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Techtite's TV Reviews! |
"Nobody felt that a season could possibly sink any lower than Deanna's [...] Way to go, Jason." ---from the review
------------------ Sidebar :: ------------- The Next Bachelor? Everyone wants Melissa, so why...Jillian? The hot dog girl who insists on testing new boyfriends by what they put on their hot dog? What; did they get a commercial deal with Nathan's Hot Dogs or something? Sarcasm aside; I wanted Melissa to be the next Bachelorette, though unfortunately, as in most cases for this show, the finest girls get dumped then realize how horrible the show is. So When Did You Know, Jason? I know I asked the same question for Deanna last year, though for Jason the question holds even more worth. Why? Because he proposed to one girl and then, at some point, chose the other one. WHY? Sure, Jason will have memorized a natty, scripted answer given to him courtesy of ABC, in time for the many interviews the schmuck will receive after this horrible season. I just don't see how this guy could've realistically proposed to one lovely lady and then chose "the other one." It doesn't make any sense at all. |
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The Bachelor: Jason
[above] Jason cries us a river in the worst season of The Bachelor to date. There are many people who come to mind when someone mentions the name "Jason." Just two weeks after Friday the 13th, it's easy to think of Jason Voorhees; the mythical horror figure who drowned his fool self at summer camp and then supposedly become a zombie of such nerd proportions, that he actually wears a hockey mask as he kills people. Some people would think that being compared to Voorhees is the lowest insult that anyone named "Jason" could possibly endure. You can see where I'm going with this, if you endured the horrible, excruciatingly disappointing, horrendously cruel and quite frankly EVIL season 14 of The Bachelor, starring the worst bachelor in the series' history, Jason. Single dad, my Aunt Fanny; Jason would turn out to be, in truth, the most immature, insecure, and heartless bachelor of the series. Now, before people think I'm being too cruel here, let's cut to the chase. This was the season a guy proposed to a girl in the finale, only to change his mind, after he proposed. Imagine a show being pre-taped in November, that had this poor girl turn down suitor after suitor during the holidays, thinking she was engaged. This poor girl even went through Valentines day, alone, thinking: hey, it's worth it, because by March 3rd I'll be reunited with my man. Then he tells her that he's such an unforgivable milquetoast; he changed his mind. He wants bachelorette number 2 instead. What makes Jason's sub moronic idiocy so infuriating, is how many decent, lovely, ladylike bachelorettes were wasted on this guy. This is not just the season with the worst bachelor ever; it's also the season that had, quite frankly, the most perfect arrangement of bachelorettes imaginable. This was because, it had appeared, that Jason was a mature adult ready not just for a wife, though for a mother of his young boy. He was a single dad, after all, who America felt sorry for when Deanna ditched him, almost as coolly, in the last season of The Bachelorette. Thought the viewing public: how could Deanna dump a fantastic guy? Video editing can be tricky that way.
Jumping to the end: Jason had three choices. Choice number one left early, Jillian, who Jason ditched because, apparently, she wanted the kind of relationship her grandparents had, and he wanted more. Let's be clear: she wanted to have the sort of marriage her grandparents had, which in other words was a successful marriage you total moron. Jason, unfortunately, wanted "more than that." What, dare I ask, is "more" than a successful marriage? If you ask us, Jillian's problem was: she was a lady. Few contestants on The Bachelor are impressed by such petty things as being a lady. Fortunately, ABC was looking for a lady, and they're not letting her go: Jillian will be the next Bachelorette. Choice number 2 was Melissa. You may think I left the girl he chose for last. Nope. He chose Melissa. He even proposed to Melissa. What by all accounts must've been 2 and one half minutes after a well deserved cold shower, he realized how much of a ladylike, motherly, and loving person Melissa was, and proposed. Then his royal heinous (ha) went to his throne (ahem) to read the latest intellectual read of, say, Penthouse Letters, and changed his mind...after proposing! They needed two "post show" episodes to explain this, though I think the simple words "Jason is an utter ass" could have sufficed. Choice number three was Molly. Now, you might think I'm being too hard on Molly. Keep in mind this is the same gal who went back to the bachelorette pad, in Jason's clothes, after their first date together. The story Jason wants us to believe is: the cameras stopped rolling for three hours and Molly just happened to be wearing his clothes after what he refers to as merely "first base" sort of stuff. Baloney. She obviously (yes, dear: obviously) slept with Jason. Yet Jason insists nothing happened, which we're to believe because he's such an honest and upstanding guy. Defense for Jason in the post-shows was so inane, I hesitated to even bring them up here. Though again, just so we're clear: the idea Jason wants us to believe is that he nipped the relationship in the bud early, and hey-hey-hey, what did people want; for him to divorce her after a year of marriage? First of all: it's not the marriage issue, people, as much as the embarrassment issue. There's any number of ways a gentleman could have saved Melissa from public humiliation, with candor and grace. Jason instead wanted the show to ditch Melissa's self respect, and the show's integrity as well, so he could jump into a camping tent and score once again with Molly. Imagine if a serial killer said, "Hey would you have preferred it if I killed them slowly? They all died quickly! I nipped it in the bud early! Whee!" That's how sub-moronic and inane Jason sounds. You shouldn't have proposed to Melissa at all, Jason. You get it...?
Opinions? Speak your mind in Techtite's Letters Page!
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Burnout
Near
Miss
Small
Crater
Large
Crater
Deep
Impact
I'm
not exaggerating here; Jason had some of the best potential wives to
choose from, and blew it. Suffice to say most (not all)
of the
women in prior seasons looked like the cliché bottle blondes you'd get from a ten dollar escort service. Women chosen
for Jason's season were far more classy, if only because they felt Jason
was a mature, respectable single dad. As it turned out: his preschool son has more maturity. Think I'm done belittling
Jason? Buckle up, kids. The roasting has just gotten
started.