Techtite's TV Reviews!

"Imagine asking a waitress for a meal that was possibly meat ...maybe cake ...with maple syrup on top. That's this season of Rock Star to a 'T'..."

---from the review

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So What's Wrong With Stage Acts ...Punk? Like I said in the review, I have nothing against a band looking for stage presence over vocal range. This is a heavy metal band after all. It's also their choice, so they should choose whoever they want.

Yet week after week, it seems like the band is trying to come up with reasons to eliminate the good singers, and (sorry) reasons to keep Lucas and Dilana, even when they suck. There are about half a dozen eliminated singers so far with the vocal range any band wants in a singer. Dilana has the range of a slingshot made of a rubber band and two toothpicks. Lucas, while with a broader vocal range, keeps hamming it up on stage, and at one point did so at the expense of the song...! Why keep a singer with no vocal range, and another, who all but FORGOT THE LYRICS?!? Well that's the rub, isn't it? This isn't a singing competition. This is a stage act audition. If that's an insult to the fans of Dilana or Lucas, you're betting on the wrong horse, because they're not the best singers by a long shot. They are good stage acts though.

Rock Star: Supernova

A Techtite Review

In the second week of this show, a member of "Supernova" berates one of the contestants for having no clue what the point of the show even was. If only the same thing could've been said to the show as a whole. Rock Star Supernova is, by all accounts, a second Rock Star season in name only. Sure, Rock Star INXS had some rough edges, and those rough edges needed to be dealt with. Yet this season has so many bigger flaws, the "fun factor" is severely lacking.

For those who missed Rock Star last summer, here's a quick recap. INXS lost its singer tragically, so they have the biggest rock audition in reality TV history. While many a viewer was rather perplexed by their final choice (myself included), who can forget anyone from that season? From Marty to Mig, from Ty to Suzie, and from JD to Jordis; love or hate them, but we won't forget them. Just about every episode was like a free ticket to a concert filled with talented singers, and loaded with hit songs. That's how talented each singer was, how fun the atmosphere was, and quite frankly, how cool Rock Star INXS was.

It's no surprise fans demanded a second season, but that would require another big-name band in need of a lead singer. Rumors bounced around for months as to which band this might be (the most prominent being Van Halen, who'd later  deny it). In time, a surname for season two was coined: Supernova, "The Tommy Lee Project." This project isn't a current band, but a promising band-to-be, consisting of drummer Tommy Lee (Motley Crue), guitarist Gilby Clarke (Guns 'n' Roses), and Metallica's Jason Newsted on Bass.

Enter the first problem: while consisting of talented musicians, "Supernova" has never been a real band. Viewers are expected to be happy for the winner this season, who gets to sing in a band with no hit songs to its name, no tours to its credit, and frankly, no sign of this prize being worth it. When rockers lost the chance to be a part of INXS last season, some of the most tough-looking rockers actually cried. This season, the camera doesn't lie: few of the singers even care. Some even make jokes...when eliminated. Ouch! You can't blame their ambivalent attitudes, though. After all: how much of a "loss" is it to not belong to a band that has never been...?

Enter the second problem: what does Supernova want...really? It was of little mystery what INXS was looking for last season. What they wanted was another Michael Hutchence; the singer they tragically lost. So it was little surprise that all songs were either INXS hits, or very similar. One might equally presume Supernova would choose songs from the bands they belonged to, or slightly similar. Surprise! One song is by Boy George. Another is by Nirvana. Yet another is by Rolling Stones. How broad is this range of song choices? Imagine asking a waitress for a meal that was possibly meat...maybe cake...with maple syrup on top. That's this season of Rock Star to a "T." Supernova clearly has no clue what they want...and given their poorly chosen eliminations so far, their final choice may be as palatable as Maple Syrup on Meat Cake.

Enter the third problem: they're looking for a lead singer...for heavy metal. That was the style of Metallica, Motley Crue, Guns & Roses...and no doubt, Supernova. Looking for a "good singer" for heavy metal is like looking for a safe driver for the Kentucky Derby. Yeah, I know; Kentucky Derby is about horse racing, not driving. Exactly. They're looking for a heavy metal singer, not a Country Music Star singer. As a result, all the (sorry) best singers on this show seem less than perfect for Supernova, and more like apples in an orange grove. Josh Lucas was too into the blues. Dana Andrews, while irrefutably talented, was so young and naive that for Supernova to hire her would've felt like they were dating your kid sister. As for Magni, Ryan, and Storm; they're great talents as well, yet lack the 100 tattoos and multiple body piercings that are seemingly "required" by Supernova...that is, given all the coddling and coos they offer Dilana and Lucas. It's not that Dilana and Lucas are poor singers; it's just that with their overdone makeup and whatnot, they seem to be relying less on their singing, and more on their stage presence. Hmm; what if stage presence is all Supernova really wants...? Let's ask Zayra...

Ah yes; then there's Zayra. How could any review of this season not mention Zayra? In her was showcased the perfect reason to have loved this season had it been more honest, yet dislike this season for its hypocrisy. Zayra was hardly the best singer, but she alone seemed to know exactly what Supernova really wanted. Here's a clue: they don't want a singer. That's just bunk. They want a performer, who's willing to dress in full costume and bang their head to the tune of Tommy's drums, Gilby's guitar, and Jason's bass. Who said Supernova wanted the best vocalist? That ship sailed the night they booted Josh and Jill at once, for no reason than it looked "daring" when doing it. So much for singers. These are stage act auditions. That's the truth.

Don't get me wrong. Having a good presence on stage is very important to a singer. Of course it is. People won't fill an auditorium for a guy who stands still and looks ready to swallow the mike. Yet nobody is going to go to the auditorium at all unless the singing's good. Nor will they buy your album to "see" a good stage act. I've heard that Mel Brooks' The Producers was a smash hit on stage, yet how many of its fans bought the album? Think about it.

Yet the real problem with this season is how even the little parts of last season than worked (or at least, seemed to work) look pretty bad now. Brooke Burke seems to be phoning it in. As for her formerly grand co-host: What happened, Dave? Given some of the utterly bitter bile that Dave Navarro has spewed forth this season, you'd almost think these singers kicked his dog or something. There's a very thin line between being the next Simon Cowell and just being a total jerk. I'm not saying Dave crossed that line. I'm just saying I had to compare a rock star to Simon Cowell. Please don't force me to make that comparison next season, Dave. That's just wrong.

In the end you have a season that gets a "D" for effort. I asked Rock Star last season to choose a band for season two that was a better fit for the show. Replacing a real band with a "project" doesn't cut it...and to look at how flip and cocky some of these singers were this season, I'd say they might agree. Either hire a real band with real songs to their credit next season, or just put the dream that was Rock Star out of its misery. It's one thing to be heartless to the show's contestants. It's another thing to be heartless to the fans who wanted another Rock Star. This wasn't it.

                                                                    ---Techtite

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