Techtite's TV Reviews!

"The final choice was good but a season of Moana's cries and rants and cafe- philosophies was a bit much, I would say."

---from the review

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Sidebar ::

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The Obligatory Ali G rant. Yeah; we had to mention her, but everyone keeps hounding her so we felt just a "sidebar" was in order. To wit: Dr. Ali G. was one of the 15 or so women eliminated right on the premiere episode, when she got all emotional about it, and even was very confrontational about it. In Ali's defense; it's hardly like she was booted fairly. Sure it was brazen for her to mention her wish for kids when they only just met, but Travis...? You would've thought he had been told she joined an evil cult. Then again, we must be equally fair to Travis; confronting him after her elimination was going too far. With half of all the women dismissed at the same time, it was pretty cocky to demand to know why she was dismissed. Furthermore, Ali G seemed to be looking less for Travis and more for anyone who was father material. What would Ali have said in the same situation, genders reversed? I want to be a daddy so hop to it...???

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The Bachelor: Paris 

A Review by Techtite

Why do I keep watching this show? Ah yes, because of Trista. Thanks to the one singular season out of eleven that had The Bachelorette find love and happiness, we keep hoping for another season just like it. A season where, just perhaps, someone else on this show could find true love. Maybe. Just FYI; Trista was eight seasons ago. No weddings have happened since...and for that matter, barely any engagements. Who can blame the producers for hoping that a different venue may solve the solution...say, The Bachelor: Paris?

Enter Dr. Travis Stork; a doc who by all accounts would've been an ironically well named obstetrician, but he's an emergency room doctor, and that's cool. I must admit, in Travis' defense this season; he'd hardly an irrefutable jerk, like the men on many prior seasons. At least he does not appear so, probably due to his profession. Even when it's clear he's feeding the ladies a line, as it were, at least he's had the college education to speak malarkey with panache. No, dear, he won't "always remember you," but it's nice of him to say it, yes?

Mind you; at just shy of a dozen seasons and only one wedding, all eyes are on Travis, so it couldn't have been easy to find someone nice, let alone "true love." On the other hand, though; did he have to make it even harder for himself to find a fun date? As early as the second episode he boots Kristen, a funny gal who in her own words probably "came on too strong" and "scared the poor guy." Yet it's not like she did anything wrong. She was just trying too hard to be a memorable, funny date...culminating in her cutting an orange rind into fake "teeth" and putting it in her mouth for a visual gag. But was this truly so horrible? Sarcasm withstanding, you can call off the paramedics; I think Travis will live. Tell me this girl deserved to be booted first. On second thought don't tell me that, because that's bunk.

Let's just cut to the chase, and jump to the "final three." In any season with a man who knows what he wants in life, these three ladies would be three peas of the same pod. Not so for Travis, whose final choices were like a chemist choosing between oil, water, or club soda. Here's a better comparison for you. Imagine a film director casting a film. His final three choices for a role are Reese Witherspoon, La Dame Judy Dench, and Madonna. Obviously, said film director has no freaking clue who is right for the role. Unfortunately, when it comes to choosing three potential fiancées, Travis is even more clueless.

First off of the three, there was Susan. A lot of people didn't like Susan much, because they felt she was just putting on an act blah blah blah. Well, to me that's a cheap shot, because anyone during the first few dates is putting on an act and all small talk is "blah blah blah"...you know what I mean? Yet competing women in the house claimed that they "knew" she was interested solely in her desire to be an actress, not in being Mrs. Stork. This is strictly a she said/they said argument, so here's what I think. I think Susan was as interested in Travis as he was in any of the women this season. Which is to say they should all give Susan a break. Let's just say that, if her tears in the reunion show was all an act, she's not a bad actress, really. Crying on cue isn't easy.

Then we have Sarah. Sarah was the "Reese Witherspoon" of the final three, if just because I like Reese Witherspoon, and I really liked Sarah. She loves kids. She is the sort of girl you bring home to Mom, presuming Mom isn't the village idiot. Let's put it another way: Sarah is a kindergarten teacher. Put half of the other ladies this season in a room with toddlers, and let's see how quickly they leave skid marks. Yet here Sarah is on a date back home with her class coming to visit, and all the kids are laughing and playing and having a wonderful time. Let me be candid when I say that based on his track record this season, Travis does not deserve a bride like Sarah. But we'll leave that for two more paragraphs, because there's Bachelorette number three to consider...and she was a real doozy.

Bachelorette number three was Moana. In short: Moana was the "emotional one" all season, as she seemed to find a reason every episode to sob, whine ...or both.  Mind you; her actions this season are constantly defended on message boards, by fans of Moana (and yes she has fans). They insist that Moana's shenanigans were simply her way of showing how much she loved Travis. But what about the season finale, when Moana was asked point blank by Travis' parents, when (if ever) she fell for Travis...? The first date...? The second date...? The third...? Moana called their questions "grilling," but if anything they were reality checks. She never really, really fell for Travis. This was driven home during her private date with Travis, when she insisted that she didn't "need" him, but if he chose her it would be really neat. Show me one woman who says yes to a wedding proposal that sounds like, "I don't need you but say yes and I'll be kinda happy about that."

Yadda yadda yadda; Travis chooses Sarah. So...this is a happy ending, yes? Well, mostly thanks to Moana; no. She totally ruined the finale with a rant that made many a tween girl cry, implying that hers is a pain that can never be mended. Curious; how does someone go from "I don't need you" to "You have a piece of me I can never get back"...? What the heck does that mean, anyway? She even attempted a pity-me sort of "girls like her don't get the good guys" shtick. Oh, shine it on, honey. Many a woman left in tears before you. You were in the final two. You had a shot at an engagement ring, and blew it. It's a little late to attempt the "poor little me" speech. You didn't lose due to any plight of "girls like you," but because you told Travis you really didn't "need" him. What you wanted was for Travis to submissively choose you like a little puppy, even after being told you didn't need him. Well, he didn't need you either, girl. Sorry.

Yet there's no denying this season was tolerable, if just because the ending made sense. Then again; what was that? An engagement ring on a necklace? What sort of idiocy is this? Well okay, is was not as bad as that bachelor who gave the "winner" a plane ticket to come visit him sometime, but to give someone an engagement ring they can wear as a necklace is dumb. Travis wanted to "have" Sarah but not be engaged. How long this couple will last is anybody's guess, but one thing is certain: if The Bachelor doesn't start bending down on one knee, the next broken relationship may be with this series...and its viewers.

---Techtite

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