Techtite's TV Reviews!

"In comes an animal wrangler, who actually went to his interview for this show dressed like Mister Roboto."

---from the review

------------------

Sidebar ::

-------------

It May Not Be Safe, But We Like It. Francisco's two-man-bike (described on this page) is actually a swell idea, that may have even been made some years ago had kids ridden on the handlebars as much as they do now.

 But here's the problem: we live in a very litigious society. Who cannot say, as a fact, that Francisco will be immediately sued for a million dollars via his product, if he wins the million dollars? It's not like the bike is unsafe, but you just know someone is going to (cough, cough) just "happen" to be filming their child riding the bike one day, and then "suddenly" (cough, b.s., cough) the child will have an unexpected "accident" on the bike, which if they're really good at scams, may even involve a broken bone. Hey; bones heal, and when they did, you'd get some big bucks.

It's not like we're hoping for this to happen; it's what happens all the time. Some fool girl "accidentally" spills coffee on her lap and suddenly she's suing McDonald's ...and winning! It's one whack-a-doo lawsuit filled world we live in. I'm just saying. You know what I'm talking about.

-----------------

Feel free to contribute. As always, review submissions are accepted!

-----------------

American Inventor

A Series Premiere Review, by Techtite

<<<PAGE 2 OF 4>>>

With three strikes, the show doesn't want three "outs" and end the game. So the premiere quickly skims through a couple more pee ponchos and "wands." One woman "invented" a sock with a puppy on it. Another woman has a boot "tree" to store boots in the most bulky way possible. Another guy has "Arm Shades" which is probably what a village idiot with short sleeves would wear if he didn't know what a long sleeve shirt was.

Question: why show these idiots in the first whole 20 minutes of the premiere? Answer: because when it comes to the best invention that this show could attract, the best reaction would be, "It's so silly it just may work," or better still, "Give it a chance." Nothing could drive this message home more, than an idea that wins the respect of half the judges. There are no split decisions allowed here. Can he convince a third judge?

Enter Mark Martinez, Handyman from Encino, California. His invention is an admittedly imaginative shovel for making sand bags: you put a bag at the handle, shovel the sand, turn the shovel upside down and the sand goes down a giant tube in the handle, right into the bag. Mark explains how sand bags up to now are made by simply shoveling sand carefully into a bag. He gets added sympathy from the judges when he explains that this idea already cost him $20,000 and his home. Inventor Dude is still not impressed. Neither is Sir Business...until Mark's pleas change his mind. With a 3-to-4 vote, Mark is the first finalist.

Periodically, the premiere introduces the judges. The judge we nicknamed Mr. Advertising is Ed Evangelista, a man in the advertising business for 26 years. He knows what can be sold and what cannot. That's fair enough. Too bad he's on a series dealing with mountain lion wands and pee ponchos. Is it okay for anonymity purposes, if we still nickname him "Mr. Advertising"...? Yeah...right. That's probably for the best.

You'd think that 30 minutes into a two hour premiere, and only one finalist, the remaining show would be all uphill. Not so. In comes an animal wrangler, who actually went to his interview for this show dressed like Mister Roboto. John Tang is a guy who's learned enough about marketing to know that his only chance to sell a ridiculous product, was to sell it ridiculously. Dressed head to neck in silver, he introduces "the next Ant Farm" ...for beetles. Here's the thing: Inventor Guy didn't sympathize with the sand shovel guy, but praises Beetle Man, for his "energy." He still gives thumbs down though, leading to another unanimous no.

More skimming through the eliminations. How bad were these guys? They don't even show the inventions! "It's just not fair" says one. "You didn't give me a chance" says another. "These judges were just nitwits" says a third. Yadda yadda yadda. Who'll be finalist number two...out of twelve? We're waiting ...waiting ...40 minutes in ...and still waiting.

Francisco Patino, 18, has only been in America 6 years. He has created a new bike. Know how kids like to hitch a ride on a bike sitting on the handles, while their friend pedals? Well his bike allows them to do that, only there are pedals for the handle-rider, too. It sounds like a two-man bike for the next generation, and it was enough to actually get the judges off their duffs to give the bike a try for themselves. I admit it's pretty funny to have a sort of Odd Couple tune play as Sir Business and Mr. Advertising give the bike a spin. It's a hit. Francisco is finalist number two!

After a commercial break, we get more skimming, but this time it's just a few seconds. Again; how bad were these guys? Not only were their inventions not shown; they weren't even allowed to give a one-line blurb about how "hard" the interview was. Man...! Ouch.

It's enough to have Kathy Jacobs hold her hands and pray that her interview goes better than "that last guy." Now, I'm no judge, but Kathy's idea is the first I'd actually buy. She has made snow globes that are edible. There is a plastic dome around a house or what-not, and you take off the dome and eat it. You want the best part...? It's a "kit." You make whatever you want the inside to be yourself. This is a cute idea. It's not the new "wheel" of inventing, but it's cute.

But is it an "invention"...? Inventor Dude insists he's done marketing for this sort of thing and women love DIY cooking crafts. Sir Business remarks how cool the idea is, to sell a product that is eaten and then the obvious need is to buy more kits. Two big thumbs up...both leading to a hug from Kathy. Miss Marketing is a slam dunk; Mr. Advertising likes it too. Did they actually just have a unanimous thumbs up? Yes!

Next up is Krish Mani. He invented a car cover with decorations on it. Baseballs cover your car when at a game; fun colors cover your car on the beach. He insists it's as regal as wearing a three piece suit, only now your car is what is formally dressed. He apparently wants his idea to sound very regal, but he mistakenly shows the idea on a little toy car he plays with on a small table. Thumbs down from all four judges.

Commercial break number...oh, I forget. But looking at the clock, we're 51 minutes in. Are at least six finalists chosen yet? No; only three. What's with the wands and the sticks and the pee ponchos? Enough, enough, enough! We. Get. It. It was hard to cast for this show; we know. Yet this is the premiere, and so far we've had only three tolerable inventions, in one whole hour. It's now perfectly clear that this "interview process" cannot finish in just one episode. But how much longer will viewers have to endure pee ponchos and mountain lion wands, until the real show begins? Can't they just start the actual series now? Please?

Next up is Evan. Evan likes pistachios and such, which leave behind  shells and pits. He has "invented" a bowl atop a bowl, where the bottom bowl is designed with little holes, which you use to discreetly slip the shells and pits until you can dispose of them later. Seriously; this is a nice idea, but is it an invention? Well here's the thing: Evan is a musician who for the purposes of musician etiquette had to bring his whole entourage of friends with him, who help "sell" the idea. "Whoh! Dude! I'd so buy that! For sure!" Inventor Dude thinks they're being hustled. The other judges admit his idea needs some work, but he's a nice, good looking guy and such guys are great infomercial fodder, so...yes!

Drama time! Inventor Dude was overruled again. Inv. Dude insists they were "hustled," as a video of Evan's Entourage plays, chanting, "It's all about the bowl! It's all about the bowl!" But as Sir Business insists; let's just see what they can make of the idea. Remember; each finalist gets $50 grand to make their idea into a swell prototype. It will be interesting what a "pit bowl" will look like. That much is quite certain.

NEXT PAGE>>>

<< 1   2   3   4 >>