret Partner":
Janelle. Opposing
Nominated Evictee: Kaysar. HOH
that week (nominations): Rachel. High
Point : To be fair, with so little known about her there's
nothing bad to say about her. Low
Point: The first booted, so sorry if we cannot give any rating
but: Rating :
Michael Best
One-Line Summary : Bizarro Howie. In-game
summary: Michael was the
sort of house guest who, if told he's "walking on eggshells,"
would smugly jump up and down
on them to the tune of The Macarena. No surprise, then, that when it was clear how
easily provoked Eric was --particularly about his family-- Michael egged and
egged Eric on until, quite nearly,
Michael's block was knocked off. Not that everything Michael was
accused of was 100 percent genuine. Michael
was accused of sexual harassment by female house guests, and yet what
kind of harassment could this be, when Howie blatantly talks about each of
their "boobies," and they simply giggle it off? The
difference is: Howie knew how to walk on eggshells like a ballet dancer.
Michael was like a bull in a china shop in comparison. Maybe if he didn't
play the game this way he could've made people believe his story that he'd
never harassed anyone. Yet after being so obnoxious, who
believed him? Booted Off: Second. "Secret
Partner": Kaysar. Opposing
Nominated Evictee: Janelle. HOH
that week (nominations): Eric. High
Point : In the end, he took his boot-off
graciously. Low
Point: It can be said that fans of Kaysar "have" to
like him, but consider: if he was that good of a friend of Kaysar,
shouldn't he have played the game a lot better, if just for his friend's
sake? Rating : Eric Best
One-Line Summary : Support your local firefighters. Period. In-game
summary: Let me shoot it
straight, ladies: just because a guy is the supposed enemy of the
"cutie" in the house does not make them this season's
"meanie" by default. Yet many girls see Eric as the bad man who yelled at Kaysar, so that makes him
the meanie. These girls would be...how do I put this? Wrong.
In fact, Eric's and Kaysar's approach to the game was nearly identical. Both
went against their word at some point.
Both got into a near-fight with
opposing house guests. Both played the game to win. The problem:
Kaysar is, as Rosie O'Donnel would say, a "cutie patootie," so
girls let him get away with anything. However, it
takes a particular sort of person to be a firefighter, which is enough to demand some respect in Eric.
Yet in the end, Eric would be backstabbed by Kaysar...and no;
nothing said by the Kaysar teenybopper fan club can defend this. Think how
easy this promise was to keep: don't nominate Eric, for one
week. One. Stupid. Week! Kaysar broke the deal. Oh,
yeah; he supposedly could nominate Eric for eviction after promising not
to, because "veto doesn't count." Not to jump ahead, but, golly; I hope
balderdash like that isn't
used against you, Kaysar! Yet in the end, even at just three
weeks; Eric was the catalyst of a riveting season. Without him...how
boring would this season have been? Booted Off: Third.
"Secret Partner":
Maggie. Opposing
Nominated Evictee: Maggie. HOH
that week (nominations): Kaysar. High
Point : Even his "opponents" in the house
confessed it:
yes, being a firefighter says something good about Eric. Period.
Low
Point: Sure, Michael deserved a smack upside the head, but it
was not Eric's place to give him one, no matter how much some viewers
rooted for it to happen. Rating :
In the context of the game: Kaysar (v. 1.0) Best
One-Line Summary : "Maggie's the biggest threat, so let's
boot Eric!" Oooh...Good plan! In-game
summary: Fans of Kaysar
will insist he played a better game than Eric. Well of course he did; he
lasted one whole week longer. Okay, that was mean. The point is that for all the defense he gets from his female fans
online, he really wasn't any different from Eric. Yes, Eric almost picked
a fight with Michael. Yet minutes later, Kaysar
looked like he was about to punch Ivette in the face. It's one thing to be
a muscle-bound Eric and act tough next to similarly athletic Michael.
For Kaysar to look like he was ready to fight with Ivette...well, it
wasn't his best moment, I'll say that. His true mistake in the game,
though, was to have Eric and Maggie both on the nomination block, and he choose Eric for eviction.
This, when even Kaysar confessed that Maggie is the better game
player. Think ahead at how big of a mistake this was. The next HOH was won
by Maggie. Had Maggie been evicted, Eric lacked the gentle hand needed for
the ball-tossing HOH challenge Maggie won in, and without Maggie there to
win it...Janelle would've won. The whole season
would've been totally different...! Yet Kaysar evicts
Eric anyway ...only to have "better game player" Maggie win HOH, and boot Kaysar. Oopsie! Not so fast, though.
There's that little matter of a viewer poll for who deserves a second
chance in the game, which is offered --gee, what a coincidence!-- the exact same episode
Kaysar is evicted. Every single talk show is "we'll have that
interview with Kaysar next...and a phone number for how to vote someone
back on (wink, wink!)." Gee; I wonder who will win this vote? The end
result is that Kaysar was evicted, but not really, so don't take anything
written here too personally...yet. Booted Off:
"Fourth"...Sort of...um...not. "Secret Partner":
Michael (already evicted). Opposing
Nominated Evictee: James (before veto), Janelle (after veto). HOH
that week (nominations): Maggie. High
Point: Many girls like him. Low
Point: Not to pine about it, but: Kaysar looked like he was about to punch Ivette. This was pretty
low, no matter how popular Kaysar may be. Rating :
Again, in the context of the game:
Sarah Best
One-Line Summary : Love is blind...but cute. In-game
summary: Ever since
Survivor 1, every reality TV show needs its Colleen; "the cute
one." Sadly, for Sarah, the reign would be short lived, due to her
MVP boyfriend James. Sarah was booted for no other reason than her boyfriend James being such a
threat in the game. They couldn't boot James so they boot Sarah. So sorry,
Sarah. Here's the real twist though; she and James were nominated
for eviction...by their own stupid alliance! Who'd be so silly as to
nominate their own alliance's MVP?
Oh, that would be Howie. Yeah, right, of course: Howie! The 30-something
who's going on 13. The guy who insists his religion is "Jedi."
The guy who...but I digress. Sarah was cute but not a good game player.
It would've been interesting to see how Sarah would've played the game if her attentions weren't devoted to James, but then again,
it would be more interesting to see what these two could do together in a
reality/team series like The Amazing Race. I'm just saying. Booted Off:
Fifth. "Secret Partner":
James Opposing
Nominated Evictee: James (before veto), Ivette (after veto). HOH
that week (nominations): Howie. High
Point: Simply put, this girl has more class in her pinky toe
than Janelle has in her whole body. Yes, that needed saying. Low
Point: I don't have a low point for Sarah so I'll just say how robbed she was to have that
vote-someone-back-in poll one
week before her eviction. Rating :
Kaysar (v. 2.0) Best
One-Line Summary : Behold the power of veto. In-game
summary: Kaysar received
82% of the vote to get back in the house, but does that mean he should've
gotten a second chance at all? Not entirely. Kaysar lost the game fair and square. Yet he was this season's
male "cutie," so CBS bent the rules to
save him...only to have Kaysar hand the whole game away in the process. Sure
Jennifer swore on her "life" that she'd do what Kaysar wanted as
HOH, but that's no reason to give a self-confessed member of the "opposing"
alliance HOH . If someone was ready to do whatever Kaysar wanted as HOH, why wouldn't she simply give Kaysar
HOH? These are the things Kaysar is probably mulling over right now, back
home. This, and the fact that the guy was booted by his own deceptive, "veto doesn't
count" plan. How does that plan work again? Oh yeah: "I promise not
to nominate you...no, really...but veto
doesn't count...ha!" Not that I'm looking for a flame war from the
Kaysar fans, who still insist "this time was
different." The point isn't how right or wrong this backdoor plan is.
The point is how "right" or "wrong" it was, to have a
fairly evicted house guest return in the first place. The idea to break the rules for any
one house guest was not a good idea. Kaysar would seem to agree, or
else he would not have quit the first new HOH challenge he was given.
Think about it. Booted Off: Sixth. "Secret Partner":
Michael (already evicted). Opposing
Nominated Evictee: Janelle (after veto). HOH
that week (nominations): Jennifer. High
Point: Unlike loudmouth Howie, he did handle his eviction with
manners and grace. Low
Point: In the final week of the season, Kaysar was allowed to
write his own scathing essay about the final three women in the house, on
CBS' own web site...which, no matter how much you like him, sounds
pretty whiny. Rating :
Sorry, ladies,
but he's not that good at the game, so: Jennifer Best
One-Line Summary : Ballsy, but foolish. In-game
summary: How disliked is
Jennifer after doing what she did? Pretty much...even if some people have
gone too far with it. One
blog claimed that Jennifer's college bio was edited by hackers. Live feed
subscribers will tell you how the BB staff themselves put the song
"Stupid girl" on the house's intercom, the morning after her
nomination of Kaysar. What did this girl do that was...that...bad? Well, I must admit that to swear on
her life to
do something, only to not do it, is going too far. Yes James swore on a bible to do
something only to say he wouldn't but that wasn't a broken promise; only a
possibility that he wouldn't break the promise. It's simple bad
game strategy to swear on one's life and then break it. Yet in the end, I
still cannot give Jennifer a lower game rating than Janelle and Howie
--Yeah...take that, Jan and Howie!-- because to be totally
fair: at least
Jennifer didn't pick on someone to the point of tears,
nor did she get drunk, catty, and shrill, only to bully the weakest man in
the house. Apparently, that's something only Howie and Janelle are
capable of. In the end, I'm actually giving Jennifer a higher "thumbs
down" grade, only because I want Howie and Janelle's grades to be
lowest of the low. Yeah, you know what this means. For all their
tomfoolery, they actually helped improve Jennifer's game rating by
comparison, here at Techtite.com. Congratulations. "Secret Partner":
April Opposing
Nominated Evictee: Maggie (before veto); Ivette (after veto). HOH
that week (nominations): Janelle. High
Point: Interestingly enough, not even Kaysar had anything bad
to say to Jennifer in the season finale, and in fact seemed to blame
Jennifer's decision on not choosing for herself. Hmm... Low
Point: Then again, it was her promise to break. I know verbal contracts mean very little legally, but swearing on
your life and then breaking your word is a bit too far. Rating :
Rachel Best
One-Line Summary : This Season's Biggest Victim. In-game
summary: I really liked
Rachel. In any other season she would've been in the final two for sure.
Yet this season's desire for a "summer of secrets" ruined
Rachel's chances. For one thing Rachel had to enter the house with Howie,
which, with all due respects, is a lot like Madeline Stowe forced to ally with
Carrot Top. As much as Rachel improved Howie's
game, Howie really ruined Rachel's. I would
dare say that in a better season, Rachel would've been able to choose her
own alliances, and this whole season would've been different. Unfortunately
this is Big Brother's poorest planned season, and that means the
most likeable players
are voted out just to spite the annoying ones. Yeah sure; boot
Rachel because you're mad at Howie. Oooh...good plan! Okay, that was rude.
Sadly, booting Rachel was even ruder. "Secret Partner":
Howie Opposing
Nominated Evictee: Howie. HOH
that week (nominations): Beau. High
Point: No offense but it's a testament to how much of a Type B
personality Rachel is, when she can apparently put up with Howie's rants
about "boobies" in the real world, 24/7. Low
Point: Then again, how could she sit by when Howie was making
such bad choices...? She should've nixed his worst decision --nominating members of
his own alliance for eviction-- before that happened at all. Rating :
James Best
One-Line Summary : Gee; he seemed so nice...! In-game
summary: James was the
contestant who at first looked so clean cut and American Pie, only to suddenly
be a devious game player. For two weeks anyway, James was willing to play the game
in the shadows, yet Kaysar wanted him on his team, and
that meant...nominating him for eviction. Mind you; anyone else
strong-arming James like this, just to get them on their team, would've
made them look pretty mean, but it was Kaysar, and ladies think Kaysar
is cute, so message boards sounded more like: "Aw, isn't that sweet?
Kaysar is nominating James so they can be friends! Aw!" I'm just saying.
So, suddenly James would be a "friend" in Kaysar's new alliance.
Man; "with friends like those," huh? The weird part is: James suddenly went all
"Stockholm Syndrome" on fellow nominee Maggie, acting as if she,
not Kaysar, was James' biggest enemy. Uh, James...? Patty Hearst called;
she wants her syndrome back! James
got a taste of this reality check, when Kaysar, just prior to eviction
himself, told
Howie to watch out for James. Howie then nominates James, his alleged
"friend," for eviction, along with James' girlfriend,
Sarah. Fans insist that these "friends" will still keep in touch
outside of the house, but...I doubt it. Then again; if it wasn't for Kaysar and Howie lighting James' fire, we may
have never seen James become the hard-nosed competitor he became. Maybe
that worked for James in the end, because by the time it came for James to
leave, it was nothing personal. He was evicted for the nicest possible reason in Big Brother; he was
simply the biggest competition. "Secret Partner":
Sarah (Already evicted). Opposing
Nominated Evictee: Howie (after veto). HOH
that week (nominations): April. High
Point: If Sarah sees something good in him, we must take her at
her word... Low
Point: ...yet thanks to Kaysar and James, we weren't able to
see the "nice" side of James for long, and only saw the "I
hate him and her" side. Rating :
Beau Best
One-Line Summary : Bizarro Marcellas In-game
summary: With all due
respect to Marcellas (from an earlier season), Beau's time in the game was
better.
For one thing he was booted by an honest enemy, not a false friend, which
is more than I can say for Marcellas. Yet Marcellas also got caught up in
his own bad mouthing of other house guests, like calling a busty mother in
the house a "stripper mother," or something to that effect. I'd
dare say that Beau was so harmless a player that when he got
"mean," it was even a bit funny. Sure he got into that pushing match with Janelle
when both
were drunk. but Beau has little or nothing to be ashamed of this
season. In fact, if anyone needs to be embarrassed this season it's
Janelle, who drunk or not at the time, said some rather homophobic rants against Beau.
As for the man himself, he seemed like a really nice guy. "Secret Partner":
Ivette. Opposing
Nominated Evictee: Ivette. HOH
that week (nominations): Howie. High
Point: Though some may say he was too drunk to know what she
was saying; it takes a very big man to not want to smack Janelle upside
the head for all her homophobic ranting. Low
Point: His speech when nominating Howie and Rachel was an
apparent attempt at a poetic comment, that just didn't work out. Rating :
Howie Best
One-Line Summary : Face it; you're a Sith Lord. In-game
summary: What was the most annoying
thing about Howie? Was it his incessant talk about "boobies" like he
was 12? Was it his devotion to Star Wars
like he was 10? Was it his name-calling to his opponents in the house, like
he was 8? No, no, and...well, not exactly. It wasn't even annoying how a man
who's pushing 40 insisted that his religion is "Jedi." No; what was really annoying was how Howie
insisted he was a heroic "Jedi," yet his actions were so
vengeful, hateful, and frankly, "Sith"-like in nature, that even Darth Vader would
dislike him.
Dude; last I
checked, a "Jedi" did not bring a woman to tears by
cruelly insulting her marriage, her husband, and her dog. That's not a "Jedi" in my
book, dude. In six movies, not
even Darth Vader stooped as low. Something to think about as you choose a
Darth surname. "Secret Partner":
Rachel (Already evicted). Opposing
Nominated Evictee: Janelle (before veto); April (after veto). HOH
that week (nominations): Ivette. High
Point: If a level headed woman like Rachel is Howie as a close friend
out of the house, we must believe there's more to him...
Low
Point: That poor loser rant in the finale was just plain
embarrassing, insisting that he can't vote for the most
"popular" Kaysar or Janelle, so he has to vote for the
"least" popular, Ivette and Maggie. Gee, where have we heard
this one before? Rat, you played the game better, snake, you won and I
lost, boohoo, whine whine whine. Rating :
April Best
One-Line Summary : Jennifer Lite... In-game
summary: Yet again we have
a sign of how the whole "partner" format this season ruined
everyone's game...including the viewers'. Being Jennifer's partner must
not have helped April's game any, especially after that whole incident
with Jennifer swearing on her life, only to...well, you know. Yet in April
we have someone who, much like other chain smokers in Big Brother history,
didn't pack enough cigarettes, so she had to go cold turkey at the worst
possible time. Perhaps this is why she started crying so uncontrollably,
although it's not like she never had a reason to do so. Howie's comments
against April are one thing, but insulting her family, her husband, and
even her dog is going too far. Yet what is almost as deceptive in my book,
is how Howie and Janelle, after having said all these things to April, are
still being approached by April, who's ready to make deals with them
against Ivette and Maggie, if that means she's closer to final three. To
make a deal with the enemy is one thing, but to make a deal with someone
who nicknames you "Busto" is something else. "Secret Partner":
Jennifer (Already evicted). Opposing
Nominated Evictee: Maggie (after veto). HOH
that week (nominations): Janelle. High
Point: In the end, what she said she might do is not as
important as what she did: she kept true to her alliance right to the end, and was booted for no
other reason than that one of her own had to do it. Low
Point: ...although admittedly, April made Ivette's choice of
who to evict so much easier, by picking a fight with her just hours before
eviction. Rating :
..."and the rest," as the Gilligan's Island song goes? I present the Final Three...! Some said that the following list had only one good person in it. You'd be surprised who that one person is...and even more surprised at my own take: Janelle Best
One-Line Summary : Darth Moll. In-game
summary: Why do (some)
people love Janelle? Because she has three things: bottle blonde
hair...and boobs. Some fans say this makes her a sweet, kind, honest, wonderful
person, but...oh, shut up. Boys like her because she's your typical
rubber-stamp
Pamela-Anderson-in-Baywatch wannabe. Girls like her because she
resembles the classmate whose butt would be kissed in high school,
just to get invited to the coolest parties. Yet popularity does not make a
nice person (and don't get me started on that one) and that being said, sorry; she's just a bottle blonde with big fake boobies. Oh,
I'm sorry...am I supposed to look "deeper"...? Okay; how about the moment
Janelle was kissing Michael, only to see her diary room confessional
moments later, that she couldn't tell if she'd date him outside of the
house until she knew how big a salary he got. How about how various
"smoking gun" web sites revealed that she barely got into the
show at all, because of criminal charges involving shoplifting? How about the moment she
decides to do as her Sith Master Howie commanded, and taunt a member of
the "nerd herd," and with Maggie and Jennifer and Ivette and
April to choose from, she picks on Beau. Why Beau...??? People online have only
come up with two possible reasons: either she is a bully, or she is a
homophobe, based on how she insulted him. I'd say the truth is
somewhere in between. Say what you will about the buxom bottle blonde du jour, kids. Personally, I have little good to say about Darth
Moll. At best, she made a good apprentice for Darth Howie. "Secret Partner": Ashlea
(yeah; the poor gal who got booted on week one. D'oh!). Opposing
Nominated Evictee: None; the last one evited, in "final
three." HOH
that week (nominations): Ivette. High
Point: If fake hair color and fake "boobies" are all people need to go on to call her a "sweet" and
"wonderful" person, who am I to criticize? Low
Point: I'm no diehard feminist, but it's kind of creepy how
Janelle hopped from one Alpha Male in the house to the next. She first
latches onto Michael. Oops; he's gone! Kaysar; you cutie! Nope; he's gone
too. Howie! Howie! Howie! It's ironic that as soon as the last man left
the building, Janelle left right after him. Rating :
Ivette Best
One-Line Summary : Say what you will about her, but she was
perhaps the only totally honest player this whole season. In-game
summary: It's interesting
how much some people can fly off the handle sometimes. Oh...did you think
I was talking about Ivette? Hardly; I was talking about all the people
online, who claim to hate Ivette. Really...? Ivette...?
"Hate"...? First of all; Ivette at her best was an honest
friend, and even at her worst, was an honest enemy. Think about it. She never cuddled with a house guest only to stab them in
the back, like oh-so-may other prior Big Brother house guests I could
mention. She never told someone "I've got
your back" only to boot them the very same day, like Danielle did in
a prior season. Yet online trolls insist Ivette was one of the meanest
people of reality TV. Why even debate this: how about throwing out a few names?
Omorosa. Richard Hatch.
Jerri Manthey. Do you really think Ivette was that bad?
Oh....Shut...Up. Of
course she was not. If anything, all this Ivette bashing is a case of
closeted political incorrectness: she's the first
lesbian house guest after all...and people can't insult her for that. So
people insult her for...always speaking her mind! Oh...that witch! Okay;
enough sarcasm. It's not like Ivette was without any faults; I'll admit
that much. What was up with all that crying about Eric leaving
the house...? Yet for all her talk about "Cappy," there was a
contestant who kept her word to the end, and still made final two. If your
favorite house guest left early, well...maybe that's because they broke
their word, Hmm? Think about it as Ivette enjoys her 50 grand. Opposing
Nominated Evictee: None; the 50 grand second prize winner. HOH
that week (nominations): Ivette High
Point: Seeing that she only won HOH once before, it's really a
major accomplishment for Ivette to have won final HOH against two prior
winners. Low
Point: As with anyone who's a free thinker (and talker); she
shouldn't have told Rachel how she truly felt about her in her final video
message. Indeed; that cost her the game. Rating :
Maggie Best
One-Line Summary : Jedi Maggie. In-game
summary: For all Howie's
talk of being a Jedi, Maggie's strategy was the most Jedi-like, by using
some major mind tricks on Howie...among other people. Here's Howie, all set to nominate Maggie for
evicting Kaysar the prior week. Suddenly, Howie is not nominating Maggie,
but instead picks a fight with James, the veto-winner MVP of his own
alliance! He actually
was thinking his own ally was his biggest threat in the game.
He then said these are not the droids we're looking for. Okay, I made that
last part up. Yet consider all the "mind tricks" this season,
which made Maggie win the game. Kaysar
confesses that Maggie is a wiser game player than Eric...yet boots Eric.
Howie wants to avenge Kaysar's eviction by Maggie...and boots Sarah. Janelle
nominates Maggie and Jennifer, only to have Janelle win the veto
herself...and veto Maggie. Was this all one big mind trick? Of course not.
If anything it's a sign of how Maggie winning the game was a sure thing,
thanks to...her biggest rivals! They whine about it now, but in the end they have nobody to blame for Maggie's win but
themselves. In that context, Maggie is in fact one of the best players
this whole season because her supposed enemies made her the winner. Too
bad Howie. "Secret Partner":
Eric (Already evicted). Opposing
Nominated Evictee: None; the 500,000 grand prize winner. HOH
that week (nominations): Ivette High
Point: As an emergency room nurse, there was little or nothing
that shocked, saddened, or broke her down in the whole game. Low
Point: A lot of D-grade web sites are acting like
"reporters," so they can call Maggie for a faux interview and
insult her. This is, perhaps, Maggie's lowest point, by trying to talk "sensibly" to
knuckleheads. Rating :
------------------------------------------ ...Parting thoughts...? Here's one: it's only a game! If you didn't like this season, quit your whining about it, and maybe it won't happen again. Whine about it to the point of making it the Most Talked About Season in Big Brother History, and, well...get ready for more just like it. The ball in now in viewers' own court. What happens is up to them.
Opinions? Speak your mind in Techtite's Letters Page!
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