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Techtite's TV Reviews! |
"Having Hayden win was a passable ending to a season that could have been infinitely better if the casting department had just done their job well. See you next year, BB...or, not!" ---from the review
------------------ Sidebar :: ------------- "Come on, Techtite; this is a high budget show!" Oh...is it? Think about it: CBS already has the studio "house," and all the camera equipment required, and any basic equipment needed for this series' piss poor "challenges." AND!: half of the house guests are on "slop" each week. Wow; big budget, eh? Aside from the 500 grand prize (which as TV series budgets go is a pittance): there are no major expenses to this series at all. As long as they can cast a dozen knuckleheads to agree to do this series each year: the show can keep going on. and on. Unfortunately. |
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Big Brother 12
Big Brother 12 proves a theory I've had for over 4 seasons by now: no matter how obnoxious the BB house guests are, the series is low budget enough to have CBS renew Big Brother, year after year. Forget any need to cast likeable cads like season two's "Doctor Will," or at worst, entertaining "villains," like the infamous Richard Hatch. Nope: When it comes to Big Brother: Cast Morons. The series will be renewed anyway! Why work hard to make a better show, when you really don't have to? Not that CBS doesn't "try." Oh, quotes intended, how they "try"! Each season has had some little "expect the unexpected" surprise that, in the end, is what folks overseas refer to as "bullocks." This season's surprise: there was a saboteur in the house! The promos for this season made it sound like the saboteur would...well, sabotage the game, am I right? No, of course I am not right. All the saboteur did was play a few harmless pranks that "affected" the game about as much as the weather. <Yawn!> Yet as I have said many times; any reality show is only as good as its cast of characters contestants: a key factor to why this season disappointed so many fans. This was not a cast scraped from the bottom of the barrel. This was not even a cast IN the barrel. These were the kind of folks you cast, when you simply don't care. Oh, and as with all BB seasons so far; I must now review each house guest based on their "entertainment value." Wish me luck... The "Techtite" ratings system, in order (icon version):
----------------------------------------------- Annie
A Quote To Be Remembered By : “I bet you didn’t see that one
coming!” In Short Summary:
How amusing was this? First CBS makes a big deal about a "Saboteur" in the house, who would deliberately mess up
everyone else's game. The bad news? She really didn't ruin anyone's game
at all, and instead only did a couple of silly pranks. Even worse for
Annie: she was too busy doing pranks to concentrate on any decent game
strategy, and just like that; she was the first eliminated.
The Saboteur! The whole sales pitch of the season! Eliminated! First!!! Booted Off:
First. High Point : Come on; with all due respect to Annie, it is pretty funny.
Low Point: She sure didn't see it that way though!
Rating :
Monet
A Quote To Be Remembered By : "I think I might have better abs
than he has." In Short Summary: This is what counts as
"drama" this season. Two catty ex-cheerleader types begin talking smack
about all the other females in the house. Rachel doesn't like what they
are saying to her when she's in the room. Girl; if you had any idea what
they said behind your back, it would have made your red
hair curl tighter than Little Orphan Annie! Though I digress: Rachel is HOH and
nominates Brit and Monet. Cue fake crocodile waterworks between Brit and
Monet about how they'll be BFFs forever and hey it was fun being bitchy
backstabbing bee-yotches and belittling all the other house guests, eh?
Yeah. Fun. Right. So...Britney
wins Power of Veto, and with a flourish uses it "On MYSELF!" and Monet
is out the door. Though hey, Monet; I am sure BFF Brit feels
sorry for you being booted instead of her. You know. Basically. Booted Off:
Second. High Point : If it's any comfort: in hindsight I
honestly feel it would've been a far better season if Monet had stayed
and Britney was the one sent packing this week.
Low Point: Love or hate Rachel; making it clear you do not like
someone while they are HOH is a boneheaded move, period.
Rating :
Andrew
A Quote To Be Remembered By : "Kaptain Kosher, OUT!" In Short Summary:
Love or hate Rachel and Brendon; they did seem to curse their allies early
on in the game, did they not? First Annie in week one, and now Andrew; aka "Kaptain Kosher," aka the guy whose idea of a good plan to
stay in the game was to stir up trouble during his eviction speech.
Dude? Would it not have been wiser to stir up a hornet's nest about
Kristen and Hayden, before everyone had already made up
their mind that you were leaving? As Andrew's exit speech put it: "Kaptain Kosher, OUT!" Booted Off:
Third. High Point : His exit speech was as bitter as it
was hilarious to watch, as he took the cuter yet hardly blameless
showmance of this season ---Hayden and Kirsten--- and called them out
for being no different than the supposedly "dangerous to everyone's
game" showmance of Rachel and Brendon.
Low Point: Then again: Hayden was on your side bro, as
shown in his very flattering farewell video to you. Oops.
Rating :
Kristen
A Quote To Be Remembered By : “I just have to take time for
myself...” In Short Summary: To be fair: Kristen was my
favorite female house guest this season...until her final week, that is.
True, she supposedly had a boyfriend waiting for her back home while she
cuddled next to Hayden in the house, though we'd all soon learn her
"boyfriend" out of the house was only her boyfriend for two months.
So nobody can really fault her for that, anyway. No;
the biggest mistake by Kristen in this game, was her total denial of a showmance
with Hayden, even when all arrows pointed to it. True, the whole house
was gunning for Rachel and Brendon because of their own "showmance"
this season, and to be confessing a "secret showmance" four
weeks into the game would appear to be poor strategy.
An even worse strategy...? Being caught in a lie, and then denying the
lie, all while the truth was already placed center stage, for the whole
house to see. Even worse for Kristen: Hayden's alliance guaranteed he was safe and Kristen was a goner. Upon learning this fact
after her eviction, Kristen says she should take time for herself. If
only she'd thought of that strategy sooner... Booted Off:
Fourth. High Point : Given how stupid the "unitard"
punishment is each season, Kristen took the punishment with class, even
though it meant being interviewed by Julie Chen in a ridiculous curly
red wig!
Low Point: Not many low points to speak of, so...
Rating :
Rachel
A Quote To Be Remembered By : "Want some gooey cookies, Ragan?" In Short Summary:
Why is the above quote worth mentioning? Because this seemingly harmless
and benign comment was responded to with one
of the most bigoted, biased, and frankly, Nazi-like rants in all of Big
Brother history. Don't argue, kids. Love or hate Rachel: she was this
season's "character." Without her this season would've been one big pile
of absolutely nothing. The problem is: the harder one
tries to be a character, the bigger the risk, of being a
caricature. That, and that alone, was Rachel's "problem." Nobody
this season (no; not even Brendon) can say they saw "the real Rachel."
Ragan tried to make it appear that Rachel's constant acting made her
"fake." Hello? Ragan? Spent much time in the BB house, have you? Come
on! Who would want to show "the real you," in a house of
bigoted jerks?!? Here's one small example: Rachel jokingly
offers Ragan some warm gooey cookies, knowing he cannot eat cookies due
to being punished after a food challenge. Suddenly Ragan is screaming
and shouting at the top of his lungs about how hateful and hurtful she
is and how wonderful and great and decent and heroic he is. All this...because
she offered him cookies. Need Prozac much, Ragan? Yet that is
exactly the kind of oddball season this was, when the house hated hated
hated Rachel for...well: for being entertaining. Here's the problem
with that:
entertainment is the key factor here. "Why," do I hear the
remaining house guests ask? Because this is a TV show, knuckleheads. We
do not want boredom. We do not want doldrums. We do not want whiney
bigoted snobby twits whose only amusing quality is that they are gay and their name
sounds like "Reagan." Love or hate Rachel, even at her very worst she was
entertaining. Booted Off:
Fifth. High Point : Cram it, Rachel haters; Rachel saved
this season from total boredom, and you know it.
Low Point: In all honesty, girl; half the reason I'm giving you
a high rating is
to tick off all the knuckleheaded house guests this season.
Rating :
Kathy
A Quote To Be Remembered By : "I'm not gonna lie, she scares me.
She's very, very smart." In Short Summary:
To be brutally honest: for a woman who never came close to winning a
single challenge, it is very impressive that Kathy made it as far as she
did. In fact; she had seemingly guaranteed her spot in the final 5,
based on the simple fact that she was not a threat, and was nice to
"everybody." Then disaster struck in the form of a so-called Diamond
Power of Veto: another one of Big Brother's many convoluted ways to make
the game totally unfair. True, last season's "Coup d'état" was fun to
watch. Matt using the Diamond POV to save himself...? Not so much. Yet
who does Matt put up in his place? Does he put up the pretty little
blonde who has been playing everyone in the house with a hair twirl and
a giggle? Nope; he's too busy nominating Kathy. Um...okay...WHY? Kathy
was no threat to anyone. Britney is. Kathy is hardly scary to anyone.
Meanwhile, even Kathy admitted that Britney "scares" her...and Kathy is
a sheriff! None of that matters much in the world of Big Brother. Kathy
leaves and Matt is safe...for one more week, anyway. Booted" Off:
Sixth. High Point : Call her a "floater" if you must,
though she was a very likeable one.
Low Point: Her final big mistake: confessing that she made a bed
that someone had just discovered a "saboteur" message in. She wasn't the
saboteur, though it was enough to make the other boneheads in the house
suspicious. Oops.
Rating :
Matt
A Quote To Be Remembered By : "Better Luck Next time, ya big
dummy..." In Short Summary: As Forrest Gump put it: stupid
is as stupid does. One week earlier, Matt was gloating about his secret
diamond power of veto...so much so, even his allies in the game got
annoyed at how proud as a peacock he was that he was seemingly
"definitely" not going to leave the game that week. So then Matt pulls
out the diamond veto and tells that week's head-of-household, Brendon:
"Better luck next time, ya big dummy!" Um...Matt? You only have one
diamond power of veto, pal. Acting proud as a peacock with a "you can't
stop me" attitude was a bad move. Deliberately throwing the following
HOH competition, because you were that confident in the game? Well, that
was even stupider. Yet none of the house guests knew ---until Matt
confessed as much in the jury house--- that Matt's stupidest move was
done on week one, long before anyone's "game" even started. Matt told
everyone in the house that he was playing for the half million so he
could afford high priced medical bills for his sick wife back home. As
Matt confessed to America in his diary room confessionals: heh-heh,
she's perfectly healthy back home. So basically Matt came into house
thinking that resurrecting the "Johnny
Fairplay strategy" was a bright idea. Two guesses how brilliant
that idea was. Better luck next
time, Matt! Booted Off:
Seventh. High Point : To be honest; many people online
said Matt would've been their favorite player if not for the "big lie."
Low Point: The big lie. 'nuf said there. Rating :
Brendon
A Quote To Be Remembered By : "My strategy is to, essentially,
take the most-punishment that any human can endure in this house." In Short Summary:
The above quote is from Brendon just last week. Sadly; it could sum up Brendon's
experiences in the BB house as a whole. To hear the house guests insist:
Brendon was a supposed villain this season. Why? Because he
had a showmance with Rachel, AND...? Come
on. Brendon might not have played the game smart, though he hardly played
the game unfairly. Nor did he lie as much as Matt. Nor did he whine as much as
Ragan and Britney, whenever the game did not kowtow to their exact
wishes. By all accounts Brendon was the typical high school jock type of
guy, who got smitten with a cheerleader,
and began losing focus on The Big Game. Yet as soon as Rachel wasn't
there, Brendon started playing the game, and love or hate the guy:
he played it to win. Brendon had to do literally shave his head and bathe
in a tub of chum to win the power of veto...and he did.
It was enough to get even Britney and Ragan to confess how their opinion
of Brendon changed for the better. Wow. Compliments from the brattiest, whiniest hypocrites in the house? That's something
for
Brendon to be proud of. Unfortunately, it was too little too late, and
in a house filled with pre-set alliances: bye, Brendon. Though in
those final two weeks: he did play a very good game. Bravo. Booted Off:
Eighth. High Point : Britney and Ragan kept acting like it
was such torture for two wannabe snobs to live in a house 24/7 with a
"Neanderthal." Dare I state the obvious, in reverse...?
Low Point: Once again someone learns too late that a showmance
is the quickest way to lose the game.
Rating :
Ragan
A Quote To Be Remembered By : "Get over it!!!" In Short Summary:
For the previous two weeks, Ragan kept insisting that Brendon accept
that Rachel was gone now, and he should "get over it." If only Ragan
could've heeded his own advice. We get it, Ragan. You did not like
Rachel. Unfortunately, Ragan was so obsessed with his hatred of Rachel,
he never showed any sense of game strategy, even long after Rachel had
left the house. Ragan even
made his farewell speech into a joke about Rachel.
Every diary room confessional was as if Ragan was auditioning for a
sitcom, about...wait for it...how much Ragan hated Rachel. Oh gee, Ragan
hates her hair extensions. Oh, and, um...those hair extensions! Oh no
wait maybe if we're patient Ragan can come up with another reason to
hate Rachel...nope, let's just watch him whine some more about those red
hair extensions. Oh, wait: Ragan has something new to add: He can't wait
to go to the jury house for some "gooey cookies." If you say so Ragan.
Enjoy. Booted Off:
Ninth. High Point : To be fair: Ragan did accept America's
not so strategy friendly offer to be the "new" saboteur this season.
It's not his fault that by "Sabotage" CBS meant: "totally lame
pranks."
Low Point: Even if Rachel was the worst house guest ever (which
she wasn't); challenging someone on their education, occupation, and
social class was a trifecta of low blows. We get it Ragan; you are a
professor. Of what, we have no idea, though I'm guessing "rhetoric"
is not it!
Rating :
Britney
A Quote To Be Remembered By : "I lost my dignity on a slippery
wiener." In Short Summary: Okay; let us be brutally honest
here. I was all set to write a very long anti-Britney spiel on the same
week as the finale. Then I hear that in real life her family home caught
fire (yes seriously). Whatever anyone does on this knucklehead of a
series, nothing deserves coming home to see that your
home has caught fire. So, let us give everything Britney did on this
season a free "pass." That includes all the times she smiled in
someone's face only to tear them apart, quite cattily and cruelly, in
her very next diary room confessional. Oh, and all the times she flirted
with Lane while her fiancée sat at home watching the live feeds. Oh, and
how she kept bashing Brendon and Rachel as if they were the worst house
guests of all time, as if a light weight like Britney could spend
one day in the house with Evel Dick, Allison, "Mister
Pectacular," The Nerd Herd, etc. Nope; not mentioning any of that. Okay;
maybe I will. Though hey; there are actually people out there who voted
for Britney to win the 25 grand as America's favorite player this
season. True, they gave the same prize to Evel Dick, though hey; it's
the thought that counts. Kinda. Booted Off:
10tjh. High Point : True enough; she goes home with 25
grand and a prize or two. Congrats.
Low Point: Equally true: the only reason I didn't double the
length of this anti-Britney tirade is because I feel sorry for her
losing her family home like that. As for her game rating, however...
Rating :
Enzo
A Quote To Be Remembered By : "Meow Meow" In Short Summary:
To be honest; I really liked Enzo. Did he deserve to win? Honestly I do
not care. I am just glad he got as far as he did, all while all the
stuffy shirts, snobs, and arrogant backstabbers in the house kept acting
like he would never make it to the final week yadda yadda yadda. Well
guys, guess what? He did. He kicked nearly everyone's backside in the
game who thought he could not come close to besting them. While Enzo
"h8ters" would call him a floater, again: finding it hard to care. Then
again; I am finding it hard to explain why I was not necessarily rooting
for Enzo yet hoping he would stay in the house at the same time. Maybe
it is how his confessionals always spoke the truth without being
terribly bitchy about it like Britney, whiney about it like Ragan, or
snooty about it like the majority of the rest of the house. Booted Off:
The always sad oh-so-close final elimination! High Point :
IMHO if he had just pushed a little harder and explained to Lane and
Hayden how much better of an idea it would be to take him to the finals,
maybe he would have gone home with at least 50 grand.
Low Point: I am finding it hard to name a single bad part about
Enzo. Let the "h8ters" find a reason...
Rating :
Lane
A Quote To Be Remembered By : [Censored] In Short Summary:
What can you say about the player each season whose most memorable
comment cannot be repeated? Well; let us put it this way. Britney's
fiancée can rest assured Britney will not leave him for Lane, no matter
how cutesy their "showmance" might have looked to viewers of the
edited-for-television boradcast. Aside from that; let us leave his
comments that cannot be repeated for the "low point" comments later (yes
they were that bad) as we say the good news. Lane was considered cute by
many women who watched the show and love to ogle buff redneck types who
do not think before they speak. Oh, and he won second place, along with
a ton of prizes he won in various competitions during the season. Okay;
that's enough good news. Let's move on. Booted Off:
The second place 50 thousand winner. High Point : Hey; he
made it to the finals, and goes home with 50 thousand in his pocket and
a lot of cool prizes along the way.
Low Point: ...and yet to hear life feed viewers tell the tale:
Lane used the "c" word in reference to Britney, and the "f" word (no,
the other one!) in reference to Ragan. If that was not
embarrassing enough; many more live feed viewers saw Lane doing a
certain something in the shower during his "alone time." Suffice to say
that Lane had better not have any friends back home who watch Big
Brother...or at least, not this season. Yikes! Rating :
Hayden
A Quote To Be Remembered By : "...And to make it worse, they
throw in classical music. Did they even dance back then?" In Short Summary:
To be frank: Hayden was probably one of the few people this season who
would not make me gag if I saw them win the grand prize. Wow. How many
pages has this review been, and finally I can make a singular compliment
about this season? Well, I guess that is as good of a review as any of
this season. Much like this review: it ended on a good note yet it just
was not worth the trip getting there. Man it was hard "reviewing" these
house guests this season. The only thing harder was actually watching
them. Sorry; it just has to be said. On the other hand: seeing the "kid"
with the beach boy hair win the half a million prize was priceless, if
only to see all the supposed "experts" of BB see him do it. Sure there
are fans of the show who leave disappointed, though how cool is it to
see the seasonal snobs ---the ones who constantly bore the live feed
viewers with how much of an "expert" they are in the game--- forced to
vote for Hayden to win half a million dollars? Oh, and while it is
probably true that a guy like Hayden will probably blow all his winnings
on something foolish long before his 25th birthday, it is equally true
that this season is over and I did not want to gag once. Too bad so many
other viewers did. Better luck next year, BB. Booted Off:
Never; The half million dollar winner. High Point :
Jinkies, Scooby; the guy that looks like a shaved Shaggy won half a
million dollars! Zoinks!
Low Point: Hey; it's the end of the review and my eyes are
glazing over. Let's all give Hayden a "marginal thumbs up," and move on.
Rating :
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