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Techtite's TV Reviews! |
"You'd think that after six full seasons they could bring in all the "MVP players" and bring us a season with teeth to it. Apparently someone forgot what "MVP" means..." ---from the review ------------------ Sidebar :: ------------- No sidebar comments for this review. Yet...
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Big Brother 7: "All Stars"(Also called: Big Brother All-Stars!)
A Techtite TV ReviewIf there was a problem with Big Brother 7: All Stars, it was how season six was still so memorable...so to speak. The nerd herd. Jedi Janie. What up, Kay-sarrrrr? Oh, what a season "All Stars" would've been, if last season wasn't so fresh in fanboys' minds. Yet as slightly (and yes, I said it: slightly) memorable season six was, it wasn't enough to bring four (four?!?) of them back as "All-Stars." What was someone thinking here? In theory, here's what happened. Everyone wanted Kute Kaysar to get a second chance at the game. Here's the problem: he isn't good at this game. So when asked via "America's Choice" who to bring into the All-Star house, viewers bring back no less than 66% of Kaysar's alliance from season six. He winds up starting the game with an alliance of four, before even starting the actual "All Star" game. It also meant he had a target on his back as large as the state of Texas. Way to go, "America's Choice." You effectively made sure anyone would target Kaysar. With fans like this, who needs the nerd herd? The good news: the other half of the house this season was voted on by CBS itself. Love or hate the people "America" voted for, the network knows the score: any reality season is only as good as the contestants. Which brings us to this site's own ranking and summary of each All-Star, in order of their elimination: The Techtite.com ratings system (icon version):
----------------------------------------------- Allison Best
One-Line Summary : No surprises...and that's half the problem. In
Short Summary: Compare this first boot off to the first episode of Survivor All
Stars. Tina's elimination in the first episode of S.A.S. was the perfect
comeuppance for one of the biggest "winners" that should never
have been in the final three. That isn't even getting into how she
promised that if she won, she'd buy Colby a motorcycle...and
she did...and didn't, in that order. Yet Allison was not as bad as all
that. She's just the gamer who almost won due to deceiving all the wrong
people in the house, on her prior Big Brother season. Based on prior
performance, the week one "honor" of elimination would've gone
to either her or Danielle. So sorry, Allison. Booted Off:
First. Opposing
Nominated Evictee: Danielle. HOH
that week (nominations): A surprise double HOH for week one:
Janelle, and Jase. High
Point : Janelle's teenybopper fan club hated Allison for saying
it, but when Allison honestly said that she'd like to take Janelle by her
fake hair and fake boobs and push her out of the house...all of us behind
Techtite.com were laughing our butts off. It was a mean comment, to be
sure, but it was frank and honest, among all the smugness and "We all
just love each other to bits" acting performances this first week. Low
Point: In Nakomis' own words upon her eviction; Allison could've
stayed in the house for weeks had she just kept her mouth shut. Rating :
Nokomis Best
One-Line Summary : Oh, great: another victim of The Pawn Curse. In
Short Summary: What's The Pawn Curse? It's when someone is on the
block who is told over and over that they are not the target. Two guesses
who gets eliminated...every...single...time. Then again; I know there are
some people who don't like Nokomis, and I guess both of them (ha!) are
very happy right now. Booted Off:
Second. Opposing
Nominated Evictee: Diane. HOH
that week (nominations): Kaysar. High
Point : Unlike Allison last week, and Diane this week, Nokomis
didn't go for the sympathy votes by crying into her pillow... Low
Point: ...yet as smart as it is to stay in the shadows and keep
your mouth shut most of the time, she really should've lobbied harder to
stay in the game. Rating :
Jase Best
One-Line Summary : Not a surprise...really. In
Short Summary: Anyone who saw the live feeds was hardly shocked
that Jase was gone in three weeks. Here's a guy who would've turned on a
dime to stay in the game, regardless of supposed alliances or alleged
deals made or promises to "keep." Yet oddly enough: he'd apparently
get booted
for reasons far worse than that. By week three Kaysar's plan was
working rather smoothly, to boot the "floaters" in the house who
were staying in the shadows and not making alliances and not playing the
game. Only James nominates "Chicken" George as his chosen
floater, and guess what...? George suddenly grows a...well, a beak, I
suppose, as he wins power of veto and promotly changes the pecking order, as
it were. So with so many promises to keep and too few floaters to choose
from, they boot Jase, for no other reason than...well, there really wasn't
a reason they were aware of, but by the time they come out of the house
they'll learn different. He made too many promises to not have broken at
least one promise, as early as next week. Unfortunately he wouldn't get
the chance to do so. Booted Off:
Third. Opposing
Nominated Evictee: Will (yes, Will, believe it or not...!). HOH
that week (nominations): James. High
Point : His "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" alliance with Diane
was cute and deserved more air time than it received... Low
Point: Yet when it became likely he'd be nominated for eviction,
he decided to try and have the rest of the house target...Marcellas? Rating :
Diane Best
One-Line Summary : Mrs. Smith Goes To Washington ...or, wherever
she lives. In
Short Summary: To hear Diane say it, she was never Mrs. Smith.
That's the supposed nickname of the Mr. and Mrs. Smith alliance, with
Diane as the Missus and Jase as the "Mister," as it were.
Yet even if this alliance was pure bull, we cannot find anything else to
write about Diane, so what can we say? She wasn't among the season six
alliance, nor was she apparently among Doctor Will's slowly growing
alliance to best season six. At best there was the paranoia of Diane possibly avenging,
her maybe-ally Jase's eviction last week...which to hear her say it, would never have happened.
I guess we'll never know. Booted Off:
Fourth. Opposing
Nominated Evictee: Erica. HOH
that week (nominations): Janelle (again...?). High
Point : Overall, she handled her elimination with a good amount of
grace. Low
Point: ...yet she left with a vote of 7 to 1, which when up
against season six's "silent partner" Erica seems a bit harsh.
Couldn't she have worked harder to seal Erica's fate...especially when
Erica was one of this season's biggest "floaters" of all? Rating :
Kaysar Best
One-Line Summary : Should've Left Them Wanting More, guy.
In
Short Summary: There's this episode of Seinfeld where the running
gag is to know when to leave the stage; with the audience always wanting
more. Not leaving his female fandom wanting more, was Kaysar's biggest
mistake. Think about it. Was this guy an
all-star? No. In truth, he is one of only two people in big brother
history, to have actually lost twice in one season (the other being Amy,
during the same season as Marcellas and Danielle). Let us not forget that
this is the guy who lost to an alliance often called the "nerd
herd." So the guy who couldn't win against a herd of nerds is asked
to compete with the MVP "all stars" from six years of Big
Brother history. When you think about it this way, it's amazing Kaysar
lasted even five weeks. Just look at his strategy! His theory was to attack the
"floaters" in the house and not the biggest threats. That's like
a chess game where someone wants to center their attack only on the pawns.
It was a battle plan so weak that Kaysar's own team started plotting
against him, particularly James. In the long run, you can't really blame
him. Booted Off:
Fifth. Opposing
Nominated Evictee: James. HOH
that week (nominations): Danielle High
Point : Fans still love him...even if not as resoundingly high as
before (91 last season; 46 now). Low
Point: His strategy to stay in the shadows meant something else;
every female fan that wanted to see "more" of Kaysar actually
saw less, as he did very little in the house. Oh well; at least
these fans got to see
his farewell interview! Rating :
Marcellas Best
One-Line Summary : The Best BB Host, The Worst BB Player. In
Short Summary: Marcellas is the perfect
host for Big Brother's official online chat show, "House Calls." He
just has this way of looking at the world, that seems almost as if he's
halfway taking nothing too seriously, and halfway taking everything too
seriously. A talk show host like this will ask all the important questions yet keep a fun atmosphere at
the same time. Forget all that for now, because this is a review of Marcellas
the gamer...and sorry, Marcie, but you aren't that good of a BB gamer. As
a refresher course: last time Marcellas' was a house guest, Danielle
convinced Marcellas he didn't need to veto himself off the elimination
block; he was "safe." So Marcellas keeps himself on the block
and gets eliminated, and what's most embarrassing; it all happened
"live," on the Thursday night telecast. It was a spectacle that
made even BB hostess Julie Chen playfully smack Marcellas
on the back of the head. So who does he trust to keep him in the game this
season? Not Danielle, that's for sure. Yet he dared to trust Janelle; the blonde bombshell who has many a
fan, yet her alliance right now is already at...five? Six...? It wasn't
that anyone hated Marcellas; it's just that by week six alliance lines had
been drawn, and he was on the outside. Yet the real turning of
the knife: who was a major player in the alliance that would evict
Marcellas? Why, it was none other
than Marcellas' old teammate, Danielle. Ouch. Booted Off:
Sixth. Opposing
Nominated Evictee: Erica (after veto). HOH
that week (nominations): Janelle High
Point : Given his smack talk about the "mother
stripper" the last time he played the game, his demeanor this season
was far less catty and much more to-the-point when playing the game... Low
Point: ...yet for some reason he didn't set his sights on
Danielle, even when he knew she would inevitably stab him in the
back...again. Oops. Rating :
Howie Best
One-Line Summary : Darth Booby In
Short Summary: It needs to be said about Howie, that for all his
talk of being a Jedi, his exit was just plain Sith-like. Okay, in his
defense, he was not just lied to; he was hugged, and then lied to. Yet you'd think a guy who's so into
Star Wars lore and "the Jedi way" would also be into
heavy meditation or keeping a level head or I don't know: realizing it's just a game. Whatever happened to a Jedi not giving into hate, not
threatening the weak (sorry Boogie), and most importantly, not being
rather evil-sounding? Well, that's the rub
isn't it: Howie is a master of he "dark side," figuratively
speaking. Last season, he picked on April until she was in tears,
only to continue to drive home insults against her marriage, her husband,
and even her little dog back home. This season, he was remarkably less
"dark sided," so to speak, although that belligerent exit was a
bit embarrassing, especially when it came from a 30-something year-old. As for his immature antics with the other
evicted jurors in the sequester house; hey, it's Howie, and that's
what Howie does. In the end, all we can say is this: for a guy so annoying last season that he got a
one out of five star rating from us, it's saying something when we up his
grade by two stars this season. Suffice to say he was one of the most
entertaining parts of this All Star season...and that is certainly something. Booted Off:
Unlucky seventh. Ouch. Opposing
Nominated Evictee: Erica (after veto...again!). HOH
that week (nominations): Chicken George High
Point : Given his apparently steamed demeanor just after leaving
the house, it's surprising that he was so quickly calm upon exiting the
house and meeting Julie Chen for his interview. Was this a clever edit, or
did he really calm down that quickly? Low
Point: As explicable and understandable as it was; yes, that belligerent
exit from the house was his lowest game moment. Sorry. Rating :
James Best
One-Line Summary : Jedi James In
Short Summary: Of all the returning Big Brother Six players, I
really got a different look at James in a good way. In James we finally saw an actual
reason for anyone from season six to be brought back into the game; he deserved a second chance.
Said second chance was perhaps the best strategy of the whole game. It's
not like James turned on his own season six alliance. What he did in
actuality, was realize he was nothing more to them than another vote in
their favor. In fact; it was clear from their conversations that if the
need ever arose for them to turn on one another, James would be evictee
number one. That's not an alliance in my book, and it certainly wasn't to
James. So he changed his strategy and allied with Will and Mike Boogie and
Danielle, if just because nobody would see it coming until it was too
late. That's the good news. The bad news is that while alliance number one
treated James like the lowest man on the totem pole, Doctor Will's
alliance saw James as strategist A-number-1 ...and to them, that was too
much of a threat to handle. In the end, James would've won if
not for the utter paranoia of Mike Boogie and Will. Not even ally Danielle
was in on their haphazardly paranoid scam. Speaking of which: why did they choose to keep Chicken George
and boot James? Once again this season: that's a question we may never
truly know the answer to. Booted Off: Eighth. Opposing
Nominated Evictee: Janelle (pre-veto win); George (after veto). HOH
that week (nominations): Mike "Boogie". High
Point : I actually have two "high points" for James. One
was the adorable phone call from home between James and Sarah. Second was
how much the guy kept his cool during the season finale/reunion, when they
rather unfairly centered on James' "betrayal" of his original
alliance to Kaysar. Speaking of which... Low
Point: ...as classy as James handled the "boo hoo you turned on
Kaysar boo-hoo" moments of the finale, he should've just flat out
reminded Kaysar who turned on who last year. Who all but told
Howie to turn on his own alliance, by nominating James and Sarah? Who in
essense was the whole instrument of Kaysar's alliance's downfall, and all
but guaranteed, due to his "final request" to Howie, that it
would be a nerd herd member who'd win the whole game? Who was that, Kay-Kay?
Rating :
Danielle Best
One-Line Summary : I've got your back...! Ha-ha...just kidding.
In
Short Summary: You have to give Danielle credit. For a person with
such a bad reputation in Big Brother history, who would've ever expected her to have lasted this long? That's just
extraordinary. I'm not kidding. This was the same woman whose favorite season two mantra
was "I've got your back," just hours before helping to evict
said "back" to the curb. Who would not have expected Danielle to leave
just days after Allison did, in the first two weeks? Yet surprisingly, Danielle played the game like a
pro. In an even bigger surprise; she kept the promises she kept this
time. Seriously. Think about it. On
week five, she could've nominated alliance allies Mike and Will, and made a friend of everyone else in the house. She didn't play it
that way. Unfortunately, her own alliance did play it that way,
with another case of George being the "obvious" person to vote
off, and they boot former ally Danielle. Time out here. What's with keeping George in the
house? Never mind; we can leave that question for the next elimination... Booted Off: Ninth. Opposing
Nominated Evictee: George. HOH
that week (nominations): Erika High
Point : Regardless of Mike and Will and Janelle unanimously
evicting her, she voted for Mike to win in the end and not Erika. I don't
know what that means exactly, but she did keep true to her original
alliance, right to the very end. Low
Point: Yet she did seem to put a lot of the blame of her ouster on
Erika, and that was pretty out of line. After all: what would
Danielle have done in Erica's shoes? Tell me she would not have
put up Erika. Go ahead. Lie. Rating :
"Chicken" George Best
One-Line Summary : Will, Sr.? In
Short Summary: I wonder if the house guests will ever realize how
close they came, to making George another Doctor Will. Think of how Will
won the game in season two. Everyone kept him in the game each week, even
if he was nominated for eviction, week after week. Why?
Because everyone felt that there was no way they could lose in a jury,
when up against Doctor Will. Yadda yadda yadda: suffice to say that it was
a "better an honest enemy than a false friend" situation, where
Will won if just because he made no promises, and broke no promises
either. So
by majority vote he won the whole game. Why mention all this in the
summary for Chicken George? Because he was the All Star season's version
of Will Senior; that's why. He had no alliance to
speak of. He was the king of the "floaters" that Kaysar was so
worried about at the start of the game. In fact, when he was HOH for all of
three days, he showed all but too clearly that he was nobody's alliance
member at all...particularly Howie, who to look at the video edit on CBS,
looked like George's closest buddy. It almost looked like George would,
indeed, become the winning "floater" of All-Stars...if not for a
little surprise the season had in store for the house guests. Janelle won HOH, and
had to nominate someone immediately. She nominated Erika and
George. Surprise! The veto competition was the same night...only
to have Erica win veto, and Mike Boogie was up. Well, the only people
voting were Erika (who had a "showmance" with Mike this season), and
Will. It wasn't like either wanted Mike gone. So George was the tenth
evictee...but man, it was so close, wasn't it? I bet Will and George will
have a big laugh over how close it came, that Will almost had a worthy
apprentice in the midst. Booted Off:
Tenth. Opposing
Nominated Evictee: Mike Boogie. HOH
that week (nominations): Janelle (again!) High
Point : Not a bad guy, really...no; really. Low
Point: I'm not married, but given how much fawning over Janelle
George did (not to mention jumping up and down on her in that
"flower" challenge), I'd think he slept on the couch the first
night back with the wife! Rating :
Will Best
One-Line Summary : The most expected surprise in Big Brother
History... In
Short Summary: I don't think anyone was surprised at Will leaving,
as much as how. It wasn't like anybody was going to give him a
second check for winning the game, so he was least likely to win. Will might agree, given how
(deliberately?) passive-aggressive and brutally honest he was to the other
all-stars. When first nominated alongside Chicken George in week three, he
actually said at the veto ceremony that he felt equally about everyone in
the house...because he hated them all(!). Yet that didn't mean that anyone
expected him to be evicted; just never "win." Why evict Will? He was the
perfect final two
"opponent"; he could never win the grand prize a second time,
because that just wouldn't be fair. Yet fair is a tricky thing in the world of Big Brother.
So when Janelle was the only person voting and she had to choose between
longtime ally Will and Erika, she chose Erika, because...actually, it's as
understandable as it is perplexing. Erika? Really? Whatever. Maybe she felt that
Erika would keep her in the game more than Mike or Will. That may or may
not be true, but one thing was for certain: Mike was more likely to win
the final HOH than Erika...and man, was he ticked at Janelle. Two guesses
who leaves next. Here's a hint: it isn't Mike...or Erica. Booted Off: Eleventh. Opposing
Nominated Evictee: Erika. HOH
that week (nominations): Believe it or not: it was Will's ally
Mike Boogie...but only because due to game rules, Mike had no other choice
of who to nominate, after
Janelle won veto. High
Point : Will never took the game seriously, even when up against all
the people who took the game far too seriously. Low
Point: Come on; it's Doctor Will. Whatever he did that was
"low" was good TV at best and typical of the man at worst. Let's
just move on. Rating :
Janelle Best
One-Line Summary : Not exactly what people think...and if she
showed her real self, I'd be much more interested. In
Short Summary: I'm not trying to rake Janelle across the coals;
I'm just not a fan of people telling me that a master poker player is
actually the Queen of Hearts in all her glory. For a year every Janelle
fanboy has been yammering about how nice, prim, proper, and pristine
Janelle is: the all American girl from the right side of the tracks. I
have no problem seeing Janelle as a nice person, but...you do all know she
posed for Playboy, right? Well, she did ---albeit under the stage name
"Elle Brenna"--- as she admitted herself, in interviews galore.
I have no problem with that, though apparently all her fanboys feel
differently, as they apparently have asked their moms to nominate Janelle
for the local nunnery or something. Look; she's hot looking and has
"the look," to be sure, but...come on now. She's not as prim and
proper as all that...and that's cool. In fact; had she just been herself
on this show and stopped the "act" all the time, I would've
liked her a whole lot better. In the end we may never know who Janelle
really is. We'd really like to, though. Perhaps someday...? Booted Off:
Ouch; twelfth again? Oh so close! Opposing
Nominated Evictee: Erica, I suppose, since there was no other
elimination possible. HOH
that week (nominations): Mike Boogie. High
Point : Playboy or no playboy, as the ZZ Top song goes; she's got
legs, and knows how to use them. Low
Point: Yet one wonders why she hasn't used those legs to get her
foot in the door of a good talent agent. We've seen far too much of Apprentice
Omarosa and Survivor Richard Hatch. Who is in charge of us seeing
so very, very little of Janelle? Rating :
Erika Best
One-Line Summary : Um...did she really, really plan on having
Mike Boogie's Baby? In
Short Summary: Yes, we're curious. Had Mike Boogie and Erica stuck
together to the very end, for all the right reasons, would their "showmance"
have been more than just for the sake of the show? We normally wouldn't
ask this, had Erika not said in a video confessional that she was planning
on having Mike's baby. It's one thing to kiss and snuggle in the house
like a couple of lovelorn jailbirds stuck in the same cell block. It's
another thing entirely to tell all of the continental United States that,
hey; you can't wait to get out of the house and have Mike Boogie's baby.
That would be sweet if not for...well, Mike Boogie's confessionals, which
said he was stringing Erika along for as long as he needed her, then he'd
throw her away like a dirty shirt. Something like that; I can't remember
his exact wording. His exact wording was worse. Anyway; Erika stuck with
Mike for all the wrong reasons, only to see a side of him she didn't like,
when nearing the end of the season. That side appeared around the time he
was nominating Erika and Janelle for eviction, making it clear he intended
for he and Will to be final two. From then on the downfall of the Erika
Mike showmance was clear: Janelle won veto, Erika made a deal with the
other lady in the house to eliminate one of the two remaining guys, and
well, Mike didn't take it too well. Yet Erika did have the slight
advantage over Janelle of making out with Mike Boogie, so Boogie booted
Janelle. The good news: all that snuggling got her a seat next to Mike
Boogie in the final two. The bad news: the majority of the house wasn't
any keener on giving Mike half a million dollars, than they were giving
half a million to the girl most directly responsible for him winning it.
Like Kelly next to Richard Hatch, Erika would not win against Mike,
because at least Mike was honest when deceiving others in the house. Okay;
not really, but...well, they voted for him to win anyway. Sorry, Erika. Really.
Booted Off:
The second place winner. Opposing
Nominated Evictee: None. HOH
that week (nominations): Mike Boogie, I suppose, though he kept
her for the final two. High
Point : Floater, Shmoater; she got to the final two. Deal with it,
kiddies. Low
Point: Well, let's just say after seeing all the footage she
didn't see in the house, she must feel very "low" by now indeed,
so why rub it in? Rating :
Mike "Boogie" Best
One-Line Summary : Darth Plauguis The Wise. In
Short Summary: Okay; so I'm a Star Wars nerd. After Howie, who can
point fingers? Yet have you ever heard the tale of Darth Plauguis the
Wise? He had this way of using his special powers to create...life. When
it comes to mike Boogie, he actually found a way of bringing to
"life" his chances as an all star. Here's a guy who lasted about
as long in season two as Kaysar did in season six. That is to say: he left
in the fourth week, out of ten. At least Kaysar returned with three
alliance members from his season; Mike Boogie had Doctor Will in the
house, and that's it. Yet that's all he needed to win, and when you think
about it, that's really all-star worthy. Seriously. Who else could have
been so large of a target, only to be the grand prize winner, even when
their sole "real" alliance member left the house two evictions
ago? Don't even get me started with how Howie was hugged ---yes; hugged---
by Mike that Howie was safe, only to have Howie evicted. Then what does
Howie do? Well, upon his eviction, he seemed ready to punch Mike Boogie.
Yet who does he vote for to win? Mike Boogie. Talk about burying the
hatchet. Maybe it's a sign of how unlikely Erika would've won (ouch!), or
maybe it's a sign of how well Mike Boogie played the game, but in the end,
we'd have to say Mike Boogie is truly the All-Star champion. After all;
with a jury vote that had only one vote (Marcellas) opposed, who can say
otherwise? Good job, Mike! Booted Off:
The half grand All Star Winner. Opposing
Nominated Evictee: None. HOH
that week (nominations): Himself, really... High
Point : By all accounts, he kept true to his alliance with Will
against all odds, even when all strategy suggestions would've recommended
him to do otherwise. In the end; theirs was the one true blue alliance in
the house, and that is saying something. Low
Point: Yet with a final CBS.com favoritism rating that is roughly
8/10ths of one percent (seriously), what can we say? Rating :
Opinions? Speak your mind in Techtite's Letters Page!
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